Ready to Fall (21 page)

The rainstorm never hit us, but I’d created a storm of another kind. During the drive home, Diane stared ahead or out the passenger window, and only answered my questions in monosyllables.

I unloaded her small bag and set it on the driveway at her feet.

“Well—”

“Thank you,” she said.

“I’m—”

“No, don’t—”

“I—”

“I—” She exhaled. I waited. “I don’t know what went wrong back there at the beach, but before then I had an amazing time camping. Thank you.”

I didn’t deserve her kindness or her thank you. I was being a jerk. “Listen, I’ll give you a call this week.” My words sounded hollow and lame even to my own ears.

“Yeah, sure. I have a busy schedule, too.” She shuffled her feet and didn’t meet my eyes. I bent over to pick up her backpack at the same time she did. Our hands bumped each other and I let my fingers brush along hers, trying to communicate the issue was with me. Her eyes lifted to mine, the sadness returned.

I was an asshole.

“Listen, we’ll do something next weekend. Up to you. No fishing or camping.” I wanted the offer to be genuine.

“I’m going to Seattle next weekend. Some of my clients invited me to go out.”

“Oh. Right.” I handed her the bag. “Well, we’ll see each other. We’re neighbors after all.”

“Sure. Neighbors.” She hoisted the bag onto her shoulder and then kissed my cheek. “Bye, John.”

“Bye.”

It wasn’t good-bye forever, but it felt like it when I watched her trudge away from me.

Instead of trying to analyze what happened, I called Donnely. After he gave me shit for bailing on him the past few weekends, we made plans to grab a beer and play some pool in a couple of hours. Maybe time with Donnely would clear my mind enough so I’d stop being an asshole.

Diane once told me I was a nice guy. She was wrong. I was a wolf in nice guy’s clothing. I was an asshole—no better than her ex.

“W
HERE
’
S
YOUR
GIRLFRIEND
tonight?” Donnely asked, racking up the pool balls.

“Girlfriend?” I asked.

“Diane. The woman you’ve spent all your time with lately.”

“She’s not my girlfriend. We hang out. Have fun.”

Donnely stared at me and shook his head. “Sure. Neighbors with benefits?”

“Yeah, something like that. She’s not staying on the island anyway. Maggie and Gil take the cabin back at the end of May.”

“So? Doesn’t mean she couldn’t rent somewhere else. Maggie’s isn’t the only place on the island.”

The idea had never occurred to me.

“You think she’d stick around here?”

“Do you pay attention to anything?” Donnely asked, standing up from taking his shot. “She’s happy here. Got herself a job for the first time. Hanging out with the likes of you. Not sure how that added to it, given what a moody bastard you are, but she likes you. Go figure.”

“Fuck off. Like you ever stood a chance with her.”

“I have a reputation with women for a reason, man. Not my fault she has bad taste.”

I threw my coaster at him, but it missed his head and bounced off a table.

“Dude, you could’ve given me a fucking paper cut. I could’ve lost an eye.”

“Shut up. You wouldn’t have lost an eye.”

“You don’t know that. Seriously. Lighten up.”

He was right. I did need to lighten up. I had myself worked up over Diane and for what? It wasn’t like I fell in love with her.

I wasn’t ready to fall for anyone. Was I?

“You’re turn,” he said, poking me in the shoulder with his cue. I’d zoned out again.

“Right, yeah.” My cue slid off the ball and I scratched.

“You’re playing like shit tonight.”

“Thanks for the observation.” I flipped him the bird.

“Hey now, only commenting on the obvious. Given your shit game and foul mood, I’m guessing things are not perfect with your neighbor. What’s really going on there?”

“Can we drop it and finish the game? Since when are you all into talking about relationships and women?”

Donnely held up his hands in defense. “Got it.” He filled up my pint and handed it to me. “You gone out fishing lately?”

I grumbled to myself about not being able to escape the subject. “Went out with Diane. She caught a decent size Blackmouth.”

“You took her fishing? A woman? In your boat?”

“Not a big deal.”

Donnely howled with laughter. “Not a big deal? A woman on the Orca?”

This time when I chucked a coaster at his head it hit the middle of his forehead.

“Ouch!”

“I warned you.”

“Damn, you haven’t been in this kind of mood for a long time. Not since Kelly.” His gaze shifted to the door. “Speak of the she-devil.”

No. No way.

I faced the door. Sure enough, there stood Kelly.

“What the fuck is she doing here?” Donnely asked the question for me.

I turned back and shrugged. “No idea. Haven’t spoken to her since February.” What was she doing here?

“Guess you can ask her. She’s walking straight for you.”

“Hi, John.” Kelly’s hand touched my arm.

I stared down at it before greeting her. “What brings you to the island?” I spoke in blunt words without emotion, hoping to express my feelings about her arrival and hand resting on my arm.

Her hand stroked up my arm before curling around my bicep and squeezing. When Diane did that, it felt like a compliment. Kelly’s hand felt like ownership she couldn’t claim. I stepped back and away from her grasp.

“Came over to see my folks. Figured I’d get out of the house for a drink. Crossed my mind you might be here.”

Donnely coughed from his spot at the other end of the pool table.

“Hi, Donnely.” Kelly greeted him with a wave.

“Hey, how’s it going?” he asked.

Their exchange sounded friendly on the surface, but I knew he wasn’t a big fan of hers. Wasn’t in high school; wasn’t now.

Kelly smiled at me and answered him, “It’s going great. Now.” Another squeeze of my arm.

“Can I get you a drink?” I stepped back and away from her grip.

“Sure. You know what I like.”

“Malibu, cranberry, and orange?” I asked.

“See. I knew you’d remember.”

When I returned from the bar, Kelly sat in my chair, attempting to chat up Donnely, who pretended to be watching the news on the TV in the corner.

I didn’t know Kelly’s motivations, but enough with being polite. “How’s Rick?”

She blinked a few times before smiling. “Funny you should ask. He’s good. I guess.”

I nodded and pursed my lips. She baited me to ask more. But did I even care? Not really. The two months between Valentine’s Day and tonight felt longer. Our relationship existed firmly in the past.

My silent response encouraged Kelly to continue.

“In fact, he’s coming up here this weekend to look at boats with my dad. He’s thinking of upgrading to something bigger for both Lake Washington and trips up to the San Juans.”

In a few sentences, she told me everything I needed to know. Nothing had changed. I drained the last of my beer and then made eye contact with Donnely. He rolled his eyes behind Kelly’s back. With a tilt of my head I communicated I was leaving. He mouthed “Don’t leave me with her,” and I smiled.

“Come on, let’s finish our last game,” he said. “I have an early morning date with a chainsaw.”

“Is that your new girl, Tom? Finally worked your way through all the single women on the island.” The snarl in her voice caused me to duck.

“Ha ha,” Donnely said. “No one invited you to join us.”

“True,” she said. “But John was nice enough to buy me a drink. At least one of you has some manners.”

The word “nice” hit me hard in the chest. Why was it when it came to the wrong woman I was Mr. Nice, but when it mattered, I was no better than the next asshole?

“Kelly, why exactly are you here? Not on the island, but here in this bar,” I asked.

“Honestly?”

I nodded.

“I missed you. I missed hanging out here with you and playing pool or listening to music.”

I raised my eyebrow at her. “Enough to finalize your divorce?”

Her eyes drifted down my legs to the floor where they stayed.

This was different. Was she feeling guilty? Or perhaps trying to come up with another excuse. I didn’t give her the opening. “Didn’t think so. I’m not some toy you get to play with when you come home.”

The words hung in the air, waiting for her response. Donnely moved over to the bar to settle up with Olaf, giving me some privacy.

“I never said you were a toy, John.” She met my eyes briefly before glancing away.

“Didn’t have to. Your actions said everything.” I grabbed my jacket and shrugged it on. “Have a nice life.”

I waved at Donnely when I stomped out the door. “Night, Olaf.”

I didn’t say good-bye to Kelly, but I could see her sitting at the table, the straw to her drink suspended an inch from her mouth.

No more nice guy for the wrong people. Instead of improving my mood, tonight soured it even further.

At least one thing became clear to me. Took me fourteen years, but I’d exorcised that crush from my system.

Maggie’s words from last summer echoed in my head as I took the long way home. She told me it was okay to have expectations, and to want more than flirting and flings. Why the hell did I listen to her? If anything, her advice created more of a mess in my life than being single. Single with clearly defined boundaries and rules. First, Kelly, and now Diane.

I pulled into my driveway. Several lights were on next door. For a moment I was tempted to knock on the door. To say what, I wasn’t sure.
What would I say?
I tried to be more open, and it backfired because it was with the wrong woman? Maybe tell her I wasn’t the type to fall in love. Or offer to be friends again and still fuck? I shook my head. Even I wasn’t that big of an idiot to think she’d be okay with that after earlier today. A voice in my head told me I should apologize for being an asshole. That was a long list and it was late.

While I stood in the driveway having a silent conversation with myself, Diane’s house went dark. I guess that was the sign I needed. Tonight wasn’t the night to make decisions.

D
IFFERENT
BAR
,
DIFFERENT
night. Same feeling of being on the prowl with Donnely. The Tom Cat came out to play tonight. A week after giving me shit about ditching him for Diane, he guilted me into coming out tonight. According to him, I was a mopey bastard. I told him to shove it, but here I was.

Tonight’s band sounded inspired by Nirvana and Ozzy Osborne. A strange combination equaled a loud bar and shouting to be heard when ordering a beer. My ears and I wished we were home on the couch watching a movie with Babe.

I stood at the bar, waiting for our beers, when a blonde sidled up next to me, and touched my arm. I glanced down at her.

She said something, but I couldn’t hear anything over the music. I leaned down.

Placing her hand on my shoulder, she shouted near my ear, “Can you get the bartender’s attention? I’ve been standing here for five minutes. I don’t think he sees me behind all you tall, brawny men.”

Did she call me brawny?

Her hand still on my arm told me she probably did.

“Sure,” I said and leaned over toward the bartender at the taps to get his attention.

“Thanks. I’m Jenn.”

“John.”

She smiled, and again her words were lost in the music.

The bartender stood in front of us, placing my beers on the bar. I asked Jenn what she wanted and relayed it over the bar.

“Thanks,” she shouted.

I raised my glass in acknowledgement. Her hand brushed my shoulder again before I turned to leave.

Jenn was a toucher.

I slid my gaze from my arm up to her eyes. She was pretty, in a high maintenance way. Lots of eye makeup, glossy lips. My eyes wandered down her body and took in the tight jeans and heels. City girl.

Even in her heels she only reached up to my shoulder. She lifted herself up on her toes. “My girlfriends and I have a table out on the patio. You should join us if you aren’t here with anyone.”