Rescued by the Rancher (8 page)

She managed a laugh. “You’re sweet.”

He scoffed at this. “That’s a first. Look, we know each other. I’ve seen you without clothes on. I know all the sexy little sounds you make in bed. Tell me what you want or need from me.”

She paused. She was so close to wanting to get it all out. Sometimes it felt like it was all too much; if she kept it all in it would just erupt into an ugly explosion. “I don’t need anything from anyone. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude.”

“You don’t have to be polite with me.”

“I just…there are some things I need to keep to myself. Coping mechanism, you know.”

“Sorry, darlin’, but you don’t really look like you’re coping well.”

The whiskey was slowly dulling the intensity of her pain, letting some of her walls down. “There are things that I want to keep to myself. Don’t you feel that way about certain things in your past? Like, if you say them out loud, then they become more real. Maybe if I keep quiet all of it will go away. Maybe one day I’ll wake up and I won’t instantly hate myself. Maybe one day I’ll wake up and for one blissful minute I’ll think it was all a nightmare and that I’m not the most disgusting person—”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You don’t know me. You think the biggest mistake I ever made was not having a backbone and sticking up for myself. That is nothing compared to what I’ve done.” She squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to block out the image of his blue eyes filled with fierce protectiveness. Loyalty. Like he truly believed in her. Why did this man have to be the most enticing mix of strength and tenderness? And she knew this was a side of himself he showed only her. He was always playful and lighthearted with everyone. Yet with her he was so real, to the point that she was afraid of what he might demand of her.

“You’re wrong. I know you. Where it counts. In here,” he whispered harshly, the touch of his hand gentle as it pressed against her heart. She recoiled and bit down on her tongue. She wanted to lay her hand atop his, but when he found out her secret, how would she be able to stand it when he walked away?

“Well, you’re wrong again then, Gage, because everything in there is broken. You can’t make it better—no one can. If she knew, if Melanie knew what I have done, she’d hate me.”

“Impossible. Your sister couldn’t be happier to have you back in her life.”

She choked back a sob. She refused to cry in front of him. She had learned a long time ago not to cry in front of a man, or the men she knew, because it was a sign of weakness and inferiority.

“Meredith. Talk to me.”

She picked the bottle of whiskey up off the ground, refilled her glass, and swung back the liquid. This time, she didn’t cough. Her brother-in-law might be onto something with the benefits of this stuff. “The only reason Melanie is happy is because she doesn’t know the truth.”

“Well, why don’t you give her a chance?”

“It’s too late now, especially after their…news. Because I’m too much of a coward to handle the look of disgust when I tell her. I only got Melly back in my life. I can’t lose her again.”

“Why don’t you give the people around you some credit? You think Mel is going to hate you because of something that happened when you were being manipulated?”

“We all have choices in life, Gage. I have to take responsibility for mine. I could have left with Mel and I didn’t. I decided to stay and be a ‘good girl’ for my parents.”

“See, I don’t think it’s as simple as that. Why did you stay?”

The image of her mother crying and pleading with her on one of the many nights she’d threatened to leave played across her mind.
Please, Meredith, I need you. You’re the only one who can get through to your father. He doesn’t lose his temper as much when you’re here. What will I do without you?

Meredith looked up at Gage. “Because I’m a moron, Gage, and I’m gullible. I’m an enabler and I allowed myself to be manipulated. I let my mother guilt me.”

“You’re not a moron. You stayed out of loyalty.”

“Don’t try to make this sound like it was an act of heroism on my part. I was an idiot.”

“Enough. You’re not. But I want to know why this is bothering you now. You haven’t fooled me. You’re sitting here looking like it’s the end of the damn world and it’s pissing me off that you don’t trust me. I’ve got your back, Mer. Let me help you. Why did the mention of Cole and Melanie having a baby have you riding out into a storm at a speed that was likely to get you thrown off a horse?”

…

Gage was trying his damnedest not to lose his cool, but having this conversation that was going nowhere, and only wading knee-deep in some shitty memory that was most likely brought on by Meredith’s douche bag ex or father, was making him want to hurt someone. Or some people.

He had no idea what was going on in that complicated, gorgeous head of hers, but he knew the look of self-hatred. He’d seen it many times in the mirror. It was obviously going to take some work on his part to get her to talk. Distraction should work. After a few more moments of her stonewalling him, he jumped up and walked over to the fire. It was too damn cold in this place and his shirt was drenched. He glanced over at Meredith. Her clothes were drenched, too, except she was all huddled up under that blanket.

Once he added more logs to the fire, he peeled his wet shirt off and tossed it on the fireplace tool stand. He gave the logs one last poke, and then satisfied with the way the fire was burning, turned his attention to the despondent woman across the room.

“Come sit by the fire.”

“I want to go back to the ranch, and I want to be by myself.” Meredith’s voice was muffled because her forehead was resting on her knees, her face buried.

“Well, you can’t go back till it stops raining, and this place only has one room. You might as well start talking, darlin’, so I can help and then move on.”

“This isn’t something you can help with. It’s not as easy as putting a fist through an oaf’s face.”

He racked his brain for words that wouldn’t make this insulting. “In my experience with yourself and Melanie, you tend to make things a lot more complicated than they have to be.”

He waited for the fallout.

She lifted her head at least. She had to or she wouldn’t have been able to give him that
go to hell you bastard
look. But he saw something else in that look for the briefest of seconds, as her gaze flickered over his torso for a moment. If he was right, then that would be his way out and his way to fix things for her.

“You should put your shirt back on.”

He smiled. Bingo.

“It was wet. You should take yours off, too.”

Her eyes narrowed to gorgeous little emerald lasers of distrust. “That will not happen.”

“I’m sure your sister has some clothes up here. Seems like she dumped off a bunch of other stuff here as well.” Cole’s crappy little cabin now looked like something off an HGTV makeover special. Colorful throws and patterned cushions were strewn about. Pictures in frames and candles lined the once-empty fireplace mantle. Dishes and glasses in the cupboards and food other than beef jerky.

“I don’t need to change. Being wet and cold enhances the misery I’m wallowing in right now and I’m reluctant to do anything to alleviate that now.”

“There are all kinds of wet, Meredith.”

That earned him a blush and a groan before she ducked her head back down. “Your witty sexual come-ons won’t work right now.”

“Well, I’ll try again in a few minutes.”

He crouched down in front of her and put his hands on hers. She was freezing. He didn’t like seeing her like this. It reminded him of the defeated woman he’d met last year. “You can talk to me.”

She shook her head and looked up at him. His stomach took a nosedive when he saw the deep frown, the wobbling chin, and the heartbroken eyes. He didn’t think she would say anything, but her next words shattered him with their brutal honesty. “Gage, I don’t know what I’d do if you hated me, too.”

He cleared his throat and raised his arms, cupping both sides of her face, and leaned in. “Impossible. I could never hate you. There comes a point in your life where you’ve got to stop caring what people think about you. Where you’ve been is going to impact where you’re going, and that’s okay, but you’ve got to own it, Mer. The woman I see in front of me is nothing like the one I met a year ago. You’re a hell of a lot smarter and stronger than you think. I know there is nothing you could tell me that would make me hate you. I’ve also come to know your sister. She loves you unconditionally. So why don’t you give yourself a break and just own the mistakes you’ve made, learn from them, and move on?” He kissed the top of her head, and leaned his forehead against hers, wishing like hell that he’d managed to get through to her.

After a few seconds he pulled back. She was like a damn stone fortress, letting no one in. Just as he was about to stand, she tugged on his hand. He didn’t move an inch as he waited, sitting down on the ground in front of her. She was looking down at her lap, her hands clenched so tight they were white. His stomach churned as she didn’t utter a word. He would wait all night.

“I got pregnant when I was nineteen.”

His heart slammed into his rib cage as she spoke with her head bent, her sweet voice low and painfully raw. She’d been pregnant. A part of him didn’t want to know. He didn’t know what he’d do with the knowledge of what she was about to tell him, but he knew, he already knew in his gut, that by the end of this night he’d never be able to be in the same room with her father or Ron without causing one of them bodily harm.

Chapter Nine

A tremor started and then stayed with her, her eyes not leaving Gage. He bent his neck, staring up at the ceiling, his eyes squeezed shut. She didn’t breathe, waiting to see if it was enough, if he would stay or walk out. She studied the strong lines of his shoulders, the stubborn jaw, the mouth that softened for her only, and knew he was strong enough.

Gage was strong enough to hold on to all of her secrets and strong enough to hold her up when she finished telling him everything.
Get it out, Meredith, all of it.

“Ron and I were the perfect couple. Our parents went to the same country club, ran in the same circles. It was a natural fit. I had no idea at the time, but I was perfect for Ron. I was spineless and easily manipulated.”

“Mer…”

“It’s true. Wait, you’ll see how weak I was. I didn’t figure out that the only reason Ron even wanted me was because his parents’ company would go to his eldest brother. They knew Ron was a moron and didn’t trust him to run their business when his father retired. Of course, my father, not ever even contemplating that his daughters could have had his business, saw Ron as a son-in-law-to-be the perfect solution. Melanie had left the year earlier and I was…at a low point. He was my first boyfriend, and before I knew it he was treating me like my father treated our mother.”

Gage reached out to lace his fingers through hers. She felt the warmth, the strength in his calloused hands, as he gently squeezed. “Anyway, after a few months, I got pregnant. I had been stupid enough to listen to Ron about not worrying about condoms and, well, our parents decided abortion was the only way to go because Ron still had business school and if we were to get married, everyone would know it was because I was pregnant.”

He ran his hand over his jaw, his other hand flexing by his side. “What did you want?”

“I wanted my baby,” she whispered, choking on the words she hadn’t said aloud in years. “I wanted my baby so badly.”

She held up her hand when he reached out to pull her into him. “Please don’t touch me. Not now.”

He dropped his arms. “What happened, darling?”

She stared at him, into those blue eyes she adored, and told him the truth she’d never had the guts to tell her sister or anyone else. “I agreed,” she whispered, wanting to die of shame and humiliation. “Spineless Meredith once again was going to do what she was told. I had lost my soul, my identity, everything. And then something happened. I couldn’t sleep the night before. I was so sick, throwing up and crying, and I had never, ever felt so alone. I was surrounded by enemies. I sat on the washroom floor, crying. I remembered I wasn’t alone. I had a baby growing inside me and I knew, I
felt
, how much I loved her and that realization consumed me, and I was filled with this love. It’s something I will never forget. A feeling that I will always, always treasure, it’s indescribable. At that moment, I was a mother, and I would do anything to protect my baby.” Meredith clutched her stomach and squeezed her eyes shut, blocking out the intensity of Gage’s stare.

“That morning, I walked out of my room and announced that there was no way in hell I was getting rid of my baby. I told them I didn’t care what they thought. I stood at the top of the stairs, arguing with my father while my mother stood silently beside him. I said I was going to leave and live with Melanie. He grabbed my arm and I yanked it free and I fell down the stairs.”

“Jesus.”

Meredith stared beyond his shoulder, visualizing that day, so vivid still in her memory even though she had tried so many times to forget. “There was blood everywhere and they had to call an ambulance, but it was already over, I knew it. I felt her leaving me. I was hemorrhaging. When I got to the hospital I was unconscious. When I woke, hours later, I begged them to tell me what it was. The doctor said it was a girl, and it was all my fault, because I didn’t stand up for her, just like my mother never stood up for us. I didn’t fight for her until it was too late. I was never more disgusted with myself than that night. Without knowing it, that baby had become a part of me and I swear I have never ached more for anyone or anything. I never knew loneliness on that level. A part of me was gone. My little girl died thinking I didn’t want her. She never knew her mommy loved her.”

Meredith felt the tears on her face too late. They streamed down as quickly as all the words had come out. He knew her now.

…

Gage reached out to hold the only woman who had ever managed to truly break his heart. She was broken, he was broken, and it wasn’t good enough anymore. He couldn’t allow himself to walk away or to be less of a man. He wanted to make her better. He wanted to take away all her pain and be the man she needed. He wanted to be a man worthy of a woman like her and wanted to heal her, erase all the sick memories she ever had.

“Meredith,” he whispered as he enveloped her against him. She allowed him to put his arms around her, but her hands were still covering her face.

“Gage, let me go,” she mumbled against him.

“I’m so damn sorry about your baby, darling. I’m sorry about everything.”

He felt her stiffen, and then she dropped her hands from her face and clutched the front of his shirt like she was holding on for dear life as sobs racked her body.

“I know I have no idea what the hell I’m talking about and I know you don’t want to hear it, but you can have more babies one day.” Hell, he wasn’t promising anything and babies were never on his radar…he suddenly noticed that Meredith stopped crying. Stopped breathing, until she looked up at him.

“No more babies,” she said, raggedly, like the words hurt to get out. He stood still as she tried to gulp in air. Acid burned in his stomach and anger pummeled through his core, rendering him speechless. “When I hemorrhaged, they had no choice. I had a complete hysterectomy. I can’t…have babies. I had that feeling once, the feeling of a baby growing inside me, and I’ll never, ever have it again.” She clutched his shirt and he just held on to her. He tried to keep his own emotions hidden as best as he could. He tried, but it was damn hard because he cared for her so much.

He held on to her, kissing her silky hair, rubbing her back, and all the while battling his pain for her and the need to hurt her family and her ex, to make them pay and cause them the same pain they’d caused her. They had taken so damn much from her. He hurt for her, more than he ever had for himself.

“She was why I got the rose tattoo. A few months later, on a supposed overnight shopping trip with a girlfriend, I got the tattoo of the rose, because that’s what I named her. A pretty little girl’s name. Merry, Melly, and Rosie. See, it wasn’t just Mel who dreamed of reuniting with me.”

He pulled her head back and tilted her face to look at him and he knew without a doubt, Meredith meant a hell of a lot more than a one-night stand. He slowly lowered his mouth and placed a soft kiss on her lips, absorbing the tremor that ran through her body. “Meredith, let me make you feel better.”

She sighed against his lips. “No one can.”

“I can,” he said, keeping one hand tangled in her silky hair and the other roaming the side of her body.

“Gage…”

“Trust me. Let me. Let me make take care of you.”

She grasped the front of his shirt and pulled him down to her, kissing him with a hunger and a desperation that he understood. Minutes later, her clothes were off and the only thing on his mind was the hot, sweet woman in his arms, and burying himself inside her, the only place he belonged.

…

“I guess it’s okay if we call this a two-night stand, right?”

She felt Gage shift in the bed so that he was facing her. It was the middle of the night and the fire cast a delicious glow over his bronzed skin. She could make out his features, the lazy, satisfied grin on his face that made her toes curl under the covers.

“Mer?”

His grin dipped and he leaned over to smooth her hair from her face. She had no idea how he managed to evoke so many different feelings in her. “Thank you for telling me.”

Tears blurred her vision and she was shocked that for the second time tonight he managed to break down her walls enough that she could be herself in front of him. She was more herself with Gage than with herself, and wasn’t that the craziest thing to realize. She didn’t know what to do with that knowledge. “You kind of left me with no choice.”

She thought he would tease her or say something to lighten the mood. Instead, he gently pulled her into him until her head rested against his bare shoulder. He held her protectively, his calloused hand on her bare hip, resting there, his thumb moving back and forth. “I know you don’t want my sympathy, so I’m not going to say it, but I will say that you’ve got to let it go—the guilt you’re holding on to. You’re making a fresh start here. You’re safe here.”

Meredith closed her eyes, soaking in the sound of his deep voice, the strength of his body against hers.
You’re safe here.
She had never felt more safe anywhere. She didn’t feel like running. She didn’t feel like hiding from him or making excuses.

This would probably be the right time to tell him about Ron, but then again, did she even want to utter Ron’s name in bed, with Gage? Wouldn’t that be giving Ron power over her? And really, what could Ron do? He couldn’t show up at the ranch and actually expect that she’d leave with him. She was also fairly certain that Cole and Gage wouldn’t let him leave standing. Ron was no match for either of them. Ron was weak and only threatened women. He wouldn’t know how to even defend himself. She looked over at him, letting her gaze wander over the hard length of his body, lingering on the smattering of small scars along his shoulders.

“How did you meet Cole’s family?”

He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. “Cole’s dad sort of took me in. I didn’t know where I was going or what I was doing. He took me in, gave me a roof over my head and a chance to do something with my life. I took it. And now I’m here.”

She propped herself up on her elbows and studied him. He didn’t look like he wanted to say anything else. “So where were you before Cole’s dad found you?”

“At home.”

“Home being…”

“Not that far from here.”

She poked him in the ribs. “You’re not getting off that easy, mister. Where is your family?”

He ran a hand over his jaw. “I don’t keep track of my father, and my mother lives with her boyfriend.”

“Oh…do you visit?”

He shrugged. “Yes.”

She poked him again and this time he rolled over, trapping her under him. She tried to stay focused, except he leaned down and took her mouth in a long, wet, delicious kiss that had her forgetting everything but him. “You’re deliberately distracting me,” she whispered against his lips.

He laughed, low and deep, and the sound vibrated through her. Seconds later she was on top of Gage, his hands tangling in her hair, his mouth whispering all the things he would do to make her forget.