Reflection (The Chrysalis Series) (19 page)

Chapter Twenty-three

Connor’s skin flamed as he pushed open the door to Intimate Moments. He had to be going over the edge to be doing this but he was rapidly reaching the end of his patience with Bridget. On that thought, he spun on his heel to leave. He was being an ass. It wasn’t as if she didn’t have valid reasons for the things she did. That he didn’t agree with her take on what had happened didn’t give him the right to push her too far too quickly. It had only been a couple of months, after all. It’s not like they were talking years or anything.

On the other hand, when was the timing ever going to be right? The longer he let her go on without pushing the envelope, the more comfortable she was going to get in her shell with him. It would only make things worse the longer he went without confronting her and trying to take them forward in their sexual relationship.

He spun again and advanced into the store, only to stop short once more.

What if he was wrong? What if she was doing what was best for her and he screwed everything up by being selfish? Was he being selfish? Thinking only with his dick?

He spun again and headed back toward the door. He needed to think this through.

‘Perhaps I can help you, or would you prefer to continue turning in circles?’ A large man with a curious smile on his face stepped into the showroom where Connor was. Definitely not who Connor would have expected to work here.

‘Do you work here?’ Connor’s face flamed again. He was seriously out of his element in this store. While he’d had some toys over the years, he’d never walked into a store before. He’d always done the online, brown paper wrapper deal.

‘You could say that.’ He held out a hand to shake as he walked over to Connor. ‘I’m Victor. The owner. And you, brother, look utterly confused.’

Connor chuckled helplessly. That was a definite understatement.

‘Yeah, you could say that.’ He ran a hand through his hair, took a deep breath, and sighed.

‘Female trouble? Do you need a sexy apology?’

‘What?’ It took a second for his words to register. ‘Oh!’ He flushed deeper. ‘No. Nothing like that. I was, uh, I was thinking about getting some toys for my lady.’

Victor’s eyes crinkled as he grinned.

‘Have you ever done any in-person shopping for toys before?’

‘Nope, strictly online, but I want to be very careful in what I get so I wanted to see everything in person first this time.’

‘Makes sense.’ Victor turned and waved Connor toward the back of the store. ‘My playroom is in the back. Come on in and we’ll see what we can do for you.’

A little nonplussed at picking out toys with this guy in tow, Connor just shrugged.

‘It’s OK, brother. You’re not the first guy to do this and I’ve probably heard and seen it all. Just pretend I’m a sexy female.’

Connor burst out laughing at that. This guy, while definitely a bit on the metrosexual side, was as close to resembling a female as a tiger was to a bear.

Victor smiled, ‘Works every time. Come on, let’s get you hooked up.’

Connor followed him to the back and entered a room the likes of which he’d never seen before. Unlike the rest of the store, which was done in elegant shades of taupe, silver, and robin’s egg blue, this room was much grittier, with shades of rich purple adorning the walls and lots of white, black, and orange to offset it. The vibe was raw and dark.

The walls were lined with shelves holding all manner of toys, lotions, and creams. On one side there were rounders full of latex, vinyl, and neoprene. On the other, corsets and other lacy creations that left nothing to the imagination were available. Whips and ropes and other bondage accessories draped an entire wall and a swing of some kind hung in the corner. Connor wondered if anyone had ever asked for a test run on that thing.

‘Yes.’ Victor broke into Connor’s thoughts.

‘Huh?’

‘Yes, people ask to try it out.’ Victor nodded in the direction of the swing. ‘My answer is only with your clothes on and still zipped.’

He laughed at Connor’s stunned expression.

‘Dude, I don’t read minds, but your eyebrow shot upward and you were staring at the swing. One plus one equalled two is all.’

Connor laughed nervously again. He needed to get a grip on himself. He was being foolish. It’s not like he was some green teenager buying his first box of condoms from the local drugstore.

‘So, what is it you had in mind? Lingerie? Dildos? Vibes?’

Connor flushed again, but choked out, ‘A vibrator for sure. Maybe a flogger. And some restraints, but something really easy and soft.’

‘A beginner?’

‘No, but a very hesitant former practitioner.’ He wasn’t really comfortable explaining his situation, but he needed to make sure he got the right products. ‘I’ve heard about those wands. Do you sell those?’ He wanted to keep this conversation moving forward.

‘Why hesitant?’ Victor cocked his head and quirked an eyebrow but didn’t answer Connor’s question.

‘She’s got some trauma in her past; she associates it to the bondage and other kinky stuff she did. She’s blaming it.’ As he spoke, he felt himself loosening up. He hadn’t had anyone he could talk to about this.

The expression on Victor’s face changed from curiosity to a focused intensity that made Connor almost take a step back.

‘What is your name?’ His eyes narrowed slightly.

‘Connor. Why?’ He forced himself to stand where he was, but seriously considered taking a cane out of the stand beside him and arming himself.

‘You’re Bridget’s Connor, aren’t you?’

Connor scowled. What the hell was going on here?

‘How the hell do you know that?’

Victor smiled, and held up his hands in a gesture of supplication. ‘Calm down. There’s nothing to worry about. Bridget is a customer and a friend. She was in here with Claire the other day and she recently acquired quite a few pieces from my collection. If she heeded my advice at all, you should have seen some of them, I hope.’

Connor’s mind flashed back to the lingerie that Bridget had been wearing recently and he grinned. Her willingness to take that step had played a role in his coming here today. He’d figured if she was willing to put her toe in the water, maybe he could get her to dip in a bit further.

‘I’ll take that satisfied grin as a yes.’ Victor smiled briefly before turning serious. ‘If you’re planning on using these toys on her, you’ll need to be prepared for resistance. She’s got some pretty deep baggage.’

‘You know about the rape, then?’ Connor blurted, but the shock that passed over Victor’s face said he hadn’t. Connor scowled.

‘Look, I knew she’d had some kind of trauma, I just didn’t know the specifics. Don’t worry. I won’t say anything.’ Victor closed his eyes briefly before saying, ‘Why don’t you come sit and talk with me for a minute? Then we’ll figure out what to do about toys for Bridget, OK. I don’t want to do anything that might make things harder for the both of you.’

Connor felt the knot in his chest uncoil as he followed Victor into an elegantly appointed office and workroom. Dominating the room was a drafting table covered in sketches and one of those stand-up forms that looked like a woman’s torso pinned with different fabrics. Various combinations of lingerie hung on the walls. In the back corner, there was a tidy desk sporting a laptop and phone along with some very comfortable looking leather chairs. It was an orderly oasis in the storm of creativity.

‘You want some coffee or something?’ Victor seated himself behind his desk and gestured toward the coffee pot on a small table behind him.

‘No, thanks.’ Connor settled in a chair and waited as Victor poured a cup.

‘You know, I’ve been trying for years to get her to buy something other than that hideous cotton she wears and it wasn’t until you came along that she was even willing to consider it.’

Connor just raised an eyebrow, but he’d be lying if he didn’t admit to the warm and fuzzy that knowledge gave him.

‘That being said, she damn near broke down just trying that stuff on and it took a hard conversation to get her to even consider actually taking it home.’

‘Her scars run deep.’

Victor snorted. ‘That’s an understatement.’ He took a swig of his coffee, winced at the apparent heat, and set the cup down before meeting Connor’s eyes. ‘What is it you’re really trying to do here, and are you serious when it comes to Bridget? Because frankly, my man, if you’re not, you’d be better off leaving this little avenue alone. She doesn’t need her head fucked with.’

It was Connor’s turn to really scrutinise Victor. He had to give the guy respect, though. The concern in his face was clear and there wasn’t a trace of jealousy. By objective measures, he was sincerely concerned for Bridget’s wellbeing, and that gave him points in Connor’s book.

‘Dude, I don’t know you from a can of paint, so I don’t really owe you an explanation. But I care about Bridget, and from what I can see so do you, so I’ll give –’ Leaning forward, he began to talk with Victor about all of his frustrations and desires for his relationship with Bridget.

He spilled his guts, not bothering to reflect on the fact that he was sharing some of his deepest thoughts with a complete stranger. He needed someone else to talk with about this.

‘The thing that’s killing me here is that I feel like she’s holding back about something beyond her sexual desires. But for the life of me, I can’t figure out what it is. We talk all the time, spend tons of time together, and still I feel like there’s this wall. I guess I think that if I can keep us moving forward in bed, that the rest will fall into place too.’

‘I understand what you’re trying to do, but are you prepared for what might happen if she fights you?’

Connor blanched. He really tried not to think about that.

‘I’ve thought about it. I don’t want to lose her. She’s the best thing to happen to me in for ever, but I feel like we’re not really together either. I mean, if we can’t meet in the middle here, if I can’t know that we’re truly together, then it’s probably better if we end things now.’

Victor sighed. ‘I hear you. I hope this doesn’t go that way. Bridget needs to get out of her head. She’s letting this hold her back and she seems to have a good thing going with you.’

‘I hope so, but I’m definitely feeling my way in the dark here.’

‘Well, let’s get you some help with what you can feel in the dark.’

Connor laughed, ‘Dude, that was awful.’

Victor grinned. ‘I know, but hell, I own the shop. I can crack bad jokes if I want to.’

Connor just shook his head and followed Victor into the playroom. A few strategic selections later, he headed back out onto Main Street full of plans for their upcoming evening together.

‘Have you thought about our conversation about your rape?’

Bridget went rigid at his words and Connor wanted to kick his own ass. So much for planning how to broach this topic. Instead of his carefully planned words, he’d just blurted out something careless.

With a deep sigh, he set his beer down on the coffee table and took Bridget’s hand.

‘Listen, I apologise. I didn’t intend to blurt that out like I did. I actually had some carefully thought out, sensitive words planned.’ He grinned, hoping to lighten the suddenly gloomy mood. ‘But obviously, my mouth got ahead of my brain.’

She smiled, but remained wary.

‘What is it you really want to talk about?’ Bridget leaned back, turning to face him and gripping one of the sofa pillows like a shield.

After his trip to Intimate Moments, Connor had been searching for the right time to broach this topic. While he had promised to give her as much time as she needed, it was becoming pretty clear that she wasn’t going to bring it up.

He’d prepared several of his purchases in the hopes of taking their sex life to the next level. Part of him felt like a greedy bastard to do it, but another part felt like it was critical that Bridget shed her notions of shame around her desires if they were ever truly going to be together. He wasn’t ashamed of his desires. He didn’t want her to be.

Connor raked a hand through his hair. Suddenly, the wisdom of this conversation no longer seemed clear.

‘I was curious if you’d put any more thought into the idea that your rape was not, in fact, punishment for enjoying kinky sex.’

‘I’ve thought about it.’ She picked at the trim of the pillow rather than look at him.

Frustration took root in his belly, but he clamped down on it.

‘And?’

Defiant green eyes met his own, ‘I don’t see why it matters.’ She leaned forward as she spoke, her voice growing urgent, ‘I mean, we have great sex. Don’t we? It’s certainly the best I’ve ever had. Why do we even have to worry about it?’

Connor felt his jaw drop open. It took a few seconds for his brain to reboot and he scowled.

‘You don’t see why it matters?’

She nodded and smiled.

‘Are you insane?’ he hollered.

She flinched and Connor almost smacked himself. He was handling this badly. He drew in a deep breath and counted to ten. It was important that he remember she’d spent two decades convinced she was wrong to enjoy pain during sex or any kind of kink.

‘Bridget, do you understand that I want to do much more to you than what we’ve done?’

She flushed, but didn’t respond. If anything, she drew in upon herself. He pressed on, his voice gruff with need.

‘I want to spank you and watch your skin turn pink and then I want to fuck you hard so that you feel that burn the whole time I do. I want to tie you up and have you at my mercy while I do whatever I want to you. If that’s make you cry right before I make you scream as you come, so be it.’

He could see her breathing hitch and her nipples harden under the cotton of her shirt. His cock stirred in response.

Damn it! That is why this was so important. She wants it too!

‘Fuck, Bridg. Don’t you see? My dick is hard just talking about it. And, baby, whether you’re willing to deal with this or not, you want it too.’

He gave her no time to respond; he reached out and squeezed her nipple hard. She jerked away, flushing red.

‘Your nipples are hard, Bridget. Tell me the truth. Is your pussy wet too?’