Recollections of Rosings (18 page)

    Lilian, who had had very little knowledge of the military, was not in a position to be impressed by any of them, since she could scarcely distinguish between a captain and a colonel. When introduced to one or two of them, she smiled and tried to be agreeable, preparing herself to be bored by their usual line of conversation.

    She was, however, completely unprepared for their boldness, which she found disconcerting and occasionally bordering upon effrontery. Her unfamiliarity with such behaviour made her somewhat uncomfortable.

    Seeing Mr Joshua Armstrong on the far side of the room, she smiled and wished he would come over and speak with her; at least she knew him a little better than these military gentlemen. But he appeared to be otherwise engaged. Sitting in a small circle with one or two ladies, observed closely by several of the officers, Lilian's discomposure increased as she became conscious of their looks.

    The dress her aunt had had made for her was cut lower and fitted more closely than anything she had worn before, and Lilian, feeling their eyes upon her, pulled her silk shawl around her shoulders. She was on the point of rising from her chair and making her way across to where she could see her aunt in conversation with some ladies, when a very tall man, who had been introduced to her as Captain Hastings, appeared in front of her, bowed low, and asked if he might have the honour of the next dance. So relieved was she, she accepted his invitation without a second thought, and ignoring the undercurrent of laughter from the knot of officers around the circle, she let him lead her to the floor. When the music began, she realised she had been asked to dance the European waltz. Although she knew the dance, it was not one she had danced often; there were not many gentlemen at country dances who had mastered the Viennese waltz.

    But Captain Hastings certainly had. Almost instantly, she found herself clasped very close at the waist and whirled away around the floor at such speed as to render her dizzy. Determined not to make a fool of herself, Lilian clung to her partner and let him lead her through the steps of the dance, her feet scarcely touching the floor as they flew around the room.

    So close was she held, she could barely see over his shoulder; she never knew how she got through it without a mishap. When, to her great relief, the music stopped, she pleaded to be excused, claiming she was feeling unwell. She could feel her head spin and her heart race as her face was flushed with the exertion and not a little embarrassment at being in such close proximity to a man she knew not at all.

    Her partner became immediately solicitous and, begging her pardon for having exhausted her by such vigorous dancing, led her away from the crowd of dancers and ushered her into an adjacent room. It appeared to be a study or reading room and he led her to a chaise longue beside a window. While she sat down, he hastened to procure a glass of water from a goblet that stood on a table and, when she accepted it gratefully, seated himself beside her.

    The warmth of the room and her own state of unease had resulted in some degree of confusion, and Lilian did not immediately notice that Captain Hastings had closed the curtains behind them and placed his arm along the back of the chaise longue, against which she was resting.

    He said nothing for a while, except to ask if she was feeling better. When she said, "Yes, a little better, thank you," and tried to rise to return the glass to the table, he took it from her hand, leaning across her and moving even closer as he did so.

    Lilian, who had taken his concern for her to be genuine, leaned back and found he was now disconcertingly close; so much so, she could feel his breath upon her, with the reek of wine upon it. When she tried to move and make some space between them, his arm tightened around her shoulders, from which her shawl had slipped, leaving her feeling uncomfortably bare. She began to doubt his intentions when he took her hand in his, but when he made to draw her closer, she had no doubts whatsoever. Captain Hastings was no Sir Galahad, ministering to her in her moment of need; he was a scheming seducer, who had seen an opportunity and decided to take advantage of her. Never having dealt with such a crude approach before, Lilian was at first confused and then somewhat panic-stricken. How could she ward off his advances without creating a scene?

    Pushing him away with both hands, Lilian got to her feet and when he rose and stood in front of her, blocking her exit, she threatened to scream unless he moved out of her way.

    "Don't be silly, that will do you no good at all. All I want is a little reward for my kindness. If you say I attacked you, no one will believe you—certainly not Lady Ashton. You will only be making a scene," he said and his voice had changed from the smooth, urbane tones of a few minutes ago into something quite unpleasant and threatening.

    Undaunted and desperate enough not to care, Lilian retorted, "And I intend to do just that. If you do not let me leave immediately, I
shall
scream and I do not care whether they believe me or not, I shall tell them what you tried to do. It matters little to me what they think, for I shall be returning to Kent tomorrow, but you, sir, will have a lot of explaining to do."

    He stepped towards her and for a moment she thought he intended to call her bluff, but then, surprising her greatly, he said, "And if I open that door and let you leave?"

    "I will say nothing, but I wish never to see you or speak with you again," she said.

    To her immense relief, he appeared to have second thoughts; with a somewhat forced laugh, he stepped to the door and, opening it with an exaggerated bow, let her pass through, still keeping himself well concealed behind it.

    The first person she saw as she came out of the room was Josh Armstrong and he, noticing how ill she looked, asked, "Miss Lilian, you look unwell, is anything the matter? Can I be of some assistance? Get you a drink, perhaps?"

    Lilian shook her head; thankful he had been at hand and grateful for his concern, she appealed to him.

    "Mr Armstrong, please, could you find my aunt? I am feeling unwell and I wish to go home."

    So distressed and exhausted was she by her ordeal, she held on to his arm as he led her to a sofa in a small alcove at the end of the room. When he returned with her aunt, Lilian could scarcely hold back tears as she asked to be allowed to leave at once. Mrs Tate was concerned not to upset Lady Ashton, but Lilian insisted.

    "I am most dreadfully sorry, Aunt Becky, it must be the heat, but I am truly feeling very ill and I beg you to let me leave."

    At this point, Josh intervened to say that it was plain Miss Lilian was unwell and could not continue to remain at the party. Even Becky could see that something was very wrong; her niece was pale and looked as if she might faint at any moment. Asking Josh Armstrong to make their apologies to Lady Ashton, she appealed for a servant to call them a hansom cab and they left the house soon afterwards. Mr Armstrong, clearly troubled by Lilian's distress, stayed with them and escorted them to the vehicle.

    In the cab, her aunt tried to discover what it was that had caused her sudden indisposition, but Lilian was too distressed and still too much in shock from her encounter with Captain Hastings to speak.

    She had not decided whether she was going to confide in her aunt. It was a situation of great delicacy and could cause her much embarrassment. Lilian did not wish to regale her aunt with a narration of events nor even to complain about his behaviour, since Captain Hastings was clearly a friend of Lady Ashton and it was more than likely she would not be believed.

    In any event, she thought, if he is Lady Ashton's friend, she will not think him capable of such conduct, and were I to complain, he will deny it and they will both accuse me of lying. She decided, therefore, to remain silent on the subject.

    On reaching the Tates' house, Lilian, claiming that she was exceedingly weary, retired to her room, leaving her aunt thoroughly bewildered.

    Becky had expected her niece to enjoy the company and admiration of the numerous young men present at Lady Ashton's party. She had thought Lilian looked exceptionally well. Certainly one of the prettiest girls present, she was dressed and coiffured more fashionably than she had ever been before, ensuring the attention of quite a few of the gentlemen, all of whom would have far better antecedents and social prospects than Mr Adams, Becky thought. It had promised to be a singularly successful evening; she could scarcely endure the disappointment at the way things had turned out.

    When Lilian came down to breakfast on the morrow, her aunt could not help returning to the matter of the night before.

    "Lilian dear, I cannot think why you were so out of sorts last evening," she said, noting that her niece was still a little pale. "I thought you were enjoying yourself—I did notice that several of the officers present paid you some attention, especially young Josh Armstrong, and Captain Hastings asked you to dance, too, I noticed. Now he is a real favourite of Lady Ashton's and very popular at balls and parties. Did you know he is the younger son of Lord ___, who is married to Lady Ashton's cousin and connected also to Mr Armstrong, who is such a fine gentleman? They are both men of property and substance, with excellent prospects, and I was pleased they had shown you some special attention."

    Lilian looked up from buttering her toast. She had been silent hitherto, but could take no more.

    "Aunt Becky, they may be friends or relations of Lady Ashton and have excellent prospects, but neither of them appeals to me at all, nor, I am sure, have they the slightest interest in me. I wish to ask, please, that you arrange to send me home to Kent as soon as possible."

    Becky Tate looked stunned. She put down her cup of tea and gazed at her niece as if she could not comprehend a word of what she had said. And in truth, she could not.

    "Lilian dear," she said in a disbelieving voice, "whatever do you mean, you wish to return home to Kent? Why, you have hardly been here a fortnight!"

    "Indeed, and it has been quite long enough for me to understand that I shall never be happy in London, I miss Mama, I miss my home and all the things I used to enjoy there." Her voice broke and she stopped awhile, but bit her lip and continued, quite adamant in her demand that she be allowed to return home.

    "Please, dear Aunt Becky, do not think me ungrateful, I know you have wanted to do everything for the best; but unfortunately, I am not the sort of person who can be happy here. I am ill at ease with all these fine ladies and gentlemen.
Please
let me return home."

    At this, Rebecca laughed lightly, as though she had understood at last what ailed her niece.

    "You poor child, so that is what troubles you? You are not accustomed to the ways of all these smart, fashionable people, they make you feel shy and uncomfortable… you are afraid that they will not accept you… is that what it is?" she asked.

    But Lilian shook her head and said in a determined voice, "No indeed, aunt, I am not afraid of them nor do I wish to be accepted by them. I just do not wish to spend any more time with them; all their silly town talk and county gossip bores me and I have no desire to become accustomed to their ways. They seem to have a fear of thinking for themselves; instead they simply say and do what everyone else says and does and never question it, however odious it may be. It seems that to have an original thought is an unforgivable sin! They flirt and gossip endlessly of matters that are of no consequence at all. I am truly tired of them, Aunt Becky, and wish to return home. I do miss Mama," and this time she could not hold back the tears.

    Her aunt was so shocked by this unexpected tirade, she said not a word in reply. She had not expected this. She had no idea what to do and hoped that when she'd had a good cry, Lilian would feel better and perhaps change her mind.

    Some minutes later, the doorbell rang and the maid announced that Mr Joshua Armstrong had called to see Miss Lilian and was waiting in the parlour.

    Rebecca was even more astonished. Why, she wondered, was Josh calling on Lilian? She could not explain it and jumped heedlessly to all the wrong conclusions. Recalling his real concern for her niece the previous evening, she turned to her with a gleam in her eye.

    "Lilian," she said archly, "am I about to learn that you have been flirting with Mr Josh Armstrong? Is that what brings him here?"

    Lilian was speechless at this as Becky went on.

    "And could this be why you wish to return to your mama so suddenly, have you got cold feet?"

    Becky was teasing, smiling in anticipation, but Lilian's answer wiped the smile off her face.

    "Aunt Becky, I beg you, please do not take me for an idiot as well. I most certainly have not been flirting with Mr Armstrong or anyone else. I confess I was very grateful for his assistance last evening—he was very kind and understanding—but I have no idea at all why he is here today."

    Rebecca was not convinced. "Are you quite sure? He was certainly very concerned about you when you were taken ill so suddenly."

    Lilian's eyes flashed. "I am absolutely certain, Aunt Becky. I do not know why he is here; perhaps he wishes to discover if I am sufficiently recovered to go for a drive in the park! He did suggest that it might be something we could do. You are quite welcome to ask him yourself."