“It did and you are, but you’ve finished with school
and you have plans for your life. I’ll be finished in another
three weeks. I’m going back to Dallas, Reye, to a different
life with a set of plans, goals, and expectations for me.”
“What expectations? To marry a girl more like you?
To be this great lawyer for the family firm?” Her anger
quickly moved to the front.
“You and I both know how important my career and
my family are to me. I’ve told you that often enough, and
I can’t believe you’d think this could, would, turn out any
other way than with me leaving,” he returned.
“You don’t want to see me anymore? Is that what you’re telling me, just like that?”
Stephen watched anger and hurt settle on her face, but continued.
“If you’re honest with yourself, Reye, you knew it
would end. I never told you anything different,” he said,
running his hands through his hair. “My world in Dallas
is so different from here. Austin is a carefree place; all
kinds of people are welcome. Dallas is different, old stan
dards, old contacts, and it would be difficult to change
that.”
“You don’t think I’m worth it?” she said, tears
forming in her eyes. “Am I not worth fighting for?” she
asked quietly.
“Come on, Reye, it’s not a question of worth, and it’s
not about fighting, but if it were, I don’t want to live my
life fighting, a least not with my family. Don’t make this
harder than it is.”
“I’m not trying to, but times have changed. I see a lot of multiracial couples around. We wouldn’t be the first,”
she said, talking in earnest now, reading the word
no
written on his face. “We could take it slow if you want,
I’d be willing to wait for a while until you do.”
“Come on, Reye, I can’t.” He looked at her, watching a tear snake its way down her cheek.
He reached for her hand and looked into her eyes.
“I’m sorry, Reye.”
“You don’t know it now, but you will come to regret
this,” she said.
H
e reached for her and pulled her onto his lap,
moving his hand to cup her face and using his thumbs to
brush her tears away.
“Look, Reye, what you feel for me will pass and I will
be just a blip on your radar.” He gave her a shaky smile, his eyes bright, too.
“Good bye, Stephen,” she said and removed her body
from his lap. “You can see yourself out, right?” she said,
not bothering to hide her tears.
“Yeah,” he responded, watching her walk away from him and down the hall to her room. He heard the door
close. He continued to sit there for a while, willing him
self to go. It was harder than he’d thought it would be. A
few minutes later, he grabbed his book bag and left.
* * *
Sam stood outside of Reye’s front door and rang the
doorbell for the fourth time. He hadn’t heard from her,
she hadn’t answered her cell, and he was worried. Her
truck was parked in her drive. He looked around her
many hiding places for her spare key and found it under
a squirrel statue. That statue wore a cocky smile as it held
a nut behind its back, reminding him of Reye. He
unlocked the door and went in, looking around for signs of life. Quiet. He walked down the hall. Her door was
closed, and when he opened it he found her asleep. She
lay on her side, facing the door. He walked over to her and sat down on the bed.
“
Reye,” he said and lightly shook her. “Reye, it’s me,
Sam, your annoying big brother.”
She stirred and looked at him. “Sam, what are you
doing here?”
“Looking for you. You haven’t answered my calls.”
“I turned my cell off.”
“For three days. Why, Reye? And why are you in bed?
Are you sick?” He put his hand to her forehead, checking for signs of fever.
“Stephen came over,” she said, and, just like that, her
tears started again. The story of Stephen came pouring
out, and, with it, her hurt. Sam looked around for tissue, noticing the multitude of used ones overflowing from the
trash basket. He went to the bathroom and returned with
another box.
“When did this happen?” he asked, thinking it
through. “Let me guess, three days ago? Why didn’t you
call me?”
“I don’t know, I didn’t have the energy.”
“Have you tried to call him?” She shook her head no. “I threw my SIM card away so I wouldn’t be tempted to
call him. I may be a weakling, but I refuse to beg.”
“Have you eaten?”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Come on, Reye, don’t do this to yourself. If he didn’t
see that you were worth it, he’s not worth you,” Sam said,
now angry on her behalf. Reye started to cry again.
“Come on, baby girl. It will be all right. What about your
time at the center? Have you spoken with them?”
“Yes.”
“What about graduation? It’s in a week. You know
how much this means to Mom and Dad.”
“I can’t do it. I’ve already gotten my degree, I don’t
want to go through with the ceremony. Please call and
explain for me, just tell them I’m sick.”
“Okay, Reye, I will, calm down.” Sam sat for a while
with her until she’d fallen asleep.
He was worried; this was so unlike her. She needed
to eat. He left her room and went to the kitchen in
search of food, thinking to himself that if he ever saw
Stephen again, he’d kick his ass from here to Dallas and
back! Sam knew Reye loved him, could see it on her
face whenever Stephen was near. Sam just thought he’d
seen an answering love in Stephen’s. He guessed he was
wrong.
* * *
Reye woke up to the sound of someone knocking at
her door. What day was it? She hadn’t eaten in a while.
She laid there waiting to see if the knocking would continue. Her stomach growled, bemoaning its hungry state.
No further knocking, but she heard the door open and close and she sat up.
“Baby girl?” a voice sounded from her living room.
Her dad was here.
“Hey, Dad, I’m in my room. I’ll be there, give me two
seconds.” She stood, a little weak.
I really need to eat something
, she thought. She went to the bathroom to
wash her face and brush her teeth.
S
he finished up in the bathroom and walked into the
living room where her dad sat, watching something on
ESPN. “Daddy, what are you doing here?” She went over
to sit next to him on the couch.
“Sam called me and your mother. He told us that you
didn’t want to participate in your graduation ceremonies.
You know we love you and we’ll do whatever you want,
but I needed to hear you explain why to me, why you would want to miss something you’ve worked so hard for.”
“I know you’re right, I know what it means to you
and Mom. I’ve changed my mind, I’ll attend the cere
monies. I didn’t mean to worry you.”
“What’s wrong, Reye? Come here and talk to your
dad. You know there is nothing you could do that would
make me ashamed of you.” She scooted over to him and
he pulled her in close. She laid her head on his chest,
starting to cry. She told him of meeting Stephen last year,
of how they’d spent most of their time together and all
the things they’d had in common, and his ending the
relationship.
“You know you’ve always told me to be myself, that I
should take chances, right, that someone would love me
for me. When will someone take a chance on me?” Her
voice broke and she started crying again. Her dad held her and let her finish. “I don’t think I’m going to ever
stop crying,” she said, going for humor.
“So, how are you going to proceed, baby girl? Are you
going to sleep your life away, lay around feeling sorry for
y
ourself, or will you be the tough girl that I know and raised and get back in the game? I bet those children at
the center miss you. I bet they love you.” He sat silently
for a second. “I know what it means to be hurt. Your
mom wasn’t my first time around the block,” he said and
smiled. “Give yourself time to feel sad. If you loved him
like you say you do, it may hurt for a long time, but
promise me you won’t let it stop you from being the best you. You don’t have to participate in the ceremonies, but
you can’t withdraw from life. Okay?” He squeezed her to his side. “Promise me you won’t.”
“I promise, Daddy.”
“And if that young man was willing to let a great girl like you get away, then he wasn’t worth you.”
* * *
Stephen closed his test booklet and stood up to turn
it in. He grabbed his bags and walked down the hall.
That had been his last final. He was done! Graduation
ceremonies were scheduled for next week. His parents
and grandparents would be here, overjoyed and proud of
him. He walked over to his car, unlocked it, and threw
his bag in the backseat. He put the key in the ignition
and sat there, staring out of the window. He missed Reye.
It had hit him at different times during the day, a sharp
ache, a hurt that left him unable to breathe for a few sec
onds sometimes. He had expected to miss her, just not
quite this much. He hadn’t seen or heard from her in
a
bout two weeks. She hadn’t called and he’d expected her
to, secretly wished she would. He guessed he’d really
made it clear that he was moving on, and he would. He could do this, one day at time. It was for the best, right?
One more week to get through and he could go home.
He hoped that would be far enough away.
Stephen—six months later
Stephen woke up in his bed next to an unidentified
female and tried to pluck her name from his memory.
Remembering he’d met her last night at a party, his mind
went in search of a name. Christy? Maybe. Her blonde
hair spread out on the pillow next to his as she lay
sleeping on her stomach, her face turned away from him.
He sat up, pulling with him the blanket that had been
draped on his body and partially covering hers, leaving
her bare. Nice tattoo, he thought, peering at an angel on
her left butt cheek. Nice cheeks, he also thought,
removing the blanket from his body. He dropped it over
her. He looked around his room and found clothes,
leading in a line from the bed to the bedroom door. He
also saw used condoms and wine glasses scattered over
the floor.
Not wanting to wake her, he slowly slid off the bed
and stood up. She moved a little, moaning in her sleep
while Stephen held his breath. Thankfully, she continued
to sleep. Running his hand over his face, he looked
around the room for his watch. What time was it? Noon,
if the light from the windows were any indication. He had to stop doing this, partying and drinking, drinking a
nd partying; it was getting old. In the beginning, he’d at
least known something about the girls he brought back to
his apartment; not that they were people he cared about,
just warm bodies, people to use, to lose himself in.
Rubbing his hand over his face again, he couldn’t
remember when he’d first broken his cardinal rule. Never
bring women home! Now he was forced to see them in the morning. He hadn’t even broken that rule for Reye, and she had meant something to him.
He found his watch. It was eleven-thirty, and lucky for him he had nowhere to be and no time to be there.
He used the bathroom, taking note of the nearly empty
box of condoms. It was comforting to know that even in
his drunken state he’d practiced safe sex. He moved to
stand in front of the sink and stared at his reflection in
the mirror. He looked hung over and thinner. He’d lost weight, dark shadows had taken up permanent residence under his eyes, and he clearly hadn’t shaved in a couple of
days. He laughed sadly to himself. He was no longer
Reye’s golden one. He couldn’t remember the last time
he’d been outside, active. He spent most of his time
inside at someone’s party.