Revelry (Taint #1) (13 page)

“Eat your pancake, Red,” Zed says around a mouthful of hot bacon from the pan. I shake my head, pick up the syrup and pour it over the pancake in front of me. Of course I hadn’t looked at it until now, and when I see that I’m pouring syrup over a gigantic flat pancakey cock I let out a massive sigh. The boys all think this is hilariously funny until I stab the thing with a fork several times. Their laughter dies down, and they all stare awkwardly at one another. Coop moves a fraction of an inch away from me, and Ash’s face is twisted in a grimace.

“Ouch,” Zed says.

“Ash, call ahead and get them to remove the utensils from the tour bus, will you?” Levi says, and they all laugh while I eat my giant penis pancake in silence.

N
othing says awkward like listening to a near stranger having loud, uninhibited sex in the next room. I’d been staying at Zed’s for the last four nights, the first being the night we all came back here drunk, the second was a quiet night in. It was actually kind of fun. Zed and I played Monopoly—and I kicked his arse, thank you very much. By the third day the boys had wrapped the record, and Harbour had hosted their relaunch that same night, but instead of going out to celebrate afterward, they’d all gone back to their respective dwellings to sleep off the insanity.

When he’d invited me to stay, Zed had forgotten to mention that Leif stayed in the spare room. It hadn’t been a problem, though—I was more than happy to sleep on the couch, but Zed wouldn’t hear of it. He’d insisted I take the top bunk. Yeah, it was weird at first, until he pointed out that we’d be sleeping this way in a few days on the tour bus anyway, so why not start now? He had a point, and a bed was better than a couch, any day. Even a bed that was made for a giant man-child.

Living with Zed was actually surprisingly easy. He was clean, had a constant supply of food around—considering he never stopped eating this was sort of important—and it was kind of nice to have someone to talk to. Work had finally come through with an emergency pay, knowing that I’d be leaving the country tomorrow, so I’d taken Zed to breakfast this morning as a thank you, and then we’d gone shopping for all the essentials we’d need for travel. My essentials had consisted of toiletries, pyjamas, a squishy neck pillow, Chapstick and a Nintendo DS. Of course I’d be taking my fluffy blanket. Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s pathetic for a grown woman to have a blanky, especially a Star Wars one, but it was kind of cool. I mean, the fact that it had the Rebel Alliance Starbird on it made it cool—just like the tattoo on the back of my neck. I got nervous if I couldn’t keep my hands busy. Fluffy blankets calmed me, and a fourteen-hour flight into LA sitting beside any one of these four hot rockers wasn’t the time to be lacking a distraction.

Life with Zed had been fun, enlightening sometimes, and dangerous even when he’d tried teaching me some pole moves and I’d almost popped my shoulder out of the socket, but tonight was where it had become awkward.

Zed had brought home not one, but two busty babes and had taken them into his room. Leif wasn’t home yet, and I would have killed to have had the separation that an extra locking door could provide against the weird and wild noises coming from Zed’s room, but I didn’t want Leif getting the wrong idea. He’s an okay guy, but he uses as well as deals, and sometimes he gets a little handsy. Hijacking his bed for the night wasn’t an option. But neither was sitting here staring at the TV and holding my hands against my ears to block out the noise.

The bedroom door opens and I slide farther down onto the couch, hoping neither of the girls feels like getting chatty, but then Zed struts into the kitchen completely naked and heads right to the fridge. I cover my eyes, because though technically the kitchen is behind me, I can see his reflection in the big windows running the length of the room.
All
of his reflection.

“How’s it going, Ginger?”

“Zed, please tell me you’re not talking to me with your dick hanging out?”

“What? It’s not like you’ve never seen cock before?” he says, walking across the room and stopping in front of me so that his penis is right in front of my face.

“Oh my god, gross. You’re buck naked, sporting a boner and talking to me like it’s just another day at the apartment.”

“You know, Ginge, you’re about to spend every waking second of the next three months with one or all of us on tour. By the end of it you’ll be so used to cock, you won’t even bat an eyelid.”

He snatches up the can of whipped cream that I’d been periodically spraying into my mouth and disappears with it and his ice cream into the bedroom.

“Hey, I was eating that.”

“Your arse will thank me, Ali.”

Damn him, he’s probably right
.

My phone buzzes on the couch beside me, and I pick it up and glance at the screen, opening the message.

Coop: Ali-Cat. I have people over and we’ve run out of booze. Tell me you’re not drinking right now, and can come save my life?

I glare at the screen as if he could see my seriously pissed off face and type out my response.

Me: Seriously? Save your life? Are you choking in some way? Having a heart attack? Has a serial killer invaded your home and cut out your voice box, rendering you unable to call triple zero?

Coop: No. Why do you sound like you’re wishing one of those things had happened?

Me: Because I see no other reason for you to be texting me in the middle of the night to come save your life.

Coop: Question? If the other guys called you in the middle of the night, would you come?

Me: Without question.
:)

I’m pretty sure he knows that’s not true, but I sort of love pissing him off.

Coop: Ouch, so catty.

Me: Oh, was I mean to da poor widdle wock star?

Coop: Yes, my feelings are seriously hurt. You should come kiss them better.

Me: Bite me.

Coop: Just tell me where.

Me: We fly out at five am, Cooper. Now let me go to sleep.

Coop: Can you really sleep through all that noise from Zed’s room?

Me: How do you know he’s being noisy?

Coop: He’s a nervous flyer. He likes to fuck out all his anxiety beforehand. If he disappears into the bathroom a hundred times during our flight, he’s more than likely going to jack off, or he’s roping some attendant into joining the mile-high club.

Me: I really could have done without knowing that information, Coop. Thanks.

Coop: Wanna know a secret?

Me: Does it involve the words I, jack and off?

Coop: No, but now I’m sorta wishing it did.

Me: What’s your secret, Coop?

Coop: I’m afraid of confined spaces. Fucking hate them actually.

Me: And yet you’re preparing to live on a tour bus for three months.

Coop: Guess there will be lots of trips to the bathroom. Hold my hand?

Me: You wish.

Coop: Actually I’d prefer you held my cock, but I suppose I can settle.

Me: You’re disgusting.

Coop: And you’re stalling. Bring me my beer, wench woman.

Me: Fuck you.

Coop: Well, I really didn’t want any of them to win that bet, but okay. Be here in twenty mins.

Me: You’re serious?

Coop: As a heart attack.

Me: About which part? The beer or the fucking?

Coop: Both.

I sag back against the couch and groan. What is wrong with him? What is wrong with me that I’m actually entertaining this idea?

Me: I’m not coming over, and I’m not ever going to sleep with you.

Coop: Now who said anything about sleeping?

Me: I’m thinking you should take a leaf out of Zed’s book and become real familiar with your hand. I’ll see you in the morning.

My phone buzzes again. I look at my messages but it’s coming up with an “image not received” message. A second later there’s another text from Coop

Coop: Well, where’s my picture?

Me: What are you talking about?

Coop: I just sent you mine; now send me yours.

Me: You sent me what? I can’t see pictures on my phone.

Coop: WTF? You didn’t get a new phone when I told you to?

Me: Nope. I told you I don’t like being told what to do.

Coop: I’m beginning to see that, so I’ll say this nicely. Please send me a picture of your tits.

Me: OMG, you’re a fucking pervert.

Coop: Yes, yes I am. Now … tits, please.

I shake my head and throw my phone down on the coffee table, preparing to sleep, but it won’t stop beeping. I open my messages one last time and see his replies that have all gone unanswered.

Coop:
Soooo … can I get my tits now please?

Coop:
Ali?

Coop:
Allllllli?

Coop:
Come on, Ali-Cat.

Coop:
You know if you can’t take a picture and send them, I can just come over. It’s probably better that I see them in person. I mean a picture is nice and all, but nothing beats the real thing up close and personal.

Coop:
Ali?

Coop:
Okay, clearly you’re ignoring me.

Coop:
Will you show me on the plane? Just to keep me from thinking about us plunging to our deaths.

Coop:
If we were on a deserted island, would you show me your tits then?

Coop:
What about if we were the only survivors? I’d totally get an all-access pass, right? I mean we wouldn’t want to be the only people on that island forever. Eventually we’d need to repopulate, build our own little colony while we waited for rescue, like in the blue lagoon.

Me:
First of all, we can’t build a colony. Our children can’t fuck one another. That’s called incest, you dumb fuck. Secondly, I was considering showing you my tits on a plane, but really now it just sounds like a bad porn version of that Samuel L. Jackson film. Thirdly, it’s the worst idea ever for you to be seeing my tits again. I’m not going to sleep with you, or Levi. No one is winning that bet. Now, it’s late. We have a plane to catch and I need to sleep.

Coop:
We can sleep on the plane. I’ll hold your tits for you.

Me:
There is something really wrong with you
.