Reaper's Novice (Soul Collector #1) (19 page)

What does all that mean? I hope he’ll have more information tomorrow.

After checking myself in the mirror to make sure I look normal—as normal as I can be—I take a deep breath and walk into the garden.

Outside, everyone’s already seated. Anton sits on Rolf’s right, talking excitedly—probably about hockey—around a full mouth. Rolf’s gaze meets mine, his eyes unreadable.

Physically, he looks fine. But what’s going on internally? In the last year since we’ve known each other, getting him to open up was like trying to crack a huge rock with bare hands. I’ve always thought it was the pain of losing a parent, but obviously there’s more. And it’s scaring me. I don’t know what to do, or who to talk to about it. We need to talk. But how to begin?

I grab a plate and follow my nose to the buffet Mom set, heading for Dad’s special gravy. Dad’s an excellent cook but only when he’s in the mood to cook.

***

“You watching the mountain bike tryouts tonight?” Reiner asks Rolf as he gulps spoonfuls of gravy.

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Rolf says, eyes shining with excitement. “I doubt anyone will break Kimdane’s record.”

Lea rolls her eyes. “Which means I’ll be ignored for the next decade.”

“It’s Kimdane, Lea,” Reiner says, as if that says it all. “Besides, the quarterfinals begin in August. I have some time for you, sweetheart.” He smiles and leans back, throwing his arm around Lea’s shoulder.

“Wow, don’t I feel lucky.”

Kimdane. A household name. Eighteen years of age, dark eyes, dark hair, lip ring on his lower lip, and a don’t-care attitude. He’s a professional mountain biker who has broken his own record two times, along with breaking several parts of his body numerous times while performing stunts. Wherever he goes, hearts shatter like glass. Or so the rumour goes. He’s Reiner and Rolf’s obsession. Their eyes gleam at the mention of Kimdane’s name. Like now. The mountain bike tryouts begin tonight in Salzburg. As they do every year, Reiner and Rolf will meet up to watch.

I tune out the conversation around me and watch Mom and Dad speaking to Lucy and Anton. Anton seems happier after we spoke to Mom about his wish to take up photography. I know it’s wrong, but I envy them. I envy the fact that they don’t have questions storming their brains. And I’m very glad they’re here. The thought of them dying while I continue living for centuries—if Grim never releases me from the contract—pierces my heart until my eyes smart with tears.

Eventually everyone will be gone. My family and my friends. I shove that thought inside the very far corner of my mind, and when Mom turns to look at me, my smile is back in place.

“I’m leaving for Florence after finals,” Lea says.

Those words yank me back to the conversation so hard my head reels. “What?” No. No. No. I know I have Reiner and Rolf, but this is
Lea.
She grounds me, understands me. Rolf is being weird, and Reiner has his full-time job in the summer.

She averts her eyes and begins to fiddle with the cloth napkin on her lap. “The gallery emailed me. I got the summer job.”

“But Lea—”

Her head jerks up, pinning me with a pleading look. I press my mouth shut. Lea has been chasing this job for months. This is a great reference for her university applications and experience for her future art curator career. And here I am being selfish.

“I’m happy for you.” She looks at me doubtfully. “Truly I am.” I want to throw myself on my bed and cry my eyes out.

“I won’t make it for the Mallorca trip,” Lea says.

Reiner slings his arm on Lea’s shoulder, tugs her closer. “I’ll visit you in Florence instead.”

“What about your mom and dad?” Lea asks him, her eyes wide, looking scared for him.

“Mom’s brother will be in town and will stay with us for the entire summer. That should help cool things down a bit.” He averts his eyes, the muscle in his jaw working furiously.

Rolf and I stare at each other. We sit close, hips practically brushing, but we might as well be continents apart. This is awkward.

I break eye contact with him and say, “We could all hang out before Lea leaves.”

“I have to work on Friday. Need the cash.” Reiner sips his orange juice.

I lean across the table and squeeze his shoulder. “How’s everything?”

He rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands. “Worse. I want to kill that bastard.” His voice is a harsh whisper.

I rear back and look at Mom and Dad. They don’t seem to have heard that declaration. Thank God. I’ve never heard Reiner speak about his father with such passionate hatred. Dark circles fringe his eyes, and his cheeks look sunken. When was the last time he slept?

As if sensing my thoughts, he says, “I’m fine. Mom and Lola are fine. That’s all that matters.” The pinch around his mouth says otherwise.

Minutes later Rolf, Reiner, and Dad are deep in conversation. Reiner’s phone shrills in a horse neigh ringtone. He excuses himself and moves to the edge of the garden, his head bent, whispering into his phone. Lea frowns at him, then turns and joins Mom and me to clear everything back to the kitchen and load the dishwasher.

I turn to Lea. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” She nods, and we move to the living room, settling on the couch.

“I’m sorry about yesterday. Me snapping at you at Zaynab’s was uncalled for and stupid. Please, don’t be mad at me. I don’t want you to leave for Florence with things hanging in the air.”

“Consider it forgotten. What’s really happening with you? You seem distracted and anxious all the time. You doze in class. Even your hair looks…frazzled. Is it school? Going through withdrawal? Need to see a therapist? Is it Ro?”

“Oh gosh, why does everyone think everything’s to do with Ro?”

She shrugs. “Because since you two met, you look at each other like the sun and moon rises and sets in each other’s eyes, and have you noticed how he touches you? Like he wants to breathe you in. Then when you two kiss, my God, it’s like—”

“Whoa, Lea, stop. Take a deep breath.”

She does, placing one hand on her chest as she draws air in and out.

“It’s not Ro. I feel all this pressure. Finals, Conservatory next week…” I trail off as she raises a perfectly tweezed eyebrow. I swallow the guilt choking me.

She studies me. “I could call you out on that lie, Ana, but I won’t. Talk to me when you’re ready.” She gives the bracelets on my wrists a tug and smiles brightly. “You and me. A treat to the spa before I leave.

I hug her. God, I love this girl. My best friend. And the fact that she didn’t insist… but I’m sure it won’t be for long. Going to the spa might just be a trap to loosen me up so I can spill the details. It’s not above her. She’s done it before.

I pull back, nodding. After almost losing my family, I promised myself to grab the chances as they come.

***

We’ve been playing volleyball, girls against guys. Thirty minutes down the line, the sun’s beaten us to the ground and we decide to take a break.

“Take a walk with me.” I look up to find Rolf standing beside me. I nod, take a long swig of water from my glass, and stand up.

He opens the gate, and I step out, tucking my hands inside my faded green shorts pockets. Skirting around a group of boys on wave boards, we stroll along the Danube River. Still walking in silence, we stroll by a playground full of children. Rollerbladers with bare chests, small shorts, and skimpy dresses zip by us. Cyclers whiz by.

Last Sunday evening when Rolf and I were here, I felt as if nothing could touch us. Today it feels anything but that.

As we start towards the steps that lead to the edge of the river, Rolf gives me a sidelong glance. “You’re scared of me.” The space between us feels like oceans apart, even after a round of volleyball. He doesn’t bridge it. Me neither.

I sigh. “You kissed me. You kissed me and the next minute almost smashed my face to the wall. Can you blame me?”

He rubs his neck with one hand, shakes his head, and drops his hand. “I’m sorry. Look, can we please just walk for a short while. I want to talk to you about everything. Just not today.”

I halt. “When? What’s going on with you?”

“I don’t know.”

I want to punch something. “What do you mean you don’t know? I can’t live in fear, always wondering if you’re going to get weird on me.” I fill my lungs with air. “I need to know what’s going on, Ro.”

“I’d never hurt you, Engel.
Never
.”

“You almost did.”

He squeezes his eyes shut. A vein pumps furiously on his jaw, as he repeats in a fierce whisper, “I’d never hurt you.” He opens his eyes. The momentary gleam in them vanishes. “I’m trying to understand this, what’s happening to me. We’ll talk soon. I promise.”

“I’m getting tired of promises,” I mutter.

Rolf frowns, then clears his throat. “I wanted to talk to you about something else. Alone.”

I drop my arms to my sides. He reaches for my hand, pausing, as if asking for permission. I’m tired of fighting, tired of everything. As soon as his hand curls around mine, something inside of me unfolds. I melt to his touch.

After a few moments of walking in silence I say, “You said you wanted to talk.”

“In a minute.” Thunder rumbles softly in the distance.. According to the weather forecast, a storm is expected today after three days of excessive heat.

I lead Rolf to the steps going down to the river, eager to dip my feet in the water. At the same time my heart pounds at the thought. He tugs me back, peers at me, and frowns.

“We don’t need to sit down there. The bench will do.”

I shake my head. “I have to get over this sometime.”

Even as we sit on the steps, he keeps his hand around mine like he’s afraid of letting go.

“I’m fine, really.”

He narrows his eyes at me. “Yeah, you look it.”

Once we’re seated on the steps, Rolf slips his feet from his flip-flops and dunks them in the water. I take a deep breath, slip my feet from my flip-flops, and touch the water with the tip of my toes.

The rise and fall of the water snags me. I try to shake away the memory I’ve been trying to escape for my entire childhood, but it traps me in its talons. I’m mesmerised and horrified at the same time. I’m floating, sinking, dying. My head pops above the water once, then submerges. I scream. Water rushes through my mouth and nose. I can’t get enough air in my lungs, just the damn chlorine-filled water.

Warm hands cup my face. Warm, familiar hands pull me back to the present.

“Look at me, Ana.” Fingers travel up and down my cheeks. “You’re okay. I’m here. See. Focus, Engel. Take deep breaths.”

That voice, those fingers yank me from my nightmarish memory. I suck in a deep breath, focusing on Rolf’s eyes, dark with worry. I avert my eyes to my leg now perched on Rolf’s lap.

He hauls me to his lap and hugs me to his chest. “Damn it, Ana, I die a thousand times every time you go through that memory.”

W
HEN
I
WAS NINE YEARS OLD,
the memory of being drowned was branded in my brain for life. Tuesday, our usual swimming lessons. Our class had gone to the local indoor pool. The instructor hadn’t arrived to begin our lessons. Lea stepped out to go to the bathroom. Two boys in my class shuffled forwards on bare feet. Throughout the term, they’d been calling me all sorts of names because of my parentage, and I’d been too scared to tell Mom and Dad. If I did, Mom would worry and transfer me to another school, which meant leaving Lea, so I kept my mouth shut.

The two boys leapt forwards and quickly tied my ankles and hands with a rope while my other classmates watched, too scared to do anything. They must have hidden the rope well because I hadn’t noticed it before. When they finished their handiwork, they pushed me off the pool’s ledge. By the time I emerged from unconsciousness, I was in the hospital. Turns out they’d been bullying anyone they considered weak or not Austrian enough for them. They were expelled from school.

The tightening of the arms around my waist draws me back to the present. “Let’s go sit on the bench. I need to talk to you, and I can’t do it with you trembling like that.”

I release my grip on Rolf’s T-shirt, detaching myself from his chest. “I’ll be fine. I just need a minute.”

Rolf sighs. “I should’ve known you’d say that.” The arms tighten some more. If he was to pull me any tighter, I’m sure we’d mesh and become one.

Waves lap gently against the wall. A family of ducks swims by leisurely, ducking their heads under the water and out again. I envy them. They seem so trouble-free, just swim, eat, sleep, and chase each other.

“Dad asked me to go with him on his next trip.” Rolf’s voice rumbles from inside his chest.

My body stiffens, and I lean back to look at his face. “When?”

“In three weeks.” He drops his hands from my waist and tangles our fingers together, his gaze on our linked fingers. “To Japan.”

“That’s really great, Ro. I’m so happy for you.” My voice sounds wooden, dead, and my breathing sounds forced in my own ears. I lean in and brush my lips on his cheek. “How long?”