Rising Dark (The Darkling Trilogy, Book 2) (22 page)

Although I was still distraught, the
behaviour of the horse had soothed me somewhat.

I could not lose Luna, not now. So I
had to find a way to let her know how remorseful I was and regain
her trust once more.

Strangely enough, the brute John
Holbert provided the solution to my problem. On the night I had
almost killed him, I had done something I had never been able to do
before that moment. I had been drawn out of the red mist that
descended in the throes of a kill when I became aware of Luna’s
strong emotions of revulsion and horror, and somehow, I had managed
to stop in the midst of a kill.

I had done it once before, so why
couldn’t I do it again? And if I could step back from the urge to
kill, why couldn’t I find a way to stay out of Luna’s
mind?

I was desperate to go back to the
mansion and beg Luna’s forgiveness, but I couldn’t bear to hear the
words which I knew she would utter the moment I returned, that she
wanted to go back to the plantation.

So I looked to the lights of the town
in the distance instead. With one last glance at the mare, I
disappeared, heading for the town, and, hopefully, a way to redeem
myself.

***

I moved through the town, as always,
accosted by the voices of those around me; their thoughts, what
they saw, what they heard and felt. In order to be able to achieve
what I wanted, I had to recall my darkest moment. I took myself
back to the moment I awoke, naked and transformed into one of the
creatures I had come to loathe in the short space of time I had
known them. I recalled the memory of Emory with his glacial beauty,
a dark fire of hatred burning in his eyes even as he smiled at me.
I had to remember not only what he had instructed me to do when he
stood before me with his hands against my head; I had to recall the
mental nudge he had given me, a bit like being gently turned to
look at something in the distance you would not have seen on your
own.

I focused on that moment, honing in on
what he inadvertently revealed to me when he entered my mind, the
mental control he had acquired over the years. With that caught
firmly in my grasp, I listened to the din around me and began to
try and control the mental chatter I heard, trying to harness the
control I had glimpsed in Emory’s mind. Slowly, the mental deluge I
picked up from those around me, began to diminish.

Exhilaration coursed through me. This
mental chatter I had been burdened by ever since I had been turned
into a vampire, and which I thought I had no control over, began to
recede until I heard nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Then I brought to my mind one of the
clearest voices, that of a young wife inwardly berating her
husband, which was the mental equivalent of someone dragging their
nails down a blackboard. She resurfaced immediately, and again, I
was able to turn her voice down until I heard nothing.

Excited by what I had accomplished, I
ran down the street toward the tavern. I needed to know if I could
do this face to face, and in an environment as crowded and with as
many distractions as that tavern. I entered it to what sounded like
silence after years of being accosted by the thoughts of others,
although it was as noisy as any drinking establishment the world
over. I went to the bar and ordered myself a drink. I conversed
with the bartender, his mind not intruding on mine. I didn’t touch
the drink before me, but left shortly after, in a state of
exhilaration.

Now there was the near impossible part
of trying to control the urge to drink until I killed. So I walked
away from the tavern, making my way as far from it as possible,
having mentally snared one of the men I had seen drinking alone
there, knowing he followed in the wake of my footsteps.

At the end of the main street, I
stopped and stood in the shadows, knowing we would not be seen
where I waited.

He approached me a short while later.
His face flushed by drink, his eyes glazed by the spell I placed
over him, his mind closed to mine, something which made reaching
for him and biting into his neck much easier now I did not have to
listen to his mental chatter, his fear and his memories of those
that loved and cared for him.

As always, the blood caught me,
exerted its control over me completely, pulling me under a crimson
sea and I could see and hear nothing outside of it. I fought to
break through to the surface even as the blood pulled me to its
deepest, darkest womb. I tried to bring forth an image of Luna, but
I was already lost to the demon within as it dragged me down. Then,
inexplicably, her face emerged for the briefest of moments before
it disappeared again.

But it was enough. I pushed my way
through and emerged in the dark street, the man in my grasp,
although alive, sagging against me.

I released my hold on him and he
crumpled to his knees. He pressed a hand to the wound in his neck,
which flowed freely. The scent of his blood rose up and filled my
nostrils, calling to the demon within to devour. But I fought
against the urge. Flustered now, and still shocked by the fact that
I had stopped in time, I fumbled for a handkerchief, removed his
hand and placed the handkerchief against his neck.

He was still bleeding profusely and
was extremely pale. I watched him anxiously, and after a few
moments, the bleeding stopped.

Relieved, I helped him to his feet and
placed a small command in his mind to hide the marks on his neck
until they healed. Then I sent him home. Watching him stagger down
the street, it didn’t seem as if anything untoward had happened to
him. He just appeared to be drunk, something he was known for in
this town. But despite the self-control I had exerted, I feared I
had not stopped in time and that I had still taken a life. The only
difference being he would die later, and not in my arms, as had
been the case nearly every night for fifty years.

Stopping to steal something from one
of the houses nearby, I left the town and returned to the
grasslands.

The same group of wild horses were
still there. I sat and waited and, to my delight, the brown mare
separated herself from the rest and trotted toward where I sat
waiting. I got to my feet and took out the gift I had brought for
her: lumps of sugar.

I stroked her gently as she ate them
and then left her looking after me, her ears quivering, gentle
snorts emanating from her as I walked away. The night was still
young, and although I longed to return to the mansion, I was sure
Luna would not want to be near me. So I wandered aimlessly through
the woods until I came to a lake shimmering in the moonlight. I sat
down by the side of the lake, basking in the luminous light the
moon cast across its indigo surface.

I stayed there until just before dawn
and then I took food to the mansion as I had done every morning
since I brought Luna there. She was in the drawing room and the
house felt unnaturally quiet now her thoughts were not reaching me
in all their complexities, swinging erratically between light and
deep darkness whenever her past memories exerted themselves. I
missed hearing it and she exerted such a pull over me that it was
difficult for me not to reach toward her mind and draw it out
again.

I returned to the lake in the woods
and dove into it, swimming out to the centre where it was deepest.
I stayed there under the water, the rays of the sun that reached
those depths not having the capacity to wreak the pain and
discomfort that was characteristic of any time spent in the
sun.

That evening I returned to the
mansion. Luna was in the drawing room. I entered quickly and placed
some of the scripts that I always copied out for her, normally
passages from the Bible, so she could practise reading. Again, I
was only in the mansion for seconds, stopping only long enough to
pick up a change of clothes. Then, reluctantly, I left.

I made my way to a neighbouring town,
heading for one of its drinking establishments. I ordered a drink,
making conversation, behaving as if I were just another weary
traveller. I was searching for the right person to feed on,
confident I could control the urge to keep drinking until there was
nothing left, when I heard a cry in my mind shocking me out of my
musings.

Avery! Avery!

A shock wave of alarm blew through me,
and for a moment, I could not move. It was Luna, Luna screaming my
name in fear. I rushed out of the tavern and hurled myself into the
ether, my head dizzy with a multitude of terrifying scenarios that
could warrant her to scream out my name with such raw fear. I did
not think about the fact that I was too far away from the mansion
to be able to have heard her cry.

I reached the mansion less than ten
minutes later, my head spinning and my throat tight with tension at
what I would find.

But there was only one scent in the
area, Luna’s, as had been the case since I brought her here. And
only one heartbeat inside: hers. Cool waves of relief flowed
through me and all the tension left my body. She appeared to be
standing by the window and didn’t seem to be in any danger.
Puzzled, I materialised in the mansion by the front door. I was
about to go to her when I saw that the bolt was against the door.
It was the first time she had bolted the door since arriving at the
mansion.

Tears pricked my eyes and my throat
became tight once more. I caught a faint drift of her thoughts. I
couldn’t make them out clearly but only knew they centred on what
had taken place the night before and that she was deeply troubled
by it. I let out a deep breath as a tear rolled down one
cheek.

I had to regain her trust once more or
all was lost.

I left before she sensed my presence
and returned to the tavern.

When I chose my victim, I left,
calling to him and he followed. In a deserted field, I drank from
him, this time placing an image of Luna in my mind before I even
sank my teeth into his neck. The red sea threatened to overwhelm
again, but I held on to the image of Luna and it wasn’t able to
pull me to its depths.

Long before I was able to break away
on the first occasion, I stopped drinking from him. The wound was
bleeding profusely, so I dragged my fingernail against my wrist,
creating a small cut, and held it to his lips.

Alcohol was still on his mind and he
lapped at the blood eagerly, thinking it was some strong liquor. I
pulled it away, not wanting him to have too much of my blood. The
wound healed immediately.

It was difficult to explain the joy I
felt when I watched him walk away, walking back to the tavern to
continue drinking. I wandered around that town, thinking about what
this meant for me. After almost fifty years of countless murders, I
would never have to take another life again. I was free.

Free.

I returned to the grasslands where I
had found the brown mare, but the group of wild horses were gone. I
spent the night alone for the second time.

At dawn I made a painful decision.
Luna had expressed the wish to leave the mansion so I decided to
acquire, dishonestly, some land I had seen by the Mississippi
bluffs and have a house built for her there. The house would be my
peace offering to her and I could only hope she would continue to
allow me to see her every night.

I returned to the lake later on that
morning. But despite the peace I felt, peace I thought had been
denied me forever, sleep failed to find me. I missed Luna
desperately. I was still so ashamed of myself but I had already
decided to brave Luna’s anger and return to ask her to forgive
me.

So it was a while before I realised
there was movement by the lake. By the sounds they were making, it
clearly belonged to a human being. I swam up to the surface and was
shocked to find Luna, asleep on the grass, the ragged jacket I had
worn during part of my years in the wilderness held to her
chest.

She had come looking for me? She must
have been livid with anger still to have made this long walk on her
own in this heat. Looking at her like this, I desperately needed to
protect her from everything that could harm her or cause her even
the mildest discomfort. But I had to begin by protecting her from
myself. I had to take better care of her than I had done so far. I
thought of Julia and how I had fallen short in so many ways as a
husband. And she had been so tolerant and forgiving of it
all.

In less than a week, Luna had become
everything to me. She had breathed life into the barren world I had
inhabited for so long and I would never give her another reason to
regret her decision to stay.

I picked her up, careful not to wake
her. She slept deeply and my jacket fell from her grasp. That
jacket was another reminder of what I had been before she found me.
So I left it behind and took Luna back to the mansion, determined
to leave behind the ghoul I had been in the wilderness of
despair.

When I returned to the mansion, I
materialised in the red velvet bedroom and soon realised that
another surprise was waiting for me at the front of the mansion. I
could hear it moving among the Queen Anne’s lace. I placed Luna on
the bed. She was clearly exhausted because she didn’t stir at all.
It was difficult to let her out of my sight, especially after so
many nights away from her, but I went to my room and changed my
clothes. I made a quick detour to the kitchen before I went
outside.