Restless Heart (9 page)

Lettie grabbed her by the shoulders. “Listen to me, Ange-line, it was Jonathan. He’s here in Forestville. He
saw
you and Sam.”

At first Angeline could not grasp what Lettie had said. It couldn’t possibly be true. “Jonathan. My Jonathan?”

“Not anymore. He’s just Jonathan Morton.” Lettie’s reminder stung.

“What is he doing here? Why is he here?” Angeline’s throat grew tight as she tried to understand what was happening.

“As luck would have it, he was on his way home and just happened to stop in Forestville.” Lettie shook her head. “It appears we are the butt of another of God’s jokes. If Jonathan tells Josiah—”

For the first time, Angeline saw a crack in Lettie’s armor and real fear shone in her face.

Angeline took Lettie’s cold hands in her own. “I’ll talk to him, tell him why we left Tolson. He’ll understand. He just can’t betray us.”

“Never doubt the evil a man is capable of, no matter how good you think he is.” Lettie’s voice rang with bitterness.

Everything Angeline had hoped for, everything she dreamed about with Sam was about to come crumbling down around her. If Jonathan knew, that meant the Mormon
church would know soon. He was a good man, a devoted brother, and would choose loyalty to God over his loyalty to an old love.

“Is he still here in Forestville?”

Lettie nodded. “I told him to stay at the hotel last night and be here at six this morning.”

It was at least a start. Angeline knew she could try to convince him to keep their secret. They had loved each other, or at least she’d thought it was love. Now she knew it was a deep friendship that had grown into infatuation, nothing more. What she was already feeling for Sam was stronger than any of her emotions for Jonathan.

“Then I’ll see him at six and find a way to convince him to keep his silence.” Angeline was surprised by how firm she sounded.

She would convince Jonathan to keep their secret.

The next thirty minutes went by quickly, too quickly. An-geline wiped her hands on the towel to get rid of the flour, then looked toward the door to the dining area. Lettie gave her a quick hug and kissed her forehead. It was the most affection she’d ever received from her. It made Angeline’s throat grow tight and she had to swallow three times before she felt more in control.

She took a deep breath and opened the door. At first, she didn’t see anyone, then she stepped into the room. Jonathan stood at the door, a stark expression on his face. He was so familiar, so dear to her, affection for him washed over her. There he was, a poignant reminder of the life she could have had.

Her heart kicked into a gallop and suddenly everything was too real. The stress of the last eight months washed over her and a sob exploded from her throat. In seconds, Jonathan was there, pulling her into his arms. She leaned into him, his scent familiar and comforting.

“Shh, it’s okay Angeline. It’s okay. I’m here now,” Jonathan crooned. “Don’t cry.”

Angeline was so very tempted to simply let Jonathan take care of her, to give him control and take the burden off her shoulders. It would be easy.

A year ago, she might have done just that. Yet Angeline was not the same person she had been then. She was stronger, smarter, and more confident. She didn’t need a man to take care of her; she could take care of herself.

Angeline extricated herself from his embrace and stepped back. Jonathan reached for her, but she held up her hands to stop him. She refused to allow herself to fall into the habit of letting a man take care of her.

“Jonathan, it’s good to see you.” She managed a shaky smile.

“Angeline, I can’t believe you’re here. Lettie told me the strangest story, but I just didn’t believe it.” Jonathan sounded hurt. “What happened?

“Josiah offered for me and my father accepted.” It sounded so simple, yet it was anything but. “I was raised to obey, Jonathan, so I did.” She shrugged away the pain, not wanting to relive it again. There were some things she’d never tell anyone.

“How could you marry him? I don’t understand, Ange-line.” Jonathan frowned. “Why didn’t you go to the church elders, try to find a way to wait for me?”

She shook her head. “My father made an agreement with Josiah, not you. He saw potential to advance his position in the church. He is no fool and had no qualms about getting rid of at least one daughter with an advantageous marriage.”

His gaze was hurt and confused. “Then why did you leave your husband? If it was such an advantageous marriage, how could you leave?”

“I tried to be a good wife, but there was nothing I could do to make him a good husband.” She took a deep breath, knowing that she was pushing her relationship with Jonathan by asking for his silence. “Jonathan, I have to ask you not to tell anyone you saw us.”

His mouth dropped open. “You want me to simply forget I saw you, forget you are married, forget you were on the street kissing an Indian?” He sounded desperate.

She took his hands in hers; they were cold and clammy, trembling. Angeline knew he was hurting, but she had to make him understand that if he didn’t do as she asked, she’d be hurting worse, or perhaps dead. Jonathan was her friend and she had to rely on that friendship.

“Jonathan, you are very special to me. We grew up side by side; you’ve been my best friend all my life. I need you to trust me, to believe I had no choice but to find another path in life.” She squeezed his hands. “Please, Jonathan, please.”

“Angeline, I would do anything for you. I’d kill for you. I’d die for you. But I can’t forget what I saw. And I can hardly believe what I’m hearing.” He pulled away from her and sat down heavily. “I love you, Angeline. I wanted to marry you, have babies, and grow old with you.”

Angeline sat in the chair beside him. “I did too, but it didn’t work out that way. Josiah has already snatched that opportunity from us and we can never get it back. That door is closed and locked for us.”

Jonathan banged the table with his fist. “I can’t just leave. What if I stay here with you? I can help take care of you.”

“You can’t stay here. Your life is in Tolson, your faith is there.”

“So is yours.”

“No, it’s not. It will never be again either. There’s nothing for me in Tolson but pain and death.”

He scoffed. “You’re being dramatic. I’m sure Josiah would punish you, but death? You can’t mean that.”

Angeline couldn’t begin to tell Jonathan how frightened she’d been for her life, the terror of having a man put a gun to her head, and of never knowing when she went to sleep if she’d wake up again. He couldn’t possibly understand unless he’d been with her the last nine months.

“He’s already sent one man to kill me. He’ll likely send more until he gets what he wants.”

“I don’t believe it. Josiah might be a bit stern, but he’s not a murderer. He’s a well-respected brother.”

Angeline’s anger bubbled up, something she had never allowed before her flight to freedom. “You don’t believe
me
. Then let me show you what your well-respected brother did.” She reached for the button on her blouse.

“What are you doing?”

She ignored his protestations and finished unbuttoning her blouse, then turned and pulled it down from her shoulders. His gasp told her the lash scars on her back were visible. Each mark was an inch of agony, a piece of her soul ripped from her.

Tears stung her eyes, but she blinked them away and put her shirt back on. Her hands trembled so badly, she could hardly manage the buttons. By the time she turned around to face him, she had regained control of her emotions.

Jonathan looked pale and stricken. “Josiah did that to you?”

“That’s only a small bit of what he did to me.” Angeline shuddered, remembering the perversity Josiah enjoyed in his bed with implements of pain and even multiple partners. She swallowed hard and pushed aside the darkness. “I will not go back to him, even if it means dying.”

“I don’t think it needs to come to that. Angeline, I had no idea.” He shook his head, his eyes full of sympathy. “I’m so sorry.”

She sat back down and clenched her hands together so he wouldn’t see how badly she was shaking. It was too important
to keep her focus on what awaited her in the future instead of on the past.

“You’ve nothing to be sorry for. I told you we will always be friends. You have always been a part of my life, but my future isn’t with you.” She was pleased to see resignation on his face rather than disbelief.

“I think I believe that now.” Jonathan ran his hands down his face. “I almost want to believe this last day was a dream, or a nightmare anyway.”

Angeline managed a smile. “Unfortunately it’s not. I am glad to see you, but you must promise me you’ll not tell anyone you saw us.”

“I won’t tell anyone, but in return I’d like to come see you again.” He still appeared as though he was having trouble accepting the fact she was no longer his.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

He leaned forward and touched her clasped hands. “Please, Angeline. As you said, we’ve been a part of each other’s lives for so long, I can’t just never see you again.”

Angeline felt her refusal wavering and had to put some distance between them. She walked toward the big window and looked out into the street. The sunrise painted the buildings pink and orange, its beauty reminding her the world was not always full of dark corners and shadows.

“I won’t change my mind. It’s got to be this way. As glad as I am to see you, I have to say good-bye, Jonathan.”

He sighed and she heard the scrape of his shoes on the wood floor. “Good-bye, Angeline.”

She waited for him to come near her, but instead she heard the
snick
of the door closing. Then through the window, she saw his solitary figure disappearing down the road toward the livery.

Her heart hiccupped as the final piece of the girl she was walked out of her life. Now she could only look forward. Toward Sam. Toward happiness.

“Are you all right?”

Angeline didn’t turn around to look at Lettie. She didn’t want her friend to chastise her for crying, for regretting the fact her life had taken such a hard right turn. It was difficult enough to accept the fact she could never go back, never see anyone from Tolson again. So very hard.

“No, but I will be.”

Lettie squeezed her shoulder. “No matter what happens, Angeline, you’ve done the right thing.”

A small sob crept up her throat. Angeline shook her head and didn’t turn around. This time she would endure the pain on her own. She had to say good-bye in her heart to the man she had held dear nearly all her life.

“Good morning, Angel.” Sam peeked his head into the kitchen.

Angeline smiled shyly at him. “Good morning, Sam.”

She looked so beautiful, so tempting, covered with flour and biscuit dough. Damn, he really was going loco if flour was sexy.

Someone pushed him into the kitchen from the dining room. He stumbled in, almost falling on his head. Pieter stood in the doorway. His blond hair was peppered with gray to match his bushy eyebrows, which were currently in a deep scowl.

“What are you doing in here, Carver?” Pieter’s accent had faded but not entirely. He sounded as if he said “doink” which tickled Sam, though he didn’t feel it prudent to say so.

“Flirting with Angeline.”

At the stove, Marta barked a laugh. “He’s honest, Pieter. You must give him that.”

“Ha, I give him nothing. This girl has no father so I look after her.” He gestured to the door. “You buy breakfast or you leave restaurant.”

Angeline stared at Pieter, her expression one of disbelief.
Sam again wondered who had hurt her so badly that she would be shocked by someone’s kindness. The same thing had happened with Jessup.

“I’ll buy breakfast. I just wanted to say good morning to the most wonderful biscuit baker in the world.” He winked at Angeline and was pleased to see her blush. Her creamy cheeks flushed an adorable shade of pink.

“Bah! Off with you, young man. She works, does not have time for your foolishness.” Pieter escorted him out to the dining room without much force behind his hands.

Sam was heartened to see the older couple taking care of her since there was no one else to do it. Except for Jessup, of course, and he was a character too. Angeline inspired people to love her, to want to help her, and take care of her.

“What do you plan on doing with our Angeline, Samuel?” Pieter crossed his arms over his chest and rocked back on his heels.

“I plan on marrying her.” The words just exploded from his mouth, although he hadn’t planned on it. In fact, the thought had only been a whisper in his mind. Obviously, his heart had already made up its mind.

“Yah, that’s good. She needs a good strong man.” Pieter glanced at Sam’s leg. “You were a soldier, but you work with wood now, yes?”

Sam resisted the urge to rub his wounded leg. It was bad enough the older man was pointing out he wasn’t perfect. “Yes, I am a carpenter and I also make furniture.”

“Good, good. You live with your father, yes?”

It started to feel as if Sam were being interviewed by Ange-line’s father, rather than her boss. However, he was happy to give an accounting of himself. Pieter and Marta had never had any children and Sam was pleased to see how much they cared for Angeline.

“Yes, I do. He publishes the newspaper.” Sam wasn’t about to tell Pieter just how little his father did with the
newspaper. Most of the time, Sam did eighty percent of the work.

“Yah, is good newspaper.” Pieter nodded sagely. “I will let you court her, but you may not hurt her.” He shook his finger at Sam. “She is a good girl, so you must be a gentleman and do things right and proper.”

If Pieter only knew what Sam and Angeline had already done. Sam wisely kept that information to himself.

“Thank you, Pieter. I will be a gentleman and I will never, ever hurt her.” Sam planned on doing nothing but loving her, keeping her safe, and spending his life doing it.

After peering at Sam for another minute, Pieter apparently was satisfied, and he patted his round belly. “Good, good. Now you eat breakfast.” He spotted Alice nearby and called to her as he walked back into the kitchen. “Alice, take Samuel’s order so he can eat.”