Redemption: Alchemy Series Book #4 (8 page)

"Colleen might be rough around the edges and a natural born fighter, but it's not the same. Ever since Cormac left, you've had this look in your eyes that is akin to staring into your own death. Everyone knows you've got the ammo, I'm just not so sure you can shoot straight."

"You need a little polishing up too
, by the way. Your delivery stinks." But his words concerned me. I knew in my gut for a while that sooner or later, it would come down to the senator and me. I remembered back to when I'd tried to confront him in his office, and he'd brushed me off. I hadn't known why, at the time. If I had just pursued him then, maybe none of this would've ever come to pass.

The
coulda, shoulda, woulda,
was about to hit hard if I kept up this train of thought. Why couldn't I ever dwell on the
did and was awesome
parts of my life?

"I'm starting to get some control." I took a deep breath and let out a stream of magical smoke, then reached a finger up to glide it along the tendrils.

"Jo, if we end up in a war with the senator, smoke rings aren't going to cut it."

"For today, just handle the Colleen issue. I'll handle my issues after I know we don't have to scrap
e her off the front courtyard."

He reclined back as he shook his head but didn't press the issue further. "You going to watch?"

"Nope." I never did when it was her, or someone I cared for. There was something all together unpalatable about seeing a person you liked getting ripped to shreds in front of you. To keep up appearances, I showed up to all the other fights. I didn't want to appear soft.

The door opening and closing in the foyer stopped any further discussion about Colleen. There was no one I'd trust with this information who didn't have blood on their hands.

"We've got about fifty new refugees downstairs," Dark said as he walked into the room.

The sheer numbers would be enough to draw my attention. Normally, refugees showed up in smaller groups
; four or five, typically. I could see on his face there was more of an issue than just how many. "And?"

"One of them is Crash."

This got Burrom to his feet. "Do you think it's a trick?"

He asked the exact same thing I was wondering.

Dark, even in his human form, could smell pheromones and was an excellent judge of people because of it. Most of the wolves were. It was why when you went up against one of them, you'd better be sure of yourself. They could smell fear just like a dog, and it excited their instincts to attack.

"I think it's legit. He's asking to speak to you," Dark said, looking at me.

I nodded. "Send him up to the conference room."

"Do you want back up?" Burrom asked as Dark left the room.

"No, it's better if I'm on my own. I can handle him."

I left Burrom and made my way to the conference room, passing all different types of people, or what used to be people. Regular humans were becoming the minority. It was nothing to see someone covered in fur or a pair of wings these days. I secretly envied
changed
with wings. Even with my fear of heights, I'd drooled over a couple of nice sets of fluffy white feathers.

I reached the conference room before Crash and took a seat in Cormac's...No, it wasn't Cormac's chair. It was the chair at the head of the table. I closed my eyes, feeling too drained to hold back the memories today.

"Cormac, you've got to rest a bit." I grabbed his arm, trying to psychically drag him into the bedroom and force him to lie down. He'd been nonstop since the portal opened.

He didn't budge but looked at me.

"Jo, I don't need sleep anymore."

I returned his stare. He was holding something back. It was there in his pale eyes and what I'd glimpsed frightened me. I let go of his arm, taking a step back before I even thought about it. Whatever was going on was rattling him. I'd never seen Cormac like this and goose bumps spread up and down my arms.

"You're pushing too hard." That
's all it was, I told myself. He was exhausted from the delusion that he didn't need to rest.

He looked at me and opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated. When he finally spoke, I wasn't sure if it was what he initially intended to say. "You're right. I'll slow down after I get everything settled."

Whatever I thought I'd seen in his eyes was shuttered now. Maybe it had never been there. I was so on edge myself, I was seeing things.

I pushed a boot against the conference table and sent the wheeled chair scooting backward. I should've demanded a real answer. If I had, maybe I could've fixed it. Maybe he would be here with me now.

We'd had sex the night before and I wish I'd known it was going to be the last time. Maybe if I'd said something different. If I'd told him I loved him, maybe he wouldn't have left.

I kicked the chair further backward trying to jar my mind along with my body. I had to stop. He'd known how I felt. I might not have told him, but I showed him.

He'd known. And it hadn't mattered.

The door swung open and my eyes shot to the figure of Crash walking in. I nodded to Dark, silently signaling him to leave us alone.

Crash was still as handsome as I remembered, with his sandy colored hair and hazel eyes. His smile was warm and friendly
, but did nothing to diffuse the anger I still bore him. The senator had known the moment we'd crossed over into his territory. I'd expected it, but I thought he would have bought us a little time, not run straight to him.

"Jo," he greeted me.

"What brings you here?"

He walked a few feet into the room and I pushed myself back toward the table and kicked my legs up, crossing my ankles. He wasn't a threat to me and I wanted to make sure he knew.

"Me, and some others, have left the senator." He sat down, leaving a chair between us. It was a telling gesture that spoke of his unease.

"And now you want to stay here? Little late, don't you think?" I raised my eyebrows. "You torched that bridge pretty bad."

"I didn't tell the senator that you crossed. One of my men did. I wouldn't have done that but I warned you it was bound to happen."

"And is this person with you?" I might have to bump Colleen's fight at noon if he was.

"No. He stayed with the senator."

I couldn't stop the disappointment but I brushed it aside. "Why now? What's changed?"

"My daughter's dead."

The words took all the life out of the room and instantly changed the mood. We both fell quiet and I digested the news. I watched the hurt flash in his eyes at having to speak
about her. I could see the pain of her loss poke its head up at the mention and stab a fresh wound.

So many people were dead. I was all too familiar with how you could be walking along, managing to hold yourself together, until a simple memory caused you to seize in pain.

I wanted to act callously, as if I were immune to it, but I wasn't. Time made you better, but it never made you whole. Maybe if I hadn't just suffered my own loss it would be easier to shut down the empathy, but I was too raw myself. Cormac wasn't confirmed dead, but he might as well be. I hung my head as I tried to tamp down the compassion I couldn't seem to stop. So, instead of saying a lot of people are dead, as I probably should've, I said nothing.

"How many do you have with you?"

"I've got forty-eight now, but there might be more to follow." He looked around the room and then his gaze came back to mine, uncertainty there. "I told them I'd send word back if they were welcome."

"What do you have to offer?" Compassion or not, there could be no free rides, especially for a group such as this. I'd have a riot on my hands if I did. 

"We're all ex-military and we didn't leave empty handed, either. We took a shit load of guns and ammo with us."

"We've got all the guns and ammo we need."

"Not this kind you don't." He smiled, knowing he had the ace in the hole.

When last we'd met, Crash's team had been in possession of ammo that Keepers, and rippers alike, were susceptible to. It was a game changer.

"How much?"

"Enough to clear out every ripper in Nevada about ten times over."

Now he had my true interest and I leaned forward.

"If this is true, why even bother with us? Why wouldn't you go stake out your own little piece of the wild west?"

"As peaceful as it is now, when it does get ugly, and we all know it will, I want to be standing next to the good guys."

I wasn't sure we were the good guys. Kaz ripping Rogo's head off didn't seem so good. There was nothing saintly about Colleen's fight with Evan, but I decided to let him think what he wanted. I needed those bullets.

"How did you get out? And what about the rest of them? How do I know they're going to be loyal and this isn't some sort of Trojan Horse? Are they all suddenly plagued by some new found moral compass?" I picked up a stray pencil that was lying on the table and tapped it, then twirled it in my hand while I waited.

"The senator hasn't been paying much attention since the truce
, so getting out wasn't as hard as it might have been a few months ago."

"Everyone over there knows about the truce?" I feigned interest in my pencil baton act while he spoke.

"Not everyone. Just the upper tier, but they talk."

"You still didn't tell me why the rest of them want out."

He tilted his head down as if he didn't want to really speak aloud what he had to say next. "You know my daughter was the only thing keeping me there. I wasn't the only one whose family members could be counted among the
changed
.

"He uses them against us. Most of the people with me are good. They fought for their country out of loyalty and honor. Even the ones who don't have family didn't sign up with the senator because they thought he was evil. He told them you were the cause of the world's destruction. They believed him." He rolled his eyes, thinking to commiserate with me over the lies spread.

The pencil snapped in my hand. I took a deep breath before I continued, knowing it needed to be said.

"That's not all lies. I did have a hand in it."

He tapped his fingers on the table, needing a minute himself to formulate a response.

The drumming stopped. "It's true?"

I wanted to deny it, now that he was the one staring at me with condemnation. "The senator was the architect, but yes, I was directly involved. You could say I was the hammer he swung."

He nodded, taking another moment. "Did you know what you were doing?"

"No." The word rushed from me but I wouldn't beg for forgiveness, even though a part of me wanted to.

"I won't share that with my people."

"It doesn't matter. They'll find out. It's unavoidable."

"I'll deal with it then."

"Or I will." Which seemed more likely.

"Either way, I'd still like to stay."

As I looked at him, my obligation to the people already here warred with the desire to appease my guilt and welcome them with open arms. I wanted to try to right the wrong I felt I caused everyone, but I couldn't ease my conscience on other people's backs.

"We'll make room for now, on a probationary basis, and see how it goes." See if the current residents resent sharing the limited supplies and don't start challenging them to death matches. Or worse, risk the backlash and off them in their sleep.

He nodded and we both stood. I had to go figure out where I could squeeze fifty more bodies in. Crash, presumably, had to go talk to his men.

"I'm just warning you
, though, if there are too many objections, you'll have to leave. And, so help me, if I feel like I can't trust you at any point, I will deal with the problem."

"You think you could?" He wasn't trying to start a fight but eyeing me up as a small female that couldn't handle him and his guys. His earlier unease seemed dulled by our calm conversation.

"I know I could. You should listen to the gossip. It's not all lies." I returned his smile but it didn't reach my eyes and I knew he felt the threat, and maybe as Burrom had suggested, seen his potential death staring back at him in my eyes.

"Who are you?" he asked, realizing, maybe for the first time, I wasn't the same girl he'd met months ago.

"I'm the product of my environment. And it's one nasty fucking world out there." I walked away, not offering any further explanation.

Chapter Six

Snow Day

I was taking Colleen and Chip on a little field trip with me today to collect food. Both had proven immune to the rippers. Colleen was an asset, with her ability to shoot electrical currents from her fingers, and Chip was logistics. He could get us wherever we needed to go by tapping into the satellites that still orbited the planet. With the map, he might not have been the best use of our additional person, but he was my first choice because he knew how to keep his mouth shut. I didn't want the adventure I was planning to be discussed.