Reckoning (The Watchers Book 5) (7 page)

“Charlotte,” Ronan said like he was trying to make sense of it all. “You spoke to Charlotte?”

“Aye,” Carden answered with a grin. “Charlotte. And wee Drew wants to stake her. You’d have some clue,” he added in a mockery of Ronan’s earlier words, “if you weren’t so caught up in your puppy crush.”

“Enough. Both of you. Enough. Enough.” I turned to Ronan. “Yes, your sister came to me. Did you know she killed Emma?”

The slight widening of his eyes, the way they deadened just the tiniest bit, told me he hadn’t.

I tried to soften my voice as I finished, “Yeah, well, and then she killed Yas. Right in front of me. Which she must’ve enjoyed because now she’s got it in her head that she’d like me to watch as she kills my mother.” So much for the sympathetic voice-softening. I scrubbed a hand over my face. “Look, I just want to find my mom. To save her. Nobody said anything about staking.” I shot Carden a look. “I don’t know what will happen.”

Carden snarled at my back. “Which is precisely why it was an idiotic idea to tamper with our bond. But why would I expect more from—”

I spun to face the vampire. “Severing our connection wasn’t Ronan’s idea, it was mine. I’m leaving this island, and I don’t know what’s in store. What I do know is that I need to break the bond if I’m going to think about any of this clearly.”

“Your idea.” Carden’s expression cracked. “Is that true? You wish to break from me?”

An unexpected surge of nostalgia and affection swelled in me. Maybe our relationship wasn’t just a chemical bond after all.

“I want to see what it’s like to be with you,” I said, my voice growing softer, “without the bond. I need to be free to do what I need to do.”

“What you need to do?” Carden gave a gruff nod toward Ronan. “Or who?”

I smacked him in the chest. “No, dummy. I just—” I shrugged, looking for the right words “—I don’t want to worry that I’ll somehow be crippled if I’m ever without you. I need to be able to part from you every once in a while. To know that if I go back to you it’s because I want to, not because I’m some sort of addict who has to.”

“But you
will
be crippled. You’ll be weaker without the bond. Without me.” Carden’s tone had gone impossibly gentle.

Not Ronan’s, though. His next words cracked like a whip, sharp and biting. “She doesn’t need your blood to make her strong. Ann is strong on her own. Strong alone.”

Carden smirked as he slowly turned to face Ronan. “You just hate that she’s been strong without you. That’s why you broke the bond. You want to be the one to ride in and save her.” His smirk turned into a laugh. “Is that how you think it’ll be, ye sodding whelp? You break our bond, and surprise, Annelise needs you again, right on schedule?”

Suspicion smacked me, full force. The way Carden discussed our broken bond—he wasn’t baffled, surprised, or confused.

“You knew,” I said, and something in my voice startled him enough to pull his attention from Ronan. “You knew Ronan could break the bond. You let me think it was permanent. Forever.”

Carden was by my side in an instant, his finger gently tilting my chin up. “And so I’d have it. I’d have you bonded to me for an eternity.”

Ronan grunted dismissively, and Carden shot him a quelling look.

“Eternity,” I said uneasily. “I’d have to be a vampire for that.”

He gave me a grave nod. “The day might come when you choose such a fate.”

An involuntary shiver crawled up my spine.
Be one of the undead?
Not that. Never that.

The prospect filled me with revulsion. And just what did that say about my feelings for my boyfriend?

I shook my head. I needed to face one issue at a time. “That day isn’t here yet,” I said firmly. “Either way, I don’t want to be chemically attached to my boyfriend. Breaking the bond isn’t the same as breaking up.”

Ronan stiffened. “It’s not?” he muttered under his breath.

More guilt. I was swamped with it. Would it ever stop?

I forced myself to keep going. To not look at Ronan. I needed to insert space between us. Because, if I did have to kill his sister, he’d never forgive me, and that was something I couldn’t bear. I needed to be away from him when I faced her. Away from him for the aftermath. Away.

Ronan meant a lot to me—so much—but he was all unplumbed depths. He represented a bellyful of butterflies and decisions made with little thought and great consequence. Ronan was mystery and silence, and secret, scorching kisses.

Whereas Carden was, well, he was my boyfriend, if a vampire could be such a thing. We’d shared so much, he’d given me
so much
, not least of all his love and support. I owed it to him—to us—to give this relationship a shot. And if we did end up parting someday, it had to be because of me, my choices, not because someone or something was muddling my head.

It was time to see how I was…what this was…without the bond. How I felt without it. Who I was. What I wanted.

I slid my hand into Carden’s. “I’m still with you. We’re just no longer…you know, chemically linked.”

The vampire glared at Ronan. “But make no mistake. We’re linked in other ways. As you’d be wise to remember.”

I elbowed him. “Easy, cowboy.”

But Carden wasn’t done. He wrapped his arm tightly around me and said, “I don’t need a bond to be close with my wee dove.”

Ronan stared blindly at the vampire’s arm around my shoulder, and the defeat in his eyes broke something inside me. I willed him to look at me instead. I wanted to communicate something to him. Remind him of the connection we shared—Ronan might not have been my boyfriend, but he was, I realized, my best friend.

After a long moment, he finally looked up, but he met Carden’s eyes instead of mine. “It’s always easy for you, isn’t it? It’s always been easy.”

With a grin, Carden tugged me closer. “With the birds, you mean?”

I groaned and tugged away. “Give it a rest, would you? My mom is locked in a dungeon somewhere. I don’t have time for testosterone. I need to get out of here.”

“Actually,” Ronan said, “I’ll be going with you after all. It’s time for me to have a chat with my sister.”

“Och, pup, there’s where you’re wrong. You won’t be with us. Freya orders that you go to her. Now.”

I looked from one to the other, fighting a childish twinge of jealousy. “Freya?”

“You could say she’s our queen,” Carden explained. “We serve her in the fight to take down the Directorate.”

I looked to Ronan. He’d told me about this before, though he’d never mentioned any vampire queen. “She’s Sonja’s sister,” he said simply.

I fought back a chill. “Sonja has a
sister
?”

“She’s the one who ordered Dagursson killed,” Ronan told me, and the scolding look Carden shot his way gave me pause. “And now she’ll have to wait a bit longer for me.”

“You dare not disobey,” Carden said through gritted teeth.

A charged and silent stare hung between the two men.

I couldn’t bear it any longer. “This is about my mom, remember? Not some pissing match between you two. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get out of here before another minute passes.”

Carden grinned. “Aye, then let’s be off, love. I find myself eager for the sea breeze on my face.”

I felt Ronan deflate. Something inside me dimmed in response.

“Let’s just go,” I told Carden quietly. I needed to get him out of there before his possessive boyfriend bit got any more extreme.

Despite our lost bond, Carden must’ve sensed my sadness, because he surprised me by saying, “You two have your goodbye.” He gave a brisk nod to me and Ronan. “I must go and get my things. ’Twill be a long, cold journey. My wee dove will be in need of my woolen plaid.”

He just had to get in one last stab. Was it love that had him so ragingly possessive? Or just the desire not to let someone else win?

Before I could address the adolescent remark, Carden turned and headed back up the path.

I braced myself, afraid of what I’d see when I turned to Ronan. But I summoned my courage and faced him.

He didn’t seem angry. Just…sad.

That was way worse.

“I’m so sorry about Emma and Yasuo. I’d hoped…” His sigh made him sound about a thousand years old and made me wish I could pull him close one last time. “Well, it no longer matters.” He defaulted to teacher mode and looked down at my boots, where he’d know my throwing stars would be hidden. “You have your shuriken?”

I nodded tightly, studying my feet. I didn’t trust my voice.

Would I have to face his sister? Would I survive it? Would this be our last goodbye?

“Ann,” he whispered. He tipped a finger under my chin to raise my eyes to his. “If it’s Jacob who’s holding your mother, you will be facing many dangers. You’ve your stakes, too?”

I nodded again, throat clenched with a flood of memories. Of the first time I’d seen his hidden stakes…and his bare chest. He’d stripped off his sweater, then his shirt, to tear fabric to bind my injured ribs.

“Yeah,” I managed, my voice tight. “It’s the best thing you’ve showed me.” I wasn’t sure if I’d wanted that to be as suggestive as it’d come out, but somehow suggestive undercurrents had become standard in my every exchange with Ronan.

He gave me a quiet smile, like he knew what I was thinking. The smile faded quickly, though. “Are you sure of this? Because once you run from this isle, everything changes.”

I had no choice. “It’s my mom,” I said quietly. “My actual mom.”

I could see he knew. He understood. Of course he did. It was Ronan—he understood better than anyone. “And you’re sure…you’re sure you don’t need me?”

He was asking a thousand different things with one question. It was too much. I wasn’t ready for goodbye. But I had no choice. I tried to smile it off. “Ronan, you know I always need you.”

His eyes glittered in the moonlight. “It’s no joke. You’re setting onto a dangerous path. Leaving like this…life will never be the same for you.”

I attempted a laugh. “Thank God.”

He gripped my upper arms. “Truly, Ann. Alcántara will be furious. And, despite your successes, it’s quite possible Headmaster Fournier will not allow you back. All of it will be different.”

There was a sharp twinge in my chest. All of it? My voice cracked as I dared ask, “And you?”

“And I?” He clutched me to him then and wrapped me in his arms. “For you, I am unchanging.” Just as I let myself melt into him, clawing the back of his coat like I might never let go, he pushed me away. “You don’t want my help with this, and I must accept that. I don’t know what you’ll find when you get where you’re going.” His focus on me grew intense. “But remember: fear is your greatest weapon.”

“Being afraid?”

He shook his head. “Making others so. Just as fear is your greatest danger, so too is it your most powerful weapon.” He glanced around, making sure Carden was gone. The misericordia appeared in his hands.

He dipped to his knees, and I gasped as his hands slid along my leg. He slipped the ceremonial blade deep into my right boot, nestling it next to a stake I’d also hidden there.

His touch buzzed with warmth even through layers of fabric. My skin pulsed in its wake, the blade such a physical reminder of how we were in this together. How we had secrets and how we’d keep them, even when parted by an impossibly wide sea.

“Are you sure?” I whispered, afraid even to speak about such a powerful weapon. “I thought you were going to get rid of it.”

“It’s too valuable.” He stood and took my hand in his, as though the blade weren’t the only valuable thing he was discussing. “You must keep it hidden. Even from Carden. Vampires—
all
vampires—desire this weapon above all others. You must not let anyone disarm you of it.”

Anyone.
Was he thinking of his sister? Would he realize how I might use this to face her? And yet he was surrendering it to me.

“The misericordia represents unbounded power,” Ronan said. “A vampire, any vampire, would do anything to have it for their own.”

And he had borne this burden for me. He’d risked so much for me. Continued to do so.

“Thank you,” I said, but it wasn’t nearly enough.

“Keep it safe, and it will keep you safe. There might come a moment when your life hangs in the balance. If there is no other choice, if you wield this blade, you must do so swiftly and with confidence. The misericordia is the only thing that will make a Vampire feel true fear.”

A humorless chuff of breath escaped me. I wriggled my ankle, feeling the weight of the weapon against my calf. “Now you’re making
me
scared, Ronan.”

He cupped my cheeks. “Just…survive.”

“I always do.” I was afraid he might kiss me again. I was afraid that, this time, I wouldn’t be able to stop.

Ronan’s gruff voice broke the tense silence. “Where are you going? Tell me. I want to know.”

“I…I can’t say.” I couldn’t have him follow me. I couldn’t mess this up. I needed to save my mother, and who knew how Ronan’s presence would affect his sister’s actions?

“Ann? I meant what I said.”

“About?”

“I will find you. I will always find you.”

I pulled back ever so slightly. I saw in his eyes just how deadly serious he was. Too serious.

I tried to lighten the mood by saying, “Of course. You’re a Tracer, right? It’s your job.”

He didn’t crack a smile. Once again, he was completely unknowable to me. Unreadable.

I didn’t know what I had with Ronan, nor did I know what I would find once I left. All I knew was that Carden was still my boyfriend. I cared about him. I
adored
the guy.

I needed to be fair. I had to give him a chance.

My voice was tight as I said simply, “Goodbye, Ronan.”

CHAPTER SEVEN

I wasn’t even halfway down the rutted path to the beach when a hand clamped over my mouth. Instinct was always only a hairsbreadth away, and my body exploded to life until I was wriggling like a lunatic.

“Surprise,” a male voice whispered in my ear. There was something familiar about it, and yet there was a slight lisp I couldn’t place.

I fought the urge to panic and flail, and went still instead.

Stay calm. Assess.

“I’ve been looking forward to this.” His breath was hot and smelled like curry fries, what they’d served earlier in the dining hall. Definitely human, then. Not vampire. A Trainee.