Returning Home (6 page)

Jeff had done it without her. He’d built their house, gotten their dogs, lived half of their dream—alone. It was a hollow sort of existence.

And he didn’t even realize it.

That was the saddest part of it all.

When he regained his memory, with or without her help, would he realize it and hate her even more?

Heart sinking, Hope went outside to meet the dogs.

Jeff saw her coming, strolling across the yard with an assurance that let him know she felt comfortable here, and he wondered what was wrong. From the moment she’d seen his house, she’d gotten a sadness in her eyes. He wished he knew what the hell his house reminded her of and why it hurt her so badly.

He wondered why coming here had made her cry and why she hadn’t wanted him to comfort her.

Someday, if he were lucky, he supposed he would know.

Cookie and Merlin, his two Border collies, spotted her at the same time. Tongues lolling, they bounded towards her in a whirl of black and white.

When they reached her, if she wasn’t prepared, they would knock her down.

To his amazement, she crouched down and held out her arms.

In seconds they were all over her, tails wagging and licking her face with big, enthusiastic slurps. As he moved closer, he heard her speaking to them in that low, baby tone they loved so well.

Then she looked up and saw him. The happy light vanished from her eyes.

“So much for their training.” Though the bleak
ness in her face bothered him, he tried not to show it

“Yeah,” she said as she ruffled their heads one last time before standing and wiping her hands on her jeans. “What are their names?”

He smiled sheepishly. “Cookie and Merlin. They’re inseparable.”

She watched them tumble over each other as they rolled in the grass. “They’re beautiful. You always wanted working sheep dogs.”

“Come on.” He held out a hand without thinking, then remembered how she’d acted on the porch ear
lier. Since there was no way he could gracefully with
draw, he kept his smile plastered on his face and waited to see what she would do. “I’ll show you the bam.”

Hope hesitated, then slipped her small hand into his. He stood still for a moment feeling the way he’d felt last week when the dogs had cornered a rabbit and he’d had to capture it to set it free.

She looked at him, her lips parted in surprise, and he realized he’d been standing frozen, gripping her hand tightly as if he thought she meant to run away.

“Sorry,” he said, clearing his throat. He felt as if he owed her some explanation. “I was thinking.” Before she could ask him any questions, he gave her hand a light tug and led the way to his bam.

Chapter Four

During the bumpy ride back to town, Hope kept silent. Chewing her bottom lip, she fought exhaus
tion, knowing it was brought on by depression. The worst part about it was that she couldn’t even talk to Jeff, since he had no memory of their shared past.

Sometimes she wished she couldn’t remember either. Knowing what Jeff had done to her was not nearly as bad as knowing what she’d ended up doing to him.

He pulled up in front of his sister’s house and got out, silent and brooding. While she fumbled with the door handle, he came around and opened her door, standing
back so that they didn’t accidentally touch.

Too tired to feel hurt, Hope gave him a weary smile. “I need a nap,” she said.

One golden brow quirked in a gesture so classically Jeff that she nearly smiled. He glanced at his watch. “It’s only four o’clock. Not even supper time.”

“Are you staying to eat?” She didn’t want to sound too hopeful, though she knew the old Jeff would have recognized the barely hidden eagerness in her voice.

“I can.” He leaned across the hood of his truck, the sunlight making his eyes look alive for the first time since she’d arrived. His slow grin un
settled
her. “If you really want me to.”

Flustered, Hope nodded. For some strange reason, she didn’t want him to leave.

Still leaning on his truck, he said, “Then I’m stay
ing. What do you want to do tomorrow?”

With her face flaming, she tried to pretend she didn’t find his innocent comment wildly suggestive. “I’m making a list”

He leaned closer. “A list? Are you one of those super organized people?”

She felt her smile slipping. He couldn’t know that he used to tease her mercilessly about her penchant for organization. “Sometimes. When I have to be.” “Oh.”

They walked into the kitchen, side by side but not touching. Charlene eyed them curiously.

“Afternoon.” Watching them with interest, Char
lene shook her head. “Did you two quarrel or some
thing?”

“No,” Hope said, too quickly.

“Not like we used to,” Jeff quipped.

Everyone froze.

For one
startled
, heart-stopping moment, Hope thought Jeff remembered. Fear surged through her, an absolute terror that made her palms damp. Even knowing that it was utterly, totally out of proportion— he didn’t know
about Alisha, he couldn’t know about Alisha—didn’t help.

Then he turned that carefully polite gaze of his on her, and her fear subsided. Jeff’s memory hadn’t returned. He was still the same, indifferent stranger he’d been when she arrived.

“Like we used to?” Carefully keeping her tone bland, Hope took a deep breath. “Did you remember something?”

For a moment, confusion warred with apathy in Jeff’s beautiful eyes. He shook his head and grimaced s
lightly
. “I thought I did, but it’s gone now.”

Hope’s gaze flew to his face. His eyes had shadowed and a shiver of foreboding rippled through her.

He moved closer, taking a seat at the old kitchen table. Aware of every step he took, every move he made, Hope sat across from him.

He reached across the table, took her hand, and squeezed gently. She felt a shock like summer light
ning from a long forgotten season.

“After we eat, I wondered if you would like to go out for a drink,” he asked, his deep voice quiet and steady.

“A date?” The words were out before she had time to think, and instantly she regretted saying them. Again she felt herself color.

“Like in the old days!” Charlene clapped her hands, either not noticing or choosing to ignore Hope’s discomfort.

One
corner
of Jeff’s mouth tipped up in the be
ginning of a smile. His constant regard never wavered from her face. “I’ll bring you home right after, if you want”

A simple drink between friends, Hope told herself, trying to slow her
runa
way pulse. She would be extremely foolish to make more of it than it was. After all, it could never be more than that. The weight of the years, and their sins, hung heavy between them.

Still, she couldn’t help but allow herself to relish the way he said the word
home.
She was tempted to ask him if he meant to drive her clear back to Dallas, but she secretly rejoiced that he thought Dalhart could ever again be her home.

If the world was a perfect place, it would be so. But, the cynical thought intruded, too much had happened to both of them. Once she had thought him a sinner, now she knew that of the two, she had perpetrated the greater sin.

She prayed Jeff would never find out. There was no reason he should know, not now, when it was far too late. It was something she alone would have to live with for the rest of her life.

Charlene cleared her throat, reminding them of her presence. “It’s about time you let people in Dalhart know you’re back, Hope. After all, you’ve only got three weeks.”

Hope exchanged a glance with Jeff, who shrugged. “Three weeks for what?”

“Our high school reunion, remember?”

With all that had been going on, Hope had man
aged to push the high school reunion to the back of her mind. “I’ve got to go shopping!”

Jeff’s mouth tipped up in a wry smile. “You’ll have to go to Amarillo. There’s not much shopping around here.”

“I know,” Hope told him softly. “It was the same when I lived here. Charlene and I used to tear up Amarillo, remember?”

Charlene grinned. “Sure do. You need something elegant”

“
Exactly
,” Hope sighed, thinking of the beautiful dresses she had back in her closet in Dallas.

“And slinky.”

“Expensive.”

“But worth it.”

Hope had to laugh at the expression on Jeff’s face. He’d been watching the two of them like a spectator at a tennis
match.

“Women,” he muttered.

Hope laughed again. To her surprise, Jeff reached out and awkwardly touched her cheek, his gaze oddly tender. She froze.

Charlene did, too.

Seeing that both women watched him, Jeff shrugged. “Your laugh.” He wore the perplexed expression of a
little
boy, which touched Hope’s heart.

“What about it?” she asked gently.

“It’s familiar to me.”

Hope’s heart skipped a beat. Charlene sucked in her breath. Both women stood, equally stunned, no doubt for different reasons.

With difficulty, Hope made her voice nonchalant “Really? Familiar in what way?”

“I don’t know.” His smile faded and was replaced by that now-familiar shuttered expression. “It re
minds me
of...
something.” He lifted one shoulder in an attempt to shrug. “It makes me want to put my arm around your shoulders and hug you.”

Staring at him, Hope’s chest ached for him, for herself, and for Alisha. She ached for what had once been and never could be again.

“It makes me—” he leaned close, so close their noses almost touched—“want to kiss you.”

Catching her breath, Hope’s pulse began to race. Staring into his eyes, she forgot about the past, forgot the reunion, her doubts, she even forgot Charlene. She forgot everything but the tempting mouth of the virile male so close to her.

She moved closer. He leaned in, brushing his lips across hers. She sighed, relaxing into the kiss, her arms going up of their own accord to wrap around his neck and pull him closer.

The sound of the back door closing brought Hope
back to the present. Aching, she pulled away.

Charlene, it seemed, had gone outside.

Hope took a deep breath and out of the
corner
of her eye, watched Jeff t
r
y to regain control. This, at least, his body remembered. Kissing had always ignited them, like a brush fire blazing out of control. Though he didn’t recognize her, his body did.

At last he turned, pinning her with a sharp look. “I think I need to know,” his tone was low and danger
ous, “
exactly
what our relationship was. We were more than mere high school sweethearts, weren’t we?”

What could she say? How could she put into words what she couldn’t even begin to define herself?

He waited, his beautiful eyes hooded. Somehow she knew that he expected the truth. It made her want to laugh and cry. Jeff wanted the truth—from her. She was the one who had been lying to herself and others ever since leaving Dalhart

She paused, her heart heavy, considering.

Once, they’d agreed to speak only the truth to each other. Once, too, she had believed in such nonsense, until by his silence he’d told the biggest lie of all. His betrayal had shattered her young heart, ten long years ago.

She’d vowed never to let her herself be hurt that way again. She’d had Alisha and that had been enough. Even then, Alisha had been taken from her.

Pain and she had become intimate companions. She’d thought she’d learned to live with it Until now.

Part of the truth would have to suffice. That was all she could give him.

Hope licked her lips, which had suddenly gone dry. “We were the world to each other.”

At his skeptical expression, she sighed. “It was a long time ago, Jeff. We were only kids then.”

“Did we marry?”

She gasped. The question, however innocent, once
again brought home how little he actually remem
bered. “No.” Even to her own ears, her answer sounded hard, brit
tl
e.

Jeff leaned closer,
intently
watching her the way his dogs watched the sheep. “Why not?”

This was too much. She covered her face with shak
ing hands, wondering whether to laugh or cry. When she opened them, it was to find that Jeff had moved his chair closer to her.

He reached out and took one of her hands, holding it
tightly
in his. “I need to know.”

Chest aching, Hope decided to be partially honest. “It still hurts me, Jeff. Surprising, I know, especially after all these years. I didn’t expect it to.”