RECKLESS - Part 3 (The RECKLESS Series) (6 page)

As the warmth of his body lulled me to sleep, I thought of another question... something I’d wanted to ask him, but just like the moment of our beautiful, earth-shattering orgasm, it faded away as my body surrendered to the peaceful sleep pulling me under.

Jace’s warm, brown eyes were the first thing I saw the next morning.

“Morning,” he said, smiling as he placed a gentle kiss on my forehead.

“Mmm…morning,” I groaned, pulling the covers tighter around my chin.

I would have given anything to stay in that bed all day, to not have to move, to just wrap myself in a Jace and comforter burrito and pretend that the rest of the world didn’t exist.

Apparently, he had the same thought because he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer to him. “Want to sleep a bit longer?” he asked, pushing the hair away from my face.

“Not really.” I yawned, placing my hand over my mouth. “I just don’t want to move.”

“Then don’t.”

“Isn’t that a little weird though? Staying in bed all day like this?” I asked, tilting my head up to look at his face. “I mean, shouldn’t we do something productive?”

He frowned and pretended to contemplate my question. “It’s Sunday,” he finally said. “Sundays are for sleeping, eating, and sleeping.”

“Is this a rule from the Jace Richardson handbook?” I teased.

Jace gave me that sexy smirk, the one that used to annoy me but only because it made it impossible to be angry with him. “Why, yes,” he said, reaching around to pinch my ass. “I think it is. If you don’t like it, we can fight over it.”

“Fight? Like throw punches fight?” I laughed.

“No, like this.” His fingers went to my sides, and before I could do anything more than squeal, he was tickling my ribs.

I screamed. I pleaded. I begged. I kicked and I writhed. But nothing would free me from that torturous tickle. Nothing would stop the way he laughed maniacally as the tears streamed down my face. Except when my fist made contact with his lip.

“Oh, God!” I exclaimed, clamoring up the bed to assess the damage I’d done. “I’m so sorry. I—I didn’t mean to. Here, let me look.”

I tried to pry his hands away from his mouth, but he wouldn’t let me.

“Jace, please. Can you just let me see if it’s swollen?”

“I think it’s bleeding,” he muttered beneath his hands.

“What?! No! Oh—“

His hands flew away from his mouth to reveal the biggest shit eating grin I’d ever seen plastered on someone’s face. “Gotcha,” he said, laughing.

I punched his shoulder. Hard. “That was an asshole move,” I said, punching him again for good measure. “I thought I really hurt you.”

“Well, you did,” he said, rubbing his top lip. “The damn thing is throbbing.”

“I don’t feel sorry for you now.” I crossed my arms over my still bare chest and then stuck my tongue out at him.

“Oh, come on, babe.” Jace wrapped an arm around my waist. “It really did hurt. I just didn’t want you worrying.”

“Right, so that’s why you played it up instead of down.”

He yanked my waist and then pulled me up on top of him. “No,” he said. “I played it up because you’re being a pain in my ass this morning.”

“Oh?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow. “How so?”

“Making fun of my rule book.”

“You have one of those?” I asked, my face scrunched and twisted in disbelief. “Who in the world has a rule book?”

“I do.” He nodded. “I also have The Complete Guide to Teasing Your Girlfriend.”

I don’t know why, but my gut twisted a bit at the mere mention of the world girlfriend. Suddenly, my smile was gone. The joking nature had died down. I was hit with memories of Sean, memories that clashed with my weekend with Jace, memories that had filled so many of my growing pain years, moments that I thought would last forever.

“Hey.” Jace slid me down off of him and back onto the bed. “What is it?” he asked, propping himself up on his side to look at me. “Talk to me.”

“I—I just—I—“ I was stuttering, trying to hold back the dread and the tears.

Where it had all come from, I couldn’t say. Hell, I’d barely thought of Sean all weekend. Yet, here I was, bombarded with the things that were, that should have been, and that probably never would be.

“Andrea, I know this is all so quick, and you haven’t really had time to process everything, but this feeling, it doesn’t last forever,” Jace said, pulling the covers back up over my naked body. “You’re going to get through it, and I’m going to be here. I won’t get angry or offended. I know you still love him.”

“I do,” I choked out, feeling so conflicted and confused. How could I be here, in bed with this amazing man, this man that was teaching me how to let go of all my pretentious over-planning, and still be wrapped up in a relationship that had probably died long before it actually ended?

“That’s okay,” he said, smoothing the hair away from my face. “Those loves from our past, the ones that shape us and define us, they’re always with us. But that doesn’t mean they are the ones we’re meant to be with forever.”

“But does it even exist? Forever?”

Jace chewed at his bottom lip, staring into my tear-filled eyes, for a bit. “I think so,” he finally said, grazing a gentle finger across my shoulder. “But I think the kind of love that keeps couples together forever, I think it’s rare. Your parents have it.”

I nodded. He was right; he didn’t know much about them, but he was right.

Through thick and thin, good times and bad, I’d watched my parents cling to each other, fight for their relationship, even when it seemed like there wasn’t anything left to fight for. Not that they’d ever really had any reason to split up, other than your typical growing apart stuff, the life challenges that come up like the loss of an extended family member or disagreements about what school to put the kids in. There had been a couple miscarriages for my parents, which I’d heard could tear a marriage apart as well. But really, despite years of putting up with each other and raising four kids, they’d managed to stay together.

“Lots of people have that, Andrea. But I think the trick is being able to balance the future with the present. You can’t think too far into the future because you’ll forget to look at who each of you are in that moment. But you can’t avoid looking into the future because you have to have at least similar paths—the basic stuff, kids, where you want to live, that sort of thing.”

“So why do you think it failed? With your ex, I mean?” I asked, suddenly remembering my question from the night before.

Jace’s lips pulled tight and his brow scrunched. I knew I shouldn’t have ventured there. I shouldn’t have asked... but if the rest of the band had given him that hard of a time over finally bringing a girl to a gig, I had to assume that his ex had done an even bigger number on him than he’d originally let on.

“I told you,” he finally said, shifting a little on the bed so he could roll onto his back. “We had different ideas of what life was supposed to look like. I wanted the band life. She wanted a family and kids and the white picket fence.”

Holy shit.

Wasn’t that what I wanted? Or what I had wanted? I couldn’t for sure if that was still the case because things had changed so drastically, so quickly. Life didn’t even hold a minute resemblance to what it had just weeks ago, back when I’d been with Sean. But it wasn’t just Sean; I’d lost my job at the school paper. I’d fallen behind in my classes. My perfect future was fading away and now I no longer knew what I wanted. Everything was dark and obscure.

What would life look like five years from then? Ten years? A year? Six months?

I didn’t know.

And that scared the living hell out of me.

After showering and getting dressed, Jace made us both breakfast and coffee. We tried to talk, but something seemed to be clouding our connection. Maybe it was him. Maybe it was me. Maybe it was both of us and the heaviness between us. Either way, we both gave up before it was time for me to go back to campus.

Now, there we were, sitting in the parking lot, the truck still running as he stared out over the dash. “Andrea,” he said, twisting his fingers on the steering wheel. “I just want you to know that, no matter what happens with us, no matter what you decide at the end of all this, I won’t regret my time with you.”

“Jace—I—We’ve only made it through one weekend.”

“I know,” he said, turning his head to give me a sympathetic glance. “But I’m just not so sure I can keep you. I want to; I already know what I want. I’m just not so sure you know what you want just yet.”

I didn’t have a response for that—not one that didn’t make me look like an idiotic twit, anyway—so I simply nodded and then opened the passenger side door.

“Wait,” Jace said, grabbing a hold of my wrist, just before I slid down from the seat.

I turned to look at him, hoping to find some sort of answers to the questions swirling around in my brain, but all I found were those perfectly warm brown eyes, beautiful lips, and sexy stubble. “Yes?” I asked, choking back the tears and the ache in my chest.

“Meet me at the coffee shop after classes,” he said. “And please don’t ever leave me without saying goodbye.” He leaned across the space between us, pulled me into him and gave me one last kiss. With my faces still just inches from his, he pulled back and whispered against my lips. “Even if it’s our last one.”

There are so many things I could have said, and probably even more that I should have said, but I didn’t want to ruin it, that moment. So, instead, I simply nodded and then slid down to the ground outside, heart in my throat. I couldn’t even turn around and look back as I shut the door behind me, made my way up the driveway, and into the dorms.

Just as I stepped inside our room, a text message came through.

Listen to your heart. Not your head.

I fell against the door and crumpled to the floor. The tears started flowing, all the things I’d wanted to ask or say swarmed around inside my head as everything I’d lost and gained weighed heavy on my heart. It was as though life had just crashed down on me, like a ton of bricks. Because, even though I’d just had the most amazing weekend of my life, I had to go back to my life.

I didn’t know what that looked like, didn’t know where to start, or where it would all end.

I’d spent all of Sunday evening going through my neglected studies. Unfortunately, between Jace and Sean, there wasn’t much room in my head for psychology, human behavior, composition, or math. There wasn’t even room for noticing that Becca hadn’t made it home until I’d woken up after falling asleep with my face in my books.

When I jolted up out of a nightmare, I glanced over at the clock and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. It was nearly four in the morning. Becca never stayed out that late... but then again, she’d never been with a bass guitarist before. Rather than panic, I sent her a quick text.

Hey, just checking on you. Okay?

I hadn’t really expected her to answer, not at such a ridiculous hour, so I tossed my phone on my bed and then headed in to brush my teeth and wash my face. When I came out, I checked my phone again. Still no response, so I plugged it into the charger and then climbed into bed.

About twenty minutes later, just as I was about to fall asleep, my phone dinged. I grabbed it from the nightstand and opened the message app.

Staying with Zane. Sweet dreams.

I smiled, put my phone back on the nightstand, and then drifted off to sleep.

Two hours later, my alarm went off, telling me it was time to get up. I smacked snooze, picked up my phone and searched for any additional messages from Becca. Finding none, I crawled out of bed and headed for the bathroom.

I didn’t know how. I didn’t know why. But for some reason, as I stepped into the shower, I couldn’t shake this feeling that something was off.

At first, I thought it had been Becca’s text message, like maybe it hadn’t sounded like her. But after reading it several times, I didn’t pick up on anything odd. Then I chalked it up to having slept half the night in an upright position, or maybe just all the crazy sex over the weekend. But as I brushed my teeth and did my makeup, I knew that wasn’t it.

Something was wrong.

I knew it like I knew the sky was blue. I just couldn’t place my finger on it. I also didn’t have time to worry about it; I needed to stop by the journalism office before class and find out if Marcus had any projects that needed to be covered; I might have saved some cash, but I knew how the writing game went... like most things, if you don’t use it, you lose it.

Plus, I really missed the high of chasing a story.

I needed something to do with all my free time. Sure, I had Jace and my classes, but I’d spent no less than thirty hours a week at the paper the last three and a half years. I couldn’t possibly fill all those hours with studying and concerts and sex. And writing kept me sane.

Unfortunately, that didn’t pan out so well; the paper was doing worse than ever. So, rather than beg on my knees, I pitched an idea for sharing the Battle of the Band results; Marcus promised to get back to me within the next twenty-four hours, which was better than a no.

Classes dragged on, even more so than usual. Taking notes was a lost cause. Listening to anything my instructors had to say was pointless. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get rid of that nagging feeling, that sensation tugging at the back of my brain that something was wrong.

Over lunch, I sent a text to Becca, just to be sure she was okay.

Call me. Want to make sure you made it back okay.

Just as I was sitting down to eat my chicken salad on rye, she walked in through the cafeteria doors. I thought the feeling would let up once I saw her in person, but it didn’t. At least I’d be able to talk to her; maybe she’d have some ideas on what in the world my problem might be.

I went to send her another text, but she’d already spotted me and was flagging me down. She joined me with her tray just a few minutes later.

“Hey, I’m here. Sort of,” she said, taking the seat next to me. Judging by her smudged makeup, raccoon eyes and splotchy skin, she’d definitely had a little too much fun the night before.

“What the hell? Did you get hit by a semi?” I asked, only half-joking.

She stuck her tongue out at me. “Shut up.”

“Seriously, Becca, if you were any greener, we’d have to rename you Kermit. What happened?”

“After Denny’s, we all met up at the bar where Robert was at. Did you know that your average rocker can kill a bottle of Jim Beam in less than two hours?” she asked, lifting her eyebrows. “You do now. And so do I. Those guys drank me under the table, and you know that’s not easy.”

“Oh, my,” I said, my eyes going wide at the thought of them driving after all of that drinking. “Did you call a cab?”

Becca rolled her eyes at me, but the wince she gave after told me the movement hurt. “Yeah,” she said, grasping her head between her thumb and index finger. “You should know me better than that, chick. Anyway, we went to Zane’s and I crashed there.”

“Have fun?”

“No,” she said, the disappointment evident on her face. “I passed out in the taxi, apparently.”

“Fuck, sorry, girl.”

Becca lifted her shoulders in a slight shrug. “We’re seeing each other tonight anyway.”

“You sure you’re going to feel up to it?” I asked, lifting a doubting eyebrow.

“Yep, staying hydrated.” She lifted her water. “And taking a nap after class.” After taking a few bites of her sandwich she sat back in her chair and shoved the plate away. “So what about you and sex on legs? How’d that go?”

“Weird,” I said, not really sure if I should tell her all the sordid details.

“Weird how?”

I bit at the inside of my cheek for a bit before answering. “I went into a little Sean episode,” I confessed. Becca opened her mouth like she was about to speak but I lifted my hand to stop her. “And I asked about his ex.”

“Shit, Andy. You really know how to kill a date, don’t you?” Becca asked.

“I know.” I stared down at my plate, trying to figure out why it was I kept sabotaging things with Jace, why I felt this need to push him away. First it was the issue with whether or not he was going to drop me when he got tired of me. Now it was this. “At this rate, I’ll be lucky if he can’t stand six days of me, let alone six weeks.”

“So what’s the deal? I mean, really?” Becca leaned forward and placed her head in her hands. “I know there’s the whole Sean thing, but Andy, it was falling apart way before you met Jace.”

“I know. I think I’m just so confused about where my life is going now,” I said. “It’s like, one minute, I thought it was going to look like one thing, and now—now I have no idea what it’s going to look like next week, let alone next year.”

“Honey, life’s like that for all of us. Shit happens. You adapt.”

“But what if I don’t?”

“You will.”