Rebel Heart (31 page)

I feel DeMalo slip from the room. As the Tonton an Stewards light their lanterns, nobody speaks a word. It wouldn’t be right.

We make our way back through the unnerground rooms, up the steps an outside. I blink as we step into the clear light of the mornin. One of the Tonton chains an locks the rusted door an pulls the brambles back to hide it.

DeMalo’s waitin fer us in the sweetgrass meadow. The Stewards sit on the ground at his feet. I stand a little ways apart. The mornin breeze plays fresh an gentle. I let it dry my tears. We’re quiet fer a bit. There’s a solid, heavy ache inside of me.

At last DeMalo says, That was our Mother Earth. Our home. Before the Wreckers ravaged her. Desecrated her. Before they crawled over every inch of her body, stripping her, skinning her, gutting her. Poisoning her ground, her water and her air. Could you ever have imagined such beauty? It doesn’t seem possible, does it, that such wonders were the everyday, right here, all around us. I couldn’t imagine it. Until one morning, one glorious, unforgettable dawn, I heard music on the wind. It whispered to me, led me to that door in the hill, down the stairs, into that room. And there, as the new day dawned, I had the vision. It radiated through my body, just as you’ve seen today. Mother Earth revealed to me, through me, the unimaginable glories of our world as it used to be.

As DeMalo’s speakin, he looks from one person to the next, holdin their eyes with his. Like he’s talkin only to them. The Stewards lean towards him, each face shinin tight with hope, with belief. I suddenly realize I’m doin the same.

He goes on.

And she revealed to me my destiny. You are the Pathfinder, she told me. I have chosen you to heal me, starting right here in New Eden. You will choose only the healthiest, brightest, hardest workers to help you in this mighty task. Our Mother Earth chose me at that dawn, and she has led me to choose you. It’s our life’s work to heal her. Mine, yours, our children, our children’s children. It’s the work of many lives and it will take many lifetimes. It’s the greatest work that anyone has ever undertaken. We’ll do right by her this time. We won’t fly too close to the sun, the air is for the birds. The bounty of the earth and the clean waters are enough for us, and those we share in harmony with the creatures, who have as much right to be here as we do. Remember this day – when your body’s tired and your spirit’s weak – remember my words but, more than anything, hold fast in your heart that wondrous vision of the world as it was. The vision that I have shown you. We are the chosen ones, my friends, you and I. This is the dawn of a new day on earth.

The Stewards come up to him, boy with girl, two by two, an kneel at his feet. He touches each one on the forehead, four times, on the point of each quarter of their circle brand, sayin, earth, water, air and fire, we serve the Earth, our sacred Mother. He kisses the brand. Then he joins their hands together an they go off through the meadow. DeMalo nods at the two Tonton an they follow the Stewards. Then it’s jest him an me, standin in the grass with the blue sky above. The day wraps around us, the cool freshness of the air beginnin to warm.

Did you take them from their families? I says.

We brought them to New Eden to show them this, he says. To teach them, to share with them the good news. That something amazing will be accomplished and they’re going to be a part of it.

Where’re they goin now? I says.

To start their new lives, he says. To work for the common good of the earth and the earth’s people.

Auriel’s camp. The exhausted an unwanted, huddled on the banks of the Snake River. I think of stolen land an Billy Six, spiked through the throat.

Not all people, I says.

Who are the best stewards of the earth? he says. The old and weak? The sick? Or the young and the strong? Whose children will best serve the earth? Those born to the scum of Hopetown? Weak children born to the weak? Or the children of these people?

I dunno, I says. I ain’t never thought about it before.

Resources are precious, he says, rare. There isn’t enough clean water or good land to go around. You know that.

We sink down into the meadow grass. It tickles my bare legs. He leans back on his elbows. His hair shines like a crow’s wing.

I wish I’d never seen that, I says. All them wondrous things. I wish I didn’t know that’s the way it used to be.

I felt the same when I first saw it, he says. But I couldn’t leave. I kept returning here, dawn after dawn, and the vision would come, over and over, until I was possessed by it.

I cain’t ever ferget it, I says. But it’s long gone. Lost. An there ain’t nuthin I can do.

But there is! He kneels in front of me, takin my hands. You’ve already started, don’t you see? You didn’t just survive Hopetown, you conquered it. You destroyed it and you did the same at Freedom Fields and Pine Top Hill. You killed Pinch. You began to clean the infected wound. That’s what I’m doing here.

I did all that fer my brother, I says.

You and I are willing to make the difficult decisions that have to be made, he says. To act on those decisions.

I think of Epona. Yes, I says.

We have the courage to act in the service of something greater than ourselves, he says. Don’t think I don’t have a conscience, that I don’t constantly question and challenge myself. I do. The consequences of my decisions, my actions . . . I’m well aware of them. I’m awake in the dead of night, thinking about it all. But we – people I mean – we can’t go on as we are. There’s no meaningful future for us or this earth. You do see that?

Yes, I says.

The first time I saw you, he says, I looked into your eyes, just for a moment.

I remember, I says.

And I knew you, he says. For who you really are. Who you can be. You’re extraordinary. Think of what you’ve already done. Now, imagine what you could do. You’ve only just begun to discover what you’re capable of. Tell me. How does it feel? To master your fears and weaknesses. To win in the Cage, time after time, against all the odds. To stand in your own power at the top of the hill.

I cain’t look away from him. The beauty of his face. The beauty of his voice. The way I heat wherever he touches me. The thread between us tightens an tightens.

It feels right, I says. I feel . . . right.

That’s the power that changes the world, he says. If you can do that for your brother, imagine what you could do for the earth. To bring back – even just a little of that wonder you saw in there.

I feel such . . . sorrow, I says. Like somebody I love jest died. I know what I said before, but I’m glad I seen it.

Feeling sorrow is fine, he says. It’s right. But you need to use those feelings, channel them into action. Just as you did with your brother. You have such strength, such courage, such power within you.

I would never have let you drown, he says. I’ve been waiting for you.

Waitin fer me, I says.

My whole life, he says.

He leans towards me. Slow. Real slow, so’s I can move away if I want. I don’t. He kisses me, sweet an soft.

I feel a drop of water on my face. Then it’s pourin. It’s sunny but pourin with rain. I shake my head, blinkin in surprise.

We laugh. Then he grabs my hand an we run.

We dash inside his tent, shakin ourselfs like dogs, gaspin an laughin a bit. He grabs a cloth an gives his hair a quick rub. He tosses it to me as he pours wine into the jars. He holds one up an I go to take it from him. My heart lurches. He’s so close to me. So warm. The smell of him, damp an green, makes my skin jump all over. There’s three books laid out on a small table.

You got books, I says. I seen one of them before.

Books are very rare, he says. They’re so delicate, not many have survived. Would you like me to read you something? He takes one with gentle hands.

I dunno, I says. I dunno what that means.

He opens it, turns over a couple of paper leafs an starts to speak.

There was a time when meadow, grove and stream,

The earth, and every common sight,

To me did seem

Apparell’d in celestial light,

The glory and the freshness of a dream.

It is not now as it hath been of yore;

Turn wheresoe’er I may,

By night or day,

The things which I have seen, I now can see no more.

He stops. He spoke slowly, restin each word on the air like it was precious. My heart ain’t big enough to hold the beauty. It aches from tryin to. He closes the book. He lifts his eyes an looks at me.

You spoke how I feel, I whisper. About what I seen in there. If I had them words in me, that’s jest what I’d say. How did you know?

Suddenly I move, in a rush, an I’m kissin him. His lips, his mouth, the words he spoke. Smooth an warm an rich. His arms bind me. Pull me tight to him. Kisses that burn. Kisses that sear. Feverish an ancient.

I fergit everythin an everybody. Jack. Betrayal. Myself. I lose myself. In the touch of him, the taste of him, the smell of him, till I feel the moment when the edges of me start to blur. I let go. An I melt into the dark, blank heat.

I don’t remember movin, but he’s sittin on the chair an I’ve climbed on to his lap an I’m runnin my hands through his hair, over his shoulders an arms, while we kiss. Feelin the strength of him, the life in him. He drags his lips along the inside of my arm, wrist to elbow. Trailin shivery fire on my tender skin till I’m quiverin head to foot. A rush in my belly, hot an ancient.

The tent’s dim an grey. In the dark of his eyes, I see a tiny reflection. It’s me.

A flush flags his cheekbones. I can see myself in your eyes, he says.

I touch a finger to his lips.

I’m drowning in you, he whispers.

I lead him to the bed. We lie down together.

An the rain, it rains an rains.

I wake with a start an blink in the bright mornin light. I’m in DeMalo’s arms. In his bed. We’re both bare as the day we was born.

My eyes meet his. I feel a hot tide crawl up my neck. The whispers. The cries in the closeness of the tent. Me. Him. Him an me together. I cain’t believe that was me. What was I thinkin of? I couldn’t of bin thinkin. No, no, that ain’t true, I knew full well what I was doin. I wanted to do it.

Then another thought crashes in. Emmi. I gotta git back to Bram’s, we gotta find Emmi. Lugh’ll be frantic, worryin about both of us, probly searchin fer me.

Seth, I—

You amaze me, he says. We’re perfect together. He turns my head to the side. Touches his lips to the back of my neck. Your first-time mark, he whispers. You chose me to put it there. Above all others, you chose me.

Yes, but I—

You gave yourself to me, he says. And I gave myself to you. Freely. Not just our bodies, it’s more than that. Much more. You felt it too. I know you did. We’re going to be so beautiful together, he whispers. So perfectly beautiful. In our perfectly beautiful, perfect new world.

His eyes is hot as melted rock. He kisses me an I kiss him an I’m lettin go an fallin once more an—

You could be carrying our child already, he says.

A baby, I says.

A cold sweat breaks on my skin. It never crossed my mind. No. No, it couldn’t be. Yes, it could. Easily. It happens all the time.