Reconstructing Meredith (3 page)

Her every response was a battle between mind and body, between instinct and desire. One wanted to jerk away from my touch, one wanted to press against me and beg for more. Sometimes her kiss was hesitant, sometimes it was confident. I never knew if a caress would bring out a startled gasp or an aroused sigh. But still she didn’t want to stop, so I didn’t.

Together, we got her jeans unzipped and off, and to my surprise, she didn’t even flinch when I slid her panties over her hips. She kicked them away, then eased her naked body down on top of me. Her kiss was desperate now, hungry and demanding, and I groaned as she pressed her hips against my cock through my clothes. The more I touched her, tasted her, breathed her in, the more I physically ached to be inside her, but not until she was ready.

We shifted positions so she was on her back, and when I circled her nipple with my tongue, she whimpered with pleasure even as the hand in my hair twitched and threatened to pull me away. I closed my lips around her nipple, holding it between my teeth and teasing it with my tongue. After a moment, her hand relaxed.

I kissed my way down her belly, but just as I’d passed her navel, the hand in my hair tightened with enough hesitation to make me pause.

I looked up. “What’s wrong?”

“No,” she whispered. “Please… don’t.”

I pushed myself up on my arms. “Don’t what?”

“Don’t go.” Her cheeks flushed with uncharacteristic embarrassment. “Down. There.”

“Okay, I won’t.” Promising myself I’d find out later what he’d done to her to make her ashamed and nervous of something she’d once lived for, I moved up to kiss her. “If you don’t want me to, I won’t.”

When I kissed her again, the breath she released was another sigh of relief, and it was all I could do not to ask her right then what had happened. But I wouldn’t do that to her, not now. She’d been through enough. For tonight, she needed some long overdue ecstasy.

I rested on one arm and let my hand drift down her side, pausing on her hip. “Is this okay?”

She nodded.

“Guide my hand,” I said.

“What?”

“So I know what you’re okay with,” I whispered. “Guide my hand.”

For a moment, she didn’t move, and I thought she’d frozen, that what I’d asked was too much for her. Just before I came up with a Plan B, her fingers closed around my wrist. She moved my hand down over her hip, then to her inner thigh. Neither of us breathed as she parted her legs for both of our hands.

She guided me to her pussy, laying my fingers over her clit. I curled them slightly and made slow, gentle circles, all the while watching her eyes. She kept her hand on my wrist, but she didn’t hold it now. She might not have even been aware of her own hand anymore. That, or she kept it there in case panic or pain suddenly took over and she needed to get away from my touch.

I circled her clit a little faster. She whimpered and her back arched, but she didn’t try to push me away. After a while, her hand lifted off mine and, a second later, came to rest on the back of my neck, pulling me down into a kiss. At first, a gentle kiss. Then deeper, more passionate, more
confident
. Then shy, uncertain. With a little more time, the confidence came back.

The heat of her pussy against my fingertips made my head spin. I was already painfully hard, and now that I was this close to her, I
needed
to be inside her. Soon, I hoped, and until then, I let my hand mirror her assertiveness. When her lips moved with uncertainty, I kept my touch gentle and slow. As she pulled me closer and kissed me harder, I teased her pussy, sliding two fingers inside her, inching deeper as long as her body language welcomed me.

Her breathing came in sharp, shallow gasps now, cooling the side of my face as she kissed me. Her pussy tightened around my fingers. Anticipation tingled at the base of my spine.
Yes, baby, come for me. Don’t hold back, don’t
—

She broke the kiss. “Scott.”

The single syllable of my name stopped my hand, my heart, my breathing. “What? Are you—”

“I want you.” She panted against my lips. “I want you to fuck me.”

Yes, yes, yes, you can have me
. I swallowed. “Are you sure?”
Please say yes. Please say yes. Oh God, baby, please say yes
.

She nodded, pulling me down to kiss her again, and if her silent affirmative hadn’t reassured me, her desperate, demanding kiss did. And if
that
hadn’t convinced me, I’d have deferred to her hand, which slid between us to unbuckle my belt.

I pushed myself up, and we both managed to get my belt unbuckled and my zipper down.

Meredith’s hands stopped and she furrowed her brow. “Shit, I just realized I don’t have any condoms.”

“I, however, do.” I reached into my back pocket and pulled out my wallet.

“Oh, thank God.” Then she laughed. “Scott Moore, ever the prepared one.”

“Damn right.” I set my wallet on the nightstand and rolled on to my back so I could get out of my remaining clothes. Once they were off and the condom was on, I came back to her.

She rested her hands on my shoulders and parted her legs for me as I lowered myself to her, but alarm raised the hairs on the back of my neck when she screwed her eyes shut. The creases between her eyebrows reappeared. Every sharp, uneven breath she drew spelled out apprehension.

I leaned down and kissed her gently. “Are you sure about this?”

The creases deepened.

“Meredith?”

I started to back off, but stopped when she hooked her leg around mine.

Finally, she opened her eyes. “No. I want this.”

“Are you sure?”

She hesitated, then nodded slowly as she put her arms around me. “Yes.”

I kissed her again. Gently, just my lips against hers. “Do you want to get on top? So you can—”

“No. Just like this.”

I didn’t move yet. “I’ll go slow. If I’m hurting you, or you want me to stop, just say so.”

Taking a deep breath, she nodded again.

Resting my weight on one forearm, I guided myself to her with my free hand. I teased her pussy with the head of my cock, pushing in just a fraction of an inch before backing off. She tightened her jaw, screwed her eyes shut again, held her breath. Her fingers dug into my shoulders, holding on as if to still some trembling before it started.

I kissed her neck. “Relax, baby. I won’t hurt you, I promise.” Another gentle kiss just beneath her ear. “You’re completely in control.”

She released her breath. Her fingers loosened their grip on my shoulders.

“You okay?” I whispered.

She didn’t speak, just nodded.

Biting my lip, I slid into her. I moved slowly, stopping whenever she tensed. Gradually, she relaxed and took me deeper with no resistance. It was my turn to stop breathing, but it wasn’t nerves or apprehension that lodged the air in my throat. I closed my eyes, lips parted for an exhalation that didn’t come, and lost myself in her. The heat of her body against mine, her cool breaths on my shoulder, the soft, familiar smell of her skin and hair, all of that along with the dizzying, overwhelming sensation of being inside her.

I pushed myself up again and looked down at her. She held my gaze as I took long, smooth strokes, and for a moment, all the reasons we were here disappeared. The past, the pain, the scars, all of it was gone, and it was only us. She was the woman I’d made love to just like this hundreds of times before. We were here because we wanted to be. Because we wanted each other.

She reached up to touch my face and I kissed the inside of her wrist, shivering at the warmth of her skin against my lips.

“Come here,” she whispered, and drew me down to kiss her.

We kissed, we moved, we melted against each other, and I didn’t break that kiss until a breathtaking tremor rippled up my spine. Then Meredith shuddered, and her whole body shook against me, her pussy tightening with the first waves of the orgasm she couldn’t quite release, and I’d be damned if I came before she did. Closing my eyes tight and clenching my jaw, I buried my face against her neck and thrust a little harder.

“You’re almost there, aren’t you?” I whispered in her ear.

She moaned softly.

“Come, baby.”
You feel so good, I’m losing it. I’m fucking
losing
it
. “Let yourself go, Meredith, let—” My voice caught. “Let me feel you come.”

“Oh fuck, Scott,” she whimpered. Her nails dug into my shoulders, and I gritted my teeth to keep that delicious pain from sending me over the edge. She arched her back. Trembled. Exhaled. Oh my God, she was right there, right there on the brink, so close, so close, and I was ready to go down with her.

As soon as her pussy tightened around me, I didn’t stand a chance. She cried out, I groaned, and a shudder drove me deep inside her. My rhythm fell apart as I tried to keep thrusting, tried to keep breathing, tried to keep her orgasm going along with my own.

Then, as one, we exhaled and relaxed.

Another whimper escaped her lips. I kissed her cheek just as she pulled in a ragged breath, and my lips touched wet skin. Puzzled, I pushed myself up on my arms, and panic turned my veins to ice when I realized she was crying. She put her hand over her eyes, and little by little, fell to pieces.

“Meredith, baby, are you okay?” I touched her face, brushing away a tear. I’d seen women tear up after a powerful orgasm, but not like this. Never like this. “Baby, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”

She shook her head, but neither spoke nor took her hand away from her eyes.

My heart slammed into my ribcage as I stroked her face with a shaking hand. “Talk to me, please…”

Through her tears, she finally murmured, “Thank you.”

Careful not to jar her more than I had to, I pulled out slowly. Then I shifted on to my side and held her close, stroking her face and hair while she cried.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered after a few minutes. “I didn’t… this…”

“Shh.” I kissed her gently. “Nothing to be sorry about.”

She sniffed, wiping her eyes. “I just feel so stupid.”

“What? Because you’re in bed with me?”

She laughed. “Yeah, that’s it. Of course.”

I smiled. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

“You’re a dork.”

“I’ve been called worse things.”

“Oh really? Such—” She paused, then gestured past me. “Can you get those for me?”

I picked up the box of tissues from the nightstand and handed it to her.

“Thanks.” She pulled one out and dabbed at her eyes.

“No problem.” I kissed her forehead, then sat up. “I’m going to go get rid of this and be right back.” I kissed her one more time, then got up and went into the bathroom to take care of the condom. As I washed my hands, I caught my reflection in the mirror and paused. Even after—
especially
after—having sex with Meredith, the unsettled feeling lingered in my gut. I still couldn’t get my head around what she’d been through, and something told me I didn’t know the half of it yet.

Looking into my own eyes, I wondered.
Am I cut out for this? Am I capable of helping her pick up these pieces? What the hell am I getting myself into
?

I turned the water off. Still looking in the mirror for answers, I dried my hands and sighed. Time would tell if I was the right person to help her through this. Between now and that time, I’d do whatever I could for her, and resist the urge to hunt down that worthless piece of shit to show him the meaning of the word “punishment.”

For the moment, she was here, I was here, and she’d managed to surrender enough to not only have sex, but to come. No way was I ruining this, and I wasn’t about to let her see that her situation had already gotten under my skin.

I flicked off the bathroom light and went back into the bedroom. Sliding into bed beside her, I started pulled the covers up over both of us, but she stopped me, furrowing her brow as she looked at me.

She ran her fingertips down my side. “When did you get these tattoos?”

I glanced down. “Not quite three years ago.”

“What do they mean?”

“They’re Chinese,” I said. “The characters on my left side mean strength and wisdom.” I gestured at my back. “The four down my back are power and trust. On my right side, peace and passion.”

She looked at me, eyebrows raised. “I never thought of you as particularly spiritual.”

“I don’t know if I’d call it spiritual,” I said. “Those are just things that are important to me. And yes, I made sure they were all correctly translated and the calligraphy was done right.”

“I don’t doubt that.” She ran her fingertips along one of the characters. “These are really, really cool, though.” She laughed softly. “Maybe you’re not as much of a dork as I thought.”

I rolled my eyes, chuckling as I pulled the blanket over us and settled in beside her.

“So tell me,” she said with a playful smile, “what worse things have you been called?”

“Worse than dork?” I grinned. “Well, one of my girlfriends insists I’m a manwhore.”

Meredith laughed. “If the shoe fits…”

“Hey!”

“Scott, you can’t exactly protest being called a manwhore when you preface it with ‘one of my girlfriends’, you know?”

I shrugged. “Okay, point taken.”

“So you’re still into polyamoury, then?”

“I am,” I said. “I have a couple of girlfriends right now.”

She laughed again. “Only you could say that so nonchalantly, Scott.”

I chuckled. “Just doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to me anymore. I mean, I’ve been doing it for so long, it’s pretty normal for me.”

“For some reason, that doesn’t surprise me at all. So who’s in your harem these days?”

“You remember Kristen Locke, don’t you?”

“You’re kidding me.” She blinked. “You’re— I didn’t even think she was into kink.”

I shrugged. “She is now.”

“Do I know the other one?”

I furrowed my brow, trying to think back. “No, I don’t think you ever met Amy.”

“Hmm, doesn’t ring a bell.”

“Didn’t think so. Anyway, besides them, I had a couple of subs for a while. Tara and I still play every once in a blue moon, but we’re both so busy, we don’t see each other much anymore.” I rolled on to my back and she rested her head on my shoulder as I went on. “I was training Kasey to be a slave so she could find a Master, and now that she has…” I shrugged with my other shoulder.

Meredith shuddered. “I hope she’s found a good one.”

I trailed my fingers up and down her arm. “She has. I know him. He’s a good guy.”

“Good.” She draped her arm across my chest. “So, you had two other subs, but they’ve both moved on.”

“More or less.” I gave a quiet laugh. “Probably just as well. Amy and Krissy keep me plenty busy.”

She looked up at me. “This isn’t going to take away from them, is it? What you’re doing with me, I mean.”

“No, don’t you worry about that.” I smoothed her hair. “They’ll understand what I’m doing with you, and besides, Amy has her husband and Kristen has Matt, so I know they’ll be well taken care of.”

Meredith clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes. “Your world is a strange place, Scott.”

“Yeah, it is.” I ran my fingers through her hair. “And it looks like you’re part of it again.”

“I guess I am.” She nestled her head under my chin, probably to avoid my eyes. “When I called tonight, I honestly didn’t expect this.”

“That makes two of us, believe me.” I rested my hand on her arm. “Of all the things I expected when I came over tonight, winding up in bed with you wasn’t high on the list.” I touched her face. “It was a pleasant surprise though, in spite of the circumstances.”

She raised her head and, with some effort, met my eyes. After a moment, a hint of her smile returned. “Yeah, it was.” And once again, something darkened her expression. She reached up and ran her fingers through my hair. “Are you sure about this, Scott?”

“About being your Dom?”

She nodded.

The knots in my stomach tightened. “Of course,” I whispered. “I wouldn’t throw you to the wolves, you know that.”

“I know you wouldn’t.” Her fingertips drifted down the side of my face, their gentle warmth raising goose bumps on my back and neck. “But after everything… the past…”

I put my hand over hers. “It’s in the past.” I kissed the heel of her hand, never taking my eyes off hers. “We agreed to be friends, and as your friend, I’m not going to turn you away when I can help you with something like this.”
Assuming I can. Fuck, I hope I can do this
.

“But after I,” she hesitated, dropping her gaze. “After I disappeared on you.” She took a breath. “I’m sorry about that. I really am.”

“Let me ask you this,” I said quietly. “Did you walk away from me back then because you wanted to? Or because he forced you to?”

She flinched. Swallowing hard, she closed her eyes.

“Talk to me, Meredith,” I whispered.

“He decided I didn’t need any other men in my life.” She opened her eyes, the haunted expression sending a chill down my spine. “First, my exes. Then my friends. Once I moved in with him—and I use that phrase very loosely—he decided I didn’t need anyone but him. So he cut me off from everyone.”

I cringed, sucking in a breath. “When you say you use that phrase loosely, what do you mean?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. In fact, I was damned certain I didn’t, but I asked anyway.

“It wasn’t so much that I moved in with him,” she said, her voice hollow. “I stayed one night, and he didn’t let me leave after that. Had me quit my job by phone, took me over to get a few things from my apartment, then had everything put into storage and broke my lease on the apartment.”

“And all of this was without your consent?” My own voice sounded distant.

“Yes. In fact, I’m still fighting with the fucking storage company to get my stuff back.”

“Are you serious?”

She nodded. “We’ve been playing the paperwork game for months. The unit was in his name, so I have prove that we were married, we’re now divorced, that I have any kind of right to stake a claim to the contents of the unit, whatever. It’s been a nightmare.”

I shook my head. “What a mess. I just can’t believe he thought it was his right to do that to you.”

She shrugged with one shoulder. “He told me it was what I needed, and what I wanted, and I would learn to accept it.”

Rubbing the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger, I muttered, “Fuck, this guy was a piece of work.”

“I know.” She sighed. “Apparently I just needed a Master to show me what it was like to be a sub, and—”

“And he wasn’t the one to do it.”

She laughed bitterly. “Maybe not, but he did.”

“No, he didn’t.” I turned on to my side to face her. “He showed you what it’s like to be imprisoned against your will and treated like an object that was his to own, rape, and beat.”

She flinched again, looking away from me.

I raised her chin. “I can’t undo what he did to you, babe. If I could, I would, but all I can do is help you pick up the pieces, and there is nothing in our past that would make me hesitate for a second to do that.” I moved my hand from beneath her chin to the side of her neck, then into her hair. “And if he’s the reason you cut off contact with me, then it wasn’t your choice, and therefore it isn’t yours to apologize for.”

Blinking away tears, she smiled. “I was sure you’d hate me for that.”

“I was angry and hurt, I’ll admit that.” I leaned in and kissed her. “But I didn’t know the whole story. Now I do.” I kissed her again, drawing it out for a moment.

Our eyes met again. There was so much in her eyes, so many answers to questions I was afraid to ask, so many stories I was scared to death to hear. Those would all come out in time, though. I still wondered if I was the right man for this task. I’d have done anything she asked me to do if it meant helping her heal from the things that son of a bitch had done to her, but what if I made a mistake? What if, even with the best of intentions, I made things worse?

Her fingers brushed my cheekbone, startling me out of my thoughts. She furrowed her brow. “What are you thinking about?”

I swallowed, then shook my head. “Nothing.”

“Sure about that?”

There are very few things I’m sure about right now, Meredith
. “Nothing important.”

“Well, I was thinking,” she whispered, trailing her fingertips up the back of my neck, laughing softly when I shivered, “that I rather enjoyed everything you did earlier.”

“Oh?” I shivered again when fingertips became nails. “Did you?”

“I did.” She drew me in to kiss her. “I was thinking I might want you to do it again.”

“Hmm.” I dipped my head to kiss her neck. “I think I could do that.”

She whimpered as I flicked my tongue just beneath her jaw. “You sure?”

I grinned against her skin. “I’m
definitely
sure about that.”