Reckless (Blue Collar Boyfriends Book 1) (24 page)
Read Reckless (Blue Collar Boyfriends Book 1) Online
Authors: Jessi Gage
He blinked up at her, confused. Why would she show him her arm?
“Look,” she said.
He did, and when he made sense of what he saw, his lungs contracted, right along with his heart. The perfect satin of her skin was interrupted by fine, barely visible ridges that reflected the light differently. Dozens of horizontal slashes marched up her arm from elbow to armpit, each about two inches long.
“No one else seemed to think I needed to be punished. In fact, everyone went overboard being nice to me. I couldn’t stand it. So I took matters into my own hands.” She showed him her other arm. As his horror built, she guided his hand to the inside of one thigh. Then the other.
She’d found the places where her skin was most sensitive and she’d cut herself.
Over and over. Hundreds of times, maybe more. Probably with a razor. And she’d cut deep, or there wouldn’t be scars this many years later.
Fuck. He scrubbed a hand down his face.
The thought of her feeling that much pain—not only from the cuts but enough emotional turmoil to make her want to do that to herself—made him want to throw up.
She framed his face with her hands, and he lost himself in the calm sea of her eyes.
“Skin-deep pain beats soul-deep pain any day of the week,” she said. “At first it was just a way to feel something different than disgust for myself. But then it became kind of a penance. If I bled enough, I thought I’d somehow be able to forgive myself. Maybe even love myself again.”
He didn’t want to hear this. He jerked his face away, breaking the spell she had him under.
“You’re doing the same thing,” she said, bringing him back with a caress to his jaw.
“No, I’m not. It’s not the same thing.” He shot her a look the old insecure Camilla might have flinched from.
She smiled gently and pressed on. “You think you don’t deserve to feel good.”
“No. I just don’t want to hurt you.”
“Oh, yeah?” she said, and she closed a hand around the tip of his dick. He’d gone semi soft after seeing her scars, but the second she touched him, he surged to rock-hardness. “So if I sit right here, real careful, and just touch you like this, and promise not to bump my head or get hurt, you’ll let me jerk you off?”
She rubbed him roughly, and the combination of her words and her touch h
ad him fighting not to fuck her hand.
He gripped her wrists, making her stop. “Don’t.”
“Because I might get hurt?”
Shit. She was right. No way would she get hurt giving him a hand job on his lap like this.
But he still didn’t want it. He wanted to serve her in every way, but the thought of her serving him made him despise himself.
He didn’t deserve her. She should be with someone much kinder, much gentler than him, someone who had some frigging control over his temper.
Feeling that way might be fucked up, but it made sense in the same way it had to her all those years ago to take a blade to her skin. Maybe he
was
punishing himself.
As if she sensed him considering it, she touched the tiny scabs on his knuckles.
Damn it. He’d punished himself then too. He’d bloodied himself pretty good that night. He’d never told her about it, but somehow, she knew.
She scooted off his lap and knelt on the floor between his legs. With a firm grasp on his shaft, she licked her lips and peered up at him out of heavy-lidded eyes. She looked like a cross between some innocent fairy princess and a schooled seductress. Even that helmet looked sexy, because it was on
her
.
“Tell me to stop
,” she said.
No fucking way. Even if he could at this point, doin
g so would only hurt her. He’d pushed her away enough, no doubt straining her newfound confidence. What a shithead he’d been. No more. Time to make things right with her. It started with letting her do this for him, this beautiful thing he’d been fantasizing about for over a week.
She
feathered kisses over his sensitive skin, making his breath catch.
He groaned, loud and long and with a release of so much tension, his head
fell back in relief. God damn, her lips felt hot and perfect on him. He wanted her tongue next. He wanted to feel the frigging back of her throat.
“Think we can do this without me getting hurt?”
With each syllable her breath caressed him provocatively.
Shit, he was close to coming apart, and she hadn’t even taken him into her mouth yet.
Incapable of speech, he nodded.
She smiled. Then
she took him to heaven. Well, most of the way there, anyway.
“God, I love you,” he said
as she worked him. Her glittering eyes told him she loved him too.
He cupped her neck with one hand, his thumb caressing her ear where the helmet left it exposed. He loved her thick, auburn hair, but she didn’t need it to be stunning. Bald and bruised, she was still perfect, still the most beautiful thing he’d seen since Haley had been born. Like his little girl, this woman would always be perfect to him.
“Let’s go there together, sweetheart.” He pulled her up so she straddled him and lowered her onto the bed, careful of her head. His open jeans cut into his hips and ass. His shirt rode up when he came down on top of her and their stomachs brushed. He didn’t give a shit. Clothed or naked, it didn’t matter. He just needed to be in her. They’d do this again later, and he’d be slower, sweeter.
For now, he
took her the way they both needed.
He kissed
his woman as he made love to her. They breathed each other’s air, and they soared. Pleasure wiped out the urge to punish, love erased guilt, and the promise of a bright future eclipsed the shadows of the past.
A note from the author
Thanks so much for reading
Reckless.
I hope you enjoyed it. This novel is the first in my Blue Collar Boyfriends series of stand-alone contemporary romances, each with a unique paranormal twist. As the series title suggests, these novels feature heroes who are rough around the edges but tender when it counts. Next is
Virgin’s Sacrifice,
due out August 2014. Then look for
Cole in My Stocking
in time for the 2014 Holiday season.
If you’d like to receive email updates when I have a new release available, you can subscribe to my newsletter at
http://jessigage.com/
, or follow me on Twitter @
jessigage, or like my Facebook page at
https://www.facebook.com/jessigageromance
.
Reviews make my day. Whether positive or negative, reviews help an author immensely. Please consider leaving an honest review at Goodreads and/or your favorite retailer.
About Jessi Gage
Jessi lives with her husband and children in the Seattle area. She’s a passionate reader of all genres of romance, especially anything involving the paranormal. Ghosts, demons, vampires, witches,
weres, faeries…you name it, she’ll read it. As for writing, she’s sticking to Highlanders and contemporaries with a paranormal twist (for now).
Jessi can often be found having coffee at one of the many neighborhood coffee spots she frequents, or indulging in sweets with The Cupcake Crew, her wonderful critique group. The last time she imagined a world without romance novels, her husband found her crouched in the corner, rocking.
Find Jessi at
http://jessigage.com/
, at her blog at
http://jessigage.wordpress.com/
, on Facebook at
https://www.facebook.com/jessigageromance
, or on Twitter at
https://twitter.com/jessigage
. To send her an email, visit her website and use the contact form at
http://jessigage.com/Contact.html
.
Reckless
Copyright © 201
4 Jessi Gage
Cover by The Killion Group,
http://thekilliongroupinc.com/
Edited by Piper Denna
ISBN:
978-1-941239-02-5
Printed in the United States of America
March
2014
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All characters in this book are fiction and figments of the author’s imagination.
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