Refuge (24 page)

An email from David arrived as I was about to
log off for the night. It was brief like most of his
correspondence, just a note to tell me he thought one of his new
leads might pan out and he’d let me know if anything turned up. He
also mentioned the increase in vampire activity and told me to make
sure I kept my head down. I rolled my eyes as I signed off.
As if I need to be
reminded of that.

Later, as I lay in bed trying to still my
racing thoughts, I felt the softest brush against my mind. It made
me think of Nikolas, and a feeling of security settled over me. It
was strange how he was still the only Mohiri I could sense that
way.

Maybe if I learned to connect with my Mori I
would be more attuned to others.
What do you think, demon?
I asked it as I
drifted deeper into sleep.
You ready to make some other friends?

It could have been my imagination, but I
swear it said,
No.

“WE’RE NOT GOING back to the lake?”

“Not today.”

I followed Nikolas around the corner of the
main building, waiting for an explanation that did not come.
Scowling at his back, I hurried to keep up with his long strides as
I wondered what the hell was eating at him this morning. He’d
barely said a word to me since he had shown up in the dining hall
five minutes ago, and his stormy expression was even worse to deal
with than his mood last night. I’d been laughing at something
Terrence had said when Nikolas arrived and glared at us so hard
that poor Terrence and Josh had actually cringed and hurried off to
their own table. Even Jordan had refrained from teasing me about
Nikolas when she caught sight of his expression. I had no idea what
was up with him, but surely he wasn’t still upset about the kark
incident. We’d been through a lot worse situations and I’d never
seen him in such a black mood after any of them.

“Will you slow down? I’m not going to chase
you all over creation because you’re too cranky to walk like a
normal person.”

I did not expect him to stop and turn so
suddenly, and I ran right into him. Stepping back, I rubbed my nose
and met his steel gaze squarely. This – whatever it was – might
scare everyone else, but I’d felt the brunt of Nikolas’s moods too
many times to be cowed by them.

“I don’t get cranky,” he declared as if I had
insulted him.

“Really? Could have fooled me.”

He started walking again, but slower this
time, and I was able to keep abreast of him.

“So where are we going?”

“The arena.”

“You’re not going to make me fight bazerats,
are you? Because I have to say that was not one of my favorite
experiences.”

“You are going to work with your Mori some
more.”

“Oh, okay.” A small thrill passed through me
at the thought of talking to the Mori again after our first
conversation – if you could call it that.

When we got to the arena, Nikolas opened the
door and I entered the building ahead of him. He flipped a switch,
turning on the overhead lights, and casting a bright glow over the
large room, which looked a lot less creepy with the lights on.

The center of the arena was bare except for
some thick chains and weights on the floor, and I eyed the chains,
wondering what they were for. But Nikolas ignored them and led me
over to the bottom row of the bleachers. I sat and he took the seat
beside me, putting us so close our shoulders touched. Needing a
little more space, I moved down one seat and turned sideways to
find him watching me with an almost bemused expression.

“What?”

He looked at me for several more seconds.
“How do you feel after yesterday?”

“Do you mean training or the kark thing?”

“Both.”

“Talking to my Mori was not what I expected.
I’m really not sure how I feel about it.”

“And the kark attack?”

I lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know; I haven’t
really thought much about it. Compared to some of the other stuff
I’ve been through, that was nothing.”

His face lost some of its hardness. “That is
true.”

“Well, you did call me a danger magnet
once.”

A small smile hovered at the corners of his
mouth. “I believe I said
disaster
magnet.”

“The kark incident could hardly be called a
disaster, so I think my luck is improving.”

“Maybe it is, but let’s work on training you
so you don’t need luck. Do you think you can talk to your Mori like
you did yesterday?” I nodded. “Start with that, and then I’ll tell
you what I want you to do next.”

I closed my eyes, because it felt more
natural that way, and opened my thoughts to the demon crouching
inside its cage. Even before I started to lower the wall, I felt
the demon’s mixture of anticipation and fear.
Come out,
I said as the wall
disappeared.
I won’t
hurt you.

The Mori did not need more encouragement than
that. Instead of rushing out like it had the first time, it emerged
from its cage cautiously, and I could feel it searching for the
glow
as it
called it. When it realized that my power was still locked away, it
relaxed, reminding me of a cat sitting back on its haunches. It was
hard to believe this small, seemingly timid blob of darkness was
the same one that had tried to fill me with violent urges and could
give me strength and speed to match a vampire’s.

Now that we’re here, I’m not sure what we are supposed to
do,
I told it.
I don’t suppose you would know.

The demon looked at me with its featureless
face but said nothing. Great, neither one of us was a
conversationalist. This should be interesting.

Nikolas’s voice cut through the silence
between us. “How are you doing?”

Solmi?
The demon asked eagerly, and I wondered if
maybe it sensed the other Mori nearby.

“I’m good,” I replied without opening my
eyes. “What should I be doing?”

“Touch it.”

My eyes flew open. “Touch it?”

He smiled at my reaction. “Yes. If you ever
want to tap into all of its powers, you will have to learn to merge
with it. Touching it is the first step.”

Merge with the demon? Fuse our minds together
the way he’d described yesterday? I wasn’t sure if I would ever be
able to do that.

“We will take this as slow as you need
to.”

I shut my eyes again and looked at the demon
that hadn’t moved at all while I was talking to Nikolas.

I’m not going to hurt you. I’m just going to touch
you.
I reached toward it slowly, and it shrank back at the
last moment.

Look, Nikolas says we have to do this if we’re ever
going to work together.

The demon perked up
. Solmi?

Yes, Solmi.
Maybe if my Mori thought the other demon
wanted us to do this, then it would be okay with it. It was worth a
try.

It worked. The demon started to lean toward
me as I reached for it. This time, it did not flinch away and my
mind made contact with the dark shapeless blob.

There is no way to describe the sensations
that flowed into me through that single touch. Colors, sounds, and
smells bombarded me along with a wave of emotions: fear, love,
rage, joy, loneliness, and so many more. It was how I imagined a
prisoner would feel, emerging into the sunlight after a lifetime of
solitary, a blind man seeing for the first time, a deaf man hearing
music. It was the joy of freedom, the fear of losing it again, and
an overwhelming need to connect with another living creature.

I absorbed every one of the Mori’s emotions
and felt how much I had been hurting it by imprisoning it all these
years. It was a demon, but it was also a sentient being and as much
a part of me as my heart or lungs. I’d treated imps and bazerats
with more compassion and kindness than I had the demon living
inside me.

I didn’t know I was crying until a hand
touched my face. “Sara, what is it?”

“It hurts so much.”

“You’re in pain?”

I shook my head without opening my eyes. “Not
me, my Mori. It’s so lonely and sad.”

“You’re crying for your demon?” There was
surprise in his voice along with something else I could not
identify.

Pulling back, I turned my face away from him.
“You wouldn’t understand.”

It took him a moment to answer. “Do you want
to tell me what is happening?”

“I feel so many things it’s almost too much.”
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “I don’t know how you do
it, how you live with this all the time.”

“This is your first time opening yourself to
your demon. The more you do this, the easier it will be.” He
sounded like a trainer again. “Give yourself a few minutes to
adjust, and then I want you to tell me what else you feel.”

I faced the onslaught from the Mori until I
could take it no longer.
Please, it’s too much,
I pleaded, about to pull
away. The Mori shifted, and the flow of sensations began to lessen
until they became a trickle. We were still touching, but I was no
longer overwhelmed by its emotions, which allowed me to start
exploring our connection. The first thing I discovered was the
intelligence of the demon. It had always felt like a mindless
beast, lacking rational thought, and even when I had spoken to it
yesterday, its halting speech had made me see it as less
intelligent than I was. But I realized now that its lack of
communication was due to it just not knowing how to talk to me,
since I had shut it away for most of my life.

The second thing I found was a pulsing energy
I had never felt before. Dark and coiled, it was almost frightening
in its intensity and so different than my other power. Whereas my
Fae power healed, this power felt angry, destructive. I knew
instinctively that this was the essence of the Mori demon and the
place from which all Mohiri drew their strength. Curiously, I
opened our connection more to draw a delicate thread of it toward
me, and the demon let it go willingly. I felt a rush of energy like
pure adrenaline, and I took a deep breath, marveling at the
strength coursing through me. If this was from our thin connection,
I could not imagine what it felt like to become one with the demon
the way Nikolas did.

“This is . . . incredible.” For the first
time I understood how Nikolas was able to fight all those vampires
at once.

“What do you feel?”

I opened my eyes, beaming. “I feel strong,
like I could lift a car.”

He smirked. “I think we should start with
something a bit smaller. See that small weight over there? It
weighs forty pounds. Do you think you can lift that?”

“Do you think I’m that weak? I can lift forty
pounds.”

“Yes, but how easily? Can you do it with one
hand?”

I stood and walked over to the weights,
stopping by the smallest one, a cast-iron kettlebell. Bending at
the knees, I grasped the handle in my right hand and straightened
up. The weight lifted about a foot off the floor before I lowered
it back down with a grunt. “I don’t get it. I feel like I should be
able to pick it up.”

“You are feeling your Mori’s power, but you
aren’t actually tapped into it yet. In order to do that, you have
to work with the Mori instead of trying to take from it.”

“You mean merge with it like you do?” I
asked, hearing fear slip into my voice.

“Eventually you’ll do that, but it’s not
necessary for this exercise. Right now, I want you to stop touching
the Mori and let it reach out to you instead. Open yourself a
little, and your Mori will know what to do. You already know you
can control the demon, so don’t be afraid of it. Let it in.”

Sure, easy for him to say. I pulled away from
the Mori and immediately my mind felt quieter and calmer without
all the extra emotions of the demon’s energy.
Okay, let’s do this,
I said to
the Mori that seemed more at ease with me now. It appeared to know
what I wanted, but it moved toward me slowly as if it was unsure of
what to do. The moment it reached me, its natural instinct seemed
to kick in, and it began to stretch and press itself against my
mind. I could hear it asking me to let it in, and taking a deep
breath, I opened to it.

Tendrils of the demon’s power reached into my
mind while others stretched along my spine and down my arms and
legs, fusing with my muscles and strengthening my bones. I fought
the urge to push it away and concentrated on studying it instead,
observing how different it was from my scorching Fae power. This
power made me feel physically strong and agile, and it was a heady
sensation.

My hand reached for the weight again, and
this time I lifted it with more ease. It was still heavier than I’d
expected it to be, but the fact that I stood there holding a
forty-pound weight in one hand awed me. I let it drop and jumped in
the air. “Yes!”

I spun to grin at Nikolas. “Did you see that?
That was awesome!”

“Very good. You learn fast.” He had his
trainer face on, but I could hear a note of pride in his voice.
“Now, I want you to do that again five more times, with each
hand.”

I did as he asked, and by the time I
finished, a fine sheen of sweat covered my brow. I wiped it away
with my sleeve and looked at him triumphantly.

He nodded in approval. “Tired yet?”

“A little,” I lied.

He got up and walked over to me, then bent
and lifted a larger kettlebell as if it weighed nothing. “This one
is sixty pounds. Think you can lift it?”

I chewed on my lip. “I don’t know.”

He laid the weight on the floor again. “If
you need more strength, you just need to ask your Mori to give you
more.”

“More?” My body hummed with the strange power
filling it. I didn’t know if I could handle more than that.