Razor's Edge (43 page)

But that wasn't going to happen. Tanner had been hurt by all of this, too. He'd been beaten, shot. All because he had the bad luck of being assigned to babysit her. Every ounce of pain he'd suffered—every cut and scrape and bullet wound—was her fault.

Tanner had his family to think about. They needed him. She couldn't go running to him anymore. If she did, she could cost him his job on top of everything else. Their time together was over. She had to let him go the same way she had to let Jake go. She couldn't stand to hurt either one of them any longer.

Reid looked over her head, then nodded. She didn't care that he was talking about her to Payton like she wasn't there. “I want to leave.”

“Okay, Razor. Whatever you want.”

T
anner had to get out of here. His body was on the mend, but after five days of no contact from Roxanne, he knew where he stood. He'd tried to call her, but she never answered. Reid said she'd gone to some mountain cabin to recover.

Alone.

She hadn't come to see him while he recovered. She hadn't called. She hadn't even said good-bye. If he needed any more proof that she couldn't forgive him for hurting Jake, he didn't know what it was.

At least she was going to be okay. He kept reminding himself of that, trying to put as much positive spin on the shitty situation as he could.

He rolled up a T-shirt and shoved it in the duffel bag with the rest. As soon as he was packed up, he'd hit the road. A buddy of his up north had a construction job waiting for him. The pay wasn't as good as at the Edge, but he'd find a cheap hole to live in and send most of it back home. His family needed the cash, but they'd be better off without him hanging around to disappoint them.

Especially Reid. His brother hadn't been able to look him in the eye since he got out of the hospital. That didn't bode well for their already-strained relationship.

Mom came in with a basket of laundry. She'd lost weight since the accident. Her clothes hung on her frame, making her appear more fragile. Her eyes were red from crying, though there wasn't a single sign of tears. Since Dad and Brody had died, she'd become a master of hiding her sorrow.

She set the basket down on his bed. “I wish you'd change your mind. It was so nice having you home again.”

“I'm sure Reid would disagree.”

Reid appeared in the bedroom doorway. “I'd disagree about what?”

Tanner sighed. He didn't want to get into this. Losing Roxanne was eating at his guts, twisting his insides until he knew he'd never feel right again. He just wanted to get out of here and go somewhere he could lick his wounds in peace. It might not be possible to get over a woman like her, but he was going to give it his best effort.

Mom hugged Reid. “Tell your brother you don't want him to go.”

“Of course I don't. I was the one who nagged him to come back here in the first—”

“I'll send you money,” said Tanner.

Mom waved her hand in annoyance. “I don't care about the money. We'll make do. I don't need you boys taking care of me.”

Tanner sighed. He was tired of this argument, especially now that it was keeping him from moving on with his life. “Dad would have skinned us alive if we left you and Karen to deal with the bills on your own.”

“Well, Dad isn't here,” she said. “It's time the two of you started listening to me.”

“We've always listened to you,” said Reid.

“No, you're both too busy being jealous of each other to listen to anyone.”

“What's that supposed to mean?” asked Tanner.

She turned to Tanner and poked a finger at his chest. “You were always jealous that Reid got all of your father's attention.”

Mom was right there. Dad had always spent more time with Reid than with him. Tanner had just never stacked up with Dad, so he quit trying.

Next she jabbed her finger in Reid's chest. “You were always jealous of Tanner for being free to do what he wanted while your father had very specific expectations for you as his firstborn.”

Tanner stood there in shock. He'd never thought about it like that, but Mom was right. Reid had never been allowed to do the things that Tanner had. Dad had always had plans for him. Tanner had always been jealous that he wasn't included, but he'd never once thought that Reid would have envied Tanner's freedom.

Reid rubbed the spot she'd poked and looked over Mom's head at Tanner. “Is that true?”

Tanner nodded. “You?”

Reid nodded.

Mom let out a loud sigh. “Oh, for heaven's sake. The two of you are really that boneheaded? You're grown men, and you never stopped to talk about it?”

“Not until just now,” answered Tanner.

She shook her head and stalked out of the room, muttering about how she was cursed to always be surrounded by stubborn men.

Reid eyed the duffel bag. “So, you're leaving?”

“It's not working out, Reid. I couldn't even make it to one simple birthday party.”

“Razor told me why. You were being followed.”

He shrugged. “It doesn't matter why. I let Karen down. Millie's too young to know I missed it, but that won't last long. I don't want to do that to—”

“You did the right thing.”

Tanner's hands stilled in shock as he rolled another shirt. “That's not what you thought at the time.”

“I didn't know all the facts. Now I do.”

Tanner shoved the shirt in with the rest and turned to face his brother. “This just isn't going to work. I'd rather leave now before Mom gets too used to the idea of having me—”

“Too late for that. And what about me? I kinda like the idea of having you around.”

“How can you say that? You told me you'd wished I'd been the one to die instead of Brody.

Reid looked at the floor. “I know. I'm sorry. It's not true. When you went missing, I thought . . .” He cleared his throat and pulled in a deep breath. “I thought you were dead, too. I realized that losing you would have been just as devastating as losing Brody. I never should have thought otherwise.”

Tanner wanted to believe it. He wanted to think that Reid's anger and grief had made him wish Tanner had died in Brody's place. But words were easy, and the only way to know for sure was to stick around. Maybe believing there was a chance Reid loved him was better than knowing for sure he didn't. If he walked away now, that hope could live on and sustain Tanner. Things would never be the same between them again, but at least they wouldn't be worse. “We're different men. We're never going to see things eye—”

“We both love our family. We both give a shit what happens to Brody's babies. We both care about Razor. I think that's common ground enough.”

“I'll always be your little brother,” said Tanner. “You'll never respect me enough for us to work together.”

“Respect takes time, but you're racking up points faster than any man I've worked with. The last time we spent any real time together, you were a scrawny teenager. I guess it took me a while to see that you've changed.”

“But have you? I saw the way you looked at me after you found out about me and Roxanne. You were ashamed.”

He pushed his hands into his jeans pockets and gave Tanner a sheepish look. “I was jealous.”

“Jealous?”

Reid shrugged. “She's a hell of a woman, and you had the guts to break the rules and grab what you wanted with both hands. I never will.”

“Yeah, well a lot of good it did me. She won't take my calls or return any messages.”

“I was there when she found out that it was too late for Jake. She was crushed. Give her some time.”

Tanner zipped up the bag. He didn't want to go, but he still wasn't convinced it wasn't for the best. Indecision weighed on him, making him drag his feet.

“You're in love with her, aren't you?” asked Reid.

He couldn't meet his brother's gaze. He couldn't even open his mouth to answer. That would make his feeling too real—too frightening.

Tanner nodded. “Not that it matters. I nearly killed her best friend. That's not the kind of thing a woman gets over.”

“You're wrong. I think she loves you, too.”

“There's no way. She left the hospital without even saying good-bye.”

“Because she loves you.”

“Even you can't be stupid enough to believe that.”

“I know what I saw. She loves you. And she's terrified.”

“She's far too tough to be terrified.”

“Except for Jake. She was scared as hell for him, right?”

Tanner nodded.

“And she loves him, right?”

She did.

“See a pattern?” asked Reid.

Tanner couldn't let himself believe it. His feelings for her were too raw, but at the same time, he couldn't walk away without knowing—without fighting. If there was even a chance . . .

Hope budded inside him, blooming more with every second. “Where is she?”

T
he knock on Roxanne's cabin door startled her. Her pulse leaped into a dead run, pounding in her veins. She grabbed the semiautomatic from the coffee table and parted the curtains enough to peer through the window.

Tanner stood there, his shoulders back, his chest out. Determination poured off him. He was a man on a mission, and she wasn't strong enough to resist him.

“Please go away,” she called through the door.

“Not until we talk.”

The sooner this started, the sooner it could be over. She had too much to do to spend her time arguing. Her plans were coming together. She just needed to retain her focus long enough to figure out the best plan of action—one that wasn't certain to get her killed.

With Tanner around, all she'd be able to think about would be the two of them. She couldn't be that selfish—not when the people who hurt Jake were still out there.

She tossed a throw over the papers littering the coffee table and unbolted the door. She'd forgotten to hide the scars on her wrist, but she couldn't bring herself to care. She was tired of hiding.

Her hand stayed on the wood, barring his path.

He looked battered. Bruises covered his jaw, and she could see the subtle outline of a bandage under his shirt. She ached to reach out and touch him, just to make sure he was whole and safe, but she held back. If she touched him once, she might never let go.

She couldn't do that to him. Or to Jake.

His eyes roamed over her, sliding over every inch as if inspecting her for damage. She was left with mostly bruises and more anger than she knew how to handle.

“I'm coming in,” he informed her.

That anger began to bubble, rising to the surface. “Like hell you are. I want to be alone.”

“I don't care. You're hurt. You're angry. You need someone, and Jake isn't able to step in.”

The mention of his name made tears gather in her eyes. “I don't need you.”

He moved forward, but she didn't budge. He was so close, she could smell soap and the scent of his skin beneath. She breathed it in, and her tears receded as a sense of calm enveloped her.

The hard planes of his chest were only inches away. She ached to lean forward and lay her head over his heart, to listen to it beat, and to know for certain that he was safe and well.

“What if I said I need you?” he asked.

She looked up at him in shock. His expression was serious without a hint of teasing. “I wrote up my report for Bella. I told her how you saved my life and how you were going to be an asset to the team.”

“That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about us, about how I feel about you.”

Roxanne wasn't sure she wanted to know. Her emotions were already in overdrive. She was barely hanging on to her self-control as it was. Curling into a ball and crying her eyes out would have been so easy. Not giving in to the temptation took every bit of her willpower.

Still, he'd offered to trade his life for hers, and that meant more than he'd ever know. She owed him for that, and out of respect and love for him, she couldn't turn him away without at least listening.

She stepped back, letting him into the cabin.

It was small, cozy, and rustic. There was no TV or Internet connection. She couldn't even make cell phone calls unless she went into the town at the foot of the mountain. The isolation had given her time to think, and when she wasn't worrying about Jake or plotting how to take down the people who'd done this, she thought about Tanner.

She didn't want to love him. It was too much for her to deal with right now. She kept wishing that her feelings would go away, but instead of fading, they'd solidified into this unbreakable ribbon flowing inside her.

Tanner sat down, eyeing the bumps under the throw draped over her work. “Not your usual décor.”

She ignored his thinly veiled interest. “I'm in the middle of something.”

“I'm sure you are. Probably something illegal, something that will get you killed.”

“I won't let it go,” she said, anger making her voice louder than she'd intended.

He held up his hands. “Whoa. No one's asking you to. Bella's just as pissed as you are. She's putting together a task force to look into the people who hurt Jake and the men who were held hostage along with him. Payton's got some government bigwigs willing to help, too. We're going to shut these fuckers down. You should come help.”