Remember Me Like This (14 page)

“Only sometimes,” Griff lied. A tre flip was a trick where the board simultaneously spun vertical and horizontal rotations under your feet. When Justin went missing, a tre flip was a new top-shelf trick, something only pros were doing; now it was commonplace. Griff had them dialed. One night last year he’d told himself that if he landed twenty in a row Justin would come home safe and soon; he did twenty-three before missing one. He said, “I can do them once in a blue moon.”

Rusty. Once in a blue moon.
Where were these words coming from?

“Why do Mom and Dad call you Lobster?”

“I broke my wrists a while back, trying the marina rail. My casts looked like lobster claws.”

“That sucks,” Justin said.

“Eating really sucked. You can’t hold silverware with your thumbs in plaster,” he said.

“I’d like to be able to slide that rail again.”

“You will.”

Justin stood at the edge of the patio, staring at the yard. He said, “You’ve gotten really good.”

“I just skated a lot after you were gone,” Griff said. “Like,
a lot.
It’s kind of all I did.”

“You should enter those contests they have in Corpus on the T-Head. You’d probably get top five.”

His heart trembled, and he endured the same free-fall feeling he had when Fiona breathed into his ear. He
had
entered the Corpus contests. His parents had passed out Justin’s flyers to everyone in the crowd, and they’d worn shirts with his picture on them. He’d tried to act like he wasn’t with them, which had disgusted him. It did still.

“Did you ever go to those?” Griff asked. He tried to sound uninvested.

Justin took the skateboard again, tried another kickflip. “I wasn’t allowed,” he said. “But I had friends who went.”

“You had friends?”

His brother laughed, an exciting sound Griff was still getting used to. Justin said, “Of course I had friends.”

“I guess I never thought about it.”

“My life could be pretty normal. Basic cable, fishing, midnight bingo. I was bored a lot.”

A long wind blew. Justin was setting up to try another kickflip, but his wheel hit a pebble and he had to step off the board.

“Did you ever win?”

“Win?” Justin said.

“At bingo.”

“Not even once, but we still went all the time. Sometimes I’d play three cards.”

“Were your friends skaters?”

“No, they just went to check out girls. I was the only one with a girlfriend.”

“You had a girlfriend?”

“You’re like a half-deaf parrot,” Justin said. He tried another kickflip, the board spinning more evenly but still shooting too far ahead of him. He said, “Yes, I had a girlfriend. She lived in our apartment complex. She’s the one who named Sasha.”

He had friends,
Griff would tell his parents.
And a girlfriend. He lost at bingo.

Justin came close to a kickflip. He said, “Why can’t I just land one?”

“Did you tell your friends?” Griff asked. “Did they, you know,
know
?”

“I’m sure they do now.”

The light was still on in the kitchen, but Griff couldn’t see his parents. He hoped they’d gone into another room, out of earshot.

“Do you miss your girlfriend? The one who named Sasha.”

“Would you miss Fiona if you were banned from contacting her?”

“That’s how I felt with you,” Griff said. “But worse, way worse.”

Justin raked his fingers through his sweaty hair. He cracked his neck again. After a moment, he started carving around the patio on Griff’s board. He said, “Y’all seem pretty tight, you and Fiona.”

“I don’t really understand what we are.”

“Welcome to the wonderful world of women, little brother. Have you felt her tits yet?”

“I don’t know,” Griff said. His ears turned red, he could feel it. He raised his eyes to the kitchen window again.

“I think you’d remember. She has great tits.”

“Thanks.”

Justin tried another kickflip, but the board didn’t spin.

“We went to a couple of those Corpus contests,” Griff said. “Mom and Dad wore shirts with your picture. They passed out flyers.”

“I used to see those things everywhere, the flyers,” he said. “I hated the picture. My hair was all jacked-up.”

“Dad cut it in the garage. He cut mine, too. And his.”

“Everyone at school made fun of me—that’s what I remember,” he said. He was carving around the patio again. “How’d you do in those contests?”

Griff was looking into the new yard. He wondered what Justin remembered and what had already been supplanted by the changes. Did he recall the time he’d grabbed an asp on a tallow limb and Papaw pressed chewing tobacco to the sting? The night when Rainbow ate all of the Easter eggs their parents had hidden? Everything seemed so long ago to Griff. Probably there were countless changes that he couldn’t see but were as obvious as Justin’s old skateboard. He tried to picture four years’ worth of boards lined up side by side, where the metamorphosis of shapes would appear gradual and inevitable. He tried to track the changes with the decks he’d ridden, but just then he couldn’t remember how many he’d gone through while Justin was away.

“Hello?” Justin said.

“Sorry,” Griff said, his voice loud in case his parents were listening.

“I asked how you did in the T-Head contests.”

“Contests suck. The judges never know what they’re doing,” Griff said. He didn’t want Justin to know that he’d won both contests, that no one else had stood a chance.

G
RIFF HAD FELT
F
IONA
’
S TITS
. S
INCE
J
USTIN HAD BEEN BACK
, she’d hardly been able to keep her hands off him. When Griff walked her home in the evenings, they left early to make out on the dark playground behind the elementary school. He felt guilty leaving his brother at home, but not guilty enough to let Fiona leave alone. One night, on the merry-go-round, she pulled her shirt over
her head and unclasped her bra. Griff was so worried someone would see them he felt nauseated. When he admitted his fear, Fiona said, “That wouldn’t be so bad. Someone watching.” Another night, when his whole family was crowded around the kitchen table playing Trivial Pursuit, she slid her hand between his legs and massaged his thigh.

He loved her aggressiveness, loved the distance he could feel spreading between this new phase of their relationship and what it had been before. There was a new breadth to his life, as if he’d discovered a door in his house that opened into a wing of rooms he’d never known existed. Although he knew he shouldn’t tell anyone about what they did on the playground or under the table, he couldn’t stop himself from imagining how he’d describe the events to Justin.
Her skin is like soft amber. Her hair smells cool and sugary.
Fiona had said she liked seeing the veins in his forearms, so before walking her home, he’d always slip into the bathroom to sneak twenty push-ups. He floated through his days as distracted by thoughts of Fiona as by those of his brother. They seemed the only two things that had happened in his life: Fiona sliding her long body against his, and Justin coming home. Moments came when doubt would rise in his throat, a confounding fear that Fiona’s passion had more to do with Justin than with him, but he found ways to bury his doubts. He thought of the swell of her chest, how loud her breath could be in his ear, as if he were listening to the ocean in a shell. He imagined marrying her, imagined her name changing again. He whispered it to himself.
Fiona Campbell. Mrs. Fiona Campbell.

The night before the barbecue, they fooled around at the Teepee. Griff hadn’t been able to check on the coping since the night the woman at Whataburger asked for Justin’s autograph, so he was relieved to find it intact. And he liked being near the empty pool again, the smell of plaster dust mixing with the sea breeze. He wished he’d thought to bring his board. There would have been time to sneak a few runs in the pool before his parents got worried. After
skating with Justin on the patio, he didn’t know when his brother would feel ready to try the Teepee, and Griff worried that if he went skating without him, Justin would feel slighted. As Fiona pinned him against one of the teepees and licked his neck, Griff thought of how off-balance Justin had been, getting so frustrated with not landing kickflips that he’d hurled Griff’s board into the backyard and stormed into the house. When Griff came in, his parents were dousing Justin’s scraped elbow with peroxide over the bathroom sink. They seemed thrilled by the scrape, by the blood as bright as finger paint, almost as if they’d been hoping he’d get hurt so they could bandage his wound. Justin found Griff in the mirror and rolled his eyes.

Fiona kissed him—hard and deep. She braided her leg with his, hooked her arms behind his back and pulled his hair. He tasted sweet tea on her tongue and smelled her perfume, a scent that recalled the socks he’d hidden under his mattress. He hadn’t smelled the socks since Justin’s return, and now he wanted to move them before he forgot where they were, before his mother found them. Fiona moaned. She bit his lip hard, a pinch of pain behind his knees.

“Where are you?” Fiona said.

“Between you and a teepee.”

She was staring into his eyes, squinting, as if to gauge whether he was lying. She leaned in to kiss him again, but then paused and pulled back. Her face scrunched up. She said, “I’m not used to saying this, but am I moving too fast for you?”

“Justin had a girlfriend.”

“So do you, and she’d like to get to second base before walking home.”

“It seems weird to me. I never imagined him having a girlfriend.”

Fiona pushed herself off him, smoothed her black shirt. In the distance, small fireworks crackled. Tomorrow was the Fourth.

“I mean, I want him to have been happy, but I guess I also want him to be happier now.”

“Maybe he’s lying, trying to impress you.”

Griff shrugged. Earlier that night, they’d watched a movie Papaw had brought over from the pawnshop. They’d eaten popcorn. Sasha had been coiled in Justin’s lap like a small plate. As Griff and Fiona were leaving, Justin was reading the newspaper. He had it in front of his face and, without lowering it, said, “You kids be careful.”

Another small burst of fireworks. They sounded like paper being ripped from a spiral notebook. Fiona said, “Louise and George know his parents a little bit. Dwight Buford’s. I guess I’ve met them, too, but I don’t remember. George thinks someone is going to torch the Bufords’ boat in the marina. It’s called
Oil-n-Water.
”

“They’ll probably move,” Griff said, repeating what he’d overheard his grandfather saying a few nights before. “They’ll probably sell the house after the trial and head to Florida.”

“His mother’s on oxygen. Lung cancer, I think.”

“Did I tell you people ask Justin to sign autographs?”

“Only about fifty times,” she said, smiling. Then after a moment she said, “Y’all took the postcard down from the fridge.”

“One of my parents did,” he said. “They don’t want things around that draw attention to what happened.”

“So you don’t think they’ll ask him about it?”

“Now that he’s home I don’t think the postcard matters anymore.”

Fiona extended her leg and drew shapes on the ground with her toe.

“I went through nineteen different skateboards while he was gone. We were skating the other night and I saw how old his deck was. I didn’t realize how much the shapes had changed, and so I’ve been trying to figure out how many boards I’ve gone through. It was nineteen.”

“He was gone a long time,” she said, her voice sounding frayed, as if he were hearing her from far away.

“Did you mean what you said?” Griff asked.

“Tell me what I said, doll.”

“That I have a girlfriend.”

“You’re too good,” she said. She bit his earlobe, ran her fingers through his hair. “You’re just too, too good.”

G
RIFF SPENT THE AFTERNOON OF THE
F
OURTH HELPING HIS PARENTS
ready the backyard, hanging crepe paper streamers and carrying meat from the kitchen to his father at the grill and then back inside to his mother once it was cooked. He made sure the digital camera was charged and the Handycam’s discs were formatted, and he sliced boiled eggs for the mustard potato salad his mother was making. He answered the door when Ronnie Dawes and his mother brought over a plate of cupcakes; he told Ronnie that Justin was sleeping, but that he’d tell him they’d come over to say hello. Ronnie threw his head back and clapped, reminding Griff of a seal. When Papaw arrived with a cedar picnic table in the bed of his truck, Griff helped carry it into the backyard. “Smells mighty fine back here,” Papaw said to Griff’s father at the grill. Smoldering mesquite and peppercorn-rubbed beef. An offshore breeze was blowing, pulling the smoke from the pit across the backyard like a ribbon.

His father had on a Stars and Stripes apron and whistled a tuneless tune at the grill. His mother brought out paper plates and napkins, weighted them down with bottles of ketchup and mustard. She also placed two of the vases of flowers on the picnic table, and Griff saw she was wearing the dolphin pendant he and his father had given her. Her hair was out of its ponytail, brushed and shining. Papaw tossed a ball for Rainbow to chase. After two throws, she took the ball under the house, and he said, “I guess that’s the end of that.” Then he went to water the new palm tree. Everyone was waiting on Justin, but the waiting lacked pressure. They would eat
whenever he climbed out of bed, and until then, they’d munch on chips and deviled eggs. Today, the worst of their troubles would be keeping the flies away from the food.

Griff sat at the picnic table with his mother and grandfather. They drank sweet tea. Their red plastic cups left rings of water on the cedar. Griff’s mother sprinkled some salt on a piece of celery, then took a loud bite and looked around the yard as she chewed.

“I’m always hungry now,” she said. “I can hardly remember eating for the last four years. I remember going to restaurants, but I don’t remember taking a single bite. I can’t recall the taste of anything.”