Revenge of the Bully (9 page)

“If you've had difficulty with her,” he continued, “it's most likely because she has such strong feelings for you and wants you to do well.”

I remembered Mrs. Lutzkraut laughing and high-fiving Mr. Cramps as my canoe and I barreled toward Breakneck Rapids. “Yeah, Doctor,” I said. “You really got her figured out.” I looked at his diplomas hanging on the wall and noted which universities to avoid in the future.

Dr. Pecans smiled. “So, you'll help her then?”

“No!”

“Rodney,” snapped my mom, “you most certainly
are
going to help Mrs. Lutzkraut. I'm sorry, Dr. Pecans. I can't understand why he's acting like this. I'm very disappointed.”

Dr. Pecans reached out and patted his desk in some sort of soothing way. Then he said, “Come. It's time we visit Mrs. Lutzkraut. This will be the final test and the main reason I asked you here, Rodney. If she can see you without returning to her former agitated state, then we will know our work at Shady Pastures is complete.”

I looked at Dr. Pecans and my mom and realized there was no way out of it. I was about to visit my greatest enemy.

Mrs. Lutzkraut's room was in another building. We went outside and passed by a well-kept garden where a number of people were sitting around on benches. One group of men was playing cards. Two women were busy painting. “I think nature is wonderfully therapeutic,” Dr. Pecans droned on. “I always try to get my patients outdoors as much as possible. Unfortunately, we've had a difficult time getting Mrs. Lutzkraut outside on a regular basis. When we
do
get her out, we always bring her to the nicest place on the grounds.”

“Where's that?” my mom asked.

“Under that magnificent beech tree over there. Sadly, she usually starts grumbling about someone named Percy.”

I almost laughed. Percy Periwinkle was Mrs. Lutzkraut's brother-in-law. He ran Camp Wy-Mee and she hated him and his beech tree as much as she hated me. “It seems like a great spot,” I said. “I wouldn't give up on it. She's crazy about beech trees.”

Dr. Pecans shot me a look.

“I mean, she likes them a lot.”

“Anyway,” he continued, “for today we will visit your former teacher in her room. I know this visit will go wonderfully well.”

I doubted that . . . which secretly pleased me. I knew as soon as Mrs. Lutzkraut saw me she'd go berserk. Dr. Pecans would have little choice but to write a report that kept her safely locked up for a very long time.

We reached her door. It was partly open and a yellow light shone out into the hall. Dr. Pecans pushed it slowly. I made sure to stand behind him and my mom. While I wanted my evil enemy to behave poorly, I didn't want to get strangled in the process.

“Helga, I have a special surprise visitor for you,” Dr. Pecans called softly.

Suddenly I spotted her. She sat in a chair looking as awful and frightening as usual. She didn't see me because her eyes were closed. I watched the lids flitter and open, magnified by her enormous glasses. They immediately stared intently into mine. For the briefest of moments they flashed their familiar glare of pure evil.

And then it was gone.

Her face broke into an enormous smile. “Why, if it isn't Rodney Rathbone! This is a wondrous surprise. Mrs. Rathbone, so nice to see you, too! Dr. Pecans, you sure know how to make this girl happy. How did you know young Rodney was my favorite of favorites?”

I almost fainted. This couldn't be happening. Mrs. Lutzkraut rose and hugged my mom, who had walked over to her. “So nice of you to come, Gloria. It means so much to me.”

“We wouldn't have missed it for the world,” my mom said with a teary smile. “Isn't that right, Rodney?”

I stood gaping. My brain was just starting to process Mrs. Lutzkraut's latest plot. She was acting completely normal and doing an excellent job of it. In a flash I realized the sickening truth. She was getting out of here.

“Look at him,” Mrs. Lutzkraut said, “he's speechless. Come, give your old teacher a hug.” I saw her advancing toward me. My feet wouldn't move. I couldn't escape. It was worse than a nightmare. I felt her big, saggy arms reach around me. I wanted to scream but her embrace buried my face. “Reminds me of the hug you gave me at graduation,” she purred. Just as I thought I was going to suffocate, she released me.

“Look, Rodney,” my mom called out cheerfully, “isn't that your picture?”

For the first time I noticed the walls. It was my picture, all right! Twenty or thirty pictures of me from the newspaper were plastered all over the room.

“Rodney, isn't that wonderful?” my mom asked.

No,
I wanted to shout,
it's amazingly creepy!

Mrs. Lutzkraut sighed. “Oh, I am so proud of him. Little Rodney, a football star.”

Dr. Pecans laughed. “When Helga saw the paper the other day, she insisted we buy every copy in town. That's when we decided to give you a call, Mrs. Rathbone.” More quietly he whispered, “That's when we knew she was over her obsession with Rodney.”

“I see,” my mom said.

You see?
All I could see was my face staring back at me and it was absolutely frightening. I looked more closely at the walls. A couple of the faces had red circles around them with red slashes through the middle. Even worse, I noticed others looked like they were full of dart holes.

“Mom, she's been throwing darts at the pictures!” I blurted.

Everyone in the room laughed. Dr. Pecans answered smugly, “What an imagination, Rodney. This is an old building. We have mice.”

“Who throw darts?” I asked, but it was no good. Everyone was ignoring me. Once again, Mrs. Lutzkraut had gotten her way.

Eventually, Dr. Pecans said, “Visiting hours will be ending soon. I think this little afternoon get-together was just what the doctor ordered . . . which is why I ordered it. Hahaha.”

He laughed at his own dumb joke for at least a minute. Mrs. Lutzkraut wore her best fake smile and said, “That is very funny, Dr. Pecans. By the way, why don't you tell Gloria the joke you told me yesterday about the bird and the hippo? And since I heard it already, it will give me a chance to leave Rodney with one
final
hug. What do you say, Rodney?”

I didn't move, but then my mom nudged me forward.

As Dr. Pecans and my mom yucked it up in the corner of the room, Mrs. Lutzkraut gave me another of her smothering hugs, only this time she whispered into my ear, “Dr. Moron over there will be letting me out very shortly. You and I have a lot of catching up to do.” Her embrace grew tighter. “Maybe we can start with a vocabulary lesson. Tell me, Rodney, are you familiar with the word ‘revenge'?”

Chapter 10

FERNANDO KNOWS BEST

The ride back from Shady Pastures was quiet, silent, and hushed. Did I mention you could hear a pin drop? I refused to speak, I was so mad at my mom. Besides being mad, I was too busy trying to process this latest shock to my system. Like I didn't have enough problems, I could now add Mrs. Lutzkraut to my ever-expanding list of enemies and rivals out to get me. I shook my head “no” when my mom asked if I wanted to stop for ice cream. It was the closest I came to talking.

Yes, my visit with Mrs. Lutzkraut had left me shaken. For the next day or so I didn't really think about anything else beyond the word “revenge” and what form it might take. Even my sister noticed that something was up. “You're making that crying look again,” she said. “I hope your friend from camp doesn't notice. He just pulled up in the driveway.”

Fernando! I had forgotten he was arriving tonight. Of course, it was Thursday already. He was here to help me with yet another problem—stopping Trevor from killing me. I needed a scorecard. I ran downstairs to meet him.

My mom had invited Fernando and his parents onto the back deck. I bolted outside to greet my best friend from camp.

“Rodney, you didn't tell me you had such an enchanting mother.” Even at night I could see her blush. Good old Fernando. With a little bow to the adults he added, “And now, if you will pardon us, Rodney and I have much to discuss.”

Once back in the house and up in my room, Fernando got right to business. As he explained his ideas for how we could get Josie to go on a date with Trevor, the unlikelihood of success became very apparent. The way I saw it, the only two things getting acquainted Saturday would be Trevor's fists and my face.

The rest of the evening I did my best to enjoy Fernando's visit and avoid thinking about my problems, but when the sun hit my window the next morning, it took all my strength not to stick my head under the covers.

“Good to see you're ready to go,” Fernando said from the air mattress on the floor. I couldn't help notice that his hair looked perfectly combed. “Fernando cannot wait for the fun before us.”

“Me neither,” I managed, my hair sticking straight up like a rooster.

“In that case,” Fernando said, smiling, “let the adventure begin!”

As we walked to the bus stop, Fernando remarked, “This Garrettsville seems nice. The fresh smell in the air, the creek running through the town, the big trees . . .”

“Yeah, it's great,” I said with little enthusiasm. “Big trees.” Each time we passed one I imagined Mrs. Lutzkraut jumping out with a dart in her hand. Or Trevor, or Toby, or Cheese, or The Boss. Pretty soon I might have to make a quick getaway from this lovely town!

Fernando was my only hope, at least as far as Trevor. Unfortunately, his plan seemed far-fetched. “Tell me again,” I asked, “how do you plan to go around in school with me today?”

“Just take Fernando to the office when we arrive.”

I noticed Rishi waiting for us under his big tree at the bus stop. As we approached I wondered how my two friends would get along.

“Fernando, this is Rishi. Rishi, this is—”

You didn't have to worry about awkward silences with Rishi. “Fernando! Rodney's told me all about you! Hey, I hear you know a lot about girls.”

“I know a little,” Fernando answered with a grin.

Rishi spoke even quicker than usual, asking, “Hey, should I part my hair down the middle or right here? Should I button my shirt all the way up? I've thought about getting a fancy walking stick. Cool idea, right? Should I memorize some French poetry or something? Is that worth the effort?”

The groan of the school bus reached our ears before it rounded the turn in the road. Fernando put his hand on Rishi's shoulder but looked at me. “Rodney, I like how your friend thinks. Rishi will be with us this weekend?”

“Sure. He's already handling the restaurant part of the plan.”

“Good, we have a lot of work to do, and we could use a man like him on the team. Rishi, part your hair along here.” He pointed at Rishi's scalp. “I always leave as many buttons open as possible. And I love the walking stick idea. May I borrow that?”

We climbed aboard the bus and headed to the back to grab some seats. Rishi asked, “What about the French poetry?”

Fernando recited a line or two. Several girls simultaneously grabbed their hearts and let out a collective, “Awwwwww.”

“This guy is brilliant,” Rishi muttered in amazement.

Fernando noticed someone sitting in the back of the bus. “Josh!” he called out.

Josh ran down the aisle and put Fernando in a big bear hug. I was beginning to wonder if Fernando had uttered his last stanza when Josh let him go. After gasping for a second, Fernando smiled and said, “Long time no see.”

“Huh? You blind?” Josh asked.

“I missed this guy,” Fernando whispered to me.

We took our seats and the bus ride was a lot of fun, but I still didn't expect Fernando to be sticking around long in school. When we got there we headed into the office and Fernando asked to speak to the principal. The secretary, without even bothering to look at us, snapped, “Dr. Stone is too busy.”

“Excuse me,” Fernando asked, picking up a framed photograph from her desk, “surely this can't be your wedding picture?”

“Yes, it is,” the secretary answered. “Taken twenty years ago this December.”

“But you look even younger now!” Fernando exclaimed.

The secretary smiled. “Let me see if Dr. Stone can squeeze you in.”

A minute later she emerged and told us we could head into the office.

Dr. Stone's hair bun was pulled very tight. Her pale, expressionless face told me immediately that she didn't appreciate our visit. She said, “Rodney Rathbone, twice in one week.”

“Um, yes, lucky me. So, Mrs. Stone . . .”

“Dr. Stone.”

“Uh, yes. Sorry. Dr. Stone, sorry to interrupt you.”

“You wouldn't need to apologize if you didn't interrupt.”

“Uh, that's true, but . . .”

“Mr. Rathbone, did you know that I was a teacher for seven years?”

“No, I wasn't aware of that,” I said.

“Do you know why I left teaching and became a principal?”

I thought for a second. “Because you could help more children if you ran an entire school instead of a single classroom.”

“No. I became a principal because there's far less interaction with students. Now, this has been a nice little talk. Good day, boys.”

She glanced down at her paperwork. Dr. Stone had about as much personality as the paperweight sitting before her on the desk. I had tried to explain this to Fernando last night. I expected he'd soon be calling my dad to come pick him up, although he seemed as cool and collected as usual.

“Señorita Rosalita,” he suddenly spoke. I almost died.

Dr. Stone's eyes glared up from her paper. “I thought our meeting was over, and I believe I've already made it clear how I am to be addressed.”

“I was referring to your nail color,” Fernando said.

Dr. Stone opened her mouth to say something but instead looked down at her nails.

“A vibrant, exciting color,” Fernando continued.

“No one's ever noticed my nails before.” Her stern look softened and I thought I saw a hint of something other than her usual frown. “Who are you again?” she asked.

“I am Fernando. Did you get the orchids?”

Dr. Stone pointed slowly over Fernando's shoulder.

“Dr. Stone, I'm here because I'd like to visit your school for the day.”

“Well, Fernando, orchids or no, we can't just let random people—”

“I don't want to be a random person. Rodney here told me all about your school. I read about you on the district website. I knew I had to come meet you. I had to.” He paused and grabbed his chest. “You are an inspiration. The ultimate administrator! Surely you should be superintendant of the entire district . . .”

“Oh, go on!” Dr. Stone blushed. She patted her hair bun. “Well, Fernando, I have to admit I'd love to have you in my school, but I don't think
your
school would appreciate—”

“Here is my principal's phone number at Crenshaw Middle School. She's expecting your call.”

Dr. Stone looked confused for a second, took another look at Fernando's smiling face, and dialed the number. “Yes, hello. My name's Elizabeth Stone and I'm the principal of Garrettsville Middle School . . . Hi . . . Yes, the reason I'm calling is I have one of your students sitting in my office. . . . Yes, his name is Fern . . . Yes, he certainly is . . . I can see that . . . He did? Hahahaha . . .” Dr. Stone was smiling and giggling and occasionally looking at Fernando. “That's right, he wants to visit for the day. So you're fine with . . . well we'll take good care of him . . . Okay, my pleasure . . . bye bye.”

Dr. Stone hung up and gave Fernando a big smile. “I'll have one of the secretaries write up the visitor paperwork. I guess you can follow Rodney's schedule.”

“May I take my lunch in here?”

She gave Fernando a knowing eye. “Don't push it.”

Fernando gave her a quick bow, grabbed my arm, and led me out of the office. As soon as we were back in the crowded hall I spotted Rishi. Fernando, however, had spotted someone else. “Jessica!” he called.

I watched her blond hair spin in our direction. What was he up to now? He must have remembered what she looked like from that one time at camp. Samantha and Kayla were beside her. Samantha saw Fernando and smiled. Kayla saw me and frowned. They waited for us to approach.

“Have we met?” Jessica asked him.

“I have discussed your beauty under the stars. I have seen your eyes looking out the cabin windows over the lake at sunset . . .”

“Don't talk to him, Jessica. He's obviously nuts,” Kayla said.

“Who cares?” Samantha pointed out. “I like listening to him.”

I spoke up. “Jessica, Samantha, Kayla, this is Fernando. He's my friend from camp.”

“Well, I should have known,” snapped Kayla. She poked Fernando in the chest. “I bet you're trouble too.”

Rishi slid in and said to Fernando, “Ain't she something?”

Fernando smiled. “She has a sharp, quick tongue. Her eyes are fierce and dark, like a raven.” Kayla narrowed her fierce eyes and her cheeks took on an angry red.

“I like the way she blushes,” Rishi said to Fernando.

“Yes, I can see that,” Fernando replied.

Kayla looked more annoyed than usual. “Hey, you two brainless buddies. I'm standing right here. I can hear you. Hell-ooooo. You don't talk about people in front of them. It's considered rude in most cultures.”

“Being rude to you is the last thing I want to be,” Rishi replied, trying to sound like Fernando. “Let me redeem myself. I wrote this just for you . . .” He put one hand on his chest and the other in the air. He began,
“J'ai besoin d'utiliser la salle de bains—”

Kayla interrupted. “Am I living in bizzaro world? Is every boy in this school completely wacko? Rishi, go recite your gibberish to someone else. I'm going to class.”

Rishi's performance may not have captivated Kayla, but a few other people stood in the hall looking at him. Among them were Josh and Wendy, who were spending more and more time together. “How'd I sound?” Rishi asked.

Wendy said, “The pronunciation wasn't bad but you just told her you need to use the bathroom. How charming.”

Josh stood listening. I could tell by the drool buildup that he was thinking hard. Slowly he grabbed his chest like Rishi and said to Wendy, “I need to go doodie.”

Wendy laughed. “I love your wit, Joshy, and you're charming, too.” She took his arm and the two walked off. Josh had a happy grin stretched across his face.

Fernando was watching them too, looking like a proud father. “This is a very romantic hallway.” Shifting his eyes to me he added, “Now it's your turn.”

Jessica was still standing there, her blue eyes looking at me as well. My throat dried up and my back began to sweat. The only French word I knew was “escargot” and I doubted Jessica would appreciate me comparing her to a slimy snail!

She broke the silence. “You two talked about me at camp?”

Fernando replied, “He talked about you all the time. I'm going to have to try out this Tunnel of Love at Super Adventure.”

“You talked about
that
?” Jessica asked. Her face flashed red. I couldn't tell if she was mad, embarrassed, or both.

“He also said that you were the nicest, coolest, prettiest girl he'd ever known.”

“Well then why did those other girls—”

“Alas, that is my fault,” Fernando continued. “He spent so much of his time looking sad and missing you, I tried to get those other girls interested in him, to cheer him up. I can see my actions have had the opposite effect. Look at him now. Notice the pale color in his face, the dark circles under his eyes, the sagging shoulders, that, ‘I've given up on life' haircut, the—”