Rawhide and Roses (17 page)

Why am I so upset when he does?

I don’t need Thad Winchester, she reaffirmed. I definitely don’t need a fling. I need a man who will give me security. Stability. A future. Financial well-being. A respected position in the community.

Her brain settled for a moment into a stunned silence.

Couldn’t she get that anywhere? Even in
Colorado
?

Suddenly, she realized that that’s all she’d ever really wanted in life. A man to love her unconditionally. And it really didn’t matter about the house on the east side. Could it be possible she could be just as happy with a ranch house in the
Rockies
?

But what about her job?

A tiny voice amended that jobs in education were readily available most anywhere there were kids. Were there kids living in these mountains. Surely to goodness, there were.

But it really wasn’t about Colorado vs. Kentucky, was it? It was about a whole lot more than that.

Her gaze settled on the camp through layers of pine boughs, catching a of glimpse of Thad’s back. Her fingertips tingled, remembering how smooth his skin felt there. How coarse the hairs on his chest were. How rough. Sensual. Primal. She brought her fingers to her lips. How wicked and stimulating his whiskers felt against her tender flesh.

Jerking her body alert, she sat up a little straighter. C’mon, Kim. Get your priorities straight. Since when has Thad ever indicated that he remotely desires sharing his ranch house with you? Especially when he just keeps walking away. When all he can do is give you a little peek of his potent sexuality, and then pull out like a scared adolescent boy.

All right.
She decided to just face facts.
I’m here and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.
It doesn’t matter how haywire my hormones get around Thad when he obviously doesn’t want anything past a few minutes of groping. I’m going back to Kentucky. In one piece. Back to where I’m needed by my students and my family. Where my obligations outweigh this wacky situation Jillie has gotten me into.

I can’t starve myself to death or I’ll have no strength to carry my own body out of this godforsaken gulch. I’m going to make the best of this situation and then get the heck out of the mountains before I kill someone. Jillie. Thad. It doesn’t matter. Just whoever crosses my path first.

****

While snatching a plate from the table next to the cook stove, Kim tossed a glance to the trio to her right. Engrossed in their meal, she ignored them as well and lifted a small portion of stew onto her plate. She added a piece of garlic toast, poured herself a cup of iced tea, and then sat beside Jillie as if it were the most natural thing in the world for her to do.

The only trouble was, sitting beside Jillie meant that she also had to sit directly opposite Thad.

For once she concentrated solely on her meal. Never looking up. She was starved. Each of them ate in silence for about thirty seconds.

“Gee, it sure was a wonderful afternoon out there today, wasn’t it Mack?” Jillie placed her chin in her hands and struck a love-sick pose toward him.

“Oh, yeah. Blue skies. Green grass. Cool breezes. It was quite an afternoon.” Mack gave Jillie a lazy grin, then nodded and slowly cast his gaze toward Kim.

She sneered back.

“How did you and Thad spend your afternoon?” Jillie inquired sweetly.

Kim’s chin dropped as she turned toward her used-to-be friend.
I’m going to kill you, Jillie, Abernathy.

“Maybe Thad and Kim want to keep their afternoon private, Jillie. Just between themselves.”

You, too, asshole cowboy.

Ignore them, she told herself. She crossed and recrossed her legs under the table, accidentally bumping Thad’s knee as she did so. Electric charges lanced up her leg. Her gaze shot up. His shot across the table. It was just a slight skittering of their gazes but Kim was sure an arc was struck between them. Immediately she cast her eyes downward and took up her fork.
       

Another moment of silence hovered over the foursome.

“Good stew, Kim.”

Lifting her head, she glared in Mack’s direction. “Thanks,” her reply a bit curt.

“Yeah,” Jillie intervened, nodding to Mack. “And the toast’s real good, too.”

Kim shrugged. “Toast is toast.”

“No, I mean it,” Jillie took another bite, chewing and talking at the same time, “...it’s the way you mixed the garlic with the butter and the way it browned so evenly around the edges. Perfect. Kim, you can really cook.”

Kim put down her fork and looked Jillie straight in the eyes. “Are you insane?”

Jillie feigned surprise. “What?”

“Kim used to be a home ec teacher, did you know that, Thad?” Mack tossed in.

Confused at the jump in the conversation, Kim jerked her gaze back to Mack. He elbowed Thad in the side. Kim caught a glimpse of Thad’s eyes as his gaze narrowly brushed hers then tried to tamp down the little thrill that raced over her spine as their eyes met.

“No.” He cleared his throat, then took a drink of tea. “No, I didn’t.”

“She can really cook,” Jillie interjected

Thad met Kim’s eyes, head on. “I’ll bet.” She swallowed as his gaze seared hers. Was it suddenly getting hot out here? “I thought Sarah made the stew,” he went on, finally.

“Actually, she didn’t,” Kim returned. “I had some free time. ” She deliberately stared into his eyes. “I made it from scratch. Sarah had planned another meal entirely. I improvised.”

Thad’s unmoving gaze penetrated hers. “You do that well—improvise.”

“So I’ve been told.” She picked up her toast and bit into it.

Thad held the connection for a few seconds more. “I’ll bet.”

Again, silence.

“But Kim’s the guidance counselor now,” Jillie interrupted. After a second, Thad broke away and resumed his eating. Kim felt her shoulders drop. “The kids just love her. She’s so good with them.”

Silence.

Kim took a bite of stew. It tasted like wallpaper paste.

“Oh, and did you all know that Kim helps sponsor the literary magazine at our high school in her spare time?” Jillie blurted out.

Where did that come from? She tossed a questioning glance at Jillie.

“Thad used to write for the school paper,” Mack added.

“Sports,” Thad threw in. “That hardly counts.” He resumed eating.

“Oh, well, Kim would appreciate that. She used to be the editor of her college newspaper. And she was president of her sorority and is an officer in the Junior League and does volunteer work at a woman’s crisis center in
Lexington
.”

Mack chuckled. “Well, Thad’s the only rancher I know who has subscriptions to both The Wall Street Journal and The New Yorker. Did I mention he’s president of our local chapter of the Cattleman’s Association? And he used to volunteer down at the animal shelter before we got into the pack trip business.”

What is this?
Kim cast Jillie, and then Mack, a look of disbelief. “You two can quit with the mutual admiration society. It’s not going anywhere.”

“But Kim,” Jillie interrupted. “We’re just trying to get you two to see—”

“Forget it, Jill.” This was embarrassing. And all Thad could do was stare into his stew. Damn him. Why won’t he say something?

Thad cleared his throat. “Seems to me,” he finally added, looking up and locking his gaze with Kim’s, “that we’re both fairly grounded in our own separate lives. That each of us are pretty set in our ways. Wouldn’t you say that, Kim?”

Stunned, she stared at him. What did he want her to say? That she wasn’t grounded? That she’d pack up and follow him anywhere? Well, that wasn’t likely.

She dropped her chin in a nod. “I guess you could say that, Thad. My life has been pretty much mapped out for me since I was a toddler.” After a lengthy moment, she finally dragged her gaze from his, ignoring the tightening in her chest. But it was difficult to ignore the tears filling her eyes. Hearing him say the words, and her verbalization of them, made the point hit entirely too close to home.

Sounded like it was all settled and decided, to her.
  

Jillie drummed her fingers on the table top for a few irritating minutes. “You know Kim? What really would be good right now is one of your cream pies.”

Oh, hell. No more….

Jillie took her fork in her hand and pointed it at Thad, directing her conversation his way. “God, they’re the best. Almost better than sex. Sinfully delicious. Especially the chocolate. I could just lick the very pan.” She paused for a moment, then suddenly, her face became animated. “I know, Thad. Maybe when we get back to the ranch, Kim will make one for you. Then you can try a piece.”

Thad’s fork clanked to the table.

“Uh...I mean taste a little bit.”

Kim choked on her tea.

“Sample the goods?”

She grabbed Jillie’s thigh.

“Er...eat a slice?”

Kim pounded her fist on the table.
Bang. You’re dead.
“Jillie, shut up!” Oh, God. She couldn’t, wouldn’t, be able to look Thad in the face again. “Have you lost your freakin’ mind?”

“I’m only trying to help, Kim.”

Kim threw up her hands in frustration. Tears threatened to spill over her lids. “Help? With what?” She picked up a plate and headed for the garbage container, leaving the rest of them behind. Immediately, she tossed the plate into the wash basin with a clank. “I’m not doing the damned dishes tonight. I quit! I think it’s about time you two have a go at something other than each other!”

Kim headed for her tent, finally letting go of the tears. She’d been so damned angry the whole week but she’d never allowed herself tears. Not until now. How dare Jillie and Mack treat her this way? And Thad! He didn’t do one thing to stop them.

Could it be that the affirmation from him, that their lives were very separate and grounded was the thing that brought the tears on? She didn’t want to think about it.

A firm hand grasped her forearm, urging her to stop and turn around.

“Kim,” Thad’s voice was soft, gentle. “Slow down there.”

“Oh, God, Thad. Just leave me alone, all right?” She tried to jerk away.

“No, we need to talk.”

Kim huffed out a breath and glanced skyward, then gulped in a sob. “Talk? We don’t talk, Thad. All we do is argue.”

“I know that.” He pulled her closer, his hands encircling both her wrists. “I know. It’s my fault.” Reaching out, he brushed a line of tears from her cheek. She shivered at his touch but couldn’t tear her gaze away from his face.

“I don’t understand you, Thad Winchester,” she whispered. “One minute you’re yelling at me and the next you’re comforting me, like when I was sick. One minute I think you want to kiss me and the next you’re high-tailing away from me so fast it makes me dizzy.”

“I know.”

“Why?”

He rubbed his hands up and down her arms.” I’m really attracted to you, Kim.”

She snorted and tried to smile. “And that’s a problem?”

She knew that it was. He tugged her closer. She peered into the deep depths of his eyes. “Are you attracted to me?” he murmured soft against her cheek. She tried to remember that he avoided answering her question.

But she melted against him, anyway. She could only nod.

“What do you want from me, Kim?” His lips were heading dangerously close to hers.

She hesitated. “What I want, Thad, is for you to kiss me and hold me and not walk away.”

The warmth of his breath against her lips sent Kim spiraling. His arms encircled her body. The heat emanating from him warmed her to her very center. Then his lips did brush hers, every so gently.

“For how many days, Kim?” he breathed. “How long do you want me to kiss and hold you?”

“How many days do we have left?” she queried softly.

“Not nearly enough.” The rough stubble of his chin grazed hers. Kim caught her breath as he grasped her even closer. Then briefly, he drew back and stared into her face.

It was then that she knew. He expected her to go home. Whatever they shared in these mountains together would be left here. He’d go back to his ranch. She’d go back to her students.

And life as they knew it, would simply go on.

All of a sudden she knew that wasn’t enough. She wanted a helluva lot more than that.

She wrenched herself out of his grasp and stepped backwards a few steps. “Goodnight, Thad,” she whispered. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

****

Thad knew he was black and blue all over from tossing and turning on the damned cold ground for the past two hours. Not even the cushion of the sleeping bag helped. There were too many rocks and roots protruding up from underneath.

He hadn’t really taken the time to investigate where he’d tossed the thing earlier. All he’d known at the time was that he needed to get away from camp, from Mack and that irritating Jillie—and from Kim.