Recipe for Attraction (16 page)

He buried his head in the crook of her neck and Carson gripped the back of his. She held on tight, knowing this would be the last time they were together. It had to be. Her heart wouldn’t be able to handle another encounter.

Neil thrust a few times then grabbed on tight, pulling her away from the wall and walking them over to her couch. He set her down and flipped her over, bending her over the arm. He kicked her legs wider, her bottom sticking out higher and further for his use. When he bent behind her and shoved his face between her legs she moaned, long and low. His tongue licked between her folds, tickling her clit. He moved back with every lick, eventually searching out the forbidden bud that had never been touched. His tongue teased the area and she was surprised at how much she liked it. The tip penetrated her tiny hole and she groaned.

Neil attacked between her legs, surprising her at every turn. He sucked on her clit, then licked her back end. She grabbed at the throw pillow and fisted her hands in pleasure. Her desire coiled tightly in her stomach just waiting for the right time to explode.

Finally, he stood and scooped her up. He let her drop on the couch and she bounced with the give of the cushions. He spread her legs wide and leaned over her body, capturing her lips in a hungry kiss. She caressed the sides of his face as he devoured her mouth and when he pulled away their eyes met just as hard as his cock rammed into her body. The look of vulnerability in his eyes seared through her. They’d had sex many times over the last ten days. Lots of sex and lots of kissing. But there had always been a wall. Something stood between them every time they were together, as if Neil was afraid to give himself over. Tonight was very, very different.

This was the real Neil Harrison. And he was nothing like the man he was afraid to unleash.

“Carson?” Neil cupped her cheek, his thumb smoothing across her damp skin.

As if all the air had been sucked out of the room, she gasped, unable to catch her breath. She loved him. Holy fucking shit, she loved him.

A shiver ran through her body and he backed away.

“Maybe I shouldn’t—”

She grabbed his chin between her fingers and turned his head to face her. “You didn’t hurt me.”

She grabbed on to the top of the couch, opening herself up, bracing her body for his entry. “Fuck me.”

Neil lined up with her entrance. She nodded, giving him the go ahead and when their bodies were joined he loomed over her and whispered against her ear, “Not this time.”

His eyes locked on hers and with every one of his thrusts they sank deeper, into each other, into this gentle connection. Tears stung her eyes at the tenderness he displayed but then he licked his fingers and placed them at her clit. The extra attention sent the desire dancing in her stomach into overdrive.

“Keep doing that.” She moaned. “Just like that.”

A warm wave washed over her body. She shut her eyes tight and let her orgasm take over.

“That’s it baby. I’m right behind you.”

She faintly heard Neil grunt his own satisfaction behind the fireworks that went off in her ears.

When she finally opened her eyes, Neil was hunched over, his head resting on her breasts, no longer buried deep within her.

Carson released her grip on the couch, letting her arms falls slowly down the rough fabric. She found his head and stroked his hair between her fingers.

Tears stung her eyes as realization set in. This was the last time she was going to be with Neil Harrison. This was the last time she was going to lay with the man she loved. And he would never know she loved him.

It had to be that way. Neil had said only days ago that he didn’t do relationships with women. And she couldn’t keep playing the game that they’d started.

“This is the last time. You know that right?”

He nodded, his head bobbing against her chest.

“We both have too much to lose.” She had already lost her heart. She couldn’t afford to permanently damage her career chasing after a man who was just as driven, just as tied to his job.

He lifted his head and frowned. “You could have called me.”

She tensed. He made it clear they were just sex buddies. They didn’t need to get more involved, more emotionally intimate.

“I know you lost the deal.”

“It’s not totally lost. Not yet. My father made a counter offer and the client is going to get back to us.” She had tried to see her father’s offer as the silver lining. But even after massive amounts of alcohol, the lining was still black.

He lowered his gaze. Why couldn’t he look her in the eye?

He sat back on his heels and stood, practically running into the bathroom.

She snuck into her bedroom and grabbed her robe from behind her door.

Neil was still in the bathroom when her phone chimed. She picked it up from her kitchen counter and slid her finger across the screen.

A new post notification from Toronto Gossip. And she didn’t like the headline.

With the rise of the sex tape, she had subscribed to the blog in order to keep tabs on the information.

She raced to her kitchen table and typed in the website. Her mouth dropped to the floor when she saw the picture of Neil, his fist connecting with Martin’s face.

“Jesus Christ, Harrison.”

The toilet flushed and Neil stepped out into the living room.

“What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” She turned to face him. “What’s wrong?”

The feeling of utter bliss had erased from her body and all she felt was tension.

Neil pulled on his boxers, then his pants. His abs and biceps rippled with his actions. And that ink that peeked out of the collar of his shirt never failed to turn her on.

“How about you punching out my colleague in broad day light.”

“How do you…” He stalked toward her on the table. “How did you find this?”

“I signed up for this idiotic blog after the sex tape debacle. I just got an email telling me all about your little incident.”

He cursed under his breath.

“As if the sex tape wasn’t bad enough; you had to hit him?”

“It’s not what you think. He’s the one—”

“How can it not be?” She pointed to the screen. “Neil Harrison loses cool in a mid-afternoon brawl.”

Neil yelled, “He started it.”

Maybe he was exactly who he thought he was. Maybe Carson was projecting her own wants and needs onto this man. Good thing she was nipping this in the bud before things got too intense.

You’re already in love with him. How much more intense can it get?

“I’m already in enough shit with my father. My job. I don’t need you adding to the equation.” She stood and walked to the kitchen where her bottle of scotch sat, just waiting for some love.

Neil grabbed at her arm as she walked.

“Carson, please, you need to stay away from him. He’s trouble.”

She unscrewed the top and poured herself a hefty glass.

“He’s trouble. He orchestrated that whole incident today. He said…” His voice trailed off.

She gulped down half the drink. “Dammit, Neil.” She rubbed the cool glass against her forehead, as if considering her next words, then set it down on the table. “You know I’ve almost lost the Bower contract and you know the shit I’ve been going through with my father and the firm. Did you know that the main concern about hiring me was that after the tape, Mr. Bower’s wife was concerned I slept with all my clients? Do you know how that felt to hear in a business presentation?” She fisted her hand around the glass. “Yes, Martin’s an ass. I’ve known that for years. Hell, I even told you about him being a total ass! And I certainly understand wanting to slug him. But couldn’t you have just taken the high road? Couldn’t you have thought of the consequences before you reacted to some stupid shit he said? Added more fuel to the media fire?”

He clenched his jaw, “You’re right.” He headed to the couch and grabbed his helmet. “Just be careful.”

She downed the rest of her drink as Neil walked to the door. He grabbed the knob and yanked it open, but just before he stepped out into the hall he stopped and turned.

“Whatever you do, don’t let anyone—not your father, not Martin, not
anyone
—come between you and your dream of being an architect.”

As soon as the door slammed behind him, tears streamed down her cheeks, burning her face.

Chapter Ten

The wind had picked up since Neil had left his home earlier that evening. It wasn’t the best weather condition for riding, but he’d make do.

He’d left Carson’s condo in a haze of worry and devastation. And before he even realized what he was doing, he was withdrawing money from the bank machine and making the solitary ride along the highway to the hidden drive that led to the deserted train tracks.

The goon greeted each rider as they crossed the threshold and when Neil arrived, the dumb-as-a-stump look on the guy’s face turned into a sly grin.

“Rich boy.” He took his smartphone from his pocket and his fingers typed quickly over the keypad. Obviously he was giving Diaz a heads up. “I didn’t think I’d see your smug face again.”

“What can I say, I missed our witty repartee.”

The goon stared blankly. He’d remember for next time to use smaller words.

Neil reached into his pocket and pulled out the envelope. “I want in.” He slapped it in the goon’s hand just as his phone beeped.

He leafed through the money. “It’s only a two grand buy in,” the goon said. “This is too much.”

“I’ve got more to lose tonight.” But he wasn’t talking about the money. He had money, too much money, and no amount of it could fill the gaping hole in his heart. Vivian was gone, and he’d never hear her voice again. And then there was Carson. He needed to make things right. To prove that she was more than Kelly Designs, that she was more than what her father and Martin made her believe. But he couldn’t do that without proof.

He’d wanted to tell her. That’s why he showed up at her door. But she’d taken his worried demeanor and mistaken it for anxiety. She wasted no time fulfilling her promise and before he realized what was going on, he had an erection and the rest was history.

But her quick reaction to his act of aggression against Martin was his worst fear realized. Deep down he was nothing more than a goon. Just like the one standing in front of him. She was too good for him. He would always be the man who let her down, who flew off the handle. Like a bull in a china shop, he ruined everything in his way.

She proved she was more than capable of handling Martin on her own. She didn’t need his help or his investigation. She didn’t need him… for anything.

“This doesn’t change the return if you win.” The goon chuckled as if he didn’t believe the last words out of his mouth.

Neil nodded.

“Mr. Diaz is waiting for you.” He gestured with his head toward the crowd.

Hector stood in his usual spot on the sidelines, a woman on each arm.

“Son of a Madewood,” Hector joked. “I thought we’d scared you off for good.”

“I want in on the next race. I paid your man.”

“What’s the hurry?”

Neil growled. “Do you have a spot for me or not?”

Diaz didn’t like being questioned. Neil recognized the look of simmering anger that passed across his face. But he wasn’t here to make friends. He was here to forget.

“Join the boys at the start line. I’m sure they won’t mind another rider.”

Neil rode to the start line. The revving of engines a soothing sound to his brain. When he arrived, one of the riders looked familiar. He’d beaten him last time. Neil grinned. This guy had something to prove. The other two riders looked him up and down before they turned their attention back to the track.

The flurry of bets happening on the sidelines didn’t surprise him or faze him. It was why Hector had invited him back.

This time, a buxom blond crossed the line and took position twenty feet ahead. Her blue bra peaked out from the top of her shirt. That would have appealed to him two weeks ago. But not now.

With helmets in place, the four of them took position. The wind kicked up some dust in front of them and tiny pieces of clay clinked against his helmet.

His heart thudded in his chest and he’d give anything to be able to wipe the sweat from his brow. But he stared ahead, his hand gripping the brake, his foot just waiting for the moment to touch down.

Blue bra held up her scarf. Engines revved on either side of him. He whispered a prayer inside his helmet and when the blue scarf came down, he took off.

Three of them were neck and neck for most of the race. The rider to his right even skidded closer trying to bump him out. But Neil punched it into a higher gear.

His bike surged ahead thirty feet from the finish. His lips curled up in a smile as he noticed the riders were no longer in his peripheral vision. But his pre-celebration was cut short when he rode over a divot. The bike wavered. He righted it in unison with a gust of wind and he overcorrected. He spun out and hit the ground, the excessive speed scraping him across the red clay. His head bashed against the ground and Carson’s tortured face flashed before his eyes.

And then everything went black.

…

Neil opened his eyes and didn’t recognize where he was.

Bare, beige walls. Itchy blanket. And…pain. He groaned.

“Good morning, asshole.”

He turned and focused on Cole sitting in a chair beside him.

“You’re in the hospital if you’re wondering,” he said, flipping through the pages of a magazine. “Almost killed yourself last night.” He looked up. “In case you were wondering
why
you’re here.”

He remembered.

After his blow up with Carson he’d hopped on his bike and rode out to the race site. And he’d raced. And he’d…”

“Did I win?” He turned to Cole who shook his head with disgust.

He remembered leading the race and then he spun out and then he woke up. Here.

“How did I get here?” He didn’t recognize his own voice.

“I’m not really sure. Jack got a call from the hospital. Apparently someone dropped you off. Whoever you’re hanging around with is a great friend to drop you at the door and take off. You should send them a fruit basket.”

He understood why. Too many questions. No one was going to risk a tangle with the cops.

The door to the hospital room opened and Finn and Jack walked in.

“You’re awake,” Finn said, a warm smile curving at the side of his mouth.

“Are you coherent?” Jack asked.

Neil looked between the three of them and nodded.

“Well, good.” Jack approached the end of the bed. “Just want to know you’ll remember the conversation when we tell you you’re a fucking idiot.”

“Jack?” Finn said.

“No.” He held up his hand. “We’re not doing this. We’re not tiptoeing around the situation. I knew something was up a year ago and I did nothing about it.”

Jack looked the most angry he’d ever seen him.

“Sorry, Finn,” Jack looked over and shook his head. “But this stops now. King, you’re going to tell us what’s going on with you. The truth. All of it.”

“It’s none of your—”

“Business?” Cole said as he crossed his arms over his chest. “That’s not going to fly anymore.”

They weren’t his keepers. He didn’t need a babysitter. He was the oldest, for fuck sake.

“Look, it’s fine.” He looked at all three of them, finally settling on Finn. “I’m fine.”

Finn hesitated before he spoke. “What about your temper? The disappearing.”

Christ. Even Finn was against him.

“The bikes.” Jack said.

Neil let out a long, heavy breath.

“What about bikes?” Finn asked.

“He’s totaled six or seven. He’s being careless.”

Neil let his gaze drop to the blanket that laid over him. They wouldn’t let up. Not until he told them the truth. He might as well get it over with. “I was racing.”

“Racing?” Cole’s face gave away his disgust. “As in street racing?”

Neil nodded.

“Christ Neil, you could have gotten yourself killed,” Jack said. “Do you know how—”

“I know.” He lifted his arm but quickly let it fall to the bed with a groan. It felt like a one hundred pound weight was attached to his wrist. “I know exactly how dangerous it is and that was the point.”

He needed the release. He needed to let go of all of the anger. The guilt and fear. Of not knowing what to do with himself now that Vivian was gone.

“She wasn’t supposed to die. Not so soon. Not like that.”

His brothers stood still, barely taking a breath for fear of startling him. They knew it wouldn’t take much for him to shut down, let the guard fall back in place. But not this time.

This time he needed to man up and be honest, even if they couldn’t fully understand anything he was feeling.

“I don’t know what to do. I…I have all this anger. All this sadness. I didn’t know what to do with it and one night I went for a drive. I was stopped at a light and a guy came up with a bike and I knew what he wanted.”

He wasn’t completely crazy that night. He had at least second-guessed the decision to race.

“Afterward, he asked if I was interested in something a little more dangerous.” And that was the beginning. He eventually found Hector Diaz and the rest was history.

“Why wouldn’t you say something? Why didn’t you come to us?” Finn leaned in, slowly, cautiously. As if he was some skittish deer on the side of the road. But he understood. He wasn’t the most approachable.

“We’re all hurting.” Cole got up from his seat and stood beside Finn.

Jack kept his distance. His face a mix of fury and sadness.

“No more racing,” Finn said. “If you need to blow off steam we’ll go to the gym or—”

Neil scoffed. “You want calls at three in the morning?”

“Whatever it takes,” Cole said.

It had taken a long time for Neil to truly trust the three men standing around him. He knew they had his back. But this was beyond anything he ever expected.

“I hate you right now,” Jack spat.

“Jack?” Finn punched him in the arm.

“No.” Neil held up a finger because he couldn’t lift his arm. “Let him finish.”

“You’re so quick to judge everyone else and the mistakes they make. Always so high and mighty, King is always right.” Jack gripped the bar at the end of the hospital bed. “Bullshit.”

He was right. He never let anyone ever question his decisions. Until he met Carson. She called him out on his shit from the very beginning.

“This racing is the worst decision any one of us has ever made. It’s dangerous and stupid and…” Jack shrugged. “You’re just not allowed to do it anymore.”

Neil smiled. His little brother taking a stand. It was good to see Jack taking the reins, coming into his own. It was a long time coming. Neil, on the other hand deserved, every insult hurled his way. He was a hypocrite.

“No more racing. I promise.”

“What about Carson?” Cole asked.

“What about her?” There was no Neil and Carson, not anymore. She made that very clear last night. But in the light of day, he knew what he had to do. He was going to follow through with his plan to bring Martin down.

The Madewood’s didn’t give into blackmailers.

Cole shot a gaze to Finn who rolled his eyes and then landed on Jack.

“It would save us a lot of time if you just admit you love her now rather than ten minutes from now when we can’t stand listening to you anymore.”

“I…” Shit. He did. “I do. I love her.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Finn asked.

“I’m not good enough for her.”

“Fuck that,” Finn shouted. “Don’t you dare believe anything that jackass said to you yesterday.”

“He was right.” Neil yelled. He tried to sit up but his ribs screamed in pain. He slumped back on the bed. “She needs someone who doesn’t fly off the handle when things get tough. She needs someone who’s…” Someone who wasn’t going to disappoint her. Someone who was in control of his emotions.

“I’ve screwed everything up for her. Thanks to me, her career is in the toilet.”

“I’m sure she doesn’t think that,” Cole said.

Neil laughed. It sent a sharp pain down his ribcage. “She made that perfectly clear last night. She lost an account because of the sex tape. But I’m going to fix it.”

He didn’t know if it was even possible. He didn’t know what sort of skeletons Martin Connelly had in his closet, but if he had any, Neil had no problem holding those skeletons over his head. And he’d never threaten Carson again.

“It’s just a matter of time before I fly off the deep end.” He wasn’t in control of his emotions, his actions. He couldn’t be trusted. “Look at what I do. I punch people in the street. I risk my life. I have no consideration of what my actions do to other people in my life. That’s not husband material. She needs a man who will be able to pick up their daughter and not tense up.”

“Neil…” Cole approached the bed. “We’ve all been through a lot of shit. But that doesn’t mean we’re destined to be alone.” He pointed at his brother. “Look at Jack.”

He was going for comic relief. But it just wasn’t enough.

“You don’t give yourself enough credit, brother,” Finn said. “You’re a good man. And the only thing stopping you from becoming a great man is you.”

“Look, I appreciate the pep talk, but things with Carson are done. She needs to move on and so do I. I have a farm to open and this is going to put me behind schedule.”

“So if she showed up here you wouldn’t tell her you love her,” Jack asked.

“No. She doesn’t need to know that. It will just complicate things.” His brothers looked devious. “And none of you are going to tell her that either, got it?”

“Yes, King.” They said in unison.

“Mr. Harrison?” A nurse walked into the room. “It’s time for some meds.”

He nodded.

Cole took his seat beside the bed and Jack and Finn left the room again.

Hopefully, he’d be out of here soon and then it was back to work. Full speed ahead. He had a restaurant to open and Martin to expose. In the meantime, all he had to do was steer clear of Carson, giving her the space she needed to move on, forget that he ever existed. He didn’t want to cause her pain and heartache and that seemed to be what he did best when it came to her. He only had to prepare himself for one more encounter at the opening. And then they would take their separate paths…and never look back.