Renegade Lady (11 page)

The more I think about it, the more angry I get.  I know the guys at the club use girls all the time.  Shit, the guys at school do too.  But Kidd is my friend.  At least he’s supposed to be.  Friends don’t treat each other like that.  Do they?

After nearly two hours of crying and fuming, I’ve had enough.  I decide to go find out what the hell his problem is. I hop off my bed, grab my clothes, then quickly get dressed. I’m just walking out of my room when Chipper comes in the front door. For once in two weeks, he isn’t drunk, but he does look like shit. 

“Where’re you going?” he asks, as he shrugs off his cut and throws it on the couch.

“I got to talk to Kidd,” I say, sounding angry and maybe a little hurt.

“He’s not at the clubhouse, darlin’,” he says with a shake of his head.  “He’s with Sarah.”

I assumed he was going to Sarah, but hearing Chipper say it still hurts.   More than the hurt, it pisses me off. How the hell could he do this to me?  “Where are they at?”

His brow rises.  “You haven’t heard?”

I shake my head in the negative.  “Nope.”

“Sarah was in a car wreck, a bad one.  The doctors doubt she’ll make it through the night.”

All of my anger vanishes, and I’m filled with a sense of self-loathing.  Here I was, worried about what happened between me and Kidd, and she’s dying.  “I’m going to the hospital.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I have to be there for Kidd,” I try to explain.

“I’m telling you, Jenna, that’s not a good idea.”

I know better than to argue with Chipper, so I go to my bed.  I sit there silently, waiting for the sound of the TV in his bedroom to turn on.  Once I know he’s out for the night, I’m going to the hospital.  Good idea or not, I won’t let Kidd go through this on his own. 

Kidd

I run my fingers through my hair, frustration and anger eating away at me.  I should have left Sarah in Mateland.  If I had, she wouldn’t be dead.  This is my fault.  A good woman is dead because of me.  As I walk out of the hospital, our last conversation flashes through my mind. 

She was so fucking upset.  She didn’t want to leave, kept telling me she had nowhere to go.  I knew she was telling the truth, but I didn’t care.  The only thing that mattered to me was getting to Jenna.  Hell, I was already on my bike heading to Chippers’ before Sarah even pulled out of the parking lot. 

The last words she said to me was that she hated me.  Well, now I hate myself.

I’m just stepping into the club house when Jenna comes running down the hallway.  Shit!  I don’t need this now.  “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I went to the hospital, but you weren’t there, so I came here to check on you. I needed to make sure you’re okay,” she says, stopping in front of me. 

“Do I look fucking okay to you?”

She takes a step back.  “I was worried about you being here all alone.”

My anger is at a boiling point, anger at myself.  “Did you ever consider I might have wanted to be alone?”

“I’m sorry. I thought you might need me.”

“I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone. Sarah is fucking dead, and you’re here trying to comfort me.  Did you ever think that if you hadn’t been fucking me earlier, she might still be breathing?”

She shakes her head and tears come to her eyes.  “No, no, no….   Don’t say that. Please, don’t say that.”

“Did you even once consider that if you had left us the hell alone, I may have claimed her?” I know she doesn’t deserve my words, but I’m too keyed up to stop.  “If I did, she’d be alive right now.  I’d have a woman in my bed instead of a little kid that I could barely even get hard for.”

As soon as the words leave my mouth, I want to take them back.  Nothing I said was true; far from it.  But when I look at her face I know it’s too late.  I lashed out at her, and I did it in a way that I’ll never be able to take back.  “I’m sorry,” I finally croak out.

She doesn’t respond, just s
hakes her head and turns to run out the door. I can’t let her leave like this.  I’m just getting outside when I see a few of the brothers roll into the parking lot.  Before I can say anything, she climbs on the back of Timber’s bike and shouts for him to go.  Fuck!

Reese climbs off his bike and walks towards me.  He motions towards the tail lights of Timber’s bike.  “What’s going on with Jenna?”

“I’m a dick.”  I say then turn and wall back into the club.  I grab a bottle and head to my room, hoping to drink the pain away.

Jenna

Timber brought me to Merwin to show me some of the abandoned coal mines.  The moonlight makes the small amount of coal still in the ground shine like diamonds.  I walk around picking off the loose pieces of coal while Timber watches. He hasn’t taken his eyes off of me since we got here.  I know he wants to talk, and wants me to tell him what happened, but I’m not ready to tell him yet.  I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready to tell anyone. 

I still can’t believe what happened at the clubhouse. I thought Kidd would need me to be there for him.  I sure in the fuck wasn’t expecting whatever the hell that just was. All the things he said to me earlier were lies.   We didn’t make love; we fucked.  Timmons was right.  That’s all I’m good for. 

Today was all just a game to Kidd.  He didn’t want me for anything other than sex.  He’s just like every other guy out there. All he wanted was a piece on the side, and I gave it to him.  Well, fuck him.  That was the last piece he’ll ever get from me. 

I can’t believe I truly thought he wanted me to be his old lady.  I swear he could come crawling back to me, and I would never wear his brand.  I won’t be his old lady.  I won’t be anyone’s old lady.  He wants to treat me like a whore.  I’ll show him. I’ll be one.

Finally done with my pity party, I walk over to Timber and lay down.   We lay there for what seems like hours, side by side, staring at the stars.  I place one of the coal pieces up to the sky, showing Timber how it sparkles. “It’s beautiful here.”

“Beautiful,” he agrees in his gravelly voice. 

I look over to him and see that he’s staring at me.  “You’re not even looking,” I say, motioning towards my rock.

“Why would I look at a chunk of coal, when I have someone as pretty as you lying beside me?”

His words send a blush to my face.  I’ve been called pretty, mostly by Chipper and Mindy, but they sure as hell never said it the way he did. I can’t stop myself from looking at him, really looking.  His light brown hair lays in waves to his shoulders, and he has a mustache the frames his mouth, ending right at his jaw line.  I never thought guys with mustaches were hot, but Timber is definitely hot. I can’t believe I’ve never noticed how handsome he is before. I guess I was so caught up in Kidd that I never really paid attention.

I’ve always liked Timber. He’s a great guy. He knows a little of what I went through at the other club.  We’ve never really talked about it, but I can tell by the way he looks at me sometimes.  It’s a mixture of sadness and anger.  I know without a doubt that he would kill Timmons if I ever told him what he did.

While Kidd was away, I met a lot of the guys at the club.  I liked most of them, but Timber and I became true friends. When Kidd wasn’t there for me at Mindy’s funeral, Timber sat by my side.  He was there for me the whole time, never letting go of my hand.  Why couldn’t I just feel the same for Timber what I feel for Kidd?  He’s a great guy. He could be perfect for me.

“Wanna tell me what’s wrong, pretty girl?” Timber asks, bringing my mind back to our conversation.

“Kidd was an asshole.”

“I figured that.  What’d he do?”

For some reason, the whole story comes flowing out of me.  “I’ve had a crush on him since I first came here.  I kept telling myself it would go away, but it never did.  Then… Well, you know what happened at Mindy’s funeral.”

He nods, anger flashing through his eyes. “I know what the mother fucker did.  He should’ve set that bitch in her place.”

“You shouldn’t talk about a dead person like that.”

“Dead or not, that bitch was a bitch.”

I ignore his words and continue my story.  “My birthday was today.  I was at the house all alone when he stopped by.  He started telling me all this stuff about how I was his old lady. Then, we... Well, we had sex.”

I feel Timber’s body grows taut next to mine.  “Kidd claimed you?”

“I thought he did, but then he went off after Sarah.  When I saw him at the clubhouse, he said it was my fault that she died,” I whisper out, afraid that he may agree with Kidd.

“What the fuck?” he shouts.  “The bitch was driving too fast.  Rum saw her. He said she had to be going eighty.”

“But Kidd says that if we hadn’t been together, it would’ve never happened.”

“It’s not your fault, babe. Kidd’s just being a dick right now, because they had just had a fight.  He feels guilty, nothing more.” He rolls towards me. “He’s probably already kicking himself in the ass for saying that shit to you.  I know Kidd. He ain’t gonna want to let you go.”

I shake my head. “No, I waited for him for forever.  I would’ve done anything for him, but now I’m done.  Ever since he brought Sarah home, it’s been one thing after another. This, well, this was the last straw,” I say as I lean my head onto his shoulder.

He shifts slightly and wraps his arm around me, bringing me in closer. “You know there are other brothers that would take you for an old lady.”

I shake my head against his chest.  “I’m never going to be an old lady.”

“Why don’t you let me try to change your mind?” He says, placing his lips on mine.

Kidd

“Is she home yet?” I ask.

“I told you I’d let you know when she got here.  There’s no reason to keep calling me,” Chipper growls out.

I don’t bother responding, just hit end and stick my phone in my pocket.  Calling Chipper and letting him know what happened between me and Jenna wasn’t fun.  I swear if we’d been face to face, he would’ve ripped my fucking head off.  No doubt, I deserve it. 

I lie in bed for a while longer then decide I need another drink if I’m ever gonna get to sleep.  I’m walking into the common room just as Timber comes walking through the door.  It’s nearly four o’clock in the fucking morning, and I have no doubt he’s been with Jenna this whole time.  “Where the hell have you been?”

He stops and smiles at me, and his smile is anything but friendly.  “I was spending some time with my girl.”

I take a step closer to him, getting in his face.  “She ain’t your fucking girl.”

“She’s not yours either.  She could have been, but you threw her away.”

“She’s mine.  I don’t give a shit what she told you.”

“She’s didn’t have to tell me shit.  Her tears soaking through my shirt did the talking for her,” he says in a near shout. 

I pull back and wipe my hand over my face.  “I fucked up.”

“You sure as hell did.  You treated her like trash, and she ran away,” he says with a nod of his head.  “But you know what they say.  One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”

As soon as the words leave his mouth, I have my hand against his chest, pushing him across the room. “You stay the fuck away from Jenna.”

“Brother, you can beat my ass all you want.  I’ll still do everything I can to make her mine.” With that, he pulls away from me and walks to his room.

I watch him walk away and realize that I’m gonna be fighting more than just Jenna’s anger to get her back. I’ll also be fighting at least one of my brothers.

CHAPTER Ten

Jenna

It’s finally my graduation day, and I’m so nervous that my knees are knocking together.  I’m on stage, getting my diploma; something I thought would never happen; something, both Chipper and Mindy pushed on me; something that would’ve never happened without them supporting me. 

I look out to the crowd and tears start to pool in my eyes.  Chipper, my dad, the man that is more of a father to me than anyone ever has been, is sitting in the front.  His bright toothy smile hasn’t left his face since I walked on stage.  He told me this morning that he was as proud as any dad could ever be, and I told him that I was as lucky as any daughter could ever be. 

My tears are for my mother.  The mother of my heart, that is.  Mindy would have been front and center to see this day, this moment.  I can almost see the smile on her face, and missing that smile makes my heart ache.  I see the time that I had with her for the gift it was, but I’m still angry that it had to end so soon. 

Reese, Timber, and most of the other guys from the club are here.  In fact, it seems like the front of the auditorium was reserved for the Renegade Sons.  But there is one chair empty.  The one right next to Chipper. I know that Chipper was saving that seat for Kidd.  The fact that he isn’t here cuts me to the core.