Resisting Fate (Predetermined) (22 page)

Jack sat slowly on my warped, wooden porch swing. My fingers shook as I brought them to my mouth…

“Your father was one of the only humans to know about the wolves, except for all of the mates who were human of course. He could figure things out though too, so he wasn’t all human, he was special I guess. He’d get these visions, sometimes when he was awake, other times when he was asleep. He could tell the future Emmy…”

Slowly, all the blood left my face as he continued on. The words sounded muted, and I barely heard them as I leaned my back against the door to keep from falling over. I knew now that I wasn’t crazy with my reoccurring nightmares–I was like my dad…I prayed that my dream would never actually come true. That needle, the creepy shadowed guy, I shivered at the thought. Christ, I never,
ever
wanted to go to sleep again!

“He had a rare gift, something that only happened once in a generation I guess.” Or handed down to their only child too…

I almost gnawed my lip off as I studied him. He had to leave. He had to get out of here.
I
had to get out of there. I wasn’t mad at Jack anymore. I wasn’t mad at anyone actually. I was numb. Completely numb, nothing but the blood poured through my veins, and even that was ice cold. And the worst part about the numbness? I welcomed it, with open arms, because to be numb, meant I no longer had to feel anything. Especially since I was still processing everything…I pressed my hand into my stomach, the fact that I had been deceived my whole life did not sit well in my gut.

“I don’t know why your dad was the way he was, but I do know that he loved you and your mom…a lot. At least that’s what I’ve been told. And then when he quit his position as the dream liaison he, uh, well…”

I stood up straighter; he wasn’t getting by with his secrets this time. “No way, Jack, no more avoiding the truth, spill it. Now. What else are you not telling me about my father? Do you know where he is?” My heart skipped a beat at that prospect. Was he even still alive? Was he close by? “Tell me, Jack, please… What happened to my dad?”

He sighed. His voice was so quiet when he started in, that I almost didn’t hear what he said. “A warlock…he cast a memory spell on him, that way he’d forget everything that happened in his life before meeting the wolves. Then he was sent somewhere across the country to start a new life.”

“
What…
?” I whispered. Disbelief lined my voice. Then my breath went practically extinct.

“It was the only way he could really keep you and your mom safe.”

“How do you know this?” I barked, not even caring about keeping my cool anymore.

He cringed, “My uncle…he told me. I always assumed your father took off by choice, so I never really bothered asking any other questions. Then one night, my aunt and uncle were talking about it, and I overheard them, and demanded that they told me everything.”

I shook my head and turned away from him. “No. You’re lying. You’re like everyone else, Jack.” I threw my hands around in all dramatic style. In my opinion, dramatics were excusable when my life was apparently one big, giant lie. “You claim to care about me. You kiss me. Then in the end you’re a hypocrite, a liar…like the rest of them! I –I can’t be around you right now,” I stuttered as my hands faceted onto the door handle. My body shook with anger as I turned the lock. “Leave. Please…”

An ache of betrayal, harsh and buried deep inside of my chest, came upwards into my throat. I attempted to press my hand against my neck to will it away, but nothing worked. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think. And as I moved to step inside my house, Jack was behind me again, arms suddenly wrapped around my waist as he pressed his forehead against the back of my head. I tried to fight him, I wiggled and fought and cried, and then I turned around to use my fists to deck him in his chest, imagine my surprise when he pulled me even closer and tucked my head under his chin.

I froze, the last thing I needed was for him to seduce me into a calm state by using his wolfy connection with me again. Whether it was the connection, or my lack of mental strength, I succumbed to his tenderness and accepted his strength anyways. Maybe I was too tired to care anymore…

“Emmy please,” he mumbled into my hair, placing soft kisses on my head in between his words, “you’re not listening. Your father left because it was the only other option for him. It was his only chance at staying alive. If he stayed, then my father would have killed him. He wouldn’t have had a chance at survival, pack protection or not. My father is the most powerful warlock in all of Colorado, maybe even in this part of the country.”

I shook my head. I didn’t believe him, if my father loved us enough, then he would have fought to stay, he would have fought to stay so he could protect his family! Wasn’t that how family was supposed to work? I wouldn’t know though…

My insides were weakening and I was losing the battle with staying strong. And in the blink of my big, wet eyes, I finally sobbed into him, letting it all go. I let go of every last drop of emotion I had left in me. My face was wet against his chest, my nose ran like crazy, but I didn’t care. If he wanted to give me this one last moment of comfort, then I’d let him. As much as I wanted him, as much as I wanted us to be a normal couple, and not this fated, mated couple crap, I knew now that we couldn’t do it. Together, the fire we always created would burn us into ashes, at least eventually it would.

Jack would always have the death of his mother to think about, and I’d always have the pain of my father’s abandonment and lies, hanging over my head as well.

“Your father needed you and your mom to hate him for leaving. He didn’t need you guys to grieve for him if he had died.”

My breathing calmed, but my tears didn’t subside as he ran his hand up and down my spine. He was soothing me, he was making it better. And I let him. “What about
us
, Jack? He left
us
 in danger…” I bit my lip, moving my head back to stare up at him again.

He blinked, surprise registered in his eyes as he brushed a hand down the side of my head to cup my cheek. “He didn’t Strawberry,” he sighed. I leaned into the warmth of his hand. I couldn’t help it. He had me again. “Right before the warlocks took him away he found my uncle and asked for his help in keeping you and your mom safe. He didn’t trust everyone who was supposed to help protect you. People were scared of my dad, and if he got to them and asked about you, or you mom, or your father, then he would have found out from someone. My uncle agreed to help, and he promised with his life to keep you guys safe. My uncle would never back down on his word.” I nodded. I knew that, wholeheartedly. Zachary’s parents were the most loyal individuals I’d ever met in my life.

“Why didn’t anyone hate my father for what he did? I don’t understand…” Tears blurred my vision and I tried to blink them away. I was pretty damn close to being considered a hot mess at that point.

“According to my uncle, your father was a good man, and all the wolves loved him, including my aunt and uncle. Everyone insisted that he should stay, offering up protection for him as well as you guys, but he demanded to leave. He told everyone that he didn’t deserve to be around anymore,” he paused, sucking in a deep breath before he spoke again. “He harbored a lot of guilt for what he did to my mother, Em, and he didn’t want to stir up trouble any more than he already had.” I nodded, laying my head back down onto his chest, not wanting to look up at what was most likely going to be a saddened face. My heart has been through so much as it is today, and a sad looking Jack would most likely set me off into the deep end of that hot mess I was bordering on.

“I get it,” I sniffled, “he felt bad and wanted to keep us safe, blah, blah, blah. It still hurts, you know? I never even
knew
the guy, other than the fact that he gave me piggy back rides around the house, and always told me the story of Little Red Riding Hood.” I giggled almost manically through my tears at that thought. Who would have known that the big bad wolf was real?

“What are you laughing at, Strawberry?” Jack mumbled, using both of his hands to thread their way through my hair from root to tip.

I tilted my head to the side, and swallowed, finally braving another glance at him. His face was sad, like I’d figured, but he was also smiling a bit too. “I was thinking about his version of that story, Little Red Riding Hood. I don’t remember much about my dad, but if I can remember right, I think he always insisted on calling the girl in that story Little Red Emerly. And I think he also said that the wolf was the hero who wound up saving the little girl instead of wanting to eat her.”

He laughed softly, the sound slithered through me like silk, “Oh Strawberry, I may love you, but I don’t think I’d ever be up for eating…you…”

His face fell and his arms stiffened at my neck. My own breath caught in my throat as my hands tightened in an interlocking ball on his bare chest. Nothing was said after his confession of epic proportions. Still, those words, they weren’t ones to be thrown around lightly like that, especially not by Jack Hartman, and especially not when they were directed at me.

“I’ve gotta go.” I whispered, before unraveling my hands from their tight hold. I couldn’t meet his eyes. I was terrified of the truth I’d see in them.

Jack lifted my chin with his thumb and forefinger. His gentleness was surprising and I couldn’t resist looking. “Emmy I…” He clipped his words off, while my internal mantra started to chant.

Please don’t say it… Please don’t say it… Please don’t say it…
I blinked, my mouth was set in a firm line as his eyes, once sincere and sweet, changed from a light sapphire shade under the porch light, to an almost midnight navy color. I held my breath. If he said it, for real said the words I was waiting on bated breath for, then there’d be no way I could deny him ever again…because yes indeed, I had fallen for him too.

“I’m sorry,” he groaned softly, lowering his hands to his sides.

Slowly, I let my breath out and nodded briskly at him, letting my own hands fall against my stomach. The moment no longer felt real to me, like I was in a fog, looking from the outside in. Or maybe I was having another one of my crazy dreams and didn’t even know it. Apparently wanting too much, needing too much got me absolutely nothing.

He whispered, “Emmy I’m so–”

“No Jack,” I tucked my hands into my pockets. “It’s late, we’ve both been through a lot today,” I backed away until my shoulders hit the door. “What you said was a lapse in judgment anyways…I get it.” I didn’t
get it,
because if there was a tiny chance we could actually make something out of this mess between us, then I would still be down for it. My head was doing the talking, and apparently my heart no longer had a choice in the matter. “I’ll see you tomorrow at school.” I smiled tightly before turning around completely to let myself in the door. I slammed it shut behind me, without turning back to him. I didn’t want to see what was on his face. I didn’t want to see that look there. That look of regret, and sorrow, neither would have done my heart any good.

Slowly, I let myself fall back against the door, only to lower my body onto the floor a few seconds later with a thump. I jumped as the sound of his feet stomped away on the porch, and when the sound of his bike roared to life, I tucked my head into my knees as I blew out a breath. This was it. I was done. There would
be
no more second-guessing everything I did. There would be no more fighting the inevitable. Starting tomorrow I would deal with what came my way and take it head on.

Tonight, I’d allow one more round of tears to fall.

Chapter Fifteen

“Are you kidding me, Em? You told me Jack’s brother was here posing as our new teacher and all, but how could you forget to mention that he’s this…hot! Damn ,you are so losing your touch girl!” She kicked my shin. “I guess I’m going to be getting a whole lot more after school tutoring if he’s going to be the one teaching me.” She licked her lips, “Yum-my!” Kelsey and her not so subtle hollering were raging on my last nerve this morning. And it was only first period.

Ugh…

Adrian
had
to have known that we she was talking about him. He never peered up from his desk, although I could have sworn I saw him smile…

My cheeks heated beyond the embarrassment stage, as Kelsey let out one of her catcalls. Her loud, obnoxious catcalls that garnered hated looks from almost every girl in our class. I cringed and waved with my fingertips, wanting nothing more than to drown right there in my seat.

“Kelsey, seriously, keep it down!” I whispered loudly, scooting my knees further under my desk. I crossed my arms over my chest, sending an evil scorn her way.

“Just chillax girl, you know I don’t care if he hears.” She waved her hand at me with a sigh.

“Well,
I
do. He’s Jack’s older brother and… ”

Kelsey glanced over at me harder; her eyebrow rose ever so slightly, joining the curve of her knowing smirk.

I groaned tucking my face into palms. Well crap my pants, now I’d done it.

“Where is lover boy by the way?”

“Don’t, Kelsey.” I warned her, snarling under my breath. The whole Jack and Kelsey protector and lying thing, was a sore subject for me still.
She
didn’t seem to have a problem with it of course, but then again she was the one doing the protecting.

I wound up calling her last night, still mildly freaking out about how things had ended between Jack and me. More the saddened freaked out than anything, but still… When Kelsey answered, the first thing out of her mouth was an:
OMG, are you alright?
Apparently, she’d gotten a phone call from Jack five minutes prior to my own call. He told her what had happened, with the step-douche and all, and then apparently he let her know that I knew of their protection duty. Needless to say, I let her have it. I told her how I felt; I told her I hated her dishonesty about the whole thing with Jack’s dad most likely wanting to kill me and all. She listened…but when I was done raging, all she did was laugh at me! Yes, seriously, laugh…at me. She said, and I quote, I was being
too dramatic
 about the whole thing, and that I needed to
take a pill and chill
.

Take a pill and chill my ass…

Her nonchalant attitude pissed me off, but when she dropped the subject altogether, and started chatting about some celebrity she was obsessed with, completely bypassing any and all of my crisis, I was ready to throw the phone against the wall.

I knew she wasn’t one to bring up issues from the past, but shit, the girl couldn’t stop talking about herself long enough for me to get a word in edgewise. If there was one thing about Kelsey that really ticked me off, it was the fact that she had the ability to be so selfish sometimes. I
always
listened to her, whether it was her love life drama or a broken fingernail. I hate being that whiny bitch and all, but still, a little sympathy and compassion wouldn’t have killed the girl!

“So, anyway, Jonas came over like, really, really late. At three in the morn late actually,” I jumped out of my thoughts, looking in her direction as I tapped my eraser against my desk. She grinned. I hated when she grinned while talking about Jonas. “He came to my window, and was all like
Hi, baby. I can’t live without you anymore, please let me in, I love you, and I need to hold you
.” I giggled at her Jonas-like accent. She could master it to a T. “You will never guess what I did?”

I squirmed in my chair. I prayed she wouldn’t get into her bedroom antics because seriously, I was going to wind up pregnant listening to her one of these days. I cringed, “What’d you do Kelsey?”

“I slammed the window in his face, and then I closed the blinds.” She swiped her hands together as she sat back in her seat.

Holy moly macaroni she’d done it, she'd finally done it.

“I’m so done Em, for real this time.”

Pride radiated through my chest. She hadn’t given in.…Wow. Obviously there were flying pigs somewhere this morning because I never thought I’d see the day where she’d walk away from Jonas.

“That’s really great Kelsey, I’m so proud—”

“Don’t look now! Sexy biker boy, eleven o’clock.”

My face burned as I turned my head towards the door. And there he was, all Jack-like, sexy and lickable as he sauntered into the room. His infamous red helmet was tucked under his arm like always, and I wondered for a second why he always had it with him instead of putting it in his locker. The flex of his muscles under his shirt sleeve drug my attention completely away to fantasy La La Land. And all I could think about was his bare chest pressed against mine yesterday at that cliff. A slow sigh slipped from my mouth as I gazed up at him with what was either longing or quite possibly the stomach flu, building in my gut.

 He’s was so damn hot that I had reach up to touch my eyes, to make sure they weren’t on fire. Yeah, I’m a little nutty like that.

“Jeez girl, I’m going to need a cigarette from watching the way you two look at each other…and I don't even smoke!”

I flushed even more, immediately diverting my attention from his face. Dammit, how was I ever going to make it through the rest of this year? “Shut up Kelsey, please.” I mumbled through gritted teeth.

“He loves you Emmy…” My head snapped up to face her. She shrugged, picking at the extra skin around her nails. “
Well
, he does! Has now for like, two and a half years, probably more…”

I froze, what was she telling me? Two and a half years? That would me his early change…his strong emotions. No…he couldn’t have. We were fifteen; he didn’t want me like that. He still didn’t want me. I shook my head, glancing back over to look into the completely honest, brown eyes of my best friend. I normally would’ve had a retort ready to fly back at her about her stupid assumptions, but I knew in fact, that this time…she was telling me the complete and utter truth.

I smiled slowly. Jack really
did
want me. Now, the question was…why couldn’t he stop denying it already?

“Hey Strawberry.” His soft whispers assaulted my ears, sending wild goose bumps up and down my arms. He was invading my personal space like always, and when I stared up into his blue eyes, I about melted into my seat from the heat in his stare.

“Hi…” My reply was nothing short of breathy; apparently my hormones were raring to go.

He sat behind me to my left like always, but this time, I swear I actually felt his presence this time. Jack really loved me. And by freaking hella God…I loved the motorcycle riding, leather jacket wearing guy just as much. I swallowed the thick lump in my throat. I didn’t think it was possible that the need for him could be this strong. It was no doubt the magic’s doing too, but still, I welcomed it all.

“Wowza, Emmy, that boy is like sex on a stick with you! I haven’t seen him
this
happy in like, well, ever I think!” She licked her finger and pushed it out, making a fizzing sound with her mouth. Then she winked. And if one could actually die from embarrassment, then they sure as hell better be getting my grave ready because I was almost ready to meet my maker. “Seriously though, he’s nowhere
near
as hot as his older brother.” I pressed my palm over my face and shook my head, but a tiny giggle managed to sneak out anyways. The girl was insatiable!

“Good morning, everyone! I’m so glad to see that you all decided to come back for a second day with me. I promise this morning will be a little more intriguing than yesterday was.” I froze and turned towards Kelsey as an almost silent purr escaped her mouth. That time I did giggle, loudly. And in response Kelsey started in on her porno musical again…in the middle of class…where everyone could hear her.

Sweet Jesus…

Adrian paused, settling his hands on the edge of his desk as he leaned forward. The entire class went silent as his glare focused in our direction. I cringed. He was apparently not hip on Kelsey's, um, appreciation of him.

A tiny ‘oh-shit’ fell from Kelsey’s mouth as she held his glare. I watched as her hands clenched her book. The room seemed to evaporate between the two of them. And then I heard Jack, and Jack wasn’t freaking out like I was, he was laughing, that deep, low pressure-in-my-gut kind of laugh. The kind that I adored and hated at the same time… The kind that said
you’re busted
.

The rest of class passed by slowly, but the tension in the room never left. I’m not sure what the hell had gone down between my best friend and Jack’s brother, but I did know that I was able to finally breathe the moment the bell rang.

I turned to face Kelsey, grumbling low under my breath as I did, “I’m so glad that’s over, aren’t you, Kelsey–”

My jaw fell open; she was gone before I could end my sentence, out the door like lightning before thunder. I scratched my head in confusion, pondering why she’d left without even a goodbye. I knew she had to have been mortified, but then again I also knew she wasn’t one to let anyone get to her.

I rummaged through my bag and gained as much order as I could get before standing to head out the door. Unfortunately I was unaware that Jack had managed to sneak up behind me. His warm hand hung low on my back, his delish smell of manliness and soap and all things outdoors washed over my senses. I inhaled, smiling as I turned to look over at him. I still wasn’t sure what was happening, especially since last night he’d basically written me off. But I wasn’t going to complain about it either. I’d live in the here and now, the moment by moment, and I’d finally stop worrying about the future.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Yes,” I swallowed hard, hating the way my heart skipped a beat at his warm touch, but loving it at the same time. Butterflies fluttered through my belly and I pushed a hand against my stomach to calm them. Now was not the time to swoon. “I’m fine, I was wondering about Kelsey.” It was only a half-lie.

He chuckled low in my ear, the low sound creeping across my skin like velvet and silk combined. The sound was burying itself deep into my skin and into my soul, egging on those butterflies once more.

“Yeah, she did kind of freak out with my brother’s dominant look, didn’t she? I wasn’t sure if anyone else noticed that.”

“Um I think everyone noticed! Do you know what that was about anyway?”

He shook his head, looking genuinely unsure as he led me to the hallway. His eyes were adorably scrunched together and I took a mental picture of his face to keep it in my head for later when he most likely would go all broody on me again.

“Not sure. Sometimes, witches and warlocks have an instant chemistry together like wolf mates, but other times they hate each other for no real reason…” He shrugged, as his words went low in a whisper. Or maybe that was my imagination. Everything he said to me was always all dreamy-like anymore.

I shivered and he pulled me closer into his side. Ugh. Why did his protection order-thingy include all this touching? Seriously…I mean I
loved
his touching, don’t get me wrong, but if he really didn’t want me then why… I blinked, and then slowly smiled to the point where my cheeks began to ache. Oh yeah…Kelsey said he loved me didn’t she?

I cleared my throat so I wouldn’t go all sigh-like on him. “Well, all I know is that he embarrassed her, and that’s not something she’s going to take lightly, trust me.” I grinned up at him, “So you better tell that brother of yours to watch the hell out because he’s done messed with the wrong girl.” I tucked a portion of my hair behind my ears, going all flirty on him. Jack always unknowingly brought that side out of me.

“Yeah, I think my brother can, um, handle her, Strawberry.” He winked, as I glanced up at his breathtaking grin. All white teeth and that not so secret dimple were both there on display again.