Red and the Wolf (9 page)

“News flash. It did hurt for you to leave like that.”

“I know,” he said. “It nearly killed me to go. I wanted to stay more than anything, Red. You have to believe that.” She looked at him. “I was in love with you.”

Her heart skidded to a halt before thudding to life again. Anger skittered down her spine.

“You were in love with me?” she demanded.

“Yes.”

“I see,” she said, thick with sarcasm, seriously considering shoving him from the tree. “You loved me, so you had to leave to
protect
me.”

He nodded. “I know it doesn’t make any sense. I could tell you the reasons, Red, but you aren’t going to believe me. I’ll tell you anyway, if you ask. But please, if you believe nothing else, believe that I loved you. I’ve loved you almost our whole lives—well, really our whole lives. I just didn’t realize it until I was, I don’t know, maybe twelve or thirteen.”

Ruby blinked. He’d loved her even longer than she’d loved him. Or rather, he’d realized it longer.

“But you left without telling me. Then you stayed away without writing. And now, you’ve been back six . . . months . . .” She tried to control the hitch in her voice, but it was there anyway, along with the tears.

“Red,” he breathed, scooting closer, taking her hands in his. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t want you to know I was back. I didn’t want anyone to know until I was sure . . .”

When he didn’t continue, she said, “Until you were sure of what?”

“That I could stay.”

Ruby stared at him, stunned. “You’re staying?”

“Yes.”

Ruby wasn’t sure what to make of his pronouncement. He was staying, but what did that mean for her? He said he’d
loved
her, not that he
loves
her. Rafe chuckled and she looked at him.

“When you think so hard about something, Red, you may as well speak aloud. Your thoughts are as clear as the nose on your face.”

“Oh yeah?” She pulled her hands from his and crossed her arms petulantly. “What am I thinking then?”

“You’re wondering why I told you this.” She narrowed her eyes rather than confirm his words. “And you’re wondering if I love you still.”

“No, I’m not,” she denied immediately.

Rafe shrugged, placing one hand on the trunk behind her head so he could lean closer. He caressed her cheek beneath the hood with his other hand.

“The answer is yes, Red, I do love you. I love you very much. I thought being away might change that.” He smiled. “It did. I love you even more now than I did when we were younger.”

His eyes mesmerized Ruby. He leaned closer, his eyes dropping to her lips. Thunder crashed overhead, rattling the tree as lightning ignited the sky. Ruby jerked at the sound.

“We’d better get back to the cave,” she said.

Rafe straightened, disappointment in his eyes. “Right,” he said. He climbed down first, Ruby following close behind. Once their feet touched the ground, Rafe took her hand and they ran back to the cave. Rafe was drenched once again.

The cave was empty.

“Where’s Lowell?” she asked.

Rafe glanced worriedly toward the opening. “He’ll be back.” He didn’t sound as if he believed his own words.

“He left firewood?” She pointed to a pile of wood in the corner.

“It’s too late to make it to your grandma’s before dark,” he said.

“So?”

“So, trust me, we’ll be safer in here than out there.”

“You have a gun, Rafe. It’s just a wolf.”

Rafe sighed, moving to the wood to begin stacking it near the opening to the cave. “Still, we’ll stay the night.”

Ruby considered arguing. It would be useless, really. She knew Rafe could force her to stay. Besides, she was clever enough to know that wolf or no wolf, it was smarter to stay in the cave and get a fresh start in the morning. The rain still came down in buckets, anyway.

“Guess we’ll have muffins for dinner, too,” she said.

“I brought canned stew,” he said, pulling it from his pack along with a small pan to heat it over the fire.

As they waited for the stew to cook, Rafe ran a hand lightly up Ruby’s upper arm, leaning to kiss her lightly where the bruises resided beneath the sweatshirt.

“I swear I’ll never do anything ever again that will leave a mark on you, Red,” he said quietly, earnestly. “Lowell, your father, my father, Marina, Hutu, my
mother
. . . they can all have a go at flogging me for doing so even this one time. Still, it won’t begin to make up for it.”

“I know you’re sorry. I also know you didn’t do it on purpose.” She smiled. “And the fact that you’ll let your mom have a shot at you guarantees that it won’t happen again. She’s pretty scary.”

“Yes, she is,” Rafe agreed, laughing with her.

“Maybe we should let Ali’tasi at you as well.”

Rafe grimaced. “I won’t survive her
and
my mother. But yes, for you, I’ll let her have a turn as well.”

Later, lying near Rafe, covered with a blanket he’d provided for her, she looked toward the opening. “Is he going to be okay?” she asked.

“He’ll be fine,” Rafe said. “He probably went home.”

Exhaustion was taking its toll on Ruby. Not physical exhaustion, but emotional. She just wanted to sleep. She let her eyes drift closed.

“Red?” Rafe whispered.

“Yeah?”

“I wanted to ask you,” he said, “Did you love me too?”

Her eyes popped open.

Rafe smiled. “I’m not asking if you love me now. Only if you loved me then.”

Don’t tell him. Don’t say anything.

“With all my heart,” she said, turning away from him and squeezing her eyes closed.

* * * * *

Ruby woke with a start. It took her a moment to remember where she was. The cave was dark and cold. A glance toward the opening revealed that the fire had burnt down to coals. A tortured howling tore through the night. She sat up, eyes glued to the cave opening. The wolf sounded close.

“We’re safe,” Rafe said in the dark. “As long as the coals are glowing, he won’t come in.”

“You don’t know that,” she whispered, as if speaking louder might call attention to their location.

Rafe sighed and sat up. He crawled to the mouth of the cave and placed the last few pieces of wood on the coals. He leaned down and blew until a flame started. He came back to where Ruby sat shivering.

“Cold?” he asked.

“I’ll be okay,” she said.

Rafe scooted beside her, wrapped an arm around her, and pulled her to his side as he leaned against the wall. He brought his other hand around and rubbed her arm. She might have pushed away except the warmth was so welcoming. That, and the fact that she was in Rafe’s arms, and even if it were for a practical purpose, she’d take it. She cuddled closer to him.

“Rafe,” she began. Another howl came, sounding even closer than before. “Why did you tell me that story? About the lycans, I mean.”

He was silent. She believed he’d fallen asleep until he spoke.

“I thought you should know the truth. We’re not supposed to tell anyone about the lycans, but I thought you deserved to know.”

“Who is ‘we’?” Ruby still didn’t believe in the lycans, but she wanted to know what he was trying to tell her.

“My family.”

“Your family?” Ruby was stunned. She hadn’t expected that answer.

“I know this all sounds fantastical, but it’s the truth. For as long as anyone in our family remembers, we’ve known about the lycans.”

“So what are you? Some kind of protector, or something?”

“Something like that.”

“Well, that’s clear as mud.”

Rafe’s laughter rumbled beneath her ear. “If you want the whole truth I’ll tell you, Red. But one of two things will happen. Either you won’t believe me, or you will believe me and then probably hate me.”

Not likely
. “Give me a try,” she said.

“Like I said, no one is sure where or how it began. Somewhere along time the truth was lost and all we have now are a lot of theories. The one truth that remains is that, in our lineage, we all have the gene.”

A tremor ran through Ruby. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know, but asked anyway. “What gene?”

“The lycan gene.”

Ruby considered his words. They all carried the . . . but then, that would mean . . .

She sat upright, looking Rafe directly. His face was dim in the firelight. “Are you telling me
you
are a lycan?”

Holding her gaze, he nodded.

“And Lowell?” She couldn’t keep the disbelief from her tone.

Rafe’s gaze went to the cave’s opening. “Yes.”

Ruby scooted away from him. “So that howling . . .?”

“Lowell, if I had to guess,” he said.

“You really expect me to believe this?”

Rafe’s gaze came back to her. “No, I don’t expect you to, but I
hope
you will.” He pulled his knees up, resting his arms across them.

“So all of the animals . . . Bradford . . .?”

He held one hand up. “That wasn’t me, Red. I swear.” He dropped his hand. “We all carry the gene, but we don’t all shift. Three and a half years ago, I began showing the signs.”

“Signs?”

He shrugged and gazed at the fire again. “You might not remember how much bigger I got in those last six months before I left.” She remembered, but hadn’t thought anything of it—at least, anything that didn’t have to do with her desire for him. “I started getting fevers regularly, only I wasn’t sick. I wasn’t sleeping much, and I was restless.” He blew out a breath. “I was afraid that if I stayed, I’d hurt someone.” His eyes locked with hers. “I was afraid I’d hurt you. I couldn’t have lived with that, Red. So I went away. I left, tearing my soul in two, because it was better than the risk if I stayed.”

Ruby shook her head. “But you left Lowell here.”

Rafe twined his fingers together. “Lowell hadn’t shown any of the signs. We figured he was a carrier, but not a shifter.” Rafe ran a hand through his hair. “Six months ago, my mom called to tell me he was showing the signs. I came back to try to help him learn control.”

This was crazy. Rafe believing what he said was insane. “So you figured it was safer for you in New York at college than here?”

Rafe rested his chin on one hand, watching her. “I wasn’t in New York. I was in Alaska.”

“But . . . your address was in New York.”

“My aunt lives there. She forwarded my mail. I was in a very remote part of Alaska, far north, so it sometimes was weeks before I would get my mail.”

Huh. Well, she supposed that explained the delay in his responses. It didn’t explain his eventual complete lack of response, though.

“Why Alaska?”

“My uncle, my father’s brother, lives there. He teaches us how to control the change. Instead of shifting because of anger, or anxiety, or hunger, I learned to change at will—or not. I learned control, and I haven’t changed for over two years.”

“So why didn’t you come home?”

“I was afraid that coming back to Piera would undo all I had learned. Something about Piera drives us more than anywhere else. Maybe it’s this forest. I don’t know. When I came back for Lowell, I didn’t know if I’d have control here. If I didn’t, I couldn’t stay.”

“You could have taken me with you,” she murmured.

Rafe scooted closer again, placing a hand over hers. “If I had come to you three years ago and said I was about to change into a lycan, and I wanted you to go with me to the northern reaches of Alaska while I learned how to control the beast, and could only hope I didn’t harm or kill you in the process, you would’ve thought I was crazy.”