Ravyn's Flight (27 page)

“I don’t know how to tell you this, but you’re all but guaranteeing I won’t hear a word you say.” He arched his hips slightly to explain why, but she moved, preventing contact.

“I know, but you weren’t listening to me anyway. We’re going to try something different. Repeat after me, ‘I am not responsible for Sam Benning’s injuries.’”

“Ravyn,” he protested. He tried to move his hands, but she squeezed his wrists harder and he subsided.

“Say it.”

He stayed silent. It wasn’t true; he couldn’t say it.

“Don’t you want to be inside me? Feel my body surrounding yours, all wet and hot? It’s getting me excited just remembering what it was like. The feel of you so big and hard. Mmm. It was so good, Damon.” Her voice had a breathless quality to it that added to the torridness of her words.

She licked her lips and gave a little shimmy that made her breasts jiggle. It took every ounce of willpower he had not to break her hold and roll on top of her. He wasn’t even sure what stopped him. “What game are you playing?”

“Positive reinforcement.”

She didn’t sound very much in control herself and Damon smiled, figuring he could hold out longer than her. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah,” she drawled. “Let’s try this sentence, since the first one is too difficult for you. Say, ‘I made the choices I thought were right at the time.’”

Damon considered her words as much as he was able with all the blood rushing south from his brain. He decided they were true enough. “I made the choices I thought were right at the time.”

She lowered herself until her moist heat rested on his erection and then she slid up and back, stroking him. He arched his hips and this time she didn’t pull away. “Say, ‘I did not fire the weapon that hurt or killed any member of my team.’”

“I might as well have.”

Ravyn separated her body from his and he groaned. He could see it cost her, but it just about killed him.

“Wrong answer. Wanna try that again?”

He grit his teeth, but the words seemed to come out anyway. “I did not fire the weapon that injured or killed any member of my team.”

He could barely keep his eyes open as she rubbed against him once more. The feel of her sliding on his shaft was just too good. It took him a minute to recall he should be watching for her to lose control and end this game. She didn’t say a word for a long time, long enough for him to not care about anything but what she did to him.

“‘I did the best I could.’”

Damon hesitated and Ravyn halted, albeit reluctantly. He noted she all but panted, but he couldn’t take advantage of her arousal. Not when her dead stop left him feeling frenzied. His fingers twitched. Though she’d slackened her hold enough that he needn’t worry about hurting her, he didn’t try to twist free.

“I did the best I could,” he said, each word pulled from him. “Now keep moving.” She did and he groaned his thanks. Right now, he didn’t care about anything but release.

“You like this?” she asked, breathless.

“Oh, yeah, sweet pea, but I want inside you.”

“Not yet.”

“Ravyn,” he objected, but she swooped down, cutting off his protest with a kiss that demanded his total compliance.

“‘I am not responsible for Sam’s injuries or anyone’s death.’”

“That’s not fair.” Damon knew now that she wasn’t going to let him find his pleasure until she got the words she wanted.

“Neither is blaming yourself for something that wasn’t your fault. I can hold out longer than you can.”

“Just because I say the words, doesn’t mean I believe them.” But he knew she was right about outlasting him. As close as he was, he would say just about anything to join his body with hers.

“I know that. I’m betting, though, that just saying it will be enough to get you to start thinking. Get you to forgive yourself. No one blames you but you.” Her voice had a thready quality to it that did not diminish the vehemence of her belief.

“And the colonel,” he pointed out.

“Sammy doesn’t blame you. The parents of those who died don’t blame you. Alex’s opinion doesn’t count. He’s not necessarily reasonable when it comes to people he cares about.”

“That’s good news,” he commented with as much dryness as he could manage given that he was so hard he didn’t know if he would live through the experience. “He finds out about us, he
is
going to kill me. You realize that, don’t you?”

Ravyn smiled down at him. “Don’t worry, honey. I won’t let my big brother hurt you.”

His laugh came out sounding pained. She moved just enough to keep a fine edge on his need. He didn’t know why, but Ravyn managed to reach a part of him no one else had ever touched. He felt a warmth for her he couldn’t name. Never in his life had he seen a more beautiful sight than the woman straddling his hips. “Ravyn, please. I need you.”

“You know the magic words, and I don’t mean ‘open sesame.’”

She had him laughing again, even though he didn’t have the breath to spare. “It’s not my fault. Not that the major got injured or that the others died.” He might have said it, but it lacked sincerity. Ravyn hadn’t asked for that though. “Now, sweet pea. You promised.”

She shifted enough for him to slide home in one smooth thrust. This ride wasn’t going to be slow and easy, not with his control shattered. He was so close. “Harder,” he told her. Her inexperience showed in the timidness of her movements. He freed his hands then, moving them to her hips and guiding her into his strokes. His pace was fast and furious, and she braced her hands against his chest. Each finger burned her brand into his skin. He released one of her hips, finding the center of her pleasure. He’d be damned if she wasn’t coming with him.

“Oh, Damon. Yes!”

And she was there. He could feel it. He exploded inside her with a power he’d never experienced before. His. She was his. He might have even muttered that when he pressed his mouth against the long, elegant line of her throat as she lay over him.

He didn’t know how long they stayed that way, but he was nowhere near recovered when she said, “That’s why you went Spec Ops, isn’t it?”

“What?” It took all his concentration just to breathe, how could Ravyn be ready to talk?

“What happened that day. It’s why you applied to Spec Ops.”

He forced his brain back to work. “Yeah,” Damon admitted with more than a little reluctance. He thought they were done with this conversation. “I figured if I had more training, learned more, I wouldn’t make those kinds of mistakes again.”

She lifted herself up just enough to scowl down at him. With a smile, he rubbed her bottom in a gesture of surrender. He wouldn’t survive a second go-round of Ravyn’s positive-reinforcement technique. She settled herself against him again with a sigh that sounded contented. He could have stayed like that forever, their bodies joined, but Ravyn’s stomach growled. She tensed, probably in embarrassment, but Damon smiled. “I brought food in the pack,” he told her, giving the cheek his hand rested on a small squeeze.

With more than a little reluctance, Damon lifted her off him and left their bed. By the time he turned around, pack in hand, Ravyn had donned her nightgown again. “You didn’t have to dress for dinner on my account,” he said.

She blushed, but didn’t answer. He sat beside her on the bed and spread out the food he’d gathered. Ravyn seemed oddly pensive, like she’d put a wall of reserve between them. He didn’t like the idea that she’d distanced herself emotionally from him. Damon could only come up with one reason why. While he’d been relaxed and relieved that she didn’t blame him for the fiasco eight years ago, he’d forgotten her beloved Alex hated him. What were the odds she would anger the stepbrother who’d raised her for a man she’d known such a short time?

Usually Ravyn chattered to fill a silence, but today he found himself doing it. “As soon as we get back home, I’m going to have myself a big, inch thick steak, rare. Green beans and a baked potato on the side. You dream of baths, I dream of beef.” Granted, his words weren’t haha funny, but Ravyn managed only a weak smile of acknowledgment.

He hadn’t felt a panic like this since he’d seen Conway run and knew he and the others were sitting ducks. Damon swallowed hard and tried a different subject. “How did you know the way to turn on the lights and the water? And to do this?” He gestured to the clear wall off to the side.

Ravyn swallowed the food she chewed and shrugged. “I don’t know. I just knew.”

Damon frowned. He wanted something more concrete than that. After all, he hadn’t forced her to throw up last night because he’d trusted she knew what she had done. He didn’t want to hear she’d just
known.
“What? You’re psychic?” His trepidation made the words come out harsher than he intended. Ravyn finally looked at him again and her eyes had a snap to them that relieved some of his worry. He swallowed the apology he’d been forming.

“I’ve always known things. Not anything useful, like a luxury hotel having a structural collapse or that a killer would wipe out the CAT team, but other things. It’s gotten stronger since I arrived on Jarved Nine and stronger still since, well, what happened.” The temper seeped from her to be replaced by shadows, and he knew she was remembering the massacre. She looked away for a moment, and when she finally met his gaze again, he noticed she looked beaten. A sound of protest escaped him.

His tough little sweet pea suddenly seemed fragile, as if one careless touch or comment would shatter her. Damon wished he knew how to help her, to breach the chasm between them. “Finish eating, Ravyn,” he said with care. “Even if you’re not hungry any longer, you need to keep your strength up.”

That she followed his directive without a discussion first didn’t bring him any pleasure. The woman who knelt beside him now was not the same woman who had climbed on top of him and insisted he repeat after her. He wasn’t sure who this new person was, but it wasn’t the Ravyn he knew.

His fear went soul deep. He’d been alone since his birth, untethered to anyone. He’d tried to find a home in the army, had made some good friends, but they’d had their own ties, their own parents, brothers, sisters, wives, children. Damon had about given up finding anyone he belonged to. Then he’d met Ravyn. She sat with her head bent, silently eating. If she severed the connection between them now... He swallowed hard, something inside bleeding at the loss he knew was coming.

Maybe it was better this way. He could focus on keeping her safe until the rescue team arrived. And when he faced the killer, well, it wouldn’t matter so much if he walked away from the encounter. Not as long as he took the murderer down with him. A man could be overly cautious when he worried about returning to his woman. With nothing to lose, he could fight better. Yeah, he thought, her rejection made him stronger.

He put a hand to his heart. It still hurt. One side of his mouth tilted up derisively. He couldn’t even lie to himself. If Ravyn wanted to pull away, he’d let her go, but only so far. He’d woo her back or court her or whatever the hell he needed to do, but he wasn’t about to concede defeat. Not yet.

Damon knew he could never atone for his actions eight years ago, but maybe if he avenged the deaths of her friends, she’d be willing to put up with the colonel’s displeasure at their involvement. At least enough to stay with him. He needed her in a way he didn’t fully understand. It went beyond sex and even beyond feeling connected to her.

Ravyn stared at her hands as he returned the uneaten food to the pack. He couldn’t identify her mood. If he didn’t know better, he’d think it was dread. Damon couldn’t stand it any longer. Before he could say anything, however, Ravyn finally raised her head and looked at him. Her gold eyes appeared even more haunted, and he tensed to keep from tugging her to him and offering comfort. She wouldn’t welcome his touch, he could tell from the set of her jaw.

She bit her lip, hesitated and he braced himself for her rejection. That he wouldn’t accept it didn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt. She probably was trying to find a way to let him down gently. She was that kind of woman. He saw Ravyn square her shoulders as if she’d shored up all her reserves to do what needed to be done. Damon kept his eyes on her and waited for her to speak. Her words, when they came, were so far from what he’d been expecting that she stunned him into silence.

“Damon,” she said, her voice, though clear and firm, still managed to hold a note of hesitance. “I’m a coward.”

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Ravyn thought she’d prepared herself for any response Damon might make to her confession, but she hadn’t imagined him staring at her blankly as if she had spoken in an unknown language. She wished he’d say something. The stress of waiting strummed at her nerves. For some unfathomable reason, he had yet to discover how cowardly she was. As soon as she’d heard him talk about Conway, she’d realized she couldn’t keep quiet any longer. She didn’t expect him to take it well. Ravyn hadn’t missed the derision in Damon’s voice as he’d spoken of the fainthearted soldier.

“What?” he finally asked, still looking blank.

It had been hard enough to say it once. She didn’t want to repeat it, but she did anyway. “I’m a coward.”

He laughed. She hadn’t expected this response either. He laughed so hard he fell backward on the bed. She began to get mad. She hadn’t said anything funny. He propped himself up on his elbows, looked at her and laughed again. The man was damn lucky, Ravyn decided, that the pillows were out of reach.

“You’re serious, aren’t you?” he asked when he managed to contain his mirth.

Ravyn thought his realization a bit belated, but she nodded.

He sobered and sat up. “
This
is what’s been bothering you for the last half hour or so?”

Again, she nodded, not quite able to speak around the constriction in her throat. She grew queasy at the thought of his warm regard turning to distaste. She looked away, knowing it wouldn’t be long now.

“Why do you think you’re a coward?” Damon sounded only mildly curious.

Ravyn couldn’t believe he needed her to enumerate her failings. But she would. “You found me hiding underneath my bunk, for a start.” Her fingers plucked at the ridge of blanket beside her hip.