Return Once More (31 page)

The sky lightened again, turning to deep purples that gave way to lavenders and azures as the stars faded to transparent ghosts of their former selves. Caesarion and I sat up, our fingers interlaced and our bodies pressed tight at the sides, and watched the sun—Ra—rise from the depths to preside over another day.

It was past time to go. I had been gone for five or six hours, and the travel was designed so that Historians couldn't roam the past without accountability—couldn't steal time.

And Caesarion had a date with Octavian, who would soon rule the free world. My True couldn't pilfer any more time, either.

As though reading my thoughts, he turned and gave me a smile. This one was not melancholy or filled with regret or fear. He looked peaceful and happy with the potential of a brand new day. “It's time to take the next steps into the future.”

“Just not the same one,” I lamented.

“One day, Kaia. We will be together. I must believe that.”

I wished I could believe anything as strongly as Caesarion believed in the all-knowing beings who decided his fate the day he took his first breath, the beings who would accompany him on another journey after his trek through this life ended.

“How do you know?” I asked, desperate to soak up his hope.

“I promised to tell you the story of Isis and Osiris. Are you still interested?”

I ignored the files the bio-tat shoved at me, shaking them away. “Tell me.”

“So demanding,” he teased, but quickly sobered. “Theirs is a tale of love, of loss and grief, and finally of acceptance. They were lovers, the greatest my Egypt has ever known.”

He paused, and I considered telling him how his mother and Antony are actually considered the greatest lovers Egypt has ever known, but I held my tongue. I was Team Caesar, anyway.

“Set, their brother, was jealous of their love, so he murdered Osiris and threw his body in the Nile so that Isis could not bury him properly and say her farewells. Her grief knew no bounds; she did not sleep or eat or think of doing a single thing but finding his body. It is said that she knew the moment her love expired though no one could have known of Set's evil triumph. Isis searched the world until she found his remains in Phoenicia. She returned him to Egypt and hid him in the Nile's swamps to prepare his life's celebration, but Set found the coffin and cut Osiris into fourteen pieces, scattering them to the ends of the earth.”

“Why was Set such a sphincter?”

Caesarion chuckled. “I do not know the word, but can assume you're asking why he was so relentless in his hatred?”

“Yes. That.”

“Set is a jealous god. Ra imbued him with the worst parts of man.”

“That's unfortunate.” The tale distracted me from my grief over losing my own love, for the moment, but I sensed Caesarion chose to tell it to me for a reason. “Please finish the story.”

“Isis searched and searched, finally gathering thirteen of the pieces of her husband and using her considerable magic to re-form him. Once whole, Osiris descended to rule over Amenti, the land of the dead, until their son avenged his death and restored him to the world of the living. Every year her tears flood the Nile, give life to the people her husband loved so well, and remind them that evil will not triumph.”

“They were together again? Isis and Osiris?”

“Of course. How could a love that Isis fought so hard for be denied forever by the gods?”

My heart swelled painfully against my rib cage. A lump pulsed painfully in my throat as Caesarion and I stared into each other's eyes, his passion swallowing me, drowning me, killing me. Then I kissed him, pressing gently at first but quickly desperate for more of him. His strong hands pulled me closer until the heat between us rivaled the steamy Egyptian evening, and his fingers toyed again with the two-sided necklace lying against my chest.

“What happened to them? The people from different worlds?”

“They found a way to be together. At least for a while.” I swallowed, trying desperately to be strong, to be the kind of girl who deserved a man like Caesarion. “We can do it, too. We're stronger than our circumstances.”

“Yes. Stronger than death. That's why I told you the story. You came searching for me across many suns and many worlds. I will walk through the afterlife seeking your face, my Kaia, until I see it again. No matter how many lifetimes pass before you return to me once more.”

The sky lightened again, and we both knew the time had come. Caesarion helped me back up to my bench, then rowed us through the humid morning in silence. The moment seemed surreal and untouched, suspended in time like a moving painting, too perfect to be true.

Until we neared the dock and I saw Oz standing there in his Historian garb, arms crossed over his thick chest.

He definitely looked pissed.

I put my hand on Caesarion's arm, not taking my eyes off Oz. “Wait. Stop rowing.”

He followed my gaze, squinting against the sunlight. The protective growl in his voice when he asked who waited on the docks warmed my blood.

“He's the boy I told you about.”

“You are sure he is not more than a friend?”

I snorted. “I'm not sure he's even that anymore.”

Caesarion's shoulders relaxed. “Perhaps he has come to put his trust in you after all.”

“Maybe. But I want to say farewell here, while it's still the two of us.” Oz would be able to see, but it was better than trying to leave Caesarion with Oz standing right there.

My True nodded, swallowing hard, then uttered a chuckle that sounded the opposite of funny. “This moment has been waiting since the day we met. I did not expect it to be so hard.”

Tears pricked my eyes and I moved, struggling for balance in the rocking boat, but managed to maneuver next to him. His arms folded me against his chest and I squeezed back for all I was worth. When he bent and kissed me, I forgot about the rest of the world for the next minute, losing myself in this strange place that would never exist again. His tongue sought mine and I opened up to him, tasting his love and his sorrow, marveling at the way we fit together, at the way I could have sat in this boat kissing him for the rest of my life.

“Let's not say good-bye,” I whispered when we broke apart. “We'll meet again, like you said.”

“What shall we say instead?”

My mind landed on the most absurd thing. When my grandfather had had surgery once to repair an injury—the only allowable surgery in Genesis—he had been silly from the anesthetic when he'd woken. He'd started singing an old song, one I'd never heard, but he claimed it had been featured in one of my grandmother's favorite films.

“I'll be seeing you, Caesarion.”

He stared at me a long time before the barest hint of a smile lit his eyes. “I'll be seeing you, Kaia, my love.”

I helped him row the boat back to the shore, then drag it safely away from the water. Caesarion and I didn't speak again, maybe afraid to ruin the memory.

Oz's footsteps were almost soundless in the sand, but I felt his approach. He grabbed my bicep, yanking me toward him, and Caesarion growled. I gave him a look, pleading for his understanding. “I'm fine, Caesarion.”

“Let go of my arm, asshole.”
I hoped silent words could feel cold in Oz's head.

He dropped his hold, looking a little startled. I realized he and I had never communicated that way and how it always felt a little invasive the first time with someone new. I really didn't care.

“Kaia, you don't know what you've done.”

I gave Caesarion one last look, then stomped away down the beach. Oz followed me until we were out of sight, since we needed to travel and because he'd shown up here without the appropriate attire—he looked completely out of place in his tight black clothes and cape.

At least dealing with Oz held me together when all I wanted was to fall to pieces. To run back to Caesarion. To die with him.

But the Historians were my life, and the people of Genesis might be in danger. Turning my back on my life, on my world, would be to let down all Caesarion had given me.

My brain moved my numbed limbs forward, forced me to focus on the task of getting home, but everything seemed as though it happened to someone else, as though I watched my own body struggle through the sandy Egyptian coastline.

Now that we were alone, I switched to verbal communication, not wanting any more of an intimate connection with Oz than we'd already formed. “Let's go.”

Without waiting for an answer, I started to set the dials on the cuff, but he reached out and stopped me. “Kaia.”

“Don't. You're not my father, you're not an Elder. I don't need a lecture from you about breaking the rules to spend time with Caesarion.”

“I wasn't going to lecture you. I was going to ask if you're okay.”

“My head is killing me.” Tears gathered in my eyes. It was more than the physical pain. Walking away from Caesarion tore at my insides, ripped like the loss was tangible, and the pain in my head paled in comparison.

Oz handed me a few painkillers, which I chewed. “Thanks.”

“I'm surprised you're handling it so well, honestly. Denying the bio-tat impulses isn't easy.”

“You would know,” I snapped, wishing he would shut up.

“I would.”

“I'm still waiting for the lecture.” I was actually buying time to steady myself before having to face my actual life three thousand years in the future.

“I assume you've taken precautions to ensure they will not know the extent of your infractions—the interaction, for instance—unless they follow you. There is nothing I can say that you haven't thought of yourself, and still you came to this decision.” He paused, looking the direction we left Caesarion. “I can only guess you found the risks acceptable in light of the reward.”

The way he said
reward
bothered me, as though assuming Caesarion hadn't been worth it. It wasn't fair. He got to live this every day with Sarah.

I ignored the inclination to bring up his True. I didn't want to talk about his eternal happiness. “Why did you say I don't know what I've done?”

His eyes remained up the beach, the direction we came, and his body tensed. “This discussion will have to wait, I'm afraid. We've got company.”

I whirled to see Thoth, Ammon, and the third guard rushing our direction, weapons drawn. “Yeah, they don't like me.”

Oz laughed, a startled sound. “I can't imagine why not.”

“Let's just go.”

I finished setting the cuff for the return trip, my anxiety growing as the lights turned to green and the blue field surrounded us. The guards were less than ten steps away when the ancient world dissolved, the future tech delivering us safely home.

*

Sanchi, Amalgam of Genesis–50 NE (New Era)

The air lock felt too sterile, too cold, after the warmth and beauty of the Red Sea sunrise. Oz's presence grated on me, made me hyper aware of the hole in my heart. With each passing moment, I fought harder to hold it together. I wanted nothing more than to curl up in my bed and cry.

My grandfather's death, and then the loss of Jonah, taught me that grief could be delayed but not bypassed. Walking away from Caesarion hit me every bit as hard, even though I had known from the beginning that I couldn't keep him.

I supposed we couldn't keep anyone, even ourselves, in the end.

“I need to show you something,” Oz said.

“In the air lock?”

“No.” He studied my face for several moments. “I know you're in shock, Kaia, but this can't wait long. It's why I came to get you.”

I was dressed in Historian garb, now, but Oz was naked except for a white towel since he'd gone to Egypt in the clothes on his back. The decontamination chamber wouldn't let us out until all of the outerwear had been tested and analyzed.

His words barely registered. The longer I sat here the less I cared about anything. A buzzing took up residence in my head, separating me from the present. Oz said nothing more, just watched me carefully from across the room, then dressed when the drawer returned his clothes.

When the air lock clicked open he helped me to my feet. “I'll walk you to your room.”

“I'm fine.”

“I know you are, but I'll feel much better if you let me help.”

“It's all about you, huh?” I tried a weak joke in an attempt to shake off my lethargy. This was silly. It had been inevitable.

“That's me. Selfish as the day is long.”

He left me at the door to our room. “We'll talk in the morning. Get some rest.”

“Wait, this was so important you traveled to get me but now I can rest?”

He glanced down the hall, as though expecting someone to catch us alone again, then turned back to me, impatience in his gaze. “I need you sharp, and you're a mess. Get it together.”

He stalked off before my overly tired brain conjured a response, but it was just as well. I
was
exhausted and I
did
need to pull myself together.

I tiptoed into my room, trying hard not to make any noise, but my roommates weren't there. My stomach unknotted a little. Analeigh and Sarah were my friends and I loved them, and maybe one day I would find the courage to tell them everything, to let them help me. But tonight my grief, my Caesarion, belonged only to me.

I changed quickly into my pajamas and climbed into bed without any other preparations, turning to face the wall. My body felt heavy—all of it. The outside, the inside, the blood in my veins. Sluggish, as though none of it could decide if it still wanted to work in a world without true love.

The moments I'd had with my True were so much more than most people even dreamed of, and I knew I should feel lucky. The word repeated over and over as I let loose the sobs that had been building inside me like a storm, soaking my pillow and shaking me apart.