Reapers and Bastards: A Reapers MC Anthology (4 page)

“Jesus Christ,” Boonie shouted, looking up to find me. “Stay back, Darce. You shouldn’t see this.”

“Who is it?’’ I asked, my throat tight. He shook his head, refusing the answer. The screams turned to a pain-filled keening.

“
Who is it?!
” I shrieked. “Tell me!”

“We need an ambulance,” he yelled back. “The trailer park’s less than a mile away. Someone needs to get down there, make the call.”

“Answer my fucking question—who is it?”

“It’s Farell,” he said, unreadable emotions flashing across his face. “He was driving. Allie’s in there, too. It’s bad, Darcy. Real bad.”

________

I wasn’t sure if I should go to the hospital—what are you supposed to do when the guy you just broke up with gets in an accident? Even though Farell and I weren’t together any more, when Boonie asked me to come home with him, I said no. My head was too confused, a mass of emotion, guilt, and raw terror that Farell would die.

I hadn’t been driving the truck, but I knew my boyfriend. Knew how he was when he got drunk. I’d humiliated him publicly and then left the party with his biggest rival—I should’ve seen this coming. Stopped it somehow.

Instead I’d been busy fucking Riley Boone on a grave. Jesus. What the hell was wrong with me?

Shanda offered me a ride, which I took over Boonie’s protests. I
couldn’t look at him right now. Not that he’d done anything wrong—I just felt so guilty. What kind of girl sleeps with another guy right after breaking up with the boy she loved?

We planned to go back to the trailer park but found ourselves driving around aimlessly instead, neither of us sure what to say. Eventually I couldn’t stand it anymore—I had to know if he was all right—so we drove to the hospital in Kellogg. But when we pulled up to the emergency room I wasn’t sure it was the right move.

“Should I go inside?” I asked Shanda, feeling sick to my stomach. “What if he’s dead?’’

The thought was almost unbearable. Yes, I’d broken up with Farell—after dating him for
eighteen months
. He was my first and I’d thought he’d be my last.
Oh, God
. . .

“I’m here with you,” Shanda said, reaching over to catch my hand. “We’ll just check and see how they’re doing.”

I nodded, unfastening my seat belt. The sliding ER doors gaped obscenely as we walked in together, holding hands.

Half the high school waited in the lobby.

I saw Bryce and Erin huddled together along the wall. Both were crying. Clumps of young people I’d grown up with surrounded them, wiping their eyes.

“Bitch,” someone hissed as I walked past. Shanda spun around, glaring, but everyone looked away.

“Jesus Christ, shut the fuck up,” Colby said, striding toward me. Wow. Hadn’t seen that coming. He caught me up in a tight hug, and I felt myself start to tremble. Finally I pulled free, and swallowed.

I had to know.

“Tell me,” I said. “Are they . . .?”

Colby swallowed, his eyes red and puffy.

“Allie is gone.”

The words cut through me. No. It couldn’t be true.

“But she was screaming,” I said, shaking my head. “She was
awake
. We all heard her. How can she be . . . dead?”

My throat choked as I whispered the word. This was too awful, too real. How had a stupid party turned into Allie dying? Suddenly I didn’t care that I’d hated her, or that she’d slept with my boyfriend—we’d known each other since kindergarten, and now I’d never see her again. Not even a bitch like Allie deserved that.

And if she was dead, what about him?

“She lost consciousness in the ambulance,” Colby continued. “She was bleeding inside her head. They did emergency surgery but her heart stopped on the table. They couldn’t save her.”

“Oh my God,’’ I whispered. More guilt slammed through me—I’d wished her dead and now she was. I felt like I was going to throw up. Swallowing, I forced myself to ask the hardest question of all. “What about Farell?”

“He’s in surgery right now,’’ Colby said. “Nobody knows what’s going on. His parents are waiting in the chapel.”

He nodded toward a small door against the far wall.

“His mom’s been asking for you,” he added, his voice cracking.

Now I
really
needed to throw up. Renee Evans had been so incredibly good to me. When I’d first met her I expected her to hate me—after all, her golden boy had dragged home a girl from the trailer park. By valley standards I wasn’t even close to good enough for him. But Renee never cared about any of that. She’d welcomed me with open arms, and eventually I spent more time at their house than my own. I hadn’t let myself think about that until now—breaking up with Farell meant giving her up, too.

Pulling away from Colby, I walked over to the bathroom as fast I could without drawing even more attention. Thankfully it was
clearly labeled and easy to find, because I barely made it inside before I started puking.

Everything tasted like beer and bile and betrayal.

“Darcy, is that you?’’ a familiar voice asked outside the stall. I stilled, clutching the toilet for support. Renee.

“I’m in here,’’ I managed to say.

“Thank God,” she said. “Are you all right?”

Better than Allie
, I thought, feeling a touch hysterical.

“I don’t think any of us are all right.”

“Come out,’’ Renee replied softly. “I need to see you, sweetheart.”

She didn’t know, I realized. She still thought me and Farell were together, that I had a right to be here. What would she say when she found out? I flushed the toilet and stood, bracing myself. Then I stepped out of the stall.

Renee looked like hell.

Her hair hadn’t been combed and her clothes didn’t match. Way out of character, but I guess when your son’s been in an accident you don’t take the time to coordinate your outfit. Her eyes were red and puffy, but she gave me a small, brave smile as she held out her arms.

I couldn’t do it.

“Renee, I need to tell you something.”

“I already know—or at least I know enough,” she said softly. “Bryce told me about your fight. Farell had another girl with him. But I know you care about him and right now I could really use your support.”

Falling into her arms, I hugged her tight and sobbed. Everything was still awful and I was confused and scared, but just being close to her I felt better than I had all night.

“How is he?’’ I finally managed to ask.

“He’s in surgery right now,” she said, rubbing my back. “They told me his spine was crushed. We’re not sure exactly what that will mean in the long run, but it can’t be good. I don’t know what’s going to happen next, Darcy. I just don’t know. I’d like you to come wait with us, though. I think Farell would want that.”

I shook my head—she was wrong. Farell wouldn’t want that at all.

“You know, Marcus and I have been married for twenty years now,’’ she said softly. “That’s a long time—you learn after a while that you can’t judge a relationship by any one thing. People make mistakes. You have to look at all of it when you judge a man. Please come with me, Darcy. Maybe you don’t want to do it for Farell right now, so do it for me. You’ve been like my own daughter this past year. Help me get through this. Please.”

I nodded slowly, because what else could I do? Taking a minute to wash my face, I followed her back to the chapel.

________

He didn’t get out of surgery until nine the next morning. It was a success, in that he was still alive. We wouldn’t know about brain damage until he woke up.

If
he woke up.

I stayed at the hospital with Renee and her husband until late afternoon. That’s when Shanda came looking for me.

“Let me take you home,” she said. “You need a shower and some rest.”

“Will you be all right?” I asked Renee. She nodded, her eyes heavy.

“Get some sleep,’’ she replied softly. “I’ll call you if anything changes.”

Thankfully, Shanda seemed to understand that I needed quiet so she didn’t pester me with questions as we drove. We pulled into
the trailer park around six p.m., and I saw a motorcycle in front of my house.

Boonie.

He was waiting on the porch, his face shadowed. I got out of the car and walked over to him.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey.”

We studied each other, and for once I didn’t feel any kind of attraction. I didn’t feel anything at all—I was hollow. Used up.

Exhausted.

“I heard about Allie,” he said quietly. “Bad shit.”

“Yeah,” I said, my voice catching. “Farell’s in rough shape, too. They don’t know when he’ll wake up, or whether he’ll ever walk again. I guess it’s pretty unlikely. It was a bad accident.”

“So you were with his family . . . What does that mean?’’

I shrugged, wishing I had an answer.

“I have no idea,” I replied softly. “I don’t know what to think about any of it. I’m just so tired . . .

“And us?”

His eyes bore through me, black as coal. I studied him, remembering how he’d felt deep inside me. It’d been good. The best I’d ever had, that was for sure. But what did having sex together really mean? He’d slept with half the senior girls this past year.

“So you’re leaving tomorrow?’’ I asked after a long pause. He nodded.

“Yeah, I have to be at the Spokane airport by five in the morning.”

“Wow.”

“You need to sleep,” he said finally. I blinked. He was right—I did.

“You want to come inside?” I asked. “My dad’s home, but he
won’t care.”

He probably wouldn’t notice. Between the beer and the painkillers, he’d turned into a permanent lump in front of the TV. Boonie nodded, standing and reaching out his hand. I took it, then led him to my bedroom, where we collapsed together on my twin-sized bed. I’d like to say we made sweet love all night, or that we talked and it was beautiful and special.

The truth is that I passed out in his arms and didn’t wake up for fourteen hours. By the time I stumbled out of bed he was gone, but I found a note. He’d promised to write to me.

I took a shower and went back to the hospital.

________

“He wants to talk to you privately,” Marcus told me, his eyes weary. Farell had been in a medically induced coma since the accident to let his brain heal. They’d woken him that morning, but I’d had to work and couldn’t be there. I’d come over right after finishing my shift, still wearing my uniform.

Glancing toward the ICU door, I swallowed. I felt like a giant phony, waiting at the hospital like I had a right to be here. Renee seemed to appreciate it so much, though, and even Marcus looked happy to see me.

I couldn’t understand it at first. Then Shanda pointed out that I was more than someone to sit with in the waiting room. I was a living, breathing tie to their son.

It was a lot of pressure.

Now I found myself walking into Farell’s room, wondering why the hell I was putting myself through this. He lay on the bed, hardly looking like himself. Between the bruises, the tubes, and the casts,
he could’ve been an extra on a hospital drama.

His eyes opened as I sat beside him carefully.

“Darcy?” he asked in a rough, painful whisper. “Are you really here? I’ve been having dreams . . .”

“It’s me,” I said, blinking back tears. Fuck. I still cared about him—I’d come to that unwelcome realization after the second day of sitting in the hospital. Guess that’s one of life’s little jokes.

Feelings don’t just turn off.

“I talked to Bryce earlier,” he said. “I don’t remember graduation at all, or the accident. Dad told me Allie Stockwell is dead”—his voice broke—“and that I was driving the car. I killed her, Darcy. I was drunk.”

I cleared my throat, blinking rapidly.

“Yeah, that’s what happened.”

“He also told me we broke up right before it happened. I don’t remember any of this.”

I reached for a tissue, wiping at my eyes.

“Let’s not talk about that right now.”

“No,” he said, and while his voice was weak, his gaze on my face was strong. “Tell me. I need to know what happened. Nobody will tell me anything. They’re all trying to protect me, but I really need to know what I did.”

I sighed, then nodded my head.

“We were at the party, you know that much,’’ I started. “You’d had a lot to drink. Everyone was just hanging out and after a while I lost track of you. Finally I went into the trees with Shanda to pee. On the way back we found you and Allie having sex.”

Saying the words hurt.

“When you came back, I broke up with you and left the party. Colby said you kept drinking more, then you and Allie left in Greg
Krafft’s truck and crashed it. Greg said he tried to stop you but you wouldn’t listen.”

Farell’s eyes blinked rapidly, turning red.

“I’m so sorry,’’ he whispered. “I don’t know what happened, Darcy. They say I probably won’t ever remember that night. I never meant to hurt Allie—I didn’t even know her that well. And I can’t think of any reason that I’d want to cheat on you. I love you.”

The words hung heavy between us—what was he expecting from me?

“I slept with Riley Boone,” I blurted out suddenly, feeling my stomach clench. “After you and I fought, we went off and had sex.”

Farell’s eyes widened, and I saw a flash of hurt.

“I guess I don’t get to complain about that,” he whispered. “Does . . . does this mean it’s done between us?”

I felt a bittersweet pang. I’d loved him, or I thought I had.

But I couldn’t stop thinking about Boonie, either.

“I don’t know,’’ I said finally. “Boonie left for basic training. He says he wants to stay in touch.”

Farell grimaced. “Where does that leave us?’’

“I don’t know,” I whispered. “I guess we just take things one day at a time.”

“I love you, Darcy. However this works out, I want you to know that wasn’t a lie. I fucked up, and I have no idea why I did it. I’ll never forgive myself for what happened to Allie.”

“Were you sleeping with her all along?” I asked. Farell met my gaze head on, his face anguished. The silence hung between us, punctuated only by the hum of the machines surrounding him.

“No,” he said finally. “It’s always been you, Darcy. You’re the one I love. But right now I’m really fucking scared.”