Remember (13 page)

Maybe she needed professional help.

The afternoon moved quickly from Uno to cheese pizza to the tail end of a ball game on television. At seven-thirty, Cole began to yawn.

“Time to get you home, buddy.” Ashley stood and stretched. Then she caught Landon’s gaze and held it. “Thanks. We had a good time.”

Landon held out his hand and Ashley took hold of it, helping him to his feet. She passed him his crutches, and he balanced himself, resting his hands on Cole’s shoulders. “Come back next week, okay, little guy?”

Cole beamed. “Next time I’ll bring my baseball cards.”

“Great.” Landon high-fived Cole. “Maybe we can trade.”

“Really?”

“Sure. I’ve got great cards.”

“Cool.” He hugged Landon’s long legs and darted toward the front door. He dropped to the floor and began working his sandals back on his feet.

Ashley looked at Landon and shrugged. “It’s all I can do to keep up.”

“Tell me about it.” Landon grinned. “Hey . . .” He checked his watch. “Do you think your parents would take Cole tonight?”

Ashley’s resolve flapped in the wind. Her times with Landon had been safely platonic in the company of Cole. But this invitation to come back without him was something new. “Tonight?”

“Yeah.” Landon’s voice was careful, casual. It kept Ashley at ease. “We could watch a video or play another round of Uno.” He pointed his shoulder toward the kitchen and gave her a crooked smile. “I have leftover pizza.”

“True.” Ashley laughed. She searched her list of reasons and couldn’t find a single one that would justify saying no, especially when the idea sounded so appealing. “Actually, my parents are home tonight. They’d probably be happy to watch him.” She gazed at her son, still struggling with his second shoe, and gave a small smirk. “Why not? He practically lives there anyway. Sometimes I think that’s his real home and I’m just the baby-sitter.”

He chose not to respond to the hurt in her voice. “So you’ll come?”

“Okay. But no cops and robbers, all right?”

“All right.” Landon grinned as he hobbled along next to her toward the front door.

“Okay.” She took hold of Cole’s hand and waved. “See you in a bit.”

“Yeah. See ya.”

An hour later she was back in Landon’s driveway. She had been right about her parents. They loved spending time with Cole. In some ways they were the family her son didn’t have. Of course, Ashley’s brother would never see it that way. Luke thought Ashley took advantage of their parents. Sometimes Ashley wondered if he was right. She had never been sure she loved Cole the way she should. And some days Ashley could feel Cole’s distance, as though the child could sense her uncertainty, her ambivalence at being a mother. Her uncertainty about love of any kind.

She put those dark thoughts out of her mind and stared at Landon’s front door. Was his invitation as innocent as it seemed? For a moment she closed her eyes and heard his voice as it had sounded in the hospital that night, days after he’d been hurt.
“I’m moving, Ashley. . . . It’ll be Jalen and me, fighting fires and saving lives right there in the heart of New York City.”

No, she was sure Landon had no ulterior motives tonight. They were simply two old friends who’d rather pass the time together than alone. She glanced at the rearview mirror and ran her fingers through the roots of her hair.

When she climbed out of the car, she left a hint of jasmine behind her.

* * *

Despite his broken leg, Landon wasted no time moving his crutches across the living-room floor at the sound of Ashley’s car in the driveway. For an hour, he’d been doubting the wisdom of asking her over. What was he hoping to achieve, really? They were enjoying their time together these past weeks, but Ashley was his friend. Nothing more.

That night in the hospital she’d made her feelings painfully clear.

Since then he’d worked to accept the way she felt about him. Ashley was right. The two of them could never love each other the way Landon had wanted. She wasn’t someone he could marry  or spend his life with.

He wanted a woman who shared his faith, his feelings. His future. Someone who would be his other half—not perfect, but perfectly in love with him. And that was more than Ashley could give. More than she was capable of giving. After so many years, Landon finally understood that. Somehow, someday, God would bring the right woman into his life, and these years of loving Ashley would fade into boyhood memories.

Wouldn’t they?

After all, he was on the brink of a whole new season in his life, a change that might take him away from Bloomington forever. A change Landon embraced fully.

But then why had he invited Ashley back tonight?

Landon opened the door and took in the sight of her, beautiful and breathless on his front step. The smile in her eyes was as familiar as his own name.

Why, indeed.

“You made it.”

“Grandma and Papa were thrilled.” Ashley stepped inside and tossed a grin over her shoulder. “Besides, my bookcase doesn’t need cleaning till next week.”

He hobbled across the living room while she detoured into the kitchen. “Want some water?”

“That’d be great.” Landon maneuvered to the sofa, laid his crutches on the floor, and eased himself down, mindful of the bandages on his back. “I should be waiting on you.”

“Well . . .” Ashley rounded the corner, carrying two tall glasses of ice water. “When the cast’s off, you can make it up to me.” She set the drinks down on a magazine and flopped down beside him. “Deal?”

“Deal.” The corners of his lips stopped short of a full smile. Once his cast was off, he’d be working and getting ready for the move. There’d be little if any time for Ashley and him to share moments like this.

“Hey.” Ashley tilted her face. Her deep blue eyes shone with sincerity. “Thanks for playing with Cole.” She leaned her head back against the sofa cushion and stared at the ceiling. “He loves coming here.”

For a moment Landon wanted to shout at her,
Can’t you see it, Ashley? You and me and Cole—we belong together.
Instead, he worked his face into a smile and chuckled.
Play it straight, Landon. Play it straight.
“The feeling’s mutual.”

Suddenly he understood why he’d invited Ashley back tonight, why the words had spilled from his heart. A Scripture verse he’d learned as a boy came back to him:
Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.

His mouth had uttered the words of invitation for one reason alone: No matter how hard he tried to convince himself otherwise, and despite his best intentions to move on with life, his heart still overflowed with feelings for a wide-eyed dreamer who danced to her own music. A girl who stirred his emotions and made him feel whole and alive.

A girl named Ashley Baxter.

Chapter Thirteen

The evening passed in a blur.

Ashley and Landon were talking about Sunset Hills again, about Irvel and Edith and Helen and the others. Country videos played on TV, but they hadn’t gotten around to watching a movie since Ashley arrived. She was glad. It was more fun talking.

“So he circles the bed all day?” Landon leaned against the arm of the sofa so he could face her and take some of the pressure off the burns on his back. “I don’t get it.”

“That’s the problem.” Ashley anchored her elbows on her knees. She laced her fingers together and let her chin rest on top. “No one gets it. Poor Bert stays up there in his room rubbing circles into his comforter all day, and meanwhile his family is too upset to visit.”

“I can see why.” Landon cocked his head. His eyes shone like sunbeams in a watercolor. He raised his hand and began making small circles in the air. “Course, if I make circles all day when I’m older, you’ll come and visit
me,
right, Ash?”

She laughed. “Right, Bert.”

“I’ll bet the old guy has his reasons.”

“I know.” Ashley sat back again. “If only I could find out what they are.”

“Maybe if he looked up for a minute and saw you, he’d stop circling.”

Ashley dropped her chin. “I don’t get it.”

“You know, if he actually
looked
at you.” Landon stifled a grin.

“How would that make him—”

“Stop!” Landon’s eyes were suddenly wide, his tone awestruck.

“What?” Ashley glanced over her shoulder. “Don’t do that to me, Landon. You scared me.”

“I’m sorry.” He moved an inch closer, reaching his hand out toward her face. “But my goodness, dear. You have the most beautiful hair.” He fanned his fingers through her short-cropped bangs. Then his eyes found hers. “Has anyone ever told you that?”

Realization dawned, and Ashley could feel the grin break across her face. “Very funny.” She grabbed the sofa pillow beside her and in one swift motion whacked Landon over the head with it.

“Hey, not fair.” Landon waved his arms to defend himself. “I’m crippled, remember?”

Ashley leaned forward, pillow in hand, poised for another attack. “All Bert needs is a look at my hair, is that it?”

“Well”—again Landon threw his hands up in surrender—“Irvel seems to think so.”

“That’s it.” Ashley got up on her knees and closed the distance between them. She held the pillow over him and hit his flailing arms three times before he caught both her wrists with one hand.

“Okay, you asked for it.” They were facing each other, and he began tickling her, poking her in the ribs while she fought to break free.

“Help!” She laughed so hard her words were impossible to understand. “I . . . I can’t . . . breathe.”

It was true. But it wasn’t merely Landon’s tickling that made breathing difficult. There was something else, a feeling she’d never had before around Landon Blake. Something about his nearness, the touch of his hands, his body brushing against hers as they played. She could feel her cheeks growing hot.
Why am I here? Why are we doing this? What’s going on?

Ashley dismissed her questions. There was no point asking them. Whatever the answers, she wouldn’t pull herself away. Not so much because she couldn’t, but because she didn’t want to.

“Let me go!” She pulled one hand free and poked her finger into his side. His muscles tightened in response. “So . . . I’m not the only ticklish one!”

“No.” In one move he trapped her hands again, this time behind her back. “But you’re the only one being tickled.”

He had the most wonderful laugh. The sound of it did mysterious things to her heart. Ashley was breathing hard, her body shaking. The battle was wild and exhilarating, but she needed a break. She let her body go limp. “Okay, I give up.” She laughed again. “Truce.”

Landon still had her hands pinned, but now he gently let go of them. As he did, she lost her balance and sat back on the knee of his good leg. Suddenly awkward, Ashley started to move off him.

But Landon put his arms around her waist and linked his fingers. His eyes were bright, but Ashley couldn’t tell if he was teasing her or drawing out the moment. He tightened his grip on her and grinned. “Can I trust you?”

“Landon!” Ashley was still breathing hard. She turned partway, still balanced on his knee but ready to spring off the moment he released her. She tried to act serious, but it was impossible. She was enjoying herself too much. “Let me go!”

The teasing in Landon’s face dissolved, and slowly he loosened his arms from around her. Their eyes found each other, and everything about the moment changed. Gone was the teasing, the tickling, the battling for position. Instead a quiet came between them, a quiet charged with emotions neither of them was ready to talk about.

After an eternity, Landon looked straight to her soul and spoke  in a voice Ashley could barely hear. “I let go.”

“I know.” There was a pull between them, a pull that couldn’t have been stronger if she were magnet and he were steel. Slowly, imperceptibly, Ashley shifted so they were face-to-face again. Their eyes met, and Ashley’s heart began to speak before her head could interfere. “Hold me again, Landon. Please.”

“Ashley . . .” It was more of a question than anything. But her name sounded like silk on his lips. They were poised at a line they hadn’t crossed since they were kids. If they crossed it now, everything would change.

“Hold me.” Her voice was barely a whisper. She slipped her arms around his neck and let her forehead fall against his. Her eyes closed as finally his arms came around her once more.

Her heartbeat was strong, steady against his chest. She felt his sweet breath on her face, breathed in the musky smell of his day-old cologne. He eased his hands up along the small of her back and let go again. Before Ashley could wonder what he was doing, she felt his fingers against her cheeks, her jaw. “Ashley, look at me.”

She blinked her eyes and pulled back far enough to look into his eyes. In them she could see his heart—a heart deeper than she’d ever wanted to explore. She traced a single finger across his forehead and down along his lower lip. “Landon . . .”

In a way neither of them could have stopped, they came together. Their kiss made time stand still, made Ashley question every belief she’d ever held, every presumption she’d ever made about the tender man before her. Ashley pulled back first, her lips open. This was not some lighthearted game that had gotten out of hand. It was something entirely different—something she had wanted since that night in the hospital.

“I love you, Ashley.” He kissed a feathery trail along her brow and down her temple toward her ear. “No matter how hard I try, I can’t stop loving you.”

Common sense had something to say, but Ashley refused to listen. She brushed the tip of her nose against his. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since . . . since I saw you in the hospital, unconscious.” She rested her hands on his shoulders. “When you told me you were moving, I didn’t know if I’d ever get the chance.”

She slipped off his knee and snuggled up beside him, angling herself so his face was just above hers. “Did you ever feel that way? I mean, who’d have thought we’d have this chance—”

“Shhh.” He brought his finger to her lips. Ashley would remember the look on his face forever, no matter where life took the two of them after this. Part desire, part contentment, as though he’d never felt this right in all his life. As though he never would again. “You talk a lot for a girl who keeps her distance.”