Ride Me Cowboy #4 (The Cowboy Romance Series - Book #4) (6 page)

“Baby, I’m
gonna
cum.”

“Me, too…” she was breathless and her voice was
husky and so sexy.

“Oh God, Lexi!” I breathed out.

“Mark!”

“Yeah, baby, oh God! Oh my God!” I squeezed her ass
cheek hard when I felt her tense. Then I tensed up as well and we both
succumbed to the orgasm. Lexi cried out, and I fought to stay focused. We
rocked our bodies together in total ecstasy and as I came down from the high of
the climax, I wondered what I’d ever done without her.

Afterwards, we just lay there in each other’s arms
for a long time. Her head was on my chest and her silky hair fanned out all
over the place. I loved the way it felt against me. I loved the way everything
about her felt.

“Mark.”

“Yeah, baby?”

She pulled out of my embrace and propped herself up
on her elbow. She took one finger and traced the lines of my face with it,
running it slowly and sexily across my lips. “I have trust issues,” she said.

I shouldn’t have, but I laughed. “Really? That’s a
shock,” I said, jokingly.

“Do you have that out of your system now?” she said
with narrowed eyes.

I laughed again. “Yeah, baby. Sorry.” I had noticed,
though. It was actually pretty obvious from day one.

“I have always had trust issues…and I’ve been trying
hard to find a reason not to trust you.”

I waited a beat and then I said, “And did you?” I
hoped not.

She was still silent for a long time and I was
actually getting a little bit nervous when she finally said, “No. I couldn’t
find it no matter how hard I looked. You’re perfect.”

She said I was perfect. I liked that. But she sounded
kind of strange, so I said, “That’s a good thing, right…that you couldn’t find
a reason not to trust me?”

I felt her head bob up and down as she nodded
against me. “It’s a good thing,” she said. “I just wanted to let you know that
I trust you and I really like spending time with you.”

I lifted up and kissed her. I had a feeling that was
huge for her and it made me feel really good to be the one she wanted to trust.
“I love spending time with you,” I told her.

“Good.” She laid her head back down on my shoulder
and then pulled it back up almost immediately. “There’s something I’ve been
struggling with. I really wanted to tell you this, but I didn’t trust you
enough before…I understand how your father makes you feel and I’m sorry. I
understand it really well, because that’s how my mother makes me feel, as well.
You want them to love you and accept you so badly that you would practically do
anything to make that happen.”

I was confused. What was she talking about? Lexi and
Lydia had a great relationship. At least, they seemed to. “What do you mean,
baby? I thought you and Lydia were really close. I haven’t noticed her acting
like my dad does towards me to you.”

“Not Lydia. I’m talking about my real mom,” she
said. There was a catch in her voice and now I was really confused.

“Wait, what?”

“Lydia is my aunt. My mother is an alcoholic. She has
rarely been sober for more than a few weeks at a time since I was born. Maybe
before, I don’t know. She used to ‘forget’ she had a kid sometimes when I was
little. She went out once when I was four and left me alone. I suspect that
wasn’t the first time, I just don’t remember the others because I was too
young. While she was gone…no one really knows how long after, but the police
suspected it had been at least two days, I finally figured out how to climb up
on a chair and open the door. Apparently, I was starving. They found me out on
the street, looking for food. She lost her rights to me and Lydia took me.”

I felt like someone kicked me in the gut. I couldn’t
even imagine how frightening that must have been for a child…how traumatizing. “Oh
my God, Lexi…that’s awful. I’m so sorry.” She shrugged. She was trying to act
cavalier about it, but it had to still hurt. No wonder she didn’t trust anyone.
The poor thing!

“Over the years, when she did get sober, she would
try to get me back. She would stay sober long enough to get a job and
manipulate the system into giving me back to her. At the time, I told myself it
was because she loved me too much to live without me, but as I got older, I
realized that it was because she felt guilty and worried what people thought
about her. I even think that she did it to spite Aunt Lydia. Lydia went through
hell, too, because she never knew when they would come along and just take me
back again and then she worried about me the whole time I was gone – she spent
most of her waking hours trying to figure out a way to keep me so that I didn’t
have to go back and forth. It was why she didn’t pursue her musical career. She
gave everything up for me.

“When I was fifteen, the courts finally gave me a
choice. Even after all of that, it was hard for me to turn my back on my
bio-mom. I had to, though, and I knew it. I wouldn’t survive if I didn’t. I
chose Lydia. My mom was so far gone most of the time anyways, and I hated
seeing her that way every day…plus there were a lot of men in and out of the
house…”

“Oh God! They didn’t…you weren’t…”

“No, but not for lack of them trying,” she said. “I
got good at the knee to crotch strike and I was a hell of a fast runner. The
police would find me and since I wasn’t actually molested, they would take me
back. My mother would tell me to ‘be nice’ to them. Screw that! It made me sick
that she didn’t protect me. So when they offered me a choice about who I wanted
to live with, there was really none to make. Lydia adopted me legally, so she
is my mom. She’s always been really, just not biologically. She did the things
that a mother is supposed to do and she made me feel loved through it all, but
sometimes as a kid I would get all twisted up emotionally. I would try and
reach out to my real mom. I’d try and get her to notice me. I ran away and
showed up on her doorstep a few times. She was always drunk and always disinterested.
She would tell me to go back. She’d tell me that she didn’t want me there…”

I pulled her into me tighter. My heart was breaking
for her. My dad might be an ass, but for a while I had my mom, who was amazing,
and I was always taken care of. I kissed the side of her face and said, “I’m so
sorry for you, baby. Thank God you had Lydia.” I had even more respect for my
stepmother now, that’s for sure. She was even stronger and more amazing than I
suspected.

“Yeah, and thank God I still have her. I was afraid
I’d screwed that up.”

“What do you mean?”

 
“I did
something really stupid pretty recently. My bio-mom finally reached out. She
wanted me to spend the
weekend ‘re
-acquainting’ with
her, she said. I dropped everything and I went…”

“It didn’t go well?”

She laughed sadly. “No. I found out that all she
wanted from me was money. She was living in a crappy motel and her state
benefits had been cut off. She actually asked me to go buy her a bottle of
vodka and a pack of cigarettes. But what I missed that weekend to be with her,
I can never get back. That’s what I regret the most.”

“What was it?”

“Your dad and my mother’s wedding. I was supposed to
be her maid of honor. She already bought me a dress and everything.”

“Oh wow, that’s why you weren’t there.”

“I know. I make myself sick. I was so selfish…”

“Don’t say that. Don’t talk about yourself that way.
It makes perfect sense that you went. Everyone wants their parent’s love and
acceptance like you said, no matter what they’ve done. It seems like Lydia
understood. She talked so highly of you from the moment I met her. The two of
you are still close, right?”

“Yes, she’s amazing. I know I hurt her, but she
never said, ‘Don’t go’ or ‘I’m hurt’ or ‘I’m angry.’ She just let me make my
own decision because she thought it was what I needed to do and because she’s
not selfish at all. I think she was secretly hoping I’d make the right one and
go to her wedding, but of course, I didn’t. I ache with guilt when I think
about it.”

I wanted to do something to make her feel better. I
felt guilty myself for thinking poorly of her for not showing up for the
wedding. Then she went on and I felt worse.

“While I was going back and forth, I was pulled in
and out of school. I was so jerked around that my grades suffered – they were
awful. I was angry a lot of the time, and I wasn’t as mature as I was supposed
to be, so it wasn’t all about the being jerked around. Mostly, I just didn’t
give a shit and I wasn’t thinking about the future. Mom…Lydia, she didn’t give
up. Not on me, anyways. She gave up a lot for me. She hired tutors and encouraged
me and made me go to school. Finally, I got serious about wanting to ‘fix’ my
grades when I went to live with Lydia full time. By the time the adoption went
through I was sixteen and behind several grade levels. It wasn’t that I couldn’t
do the work, it was just a matter of doing it. I had to attend summer school
every year for four years straight to catch up. I was determined at that point,
but by the time I made it all up, I was almost twenty. I started college this
year and this was the first summer I didn’t have to go to school. I took it off
to ‘find myself.’”

She laughed and said, “Maybe that wasn’t such a
great idea, either. I still have no idea who I am. Look at me in bed with my
stepbrother.”

I kissed her face again. “I wish that you didn’t put
yourself down like that. My chest hurts for you and all you’ve been through.
I’m so sorry, baby. I’m sorry that I was a judgmental asshole as well about you
and school and your mother’s wedding. It goes to show you what they say is true
and that everyone is fighting their own battle.”

“Thank you,” she said. “I’m getting better about
trusting and keeping my faith where it belongs – in Lydia, my only true mother.
If my bio-mom calls again, I will probably go see her, but I won’t leave Lydia
to do it.”

I held her in my arms for a long time, wishing that there
was something I could do for her. I wanted her to feel better, but I knew that
after a lifetime of betrayal, it was going to take a lot more than an arm
around her to fix it.

After another hour went by, I saw the flash of
headlights and heard Dad’s truck drive in. “Damn! They’re back,” I told her.

She jumped up quickly and grabbed for her clothes. I
was watching her, enjoying the show when she picked up a pillow and threw it at
me. “Why aren’t you getting up?”

I laughed. “This is my room. I don’t have to get
up.” She laughed, too, and hit me a few more times with the pillow before she
left.

CHAPTER
SEVEN

LEXI

I woke up the next morning content and practically purring
like a cat. It’s amazing to me that all of the men I dated in the city I love
put together didn’t equal one of the man that Mark is. I didn’t intend to fall
so hard for him, but sometimes you just can’t fight the chemistry that’s there.
I laid there in bed and thought about sharing my life story with him. There
were very few people in my life that I’ve ever shared any of that with. The
other men that I’ve been with, even the ones that I’ve had serious
relationships with, had no idea. For whatever reason, I just never felt close
enough to them or trusted them enough. I don’t regret telling Mark and my soul
actually feels lighter now that I’ve shared with him.

I was about to get out of bed when there was a knock
on my door. “Who is it?”

“Me.” It was Mark. I smiled like an idiot.

“Come in.”

He opened the door and when he saw me sitting up in
bed all disheveled and still in my pajamas, he grinned. “Hey, gorgeous,” he
said in a low tone.

“Hi.”

“Dad and Lydia are leaving for church and then going
to a barbecue afterwards. I was wondering if you’d like to go for a ride today
while they’re gone. I’ll make us a picnic lunch.”

“A ride? Like on horseback?”

“Um…well, I do have a motorcycle, too, if you’d
prefer…”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You know what I mean.
What about your hand?”

“I can ride one handed.
Sarge
knows what to do.”

“You can saddle and all of that with one hand?”

“No, but that’s where you – my happy helper – comes
in.”

I laughed. “I don’t know anything about saddling a
horse.”

“I’ll teach you.”

Apparently, he had all of the bases covered. “Okay,
let’s go for a ride…I guess.”

“Okay, Dad and Lydia are leaving in about an hour.
I’ll meet you out at the barn then.”

“Good, it’ll give me time to shower and dress.”

I stood up and he ran his eyes down my body and back
up to my face. My blood heated just from his gaze. He had a lustful look on his
face and he said, “You’re welcome to wear what you have on.”

“Get out of here, I’ll see you…fully dressed in an
hour,” I said with another laugh.

“Kill joy.” He left and I got in the shower, still
smiling. By the time I got out to the barn, he already had the saddle thrown up
over
Sarge’s
back.