Revenge of a Not-So-Pretty Girl (30 page)

The students are in the center section, while the two outside sections contain families and friends. I look around at all the unfamiliar faces. Uncle Paul couldn’t get off from work and neither could Mama. But I spot Aunt Nola almost immediately. Impossible not to, with the oversized emerald-green hat she’s sporting. My eyes drift down to the matching dress, and I’m thinking she’s confused my freshman year-end ceremony with the St. Patty’s Day parade. When she notices me, she throws her white handkerchief into the air and begins waving it furiously.

A few of the last kids to file in decide to spice up their walk by humming Herbie Hancock’s “Rockit” and adding some dance moves to it. I look up at the stage, with the giant glittered-out banner that reads
CONGRATULATIONS FRESHMAN CLASS OF 1984
. My eyes drift down from there to the two rows of chairs arranged on either side of the lectern near the center of the stage. I can see Sister Margaret Theresa Patricia Bernadette seated there. She doesn’t look too happy about the
Soul Train
line that has developed. Father Benjamin, the head of the school, probably doesn’t even notice,
since he appears to be midnap. But a couple of the teachers are actually smiling.

I turn my attention back to the crowd and continue scanning the rows when I notice this tiny figure tucked into the back corner seat on the opposite side of the auditorium from Aunt Nola. And even though I can only see the very top of her outfit—a white frilly neckline peeping out over a maroon sweater—I can tell that Ms. Downer has dressed up for the occasion. And she’s wearing one of her hats, a little black pillbox. I wave, and she smiles.

Once everyone is seated, Father Benjamin gets up and starts talking about living righteously according to the teachings of the Bible and the Lord. Then comes a long, drawn-out speech about practicing the virtues of chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility during our time off and throughout our lives. Only, he keeps drifting away from the microphone, and I can only make out every other sentence. At one point, he just stops talking for like a minute, but it’s obvious he’s not done with his speech. The teachers all whisper to one another, and Keisha and I start laughing. I’m pretty sure he’s fallen into one of those sudden old-people naps. You know how they’ll be sitting at the dinner table talking to you, asking about school and your exams, then all of a sudden, they’re out like a light, and you’re not sure whether they’re asleep or dead. So there’s Father Benjamin, not speaking, not moving, just leaning up against the lectern. And then, just as suddenly as he stopped speaking, he starts up again, as if he’s been given a jolt. And the mike makes this loud whistling sound,
which is followed by boos, claps, and catcalls from the middle section of the auditorium.

A couple of teachers speak, including Devil Nun. Only, all I hear from her is “wah, wah, wah,” like the adults in the
Peanuts
cartoons.

Since they go alphabetically, my name is one of the first to be called for the freshman year completion certificate. And I’m shocked because someone is hooting and hollering and whoo-hooing all over the place for me.

Once I’m on the stage, Father Benjamin hands me a piece of paper that has my name written on it in calligraphy, then shakes my hand. And I can’t help but think how funny it is that they’re making such a big deal out of this.

“That’s right, Faye. You a sophomore now, baby. You a sophomore.” Jerry’s voice rings out above the polite applause as I make it down off the stage. He’s standing at the back of the auditorium cheering like the Yankees just won the World Series.

I thought I’d be a little embarrassed if he showed up, on account of his hair. But it’s nice having a cheering section. It’s nice having my three guest spots filled, especially since I didn’t think there would be anyone there to support me at all.

I wave my certificate at Jerry, who yells the entire time I’m on my feet and doesn’t stop until I’m back next to Keisha. He’s really an okay guy. I just hope Mama doesn’t screw things up with him.

“Let me see it,” Keisha says excitedly before I can even get my butt back into my seat.

“It’s just a stupid piece of paper,” I say.

“Yeah, but it’s the last thing we’ll ever get as freshmen in high school.”

“And after this, we only have one more year where the pressure is off,” Nicole adds. “Once we’re juniors, we’ll have to start thinking about colleges and maybe even about moving away from home.”

“Moving away from home,” I echo. What wonderful words.

After the ceremony, everyone pours out into the atrium. There are hugs and more congratulations before Aunt Nola leaves with Jerry, who has agreed to drop her off at home on his way back to work.

I walk around looking for Ms. Downer, but she seems to have disappeared into the sea of people. Charlene manages to stand out, though. And as usual, Curvy Miller is circling around her, even though he’s a sophomore and should be with his own class, getting ready for their ceremony. I just shake my head. Guess Ms. Downer was right and I did get a little caught up in the whole looks thing myself. Why else would I have liked a guy who never really showed me an ounce of interest?

Once I rejoin Keisha and Nicole, they let me in on their plan to go to a nearby Italian restaurant for lunch with some of the other kids. But when Keisha stops talking mid-sentence and gestures over my shoulder, I turn to find Ms. Downer standing there.

“I’m so happy you came,” I say as I give her a hug. “I want you to meet my friends Keisha and Nicole. And Keisha and Nicole, I want you to meet my friend Ms. Downer.”

“It’s good to meet you girls. Keisha, I’ve heard a lot about you,” Ms. Downer says. “Faye, can I borrow you for one moment? I won’t keep you away from your friends for very long.”

“It’s okay, Faye,” Keisha says. “I need to go talk to my folks. We’ll just meet back near the door.”

I walk with the old lady back into the auditorium, which is a lot calmer and less congested than where we had been standing.

“You sure look fancy today,” I say.

“Well, I suppose a good occasion calls for good clothes.” She goes into her handbag and pulls out an envelope, which she hands to me. I open it to find one of those “You’re a Graduate Now” cards inside.

“Well, I didn’t actually graduate yet.…”

“I know, but try finding a freshman year-end ceremony card … not so easy.”

I laugh as I flip the card open. Inside are all these crisp, clean bills. I count them—with my eyes, not my fingers, because I don’t want her to know I’m doing it. That seems a bit rude and tasteless. And there’s like four hundred dollars. But the weird thing is, I’m nowhere near as happy about this as I should be.

“In the short time I’ve known you, you’ve come such a long way,” she says. “And I know there are probably a few things you’ll be needing when it comes time to start school again. Maybe school supplies. New clothes, shoes …”

But I don’t really say anything. I just stand there looking at all that money, feeling guilty about accepting it.

“Is it not enough?” she asks.

“It’s the most money I’ve ever had,” I say.

“I would have gotten you an actual present, but I don’t know what you like, and I figured you might enjoy it a little more if you were able to shop for it yourself.”

“But I can’t keep it,” I say. And I pull 280 dollars out of the total amount and hand it back to her. “Well, not all of it.”

“What’s this?” she asks.

“It’s what I owe you. I’ve owed it to you for a long time now. Just wouldn’t feel right having it. I really do like your present. And I still have a hundred and twenty of it, and that’s more than enough for me to get some cool stuff with.”

Ms. Downer looks at the money for a while, then smiles, nods slowly, and tucks the cash away in her purse.

The Saturday after
the last day of school is all rainy and grim. It’s Jerry’s birthday, and he’s having his assistant manager open up the store for him since Mama has decided to make him breakfast to celebrate. I’m thinking this is a really good sign for Jerry, because she never makes breakfast. It’s always every man for himself, with toast or cereal or a random piece of fruit.

When Mama realizes she’s out of eggs, she dispatches me to go and pick some up from Waldbaum’s. I don’t really want to, since the thunder is rumbling something awful outside. And I’m pretty comfortable watching the Saturday-morning cartoons. But it’s not like I can say no without risking death, so I grab an umbrella and head out.

There’s hardly a soul in the supermarket, probably on account of the weather. Then again, I’m not usually trolling through the aisles at eight-thirty on a Saturday morning. But just as I grab a crate of extra-large eggs, I see Caroline racing a grocery cart toward the refrigerated section.
Gillian is right behind her. They haven’t seen me, and my first impulse is to make a beeline for the cashier, pay for the eggs, and hurry on out. But that impulse is pretty quickly trumped by anger.

You would think that in the five or so weeks that have passed since the whole Dressy Dress Mart incident, they would have popped up at some point to make sure I was okay. Maybe left a note under my door. But there hasn’t been any sign of them at all. They haven’t been ringing my doorbell or waiting outside my building for me. They haven’t even been hanging out in front of their own building. It’s almost like they’ve been lying low. I guess recently I haven’t exactly been running around trying to make time with them either, but considering the seriousness of what happened, you would think they would have been curious enough to check on me. They must have noticed I didn’t come sprinting through the doors of that store. For all they know, I could have been caught and thrown into juvie hall, or worse yet, killed. Shot point-blank by a trigger-happy NYPD cop.

I’m not so mad at Gillian, since she’s more or less mentally impaired and doesn’t know any better. She might even have told Caroline they should check on me. But if Caroline said no, that would have been the end of that. It’s not like Gillian would ever do anything on her own.

Caroline almost bites it as she tries to pop a wheelie. I move right into her path, planting myself in front of the dairy items. I watch as she and Gillian horse around and giggle. I watch as they get closer and closer to me. I
watch as Gillian finally notices me, and the smile leaves her face.

“Ooh, she’s not dead,” Gillian almost yells out in shock.

Caroline brings the cart to a sudden stop and just stares at me. “Ooh, girl, there you are. Where you been?” she asks. But there’s more surprise than excitement or relief in her voice.

“Haven’t heard from you all,” I say.

“That’s ’cause we thought you was dead,” Gillian says.

“Shut up,” Caroline barks at her before turning to me. “How’d you get out of there?”

“I walked.”

“Well, we waited for you. I swear on my grandmother. But so much was happening.… Then the cops came, and the ambulance, so we just figured we better get out of there. We thought that wobbly old security guard had shot you or something.”

“Shot me with what? His bad leg? No. But he had a heart attack. Right there on top of me. I couldn’t move. I was just stuck there, and you guys didn’t even come back to see if I needed help. And you were the ones who really wanted to steal those clothes.”

“So? Nobody forced you to put that stuff in your bag. And we had nothing to do with old peg leg’s heart stopping, so why are you acting all mad as a hatter like we owe you something? We don’t owe you diddly-squat. If anything, you owe us. You owe me. You didn’t have an ounce of courage when you first moved around here. And you might think you’re big and bold now, but you’re not shit. I’m the one
who’s always carrying you. Without me, you can’t do shit. You look like shit and you ain’t worth shit. And that’s why your mama treats you like shit.”

Heat spreads over my face, and I feel as if I’m about to step out of my own body. From the corner of my eye, I make out the quart-sized glass bottles sitting there on the milk shelf. And I know that if I just latch on to one, I could wield it with all my might and bring it down against Caroline’s bloated head. And maybe that would put her out of her misery and put me out of mine at the same time. I’m trying to breathe. I’m trying to tell myself she’s not worth it. But I feel myself shaking. I close my eyes and try to think of what I’m about to do. I think of that gimpy-legged security guard and the old lady. I think about that word
karma
and about making better choices.

When I open my eyes, I feel this calm come over me. Caroline and Gillian both look as if they’re bracing themselves for whatever storm is about to come, but I just shake my head, force a smile, and say, “You know what I’ve realized? Hardly anything good has happened to me since I met you guys. So don’t worry about having to ‘carry’ me anymore, Caroline, because I wouldn’t want to hold you back any. So this is me releasing you. Good-bye forever. And that goes for you too, Gillian.”

“Forever?” Caroline yells as I start walking away. “Yeah, we’ll see how long that lasts. ’Cause we’re the only friends you got. We’re the only ones willing to deal with your stupid ass. Summer’s here. What you gonna do with all your free time? Have some nice mommy-daughter get-togethers? We
know that’ll never happen. Or maybe sit around talking to yourself, wishing you had a friend. Forever? Yeah, right. We’ll see you when you come crawling back, ringing our bell, begging for someone to hang out with.”