Redemption Song (30 page)

Sometimes God answered her prayers in unexpected ways and Alaina understood when God was speaking to her. Her prayer wasn’t for a romance or a replacement to fill the hole in her heart with Ethan’s name on it. Her prayer was for a friend.

Her answer was Cam.

Ethan

Ethan felt as if his life was soaring by in a nauseating blur. Ted wasn’t lying when he said he had connections. Within a week of leaving Bruce McCloud hanging out to dry, Ethan was hooked up with Ted’s brother, Percy, at GIG Music Group, which was also located in New York City.

Once there, Ethan worked with a few musicians, put some notes to his lyrics, and clocked some hours in the recording studio. During his stay in Fairhope, he’d written his first Christian song based on the display of strength and faith he’d witnessed through little Ben and his sister. He’d shelled out several more songs while finishing up his tour, each a story depicting the walk of a new believer. Some were about the joys of surrender. Some were about the struggles of surrender. Some were just about how exceedingly lucky Ethan felt to have been plucked from the pit he’d been dipping into in his previous life. But, despite the context, each song was a raw depiction of Ethan’s heart and soul, and each was one-hundred percent the work of his own hands.

He was finally singing his own music.

One of the downfalls to Ethan’s recent toggle of genres was the media attention he’d drawn to himself. Skeptical reporters sat around like vultures, mocking his decision for spirituality, and seeming to simply wait for him to mess up one time so that they could snap that one incriminating picture that would ruin his entire testimony of change. In fact, Ethan had taken to hulling up in a small writer’s room at his record label’s establishment just to find some peace. He spent most of his days there finishing up what little homeschooling work he had left to do to graduate, reading his grandfather’s old tattered Bible for inspiration, and scheming up lyrics to a song that he only hoped would reach out to kids struggling with the same temptations he’d once succumbed to.

Percy had voiced to Ethan, upon signing him, that he thought that since Ethan was coming off of this big headline tour, it would be a good idea to get him out performing his new music as soon as possible as to spread the word of his new sound. The only problem was that Ethan only had a handful of songs in which to perform thus far, so the solution was to book him as an opener in Toby Mac’s Winterslam Tour. If the fans were accepting of him, and his new music went over as well as everyone hoped, then he would be looking into possibly releasing a full album at the end of the tour and traveling solo for a while with those songs.

Percy had high hopes for Ethan. The news of Ethan’s revolt against his bad influencing agent had spread like wildfire, and to Ethan’s relief, his fans seemed to be siding with him. His social networking sites were blowing up with supportive comments. The song he wrote in Fairhope had been released on iTunes only a couple of weeks prior and was already in the top ten of the Billboard Charts for Christian music. Percy had even voiced recently that he hoped to begin plans on Ethan’s own headline tour a few months after his album release.

All in all, life couldn’t be going any better for Ethan.

Well, except for one thing. Ethan had been having a nagging sensation in the pit of his stomach lately, and it was around midnight when he finally discovered the cause. He knew something had been tugging at his subconscious, making it impossible for his mind to slow enough to sleep, but couldn’t figure out what it was. It was in the midst of a restless prayer when the thought simply popped into his mind. And he knew he was right. As much as it pained him, he knew he was right.

At least once every day, Ethan checked his Facebook page. And not because he was addicted to social networking or because his new agent expected him to maintain a certain online status. He checked it because ever since he’d left Fairhope, Ben had written him messages almost every night. At first, they’d started out as angry little rants about Ethan just taking off and leaving him for no reason. Then they’d turned to pleas for him to come back. Then they’d morphed into letters of the type of forgiveness that only a child could muster. And finally, they were just updates on life. Ben told him about Granny Mae and church and how things were going around the house. He’d talk about Alaina and how she was still working all the time. He updated Ethan on how he was feeling. Some days Ben’s messages had a happy undertone, and others they were more of a quest for answers. And throughout it all, the days upon months of continuous messaging from his little friend, Ethan had never replied to even one of them.

Ethan had come a long way in his walk with God. He’d let go of many of the ghosts of his past. Found ways to forgive others and found ways to forgive himself. But the thing he’d never been able to get past was Ben. Ethan loved Alaina and missed her with all his heart, but he deserved what he got with her. He’d brought it on himself when he’d chosen to not be honest with her from the beginning. He understood that. But Ben . . . Ben was so little and didn’t understand the complications a relationship could bring. Ethan had abandoned him. He’d walked in, treated the little guy like garbage, then befriended him, and then left him. Ethan understood why Ben was confused and wondered what Alaina had told him about why he’d left. He knew he owed Ben an apology and an explanation, but there was just something about the thought of that little face scrunching up in a stubborn look of disappointment that Ethan couldn’t bear to see. So instead of doing what he knew was right and facing Ben like a man and apologizing . . . Ethan kept quiet and resorted to reading Ben’s letters everyday as if they were the most important piece of literature other than his Bible.

But there were days when Ben’s letters didn’t come. Ethan always wondered why they’d stop, only to figure out later that those were the days that Ben was sickest. Ethan assumed a hospital visit. He wasn’t sure because Ben never spoke of his hardships in his letters. He only spoke of the strength God was giving him with wisdom that far surpassed the expectations of a little kid.

As Ethan lay in his cushy bed, in the apartment he shared with his mom in downtown Manhattan, he realized that he hadn’t received a letter from Ben in several days. And it was a gut wrenching intuition that told Ethan there was a reason. Ben wasn’t home around his computer which meant he was in a hospital somewhere. It’d happened before, but never lasted this long.

Something was wrong.

It was a call to Granny Mae that confirmed it. Ethan knew it was late, around eleven at night her time, but he needed to find out how Ben was. There would be no sleeping until Ethan knew Ben was okay.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” Granny’s tone was groggy. He’d woke her up. “You never call this late? Is everything okay?”

Ethan paused, almost afraid to ask the essential question. “How Ben?”

It was Granny’s sigh that told him all he needed to know.

“Where are you guys?” Ethan asked; his tone one of persistence.

Granny replied slowly, keeping her voice steady. “We’re at the treatment center in Birmingham. Ben is not doing well this time.”

“I’ll be there tomorrow.”

“Oh, baby, I know you love Ben . . .”

“Granny, I need to tell him goodbye . . . the right way.”

“I understand,” Granny said. “But lil’ E, there’s something you should know . . .”

But it was too late. Ethan had already hung up and lurched for his duffle bag. Ben was in bad shape. He could tell by his grandmother’s tone. And he didn’t know how much time he had. Ethan had never responded to Ben; never explained to him why he’d left, or how he’d changed since then, and how it was partially Ben’s influence that led Ethan to the best decision he’d ever made for himself. He’d never told little Ben any of that.

Because Ben deserved better than a halfhearted letter typed over some social network. Ethan needed to tell him everything face to face and take whatever Ben had to throw at him. Whether it be disappointment or forgiveness, Ethan would take it.

He just hoped he wasn’t too late.

The airliner touched down at the Shuttlesworth International Airport in Birmingham at mid-afternoon the next day. The sun beat down on the blackened runway causing heat to radiate in seemingly visible waves as Ethan gazed out of the tiny oval window. This time he’d opted for first class. And not because he preferred the amenities it offered, but because he needed his privacy. His stomach was twisted in knots of anticipation for the reality that would face him the second he set foot in that hospital.

What would Ben be like? Would he see Alaina? How would she react to his presence there? The last thing he wanted was a scene in the middle of the waiting room, but he knew better than that from Alaina. She wouldn’t make a scene. All it’d take was a look and he’d know he wasn’t welcome. He just needed to see Ben before she knew he was there. That’s why he’d called that morning and asked Granny Mae to keep quiet about his arrival. He had some stuff to settle with Ben and it’d be a lot easier to accomplish without having to explain himself to Alaina—or having to deal with the pain of seeing her and not being welcome to touch her hair or hold her hand the way he had before messing everything up.

Ethan chose a blue Yankees cap and a pair of dark sunglasses as his disguise for the day and he just hoped it’d be enough to get him as far as Ben’s room unnoticed. Ironically, his departure from the secular music scene had not put an abrupt end to his career as he’d anticipated. Sure, he’d lost some of his fan base, but he’d gained a whole new wave. Turns out, people liked to see the real side of celebrities and his new fans felt that he had a backbone; that he’d made a stand for Christ and for his beliefs with his decision to switch to Christian music—which was great, but once again didn’t aid to private ventures out of the house.

And then there was Ted. A constant companion and spiritual guide, he and Ethan had become what could only be described as friends. Ted was there for Ethan every time it really mattered and it’d taken a while for Ethan to realize why, but now he understood that Ted was a man of God, and through His guidance, knew exactly what Ethan needed to hear at just the right moments. Ted offered advice and helped Ethan maintain his focus on what really mattered.

Ted was at Ethan’s side as they rode in the yellow taxi from the airport to the hospital and Ethan knew he could count on Ted to stay there indefinitely, even if not physically. Ted’s wisdom would always remain etched in Ethan’s memory and would pop to mind whenever he needed it. And now was one of those times. The monstrous brick conglomeration of buildings loomed in the street ahead. Thomas Hospital. Ethan was there.

“I believe we’ve arrived, Mr. Carter,” Ted said in his usual cool tone.

Ethan felt himself gulp. “Yep.”

Ted didn’t say anything else for a long moment, but then it came. The few words that Ethan needed to hear. “Before his downfall a man’s heart is proud, but humility comes before honor.”

A smile played at Ethan’s lips. “Psalms?”

Ted nodded. “I’m impressed.”

Ethan shrugged. “I read a lot of Psalms.” He paused for a moment, feeling a little vulnerable by his next statement. “But what if he hates me?”

Ted placed his thick hand on Ethan shoulder and gave it a supportive squeeze. “Just be honest, Mr. Carter. Be humble. Ben will understand.”

The cab came to a stop at the main entrance of the treatment center and Ethan readjusted his hat and glasses before opening the door. He took one last deep breath. “Humble. Got it.”

Granny Mae had instructed them to go to the fifth floor, and the long trek there felt to Ethan as if he was trying to walk on eggshells without cracking them. Every girl with long dark hair, regardless of height or size, made Ethan’s skins jump. He just knew he was going to turn a corner and meet Alaina face to face. He wasn’t sure what he’d say if that happened and really preferred to not have to find out.

But after about ten minutes and two different elevator rides later, Ethan and Ted approached Ben’s hallway and there had been no sign of Alaina anywhere. Tenth door down on the right, Granny Mae poked her head out and met Ethan’s gaze with a wide loving smile. When he reached her, she embraced him.

“Oh, lil’ E, I hate the circumstances, but it is so good to see your face.”

Ethan returned her hug. “How is he, Granny? Am I too late?”

He could see the sadness in his grandmother’s eyes. “He’s hanging in there. Putting up a Ben kind of fight.”

“Where is uh . . .”

Granny smiled a little. “I sent her for an early dinner. Ben started stirring a few minutes ago. If you want to visit with him, you better get to it because those pain meds will have him out again soon. I know he’ll be excited to see you.”

Ethan’s stomach tightened and he offered Granny an appreciative nod. “I hope so,” he murmured. He looked up to Ted. “You think you can give me a minute, man?”

Ted nodded and turned to Granny. “Mae, I think I saw a Starbucks on the way up here. How does a cup of coffee sound?”

Mae smiled and allowed Ted to take her by the arm back toward the elevator.

They’d made it all the way to the opposite end of the long hallway and Ethan still remained frozen in the doorway to Ben’s room. He couldn’t believe he was so nervous. It’s just that he’d imagined this moment going so many different ways in his mind. The most preferable: Ben would be ecstatic to see him and not even ask why he’d left in the first place. The least desirable: Ben would completely go nuts and yell at him and give him the same look and speech his sister had the night she’d told him that he was a liar and needed to leave.

Ethan placed his hand on the doorknob and sent up a silent prayer.
Lord, just give me the words to say. He’s so young. Please help him understand. Help him to see that I’m different.

Ethan turned the knob and slowly pushed the wide door open. The room was small, but fairly comfortable. The walls were white but a couple of pictures hung from each one, casting a little color to the room. A small flat screen television hung from a mount in front of the bed. Linens draped messily from the recliner beside Ben’s bed and from a cot that sat up against the opposite wall. Ethan wondered why they both looked slept in. He knew Granny was staying in a room in the annex. He figured Alaina was sleeping in the bed at night and using the chair to nap in during the day.