Reckless Abandon (13 page)

“I really do love you, you know that,
Rae? I can try, for you and for
now
, to be his friend—a thoroughly embarrassed friend at the moment, but a friend. If it gets too weird, I’ll need a new plan.” I swish some water around my mouth, ignoring her assumption that I love her brother, and spit my anxiety into the sink.

We walk casually back to the table where I place my hand on Regan’s.

“Sorry, Regan. What I meant to say is I don’t
really
play anything. I know one song on the guitar and a few chords. Josh is going to help me learn.” Out of the corner of my eye I see Bo’s eyebrows twitch when I mention Josh.

You might be my friend, dude, but I can’t let you teach me how to play the guitar. I still have boundaries.

“That’s great. Hey, you guys should come down next week to see us play. I know it’s a haul, but we’ve got something good brewing.” Regan is all smiles as he brags us up.

For the rest of the evening, I’m able to smile and nod in the right places, maintaining appropriate eye contact, even with Bo. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to wrap my mind and soul around being his friend. It seems truly absurd, on one hand. But, on the other, maybe being friends is what we should have been all along, before “I love you” and “a thousand lifetimes” and everything else pushed us into a box that we couldn’t fit in. Something doesn’t sit right with my insides about being his friend, even though it’s the smart choice. I want Rachel in my life, period, and they’re a packaged deal. I need to learn to play nice. And fair.

We all head out to the parking lot to say our goodbyes. I tell Rae I’ll see her on Wednesday, smile and wave at Bo, and head to my car as Regan gives Rae his phone number.

“November?” I knew he was following me as soon as I walked away from Rae’s car.

“Yeah?” I unlock my door, open it, and step behind it, begging the steel to barricade my hormones and emotions.

Bo tucks his hands into his pockets, leaning against the car behind him. “I’m sorry if I made things awkward tonight. This is your town, your bar...I don’t want you to feel out of place because of me.”

“It wasn’t you. I didn’t mean for you to feel that way. I just didn’t realize how strange it would seem to try to slide back into a regular routine.” I laugh. “Though, I guess we weren’t really “routine” from the get go, were we?”

He laughs and crosses his arms in front of him. “No, we weren’t. So, we’re good?”

I nod. “We’re good. I’ll see you Wednesday. Oh, by the way, Regan seems like a good guy, so don’t freak that he gave Rae his number, OK?”

“I’ll try to keep that in mind. Night, Em.” He walks casually back to his car, gets in, and drives away.

Em. Well, that’s what your friends call you...

My car seems to drive itself home, and within a few minutes, I’m in my own bed for the first time in several days. I toss and turn over the last forty-eight hours. Last night with Adrian was incredible on a number of levels. I find myself excited for the next time I can see him, while my phone dings twice with text messages.

Adrian: Hope tonight went well. Call me in the AM. xo

Rae: I had a great time tonight. Thank you for trying. Regan’s hot, so thanks for that. Xo

What a fucking mess...

Chapter Thirteen

The splitting headache that accompanies sunrise has nothing to do with liquor. Last night was a disaster. Rae knows I’m having a hard time handling being Bo’s friend. I don’t think she’ll say anything to him, but it’s still disconcerting. The only bright light from last night came in the form of the phone call from Monica, telling me that she and Josh got engaged. I smile at the thought of their life together, and the headache slips slowly away. My phone rings, and my smile widens as Adrian’s name graces the screen.

“Hey you, it’s early.” I yawn.

“Morning, Gorgeous. It felt weird not waking up next to you this morning. How’d last night go?”

I sigh loudly. “God, it was a mess. Rae was there, an
d
w
e
had a nice time. But, Bo wants to be friends.”

“Yeah, you told me that before. What’s the problem?”

“Ha! Adrian, come on. You and I didn’t speak for five years and you’re asking me what the problem is with being friends with Bo? He was perfectly nice and polite, but it felt so wrong. And, it feels even more wrong talking about it wit
h
you
.
What has my love life become?” I bury my face into my pillow and suppress a giggle.

“Ah ha! I’m in your love life now, am I?” Adrian teases.

“Yeah,” I sigh again, “you absolutely are. Anyway, guess what? Monica and Josh got engaged last night.”

“Awesome, good for them.”

“I know. I can’t wait to help her plan. I’m going to throw them an engagement party at the end of the summer—a clam bake, I think.”

“Sounds great.” Adrian’s tone turns seductive, “When can I see your beautiful face again?”

“I can’t really get away much since my time is basically spent between here and Concord. I can come to your place on Friday again; only, I’ll have to address this situation with Monica. Hopefully, my schedule opens up more when the new DROP center opens by the end of the summer. Shit, Monica’s calling. I’ll call you later, K?”

“I can’t wait until Friday. I’ll look at my schedule and call you later about when I can come to town—Monday or Tuesday. Bye.”

Grinning with satisfaction, I click over to Monica.

“Hey lady, it’s early. Shouldn’t you be busy making sweet engaged love or something?” I giggle.

“We’ve got that covered, don’t you worry. I was calling to hear about last night, seeing Bo play. You sounded stressed right out when I called last night.” Monica’s tone is full of concern. She can’t even bask in the wild love of her engagement without checking up on me.

“I threw up.”

“You
threw up
?”

“Yes, I threw up. When I got off the phone with you, I was sitting with Bo
, Rae, and Regan. Bo was playing
friends
perfectly. I got all sweaty, ran in the bathroom, and threw up.” I shake my head at the recollection.

“Shit, that sucks. I’m really sorry.”

“Oh, no, that’s not the best part.”

“I figured as much with you.” I can almost hear Monica rolling her eyes.

“When I was done throwing up, Rae came in, hugged me, and told me to try to be Bo’s friend. She said he fucking loves me, that she thinks I love him, and said Bo will take being my friend if that means I’m still in his life.”

Crickets.

“Monica?”

“I ...”

“Whatever, it’s fine. I’ll figure it out. Look, I really need to talk to you about something, but I want to do it in person. So hurry your happy ass over here when you get home, OK?”

“Great. I’ll be over this afternoon. Love you.”

“Love you too, Mon.”

It’s time to come clean with her about Adrian. No one else needs to know anything but, frankly, I’m going to be in deep enough water as it is for withholding our “first kiss” from her, let alone Saturday night. I can’t make up excuses as to why I need to travel alone to Concord. I like my new route home too much. I stare at the phone in my hand, clenching my jaw at what I’m about to do. When I push send, it’s already a bad idea, and already too late. It needs to be done, however. He can’t be the one tossing balls in my court all the time.

“Hello?” His voice sounds thoroughly confused.

“Hey Bo, it’s November.”

“Hi.” The smile in his voice pricks tiny holes in my heart. Tiny, but holes, nonetheless.

“I just wanted to apologize for getting weird last night. Rae talked some sense into me. You’re lucky to have her.”

“Don’t worry about it—it’ll take some time for us to get used to being friends.” The smile sounds like it’s disappeared, and his use of the word “friends” sounds as smooth coming from his lips as every other word in that sentence. It sounds like he’s already gotten used to it.

“OK, so, I’ll see you Wednesday. We have a few potential donors checking out the site on Thursday.”

“Excellent. See you Wednesday, Ember.”

Click.

My phone stares back at me with an arched eyebrow.
You agreed to be friends, what’s with the sinking feeling in your gut, missus?
I slide it onto my dresser and shower in preparation for my chat with Monica later.
That should be fun
.

* * *

Bo

“Rae?” I holler upstairs from the studio.

“In the living room. Get your ass up here if you want to talk to me.”

Grinning, I take the stairs two at a time. Rae’s matured a lot in the last couple of years, which also means she doesn’t take my shit like she used to. I turn the corner and find her washing the windows.

“What’d you and November talk about last night in the bathroom?” Folding my arms, I lean against the doorframe. Rae pauses her circular motion against the glass, in thought, before resuming her task.

“Nothing, really. Why?” She shrugs but doesn’t look over her shoulder to make eye contact with me.

“Well, she just called me, and—”

“Ember just called you?” Now she makes eye contact.

I nod. “She apologized for acting strange last night but said you set her straight.”

A knowing smile waltzes across Rae’s lips. “I just told her you truly
were
interested in being friends, and she seemed to understand. What? What’s with that look on your face?”

“So she thinks I want to be friends with her?” The back of my
neck screams with heat. I don’t
want
to be friends with her.

“You do, don’t you? You can’t profess your love for her every day. If she loves you the way you love her, and the way you think she loves you, it’ll happen. Be friends with her and leave it alone, Bo.”

“You know I’m in love with her, Rae. It drives me mad when I’m away from her, but it’s almost worse when I’m with her.”

Rae’s eyes assess my words in the distance somewhere.

“I know you do, Bo. It kills me that this is killing you. But, the fact is, she’s great for DROP, I want to be her friend, and—oh, come on!” Rae’s attention refocuses outside.

“What?”

“The girl’s persistent. She’s got that going for her.” Rae throws the roll of paper towels down and runs up the stairs, slamming her door shut. I walk to the window and see Ainsley coming up the front walk
.
Great.

I ignore my irritation at Rae for promoting my friendship with November and hurry to the door, opening it before Ainsley has the chance to ring the bell.

“Spencer! You startled me!” She smiles playfully and whips her hair over her shoulder.

She called me Spencer when we were dating in high school, as a way to assert her position on the invisible top-rung of the high school social ladder. I’m not so sure it isn’t different now.

“What’s up, Ainsley?” Her smile fades slowly as she must read the irritation on my face.

“I tried calling you ...”

“Sorry, my phone was on silent—I was in the studio.”

“Well, I wanted to know if you wanted to have lunch.” She fidgets slightly on my front steps since I haven’t invited her in.

“I don’t know, Ainsley ...” I drag my hand through my hair and leave it perched on the back of my neck.

“Look, Spencer, we’re friends. Can’t friends have lunch?”

Her intentions are muddled inside that innocent smile of hers. I can never tell what her angle is. Either way, I give in. I’m hungry.

“Sure, let me just go get my phone downstairs. I’ll be right back.”

As I walk outside, my phone vibrates with a text message.

Rae
:
Big mistake.

Shaking my head, I climb into Ainsley’s car, and head out for lunch.

* * *

Ember

My nerves increase with each minute I wait for Monica.

“Knock, knock!” She exaggerates as she bursts into my apartment.

Instantly, my place feels alive with happiness and excitement. Monica wastes no time before showing me the lovely ring Josh used to ask “forever.” We make our way to the couch, where I have celebratory Brie and Riesling waiting.

“It’s so perfect, so you.” I run my thumb across the emerald-cut solitaire. “I’m throwing you two an engagement party on Fourth of July weekend, a clam bake.”

Monica’s smile is even bigger than before. “You’re amazing! A perfect Maid of Honor.”

“What?” I scream.

“Did you think I’d choose anyone else?” We scream in unison and hug, yet again.

“So,” Monica continues after our second glass of wine, “what is this nonsense that you had to discuss with me in person?” She places her elbow on the back of my couch and rests her head on her hand.