Rise Against the Faultless (9 page)

On the last day before our
first home visitation, it was pouring rain outside, so half of our group was
sent to a large gymnasium to practice, and the other half was sent to the
natatorium to do water exercises. Today, Ann Brutus would take her place as our
supervisor of instruction. We all changed into our bathing suits and stood
around waiting for her instruction. First we swam laps in the pool and did
weight lifting. It was quite tiring, but I knew there had to be more to come,
so I tried to pace myself.  She made the announcement for us all to pair into
twos. 

Being in Command had lent me
respect and notoriety, but did not make anyone want to get too close to me,
especially after I had made Ann so mad, and since Lo had been sent to the
gymnasium, I didn’t really know or speak to anyone else there. They all quickly
paired up, leaving me the odd man out. I stood there awkwardly for a moment,
until Shane came to stand beside me. I looked at him, trying to silently ask
him if this is okay with him. I knew how afraid he was of the water and what it
meant to be here with his mother. He gave me a reassuring nod and small smile.
I was grateful not to be standing there alone anymore.

Ann gave us our instructions,
“Each team member will take turns with this weighted jacket that will be tied
to the bottom of the pool. Your feet and the jacket will be bound by your
partner, using the knots that you learned last week. You will each go three
rounds of this.  When it is your turn to be at the bottom of the pool, you may
not have assistance with untying your knots, you must trust that your partner
tied them correctly and that you know how to untie them in a timely manner.
When you finish untying all the knots, you will release one of the small
floating devices in the jacket pocket to the surface. Then, and only then, will
your partner swim to the bottom, where you will put the restraints on them
before resurfacing.”

This didn’t sound too bad to
me. I was a strong swimmer, and I had mastered those knots. I could tie and
untie them with my eyes closed. Since I knew Shane would be nervous, I
volunteered to go first. Ann wasn’t kidding when she said that the jackets were
weighted. There were three ties around the jacket and there was one length of
rope for my feet, then another to tie the jacket to the bottom of the pool. I
saw there were small iron rungs on the floor of the pool, and now they made
sense. So I would have to wait for Shane to tie, and then undo four knots all
together before I could release the floatation device from my pocket to be able
to put the jacket on Shane. I put the jacket on without any ties and we waited
for the whistle blow that would alert us to jump in. I glanced at Shane and saw
a sheen of sweat on his forehead.

After the whistle, we both dove
and got straight to work. It took him less than 5 seconds to tie each knot.  I
couldn’t do that on land if I wanted to, I started to worry about Shane’s turn.
After he finished tying the last knot, I started working on undoing them, it
was much harder underwater.  It took more force here than it did on dry land. I
was starting to feel the burn in my lungs when I got the last knot untied and
released the device. Shane was at the bottom instantly and I started putting on
the gear. I was much clumsier than him and had to start the last one over
again. I mouthed “I’m sorry.” to him on the way back up, but he didn’t see it.
I got back to the surface and waited on my hands and knees, staring at the
bottom of the pool where he was.  It seemed like it was taking too long. I saw
a few other team members popping up out of the water.  Ten seconds, fifteen,
twenty. Did I tie one of the knots wrong?  I saw several bubbles come up from
where he was. He started thrashing around in a panic. Ann was looking at him,
too. I looked at her, silently asking permission to intervene.

“Stay right where you are Ms.
Stone.” I looked back at Shane. His movements were erratic and desperate,
nothing like the graceful, smooth efforts he normally displayed. I looked at
her again, it’s been too long, he’s been down there for at least two minutes,
maybe closer to three.

“I’m going in!” I told her as a
warning, I wasn’t asking permission.

“Do not jump in that water!”
Her usual calm and collected tone had been replaced by one filled with rage,
her eyes had a wild look in them.

“This is over.” I dove in the
water. I untied the last of Shane’s remaining knots and pulled him to the
surface. When his head came out of the water, I saw that he was struggling to
keep his eyes open, they were rolling into the back of his head. “Come on,
Shane.” I lightly slapped at his face. I didn’t think I could lift him out of
the water, and judging by Ann’s threatening appearance, I knew no one else
would help either. I climbed over the edge and helped Shane drag himself out. I
helped lift him to his feet and started walking him towards the changing rooms,
out of sight of everyone else. He leaned on me and kept coughing. On the way
back, I glared at Ann, not backing down from her hateful stare.

I heard her behind me, “The
exercise isn’t over! Keep going, two more rounds!” She blew her whistle and I
heard activity and splashing resume in the natatorium. As soon as we were out
of sight behind the wall next to the changing rooms, I leaned Shane against the
wall. I was exhausted. That’s when he wrapped both of his arms around me so
tightly I wouldn’t be able go anywhere. I don’t know how he had the strength to
hold on like that. He clung to me like I was his gravity, as if I was the only
thing keeping him from falling off the face of the earth.

I could feel his whole body
shaking. I knew he had a deep seated fear, but I had no idea how bad it was. I
stood there with him like that for a long time. Finally, after a while, he
stopped shaking, for the most part. He pulled away enough to look me in the
eyes. He pushed my wet hair back from my face and tucked it behind my ear. Now
I was the one trembling. This time, there wasn’t a feeling of being rushed, but
that electricity, the magnetism was just as strong, if not stronger. “I am not
someone that people help. No one ever thinks to...” He didn’t finish. “Thank
you. For doing that for me, Raily.”

He leaned down and softly
brushed his lips on my cheek. He pulled back just enough to look me deeply in
the eyes. He then slowly leaned into me, as if I were a frightened animal and
any fast movements would send me running away. He kissed me on the lips, first
slowly, sweetly. Then it was as if he couldn’t get enough of me, and the feeling
was mutual. I forgot where I was, all that mattered was being there with him.
Then, out of nowhere, we heard someone clear their throat. We both looked up to
see Cyril standing there, she looked over her shoulder as if to warn us. They
must be finished, but neither of us had heard the whistle, we were too...
distracted. I ducked into the girl’s changing room without looking at Shane. 

When I finally emerged from the
changing room, there was a flood of other initiates laughing and talking, but
no Shane in sight. I could feel their stares on the back of my skull, but I
just made my way out of there and back to my dormitory. I considered skipping
my Command training. I wasn’t scared of Ann Brutus, but I was too exhausted to
get into it with her right now and I was too confused to see Shane, but I
decided that skipping would be a sign of weakness, which I did not accept. When
I showed up to my training room, there was a note on the door, written in
pretty handwriting, “Command training cancelled.”  Well, that made things
easier.

I reluctantly showed up to eat
dinner in the dining hall. I didn’t want to face Adrian, but I was starving,
and since we were leaving early in the morning I wasn’t sure of the next time I
would get to eat. Adrian, Lo, Cyril, and Jubal were all sitting at our table
when I showed up. They were all laughing at Jubal’s impression of Terra Sharp,
he was quite spot on with the smooth accent, punctuated syllables, and straight
up posture. I avoided looking Adrian in the eyes, but he squeezed my hand when
I sat next to him. Lo knew something was wrong immediately but had the good
sense not to say anything out loud. She only gave me quick look that said,
“We’re talking about this later.” 

In all the chatter, I briefly
wondered where Shane had gone after our encounter, but pushed the thought out
of my head. I had to talk to Adrian, but I couldn’t tonight. He was going home
to his family, and I won’t ruin his weekend with thoughts of me. I’ll have time
to sort out what I’ll say over the weekend and talk to him when we return.
Adrian and Jubal excitedly talked about some game simulation and Lo, Cyril, and
I talked about how great it would be to see our family. I noticed how sad Lo
seemed and realized how hard hearing Cyril and my conversation about our
mothers must have been for her. I quickly changed the subject to our fight
simulations and how I was really tired and needed to head off to bed.

“Oh come on, Rai. We’re headed
to the lounge after this.” Adrian smiled his sweetest smile at me. This wasn’t
going to be easy.

“I’m sorry, I’d love to, I’m
just wiped from today. I’ll join you guys next week, though.” I might not after
our conversation. Cyril gave me a look as I left the table. I heard her tell
the rest she had to change before she went and that she’d catch up to them. She
ran to catch up to me and we walked back to my dorm.

“So, what was that today?” She
asked as I closed my door and threw myself on the bed.

“I’m not sure, Cyril. I... I
don’t know.” I didn’t have a reply for her. I hadn’t had time to think this
out, to figure out what it was.

“I thought you hated Shane. I
mean, I can definitely see the attraction, he’s gorgeous. But Adrian...” I had
seen the pitying look she gave him when he asked me to the lounge. It’s
official, I’m a terrible human being.

“I know, I wasn’t
thinking
.”
I shrugged at her and sighed. What could I say?

“I’m not saying I blame you.
Given the chance, I’d do the same.” She smiled mischievously at the thought of
it, “But, you’ve gotta figure this out and let one of them know, sweetie.” She
didn’t say it in a mean or judging way, just out of concern. I smiled weakly at
her and she left my room. I was glad to be alone.

            I showered and fell asleep, resolved to figure
this thing out over the weekend, when I heard a knock at the door. I
instinctively watched for Oren before leaving myself vulnerable, but rather
than a menacing overlord, were my two friends, giggling and stumbling in the
hall. Lo and Cyril, stopped long enough to notice that I had opened the door
and both hugged me.

            “They raised the drink limit to four for
tonight. Come with us.” Lo finally got out. I laughed at her while steadying
her against the wall. Her small frame really couldn’t handle much alcohol at
all.

            “I’m assuming that you both took advantage of
that. I don’t think I should.”

            “This is what’s going to be so fun. We are all
going to that really lun founge so you can also have your four drinks.” Cyril’s
tolerance was also apparently just as low. As ridiculous as they both looked
and sounded, it was just the type of thing I might need. A night of carefree
fun with no thinking.

            “Ok, let me go get dressed.” They cheered at my
resignation. It was great to see them so loosened up after being here all this
time, with nothing but heavy concerns. I put on some casual clothes that were a
bit more revealing than my norm and some make up. I put half of my hair up, I
rarely wore it like this, but this is a fun night. The girls patiently waited
on me by jumping on the bed and laughing at each other’s jumbled words.

            When we got back to the lounge, Cyril and Lo
immediately started dancing when they saw Jubal and Justin out on the dance
floor. I had never seen so many people here since the first day, we had to
elbow our way through the crowd. The raising of the drink limit must have lured
everyone in. I walked over to get my first drink and joined them out on the
dance floor. I would normally have been much more self-conscious about my
awkward dance moves, but judging by the current crowd, they might not have
noticed if a monkey were dancing out here with them. Besides, the lights were
dim and everyone was so tightly packed that it would be hard to make out what
anyone was doing more than a few people away. After my second drink I really
started thinking that drowning one’s sorrows was the way to go.  I spotted
Adrian sitting in the corner, but thankfully he was properly inebriated and
unconcerned with much else than making sure he didn’t fall out of his seat. The
music was so loud it would be nearly impossible to have a conversation in here
anyway.

            Justin and Cyril were having a full blown make
out session that was bordering on something more intimate while Jubal, Lo, and
I were having a blast dancing our cares away. A few moments later, when I
turned around, Cyril and Justin had disappeared, I assumed they had retired for
the night to do what they do. We were all hot and sweating, so we sat down for
a few songs to relax. Jubal came closer to Lo and put his arm around her while
massaging her shoulder. She didn’t immediately shrug him off, which completely
thrilled Jubal. I had really begun to like him and I hoped for his sake that
she did too.

            Lo excused herself to visit the ladies room,
leaving Jubal and I alone to talk. “So, give it to me straight, do I have a
shot with her?” Jubal braced himself for bad news. It was so honest and sweet
that I laughed at him, which he took the wrong way.

            “I’m not laughing at you because I think you
have no shot, Jubal. I think you’ve got a shot. Just keep being good to her,
you’ll wear her down eventually.” His face did a complete one eighty and he was
beaming from ear to ear.

            “I’m gonna look out for her. I don’t know what’s
coming next, or what they’re training us for, but it’s not to run a petting
zoo. Something is coming, but I’m gonna look out for her.” His face was serious
now, and the genuine worry scared me in a way that I hadn’t let myself be
scared before. He didn’t say anything else, but his frown lines told me that
this was something he considered often. The seriousness melted away when he
caught sight of Lo and remembered that he could possibly have a chance with
her. When she was around, she was the center of his attention and I knew that
he meant what he said about looking out for her, whether she ever accepted him
or not. It made me feel better for her safety, but the uneasiness of his
comment stayed with me.

            “Well, what’s with the long faces?” Lo said as
she slapped her hands on our table, “Let’s get back out there!” She grabbed
both of our hands and led us back on the dance floor. I let go of my angst.
Tonight was about forgetting everything, not thinking, and that’s what I intended
to do.