razorsedge (38 page)

* * *

The day passed slowly. She kept finding herself drawn over to the table where the men were working, to Rezac in particular. The need to be close to him was stronger than it had been the day before. Resolutely she tried to resist it— when she noticed it. Several times she found herself standing at his side, watching what he was doing, without remembering how she got there. Once he reached up to touch her arm. She jumped back as if stung. His touch felt charged in some way, as if he were transmitting static electricity to her.
He had been just as taken aback as she, and as they both mumbled apologies, she hastily retreated, returning to her own work beside Zashou.
The Sholan female thought the whole situation amusing. Still not fully recovered, she sat listlessly sorting through the components Jo handed her.
"You like Rezac, then?" she asked, mouth open in a slight grin. It was the first sign of animation she'd shown for several days.
Jo was caught with nothing safe to say. If she said she didn't, she was insulting them both. If she said she did, she was treading on Zashou's territory.
"You should approach him," Zashou said. "He's certainly attracted to you. Don't worry, he had lovers on Shola before we were captured," she reassured her. "If it weren't for our Link, I wouldn't be with him. He's not my choice for a mate, or a lover."
"He seems very nice," she said, desperately trying to think of something acceptable to say.
"You'd probably find him so, being a soldier yourself," she said dryly. "Not me. We have nothing in common at all. You'd be good for him."
"I'm sorry, but much as I like Rezac, I don't want to become his lover," she said, getting to her feet. "Will you excuse me? I have a terrible headache coming on. Perhaps if I lie down..." She let her voice trail off and beat a retreat to the bedroom.

* * *

With mixed feelings, Jo waited for Kris to come to bed. Finally the door opened, and he stood silhouetted as he said good night to the others. The fire cast enough light for her to see him as he moved around, undressing for bed.
Since the liberation of Keiss, she'd slept alone. After her experiences at Geshader and Tashkerra, the domed pleasure cities of the invaders, she hadn't been able to face intimacy with anyone. Even now, as the memories began to return, she shuddered: skin so cool it was clammy, and the hard hands with sharp, nonretracting claws that lacerated her flesh wherever they groped her, despite the fact that she was one of their favored "pets." The ones she'd been sent to had been no more than rutting animals.
From his bed by the fire, Kris raised himself on his elbow, looking over at her. She could hear Scamp chirring in quiet distress. "Jo? Are you all right?"
She had to go to him now, before she lost her nerve. Whatever was causing this attraction to Rezac was sexual in nature, and as the day had progressed, so had her frustration till she was now at the point where she needed a man, any man. It was so unlike her! All she could think was that maybe it was the eve of Rezac's Link day and he was projecting.
Clambering out of bed, she padded across the wooden floor till she was standing over him. "Kris, I don't know what's happening to me, but I have to choose one of you, and I want it to be you." The words came out in a rush and sounded clumsy even to her, but she was beyond caring now, driven only by her need and her equal determination that it would be Kris, not Rezac, that she lay with.
"Jo," he began.
"For God's sake, shut up Kris! I know you want me, I can feel it!" she hissed. "Look at Scamp!" The jegget had come out from under the covers when Kris had and was now twining himself round Jo's ankles, purring madly, winding his tail round her. "Even he knows!"
"Jo, I can sense what you're going through, but it isn't me you need, it's Rezac. I wish to God it weren't, believe me, but it is."
She hunkered down beside him. "I won't have him! I want to lie with one of my own kind, feel human flesh next to me! There've been too many aliens, Kris," She knew she was almost pleading with him, but she couldn't help it. "When I came back from a tour in one of the Valtegan cities, my own people looked at me as if I was unclean, and I wasn't. Do you understand? I
can't
go to him!"
He reached out to touch her cheek gently with the back of his hand. "From what I've sensed, I think you're Linked to Rezac in some way, and a Sholan mind link involves pairing at least once so your minds can merge. Sleeping with me now will only make it worse, honestly. His people are gentle; they're nothing like the Valtegans."
"How would you know?" she demanded, pulling away from him. "You've never lain with an alien!"
"I've been with a couple of Sholan females," he admitted, letting his hand drop. "They're like us, Jo, inside, where it really matters. They're a very sensual species. He won't harm you in any way. Quite a few men and women on Shola have Sholan lovers."
This shocked her. "You
chose
to sleep with them? Aliens?" She could hardly believe him.
He winced visibly. "You slept with Valtegans."
"That wasn't my choice! I was working for the underground, gathering information!"
"Aren't you doing to me what you just said was done to you at your base? Am I more unclean because I chose to make love to them?" he asked.
She hesitated, realizing his accusation was justified. "What you did is your business," she said, kneeling down. Reaching out, she touched the base of his throat, drawing her fingers lightly down his bare flesh, stopping only when she came to the blankets. She could feel him shudder, responding to her arousal. Telepathy made it difficult to hide such feelings, and for once, she blessed her gift.
His lips touched hers, their softness a balm to her inflamed senses. She reached for his face, her hands holding his cheeks as she returned his kiss. Suddenly Rezac was there, in her mind, dominating it.
No,
he sent,
not him! It's me you need!
Where she touched Kris, she felt not his flesh, but fur, and as she looked at his face, it altered subtly until it was Rezac she saw.
With a cry of horror and anger, she flung Kris aside and leaped to her feet, backing away from him to crouch, terrified, against the end of her bed.
"What the hell's happening?" Kris demanded, picking himself up.
"You changed," she stammered. "You became him— Rezac."
He sighed. "I tried to tell you," he said. "I've heard of this happening before. Once you've paired with him, it'll be over, none of this desire— lust— call it what you want. It's only this intense the first time."
"But I wanted you, not him," she whispered through the confusion that filled her.
"I want that, too," he said gently. "And it can be, after tonight."
She shook her head. "No. He's in my mind. I'll never be free of him." Anger raged through her again. "Damn him! Why did he have to do this to me? He's got his own woman!"
"It isn't Rezac, it's the Link calling you together, Jo. Don't blame him."
She barely heard him as she began to run to the door. Shift swirling round her, she exploded into the lounge, looking around wildly for Rezac.
"I thought it would be tonight," said Zashou from her seat by the fire. "He's in the bedroom."
Jo ran to their door, flinging it open. Rezac stood in front of the fire, his back to her.
"What have you done to me?" she demanded. "Get out of my mind and my life, damn you! I don't want you, Rezac! D'you hear me? I won't have you! It's Kris I want!"
He turned to face her, ears flattened to invisibility. "I knew you'd come," he said. "You can't ignore it any more than I can." He came toward her, and she backed away into the lounge.
"Don't you dare touch me! You're doing it, making me feel like this! There isn't any Link!"
He followed her, suddenly lunging out with terrifying speed to catch hold of her. "It's time we finished this," he said, drawing her with him back into the bedroom.
"Gary, stop him!" she said, struggling against his grip.
Davies half rose to his feet, but Zashou shook her head. "Leave them. It's better seen to now. You'll be doing her no favors if you interfere."
"Gary!" she shrieked, trying to hang onto the doorpost as Rezac pulled her firmly into the bedroom. "Stop him, dammit!"
Shutting the door, Rezac released her and leaned against it to prevent her escaping.
She whimpered, backing away from him, watching for the slightest move in her direction. She was terrified at the power of the emotions rushing through her. The sense of being drawn to him was stronger than ever now.
Don't be afraid,
he sent.
I won't touch you against your will.
"Stop it! You know I'm no good at mind-speaking!"
"You're a fighter, like me," he said. "We've both fought this as best we could, but it's stronger than either of us. Instead of defeat, look on it as a mission. I've never been with a Human before, just as you've never paired with a Sholan. It's unknown territory for both of us, and the only way out is through it."
She shuddered as a wave of lust spread through her.
"That's the Link," he agreed. "They're right, it is like a Leska Link, only not as strong." He moved away from the door. "I'm not causing it, or adding to it in any way. Everything you feel, I'm feeling, too. It would have been better for both of us if it had never happened, but that's not the case, I'm afraid." He was desperate not to scare her. He knew if he did, he'd have another problem like the one with Zashou on his hands, and he couldn't bear that.
Knowing her fear of aliens, he'd had plenty of time to think it through, to work out the best way to approach her when the time came. Slowly he began to undo his belt, throwing it aside before pulling off his tunic.

* * *

Her eyes were becoming heavy as a warm lassitude spread through her. She tried to blink it away, aware with part of her mind that she was falling deep into some kind of enthrallment where what he was saying actually made sense.

* * *

As he moved to put his tunic on the nearest chair, he sensed what was happening to her and thanked all the Gods. It had to be female-oriented because he wasn't experiencing anything. It was akin to the effect jeggets had on their prey— hypnotic. At least it was damping her terror, making it easier for him to approach her.
Holding his arms out to the side, he turned around slowly. "See? I'm not so different from your males," he said. "We know we're compatible because you say your friend has a Sholan Leska. I believe that now," he added wryly. "There really is nothing to be afraid of." His voice was a low, persuasive purr.

* * *

She frowned, narrowing her eyes. Was it her imagination, or had he moved closer to her? And there was something very different about him.
"We might even enjoy it," he said, taking a slow step toward her.
She stood her ground. "You're sexless," she said, shocked. "How can you possibly..."
He laughed gently. "I'd be at a loss if I was. No, I'm male. Let me show you."
Slowly, slowly,
he told himself. This was so difficult for him. Patience was not one of his strong points, but he was determined to get it right this time.

* * *

As he came closer, she wrapped her arms protectively across her chest, suddenly realizing just how thin and revealing her night shift was. Her dismay drew his attention to its deficiencies. Though her legs, unlike his people's, were straight, the glimpses he got of them hinted at a length and muscular firmness that only fueled his own mounting desire.
"I don't want to know." She backed off again, but his hand reached out to catch her. "You said you wouldn't force me," she said, suddenly afraid.

* * *

"And I won't," he said, adjusting his grip to make sure his claws remained sheathed. With his other hand, he reached out to touch her short cap of hair.
She flinched instinctively, then stood still. His touch was like fire, a cool fire that flared brightly through her body, leaving her leaning against him, trembling.

* * *

The hands that now held her face were gentle, yet she was aware of the strength within them that was being kept in check. With a touch as light as a feather, his fingers trailed down her cheek, brushing her neck only hesitantly before coming to rest on her shoulders. His body pressed against hers and she felt his breath warm against her cheek. Then he laid his face against hers. It felt silky-soft against her skin. He said her name as if it were a caress. "Jo."

* * *

It was the dream! Oh, God, this was what she'd seen!
He turned his face to hers, his nose feeling cool as it briefly touched her. Once more her inner fire flared, this time starting low down in her belly. Against her will, a soft moan escaped her as she clutched him by the arm.
"Doesn't it feel good?" His voice was barely a whisper, then his lips touched hers.

* * *

She leaned into the kiss, flicking her tongue across his lips, anxious to have more of the strange, cool fire coursing through her. Surprised, he nevertheless responded, tasting for himself the heat.
Hesitantly he touched her neck, not sure if she'd allow such an intimate gesture yet. Again, she responded with a softly muffled sound.
Taking one of her hands in his, he placed it so her palm was touching his side. He encouraged her to move it across his ribs then down his flank, following the lie of his pelt, across to his thigh.

* * *

She felt him tense, his muscles briefly tightening. Clutching her hand, he drew it across to his lower belly. One moment she was touching the smoothness of his groin, the next she was holding his genitals, well aware he was a complete male. Before shock made her instinctively release him, he'd begun to swell.