Resenting the Hero (38 page)

“What are you doing?” I asked him curiously.

One shoulder rose in a slight half shrug. “Following him.”

“How can you do that?”

“I don't know.”

“They're fighting him in High Scape,” Karish told me. “They seem to be holding him off.”

“So everything's fine?” Problem solved. We didn't have to face Creol at all. Just get ourselves to another city and tell them what was going on in Middle Reach and let the army deal with the whole mess.

But Karish's next words destroyed that little fantasy. “It's easier to attack than defend, I think. And Creol is incredibly strong. I think he'll wear them down.”

“They stopped him before.”

“We were there before.”

“Aye, but we really can't make that much of a difference.”

“Creol seemed to think so. That was why he tried to have me killed.”

“Well, aye, but—” It seemed so arrogant to say we, just the two of us, were all that stood between High Scape and Creol.

“I'm going to see if I can stop him from here.”

I didn't ask him how he was going to do that, or if he really could. He probably didn't know. I felt his internal protections lower.

And again, it was different. I was beginning to suspect I wouldn't recognize a normal channeling if I ever experienced one again. There were no forces moving through Karish. They were flowing around him, and I warded those off, but he wasn't channeling anything. It was more like he had become a window or a door through which I could sense more distant forces, like I was watching them. Beyond that, I could feel Creol's manipulative power. And beyond that, incredibly enough, I could feel the shields Lynch had erected to protect Creol.

A terrible idea blinked into my brain. I buried it.
No way.

For a long time, I waited. I didn't know what Karish was doing. I could feel him “moving” every once in a while, and I accommodated him every time, but I could sense nothing of him beyond that. Usually I was one step away from the real action. This time I was three or four steps away. It was frustrating.

And I waited.

I watched Karish, and I didn't like what I saw. He was too, too pale, and sweat was running down his face. He was trembling. He was still holding my hand. I hadn't realized.

It was taking too long.

As if in answer to my thoughts, Karish's shields snapped almost painfully into place.

“Why'd you stop?”

He hesitated a moment, obviously reluctant to answer. “It's no good,” he admitted. “I can't stop him or bring him back. I can only follow him and try to leech the power from him, and it's not enough to make a real difference. I'm not contributing much, and I'm wearing myself out.”

“So now what?”

“I don't know,” he said grimly. “I thought this would work. I was counting on it working. I don't know what else to do.”

The bad idea flashed back.

Gods, no. No way.
I couldn't do it. It was monstrous. I was appalled that my mind had even imagined it. I really, really couldn't do it.

Creol could do what he'd claimed he could. He could cause disasters. If he destroyed High Scape, tens of thousands of people would die. And the Empress couldn't have him killed before he wiped out any number of cities, if she managed it at all. He could conceivably achieve his ambition, which seemed to be merely to do as much damage as possible before he himself was killed.

Karish and I were in no shape for a physical confrontation. We didn't have time to win any of Creol's people over, if that was even possible. There was no other option.

I really couldn't do it.

I didn't have time to dither. My peace of mind wasn't worth anyone's life.

I looked at Karish apprehensively. I was afraid, really afraid, that he would be disgusted with me when I told him what I was thinking.

He was watching me. “What?” he asked.

Deep breath. “When you were channeling,” I said hesitantly, not sure how to introduce my suggestion. “I could feel Creol. And I've Shielded him before.”

“I know. He bragged about it.”

“Lynch is Shielding Creol now.”

“All right,” he said, no doubt wondering what that had to do with anything.

“But, of course, she's left a break in her Shields.” To allow the forces flowing into Creol to flow out again. A very important part of Shielding, or the Source would explode like an overblown balloon.

Karish was a bright boy. His brain could move at least as quickly as mine. The uncertainty left his eyes, replaced by somber comprehension. “Of course,” he said, and his hand tightened again.

Another deep breath. “I will cap the break.”

He was not shocked. He had already figured it out. And he wasn't disgusted with me. He didn't think I was a monster. Relief flooded through me.

“You'll be Shielding two of us,” he said. “Can you do that?”

“Yes,” I answered. It wasn't bravado, not entirely. I was good. “I won't risk you. If I can't stretch to Creol, we'll try something else.”

“I'm not worried about you dropping your Shields on me,” he said. He rubbed the back of my hand with his other palm, treating my hand like some detached toy. “I've never killed a man before,” he murmured.

“And you still won't have when this is all over,” I pointed out. I would be the one who killed, perverting my skills to do something no one had ever anticipated. I would be the one who acted, while Karish would be the one to assist, an unnatural reversal of roles I had never wanted.

Enough stalling. I squared my shoulders. “Are you ready?” I asked him.

“Aye.”

If Karish suffered any compunction about killing a fellow Source, he was hiding it well. I was relieved. If he had attacked my idea, or attacked me for having it, I wouldn't have known how to defend myself. And I would have had to, to force him to assist me. I couldn't do it alone. I was sure it was necessary, but I knew it was vicious and sinful. I hated having to do it.

And then Karish's internal shields dropped. That was it. I had his tacit permission to begin. To use him as a tool for taking another person's life.

Oh my gods, oh my gods. I was going to do this. I was going to do this, and it wasn't a nightmare.

Karish was like a tunnel, a link between me and Creol and Lynch. The river of forces was there again, just beyond my reach. I longed to dive right into it, to feel its power directly. But that was impossible for me, and I had something to do.

Keeping most of my attention on Karish, I followed the link to Creol and encountered Lynch's Shield. I crawled over the Shield and found the break. Then, very, very carefully—
Don't let go of Karish
—I capped the break.

I felt rather than heard the cry from Lynch. After a short moment of trying to fight me off, she dropped her Shields. The world tilted as I forced my Shields—
Don't let go of Karish
—all the way around Creol, with no break.

I had never done anything like it before. The forces pushed at my Shields, threatening to push them apart. I clamped down on my teeth as I clamped down on my Shields.

Someone was screaming. I couldn't tell if it was Creol or Lynch or Karish or even me. Something seemed to be whipping around me, trying to carry me off or even kill me.

My feet were on the ground. Karish's hand was in mine.
Don't let go of Karish.

How long was this supposed to take?

The forces were building within my Shields. They poured into Creol. I could feel him trying to disengage, trying to reestablish his own inner shields. He could not. Pressure was rising, blood was exploding through Creol's veins, lightning was dancing across his brain. And someone was screaming.

Pressure within, pressure without. Trying to crush my fragile shields. Trying to crush my Source.
Don't let go of Karish.

The control was slipping. Not mine, my Shields were still strong. But the blood was rushing too fast, veins splitting under the strain. The heartbeat was beyond erratic, pumping almost at random in a desperate attempt to accommodate the gushing blood. The lungs expanded too far and shrank too quickly, out of rhythm with each other. The brain tore itself apart.

And then, Creol was gone. An image of flying flesh and blood was seared across the back of my eyes. I didn't actually see it, but I could feel it, in a way, a horrible sort of release that brought bile to my throat. My free hand whipped up to fend off splattering blood that wasn't there.

It all collapsed at once. I couldn't feel Creol, or Lynch. Karish's shields snapped me out almost rudely.

At least I managed to step away from him before I started throwing up.

When I was done, my stomach was twisted in agony, I was trembling uncontrollably, and tears clouded my eyes. It was very hard to breathe. I couldn't seem to think. I wiped my mouth.

Karish took my arm and pulled me a few paces away. Then he stepped close so my cheek rested against his shoulder. I closed my eyes and breathed, trying to banish the gruesome images spinning through my mind. I wished I could cry. Karish stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head. For some reason that just made everything worse.

Then he drew back. “Come,” he said gently. “There's more to do.” And we headed back to town.

At least the screaming had stopped.

Chapter Twenty-six

Karish was, as expected, the life of the party. Dressed in winter white trimmed in hunter green, his black hair tied back with a green ribbon and a green stone glinting in one ear, he was beautiful. As always. He smiled and laughed, never too loudly, and charmed everyone in the court. He was surrounded with people, and even those who refused to wait attendance on him couldn't help but be aware of his presence. I could see them shooting little glances at him.

So this, I thought, was what I had been missing, what Ogawa had told me about. At one point I'd thought I'd never get a chance to see it. I sipped at my wine and smiled.

After escaping from Creol's pit, we had learned the man had literally exploded in front of Lynch's very eyes. So she was a screaming wreck. Better her than me. I felt bad enough causing it, I didn't think I should have to see it as well. The threatening mob who'd relayed this information had been subdued by Karish's claim that he could do exactly what Creol had been able to do, the threat to bury the whole town if they put a single toe out of line, and a demonstration to prove he could do it.

Two days later, we'd left Middle Reach. Karish hadn't been in shape for it, but we'd been afraid to stay any longer. Just before we'd left he'd caused a serious earthquake, serious enough to cause cracking in some walls, though no one was hurt. It was unnatural to be Shielding Karish while he called a disaster instead of channeled it, but he felt that was the best way to remind the residents of Middle Reach that they shouldn't do anything stupid. I agreed, but I didn't like it. It was wrong, a perversion of our skills.

We'd ridden as fast as we could to the closest village. From there we had sent a message to Shidonee's Gap. We had gone to the next village and sent another message, in case the first village was somehow caught up in Middle Reach's madness and our letter never even passed the gate. And we had sent a third from High Scape, just in case the others went astray.

Karish had insisted on writing the messages himself. At first I had thought it was just more of his insistence on not being useless, and I had objected to being prevented from doing my job. But I learned that when Karish insisted on something forcefully enough, I had a tendency to back down. Something I had to watch. And I let him write the letters. After reading them I understood the real reason he'd wanted to write them.

Very spare on details, they were. They said Karish had been held under the ground. Creol had been able to open and seal the earth. No mention that Karish could do it, too. Creol had died in the attempt to destroy High Scape, an accident, not murder. And the threats Karish had used to subdue the residents of Middle Reach into obedience had been empty, inspired by Creol's behavior. Very little mention of me at all.

Interesting.

The other Pairs of High Scape had been thrilled to see Karish back. They were full of questions and demands for the whole story. Not knowing how the Triple S would want to handle things, we both refused to tell anyone anything. No one liked that, but there was a grim air about Karish that they—and I—had never seen before. When he refused to elaborate on events, and I proved no more willing to talk, they let things drop. I was relieved. I wouldn't have been able to come up with a likely story to cover the bizarre events we'd experienced, and for some reason the truth felt dangerous.

We had waited anxiously for news from High Scape. We were worried about the Sources in Middle Reach. The effect of Karish's threats would last only so long. After a while the residents of that backwater hell would regain their courage and toss the Sources back into the pit. They didn't even need to seal it back up to keep the Sources down there. The poor creatures were so weak that they would be unable to scramble out on their own.

Losing patience, we had almost come to the point of wondering if we could get away with taking ourselves off the roster yet again and riding to Shidonee's Gap and knocking some heads together. Then we'd gotten a few knocks of our own. On our doors, not our heads, but just as stunning. Senior members of the Triple S council, sent to inquire into our activities in Middle Reach.