Reckless Heart (Kauffman Amish Bakery 5.5) (12 page)

“Oh.” Kathryn smiled. “You can ask her how she is when she picks me up in a little bit. Go take your shower now.”

“Okay.” Lydia hurried up the stairs, gathered her clothes, and rushed back downstairs to the full bathroom, which was located off the kitchen. When she stepped into the shower, she allowed the warm water to soak her skin, and she wished the water would wash away all of her worry, frustration, and
sorrow. Oh, how she wished her baby sister was well and that she and their mother were back home. She was so exhausted that her body ached. Her eyes felt like they were burning with exhaustion. What was even more frustrating was that she’d found a new friend, but she was forbidden to see him. She wished that her family would accept Tristan as her friend.

Closing her eyes, she stood under the water and silently asked God to restore her life to the way it used to be before Ruthie became ill.

After supper, Lydia walked Kathryn outside to meet the waiting buggy. “
Danki
again for cleaning the house. Thank you also for making supper,” Lydia said. “It was
appeditlich
.”

“
Gern gschehne
,” Kathryn said, opening the passenger side door.

Lydia walked around to Amanda, who sat in the driver’s seat. “
Wie geht’s
?” she asked.

“Fine,” Amanda said without smiling. “How are you, Lydia?” The question was flat and void of emotion, just as she had sounded before.

Lydia looked at her aunt. “Could Amanda and I talk for a moment on the porch? I’ll be sure to keep it quick.”

“
Ya
. Just don’t be too long,” Kathryn said. “We have chores to complete at home.”

Amanda handed her mother the reins and followed Lydia to the porch. Pushing the ribbons from her prayer covering behind her slight shoulders, she studied Lydia. “What do you want?”

Lydia took a deep breath and prayed that her words would be right. “I want to apologize. I’m very sorry for how I treated
you.” Her words trembled with her anxiety and guilt. “You’re my best friend, and you’re always there when I need someone to listen. I was horrible to you, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Please.”

Amanda’s expression softened. “You know that I love you, and I would never do anything to hurt you.”

“I know.” Lydia blew out a sigh.

“Nancy and I would never, ever try to make you feel bad for missing youth gatherings.” Amanda touched Lydia’s hand. “We miss you when you’re not there. I do, especially since I don’t have a
bu
to spend time with.”

“I should’ve thought before I lashed out at you,” Lydia said. “I was just upset, and I took it out on you. It was wrong. You’re the last person who deserves to be yelled at, because you’re always thoughtful and considerate.”

Amanda smiled. “I forgive you, but don’t do it again.” She hugged Lydia and patted her back. “I need to run, but we’ll talk tomorrow at the bakery,
ya
?”

“
Ya
,” Lydia said. “
Danki
.”

“Amanda,” Kathryn called. “We have to go or your
daed
is going to be upset with me.”

“See you tomorrow,” Amanda called as she hurried down the porch steps toward the buggy. “
Gut nacht
.”

“
Gut nacht
.” Lydia waved as they drove off, and she felt as if a small weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

T
he following Tuesday, Lydia iced a chocolate cake while her aunt Kathryn stood beside her. “
Wunderbaar gut
, Lydia. That’s perfect.”

“
Danki
.” Lydia smiled.

The past week had flown by quickly, and she had found some peace ever since she’d prayed in the shower the night she’d fallen in the mud and accepted a ride home with Tristan. Even her visit with her mother and Ruthie had gone better than the previous one. Ruthie had smiled and laughed with Lydia and their siblings, and her mother seemed confident when she said the treatments were going well. When Lydia talked to her last night, her mother again sounded upbeat and positive, which lifted another worry from Lydia’s mind.

Lydia believed God was carrying her and the rest of her family members. He was there for her, just like Tristan had said.

“I think that’s your best chocolate cake yet.” Her aunt lifted a knife from the counter. “Ach, I’m hesitant to cut it. It’s so
schee
that I think we could sell it as a whole cake.”

“I agree,” Nancy chimed in while crossing the large
kitchen. “I think a customer would snatch that up. It would be perfect to take to a party.”

“I agree,” Amanda said. “It’s perfect.”

“
Danki
.” Lydia said.

“Let me help you put it in a box,” Nancy offered, grabbing a cake box from the shelf behind the counter.

“You girls take care of the cake,” Kathryn said. “I’m going to go check out front to see if we need to restock any of the peanut butter and oatmeal cookies. They’ve been disappearing quickly lately.”

Nancy brought the box over and began folding it. “I bet this cake will sell quickly. You should start on another one.”

Lydia laughed. “You’re flattering me too much, Nancy.”

Amanda sidled up to them. “You seem happier, Lydia. It’s
gut
to see you smile again.”

“
Ya
,” Lydia said. “I’ve been feeling better lately.”

“That’s
wunderbaar gut
!” Nancy said. “I was wondering if maybe your
dat
would let you come to the youth gathering Sunday night if things are looking up. It’s been too long since you’ve been out with us.”

Lydia gently lifted the cake and set it in the box, careful not to smudge the icing. The sweet aroma of the chocolate caused her stomach to gurgle. “I really don’t know. I sort of feel guilty for asking.”

Amanda touched her shoulder. “I think he would understand that you miss your friends. He was young once too. Didn’t your parents meet at a singing?”

Lydia nodded and thought about her fantasy of riding home with Joshua. In her dream, he would tell her that he had a nice time and then ask if he could kiss her. She closed the box and looked up at Amanda. “Did Joshua make it to the last few youth gatherings?”

Amanda hesitated and shared a strange look with Nancy.

“What?” Lydia asked, feeling like she could be sick. “What did that look mean?”

“Nothing.” Amanda frowned. “
Ya
, he’s been there.”

“Why do you say it like that?” Lydia looked at her with suspicion. “What are you keeping from me, Amanda? We never keep secrets,
ya
?”

“He’s been there,” Nancy chimed in. “I’ll tell you the truth.”

“Tell me what truth?” Lydia threw up her hands. “Would you please just tell me?”

“We’ve seen him talking to a girl,” Nancy said slowly.

“Who is the girl?”

“She’s someone from another district,” Amanda said. “I think she’s from Gordonville. Her name is Mary.”

Lydia couldn’t help feeling sick. “Oh.”

Amanda touched Lydia’s hand. “You should come Sunday night. You can get his eye off the other girl.”

Shaking her head, Lydia lifted the box. “It’s okay. It’s just not meant to be.” She started toward the front of the store with her cousins trailing after her.

“Don’t say that!” Nancy insisted. “I bet he’d ask you out if you showed more interest.”

“No, he wouldn’t.” Lydia stopped at the doorway to the front of the bakery and faced their empathetic expressions. “He told me a week ago that he’d stop by to see me, and he hasn’t. If he were interested in me, he would’ve shown it by now.”

“Maybe you can make him jealous,” Amanda offered. “Mahlon has been asking about you at youth gatherings and I saw him talking to you at church last week. He seems to like you. Maybe if you came to a youth gathering and talked
to him, Josh would see you together and realize how much he loves you.”

Lydia glowered at Amanda. “You can’t possibly be serious.”

Nancy shrugged. “It might work.”

“I don’t have time for this,” Lydia said, turning toward the counter filled with pastries for sale. “I have more important things to do than playing silly games, especially ones concerning Mahlon. If Joshua doesn’t care, then so be it.” Although the words were simple to say, their meaning stabbed at her heart. In truth, she wished he’d come by to see her. She missed him. Spending time with him could help ease some of the stress she’d been facing.

“You can’t let go,” Amanda said, her blue eyes filled with sadness. “He’s always been meant for you.”

Lydia shook her head. “Apparently not.”

“Maybe you should talk to him,” Nancy offered with a gentle expression on her face. “Ask him if he likes this other girl and where you stand in your relationship.”

Lydia gasped. “That would be so forward.”

“Hint around it then,” Nancy said with a shrug. “See if you can say it without saying it.”

“Girls,” Kathryn called. “I need you back in the kitchen, please. We need some more peanut butter and oatmeal cookies. No more chatting for now.”

Walking back to the kitchen, Lydia silently vowed to try to talk to Joshua on Sunday and find out if he was dating the mysterious girl from Gordonville.

Later that evening, while putting Irma to bed, Lydia was still pondering the possibility that Joshua liked another girl.
She tried to smile while she and Irma knelt by the bed for prayers, but instead she grimaced.

When Irma was finished praying, she climbed into bed and studied Lydia’s expression. “You’re sad tonight, Lydia. Are you thinking of
Mamm
and Ruthie?”

Lydia shook her head. “Actually, I was thinking about something else. I try not to be sad when I think about
Mamm
and Ruthie. Instead, I try to think thoughts that are
froh
.”

“You think about them coming home?” Irma hugged her cloth doll close to her chest. “I try to think about that every day.”

Lydia brushed a lock of hair back from Irma’s face. “I try to think about that too.”

“When do you miss
Mamm
and Ruthie the most?” Irma asked.

Taking a deep breath, Lydia exhaled and stared at the plain white walls while she considered the question. “I guess I miss them the most at bedtime, because that’s when I get the time to slow down. When I’m working or when I’m making supper, I don’t have time to think about them. But when it’s time for prayers, I have too much time to think about them.”

“That makes sense. That’s when I miss them the most too.” Irma tilted her head. “Do you think Ruthie knows we pray for her every night?”

“
Ya
.” Lydia said. “She’s heard us pray for other people. When we have devotions with
Dat
, he always asks us who we’re praying for, right? I’m certain she would know that we pray for her.” She touched Irma’s hand. “Now, it’s time to sleep. No more talking, okay?”

Irma scowled. “You need to tell me why you’re sad.”

Lydia studied Irma’s determined expression. How could she tell her little sister she was sad because she thought
Joshua was in love with another girl? How could her seven-year-old sister possibly understand that? “I’m not sad.”

“
Ya
, you are,” Irma said with emphasis. “Your eyebrows are pointed down when you’re upset. Something has you worried.”

She studied Irma’s colorful quilt and considered her answer. “I’m upset about something very
gegisch
.”

“What?” Irma’s eyes rounded with interest. “Is it a secret? If it is, I promise I won’t tell anyone, not even my best friend, Lillian.”

“
Ya
, it sort of is a secret.” Lydia couldn’t help but smile at her sister’s interest. She imagined that even at the age of seven, the girls liked to share secrets on the playground. “I heard something about a
bu
today that sort of made me angry.”

“About a
bu
?” Irma scrunched her nose. “Which
bu
? Was it Joshua?”

Lydia chuckled. “You, Irma, are very perceptive.”

“What does that mean?”

“That means you notice things.” Lydia brushed back more of Irma’s hair. “Nancy and Amanda told me they think Joshua likes a girl who lives in Gordonville.”

“Oh.” Irma frowned. “You’re upset because you wanted him to like you,
ya
?”

“
Ya
,” Lydia said. “But it’s okay if he likes her. I guess I’m not meant to be his girlfriend if he chooses another, right?” She hoped she could convince herself to believe those words. “Maybe I’ll meet another
bu
after Ruthie is well and I can go back to the youth gatherings. I’m young, right? It’s not like I’m going to get married tomorrow. In fact, I’m not even baptized, so I can’t really date. Why am I even worried about this?” She stopped talking when she realized she was rambling
and only trying to convince herself that she shouldn’t be upset about Joshua and the mysterious Mary.

“You want to marry Joshua?” Irma’s mouth gaped. “Does he know?”

“No, he doesn’t know.” Lydia suddenly felt silly for sharing so much with her sister. Yet, it was a relief to get this off her chest and out in the open. “Listen, everything I told you is a secret. Please don’t tell anyone, not even Lillian.”

Irma looked serious. “I promise.”

“
Danki. Gut nacht
.” Leaning over, she kissed Irma’s forehead. “Sleep well. I’ll see you in the morning.” She stood and headed for the door.

“Lydia,” Irma called. “I don’t think Joshua loves that other
maedel
.”

“Why?” Lydia asked, leaning against the open door.

“Because I see him smile at you a lot,” Irma said with a serious expression. “If he loved that other girl, he wouldn’t smile at you so much. Lillian says that
buwe
only smile at girls they like. If they frown at you, then they don’t like you.”

Lydia couldn’t stop a smile from turning up her lips. “You’re right, Irma. They don’t smile at girls they don’t like.”

Irma
continued to look serious. “Have you ever thought about asking him if he likes you?”

“I don’t know if I could do that,” Lydia said. “
Mamm
says girls shouldn’t be forward. It can give the wrong impression.”

Irma shrugged. “It’s just a question,
ya
?”

“
Ya
,” Lydia said. “It is.”
But I could never ask it
. “
Gut nacht
,” she repeated.

“
Gut nacht
,” Irma said. “I’m glad you’re here to take care of me and Titus while
Mamm
is gone. I miss her, but I really like talking to you.”

An overwhelming feeling of love mixed with hope swelled
in Lydia’s heart. “
Danki
,” she said softly, as her voice quaked with emotion. “That’s really, really nice. That makes me
froh
to hear you say that. Now, get to sleep.”

“Okay,” Irma said with a grin. “And your secret is safe with me.” She then stuck her thumb in her mouth, closed her eyes, and rolled to her side while hugging her doll close.