Ravaged River (Men of Mercy #6) (5 page)

H
ayden locked
the door to the Java Shop, gave her clothes a last straightening and marched across the full parking lot. The sound of loud music filled the air as she neared the Sigma Pi house, and the ball of nerves in her belly grew and grew. Was she really ready for this? Hayden stalled a little over halfway, between a shiny new beamer and a dark blue Mercedes.

She'd promised the professor. No more hiding and no more pining over Hoyt. But she hadn't quite envisioned the crush of college kids crowding the backyard of the frat house. Maybe she should re-think her journey and save it for another day.

Really? Hayden James, former life of the party, wanted to tuck tail and run?

Yes. Yes she did. But if she didn't press on, what would that make her?

Chicken.

Hayden took one hesitant step forward, then another. Forcing herself to ignore the tight feeling in her chest, she lifted her chin. Just a few more rows of cars to go. When she passed the last of the vehicles, her friend Mandy spotted her from the back of the crowd and waved.

Hayden expelled a breath. Now there was no choice. Mandy was always bugging her to get out, and she’d never let her back down now. Hayden made her way to the entrance gate, and the pledge standing guard gave her a once over then flagged her to enter. Scrunching against a white picket fence in the backyard of the frat house, she made a beeline for Mandy. The crowd of toga-wearing college kids swelled outward from the three-story brick building.

"This is crazy,” she said to her friend. “I can't believe there are so many people here."

Mandy tucked her short straight brown hair behind her ears, yanked a compact mirror from her clutch and eased closer to the crowd. "It's great, isn't it? I had no idea their annual Greek Goes Greek bash was this much fun."

More like oppressive. Hayden wanted to hop over the low fence and take off through the parking lot. The Java Shop stood sentry on the other side. She could slide into the sanctuary of the closed coffee house. She could regain her peace and reclaim her solitude.

And think about Hoyt.

Jesus, she was screwed.

"This is not what I'd call a small gathering. "

Mandy shrugged, but her smile said she’d known all along. "How was I supposed to know he’d invited us to
the
party of the year?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe since you've gone for the last two years in a row."

A stoner stumbled and shoved her into the fence. "Ow."

"Slorry.” The guy didn’t budge an inch and his overpowering smell of smoke gagged her.

"Move it, freak." Mandy shoved the guy away. "Did you see how red his eyes were?"

Hayden brushed her shirt and attempted to straighten up. "Up close and personal. Gross."

The backyard of the frat house was usually all neatly trimmed lawn and landscaped sidewalks. But tonight brain-dead boozers trampled the grass. Mandy elbowed Hayden in the side and nodded toward the crowd in front of them. "Forget him. Look at all these toga-wearing frat boys. Now, what could possibly be better than getting to look at all these half-naked hotties on a Friday night?"

Going to a movie with a certain brooding military man.

Hayden took a deep breath, silently forcing that thought down into the deep dark hole where it belonged. "I can't think of a single thing."

Too bad ALANON didn't accept ex-girlfriends of PTSD survivors. She'd probably learn some useful stress-fighting tips. But for now she would settle for the good ole James family denial.

"Did you see Chance? He is smoking hot tonight. I swear that guy is a direct descendant of Apollo himself."

"No, I haven't seen him." And she was thankful for that. Her nerves were raw, edgy.

Before her life-altering screw-up, she'd been on the fast track to beating her mother's record and becoming the star of every party in Mercy. Then a married man had demolished her self-confidence, self-worth, and self-esteem in one fell swoop.

To say the ensuing scandal had been momentous would be an understatement.

Without Hoyt, without his resilient smile and confidence, she wasn’t sure she would have made it.

The back of her neck tingled and Hayden whipped around, studying the parking lot. For a second she was certain she’d see Hoyt standing right behind her. But the only thing she saw was row upon row of BMW’s and Mercedes. A few older vehicles dotted the back. No Hoyt.

"Too bad," Mandy said. "Chance and his buddies haven't been to the shop to get coffee all week. And I’ve been stuck with an overabundance of man bag carrying hipsters with scraggly wannabe beards and skinny jeans. I swear, if I have to fix another nonfat soy latte with organic wheat toast for a side, I’ll scream.”

Hayden didn't have to fake the sympathetic glance to her friend. Most people assumed frat boys would make cringe-worthy customers, but the frat boys were actually a welcome reprieve from the coffee shop’s usual clientele. "I'm sorry. The test in Rhoden's class this week was a killer. I swear I wrote for three hours straight. I couldn't move my hand for a day." She couldn’t help but think about the date Professor Latham and Professor Rhoden were on tonight.

Mandy snorted and adjusted the strap of the dark one-shoulder shirt that perfectly showcased her graceful neck and pixie-perfect face. Paired with her smoky eye shadow, she could give Megan Fox a run for her money. "Nice try, but you'll get no sympathy from me. My week was way worse. Besides, the only reason Chance hasn’t come in is because he knew you weren't working."

"Whatever."

Mandy jabbed her in the shoulder. "Hey, would you get out of your head for long enough to find that hunk of goodness before some ho snatches him?"

Hayden pressed back against the fence, letting the rounded wood pickets dig into her skin. The physical pain was preferable to the risk of testing her self-confidence. She’d have to socialize and make small talk and actively pursue another man. Three things that she'd purposely avoided for the past few months. And she’d already stepped out of her shell and invited Malik. But wasn't that the whole reason she was here? To not think about Hoyt? To move on?

"I didn't think it would be this difficult,” she admitted.

"It's not. You just have to take that first step. The rest is cake."

"Easy for you to say. You date a new guy every week."

"How else am I going to find out what I like?" Mandy gave her a wink.

"Well, guys flock to you. They run the other way from me." Of course, that could be credited to her resting bitch face.

"Don't be stupid.
The
hottest guy on this campus has been actively pursuing you for months. He buys coffee at least three times a week, and the guy doesn't even drink coffee."

"That's ridiculous. I've served him hundreds of cups of coffee."

"Yeah, and as soon as you turn your back, he pours it out." Mandy crossed her arms and arched a dark brow, daring Hayden to argue.

A new kind of awareness gut-punched Hayden, knocking another misconception down. If Chance liked her enough to do that, surely she could give him a chance. Apparently she’d missed the memo on both Chance and Malik. Hayden slapped a hand to her forehead. "I've been an idiot."

Mandy shrugged. "You said it. Not me."

Hadn’t Professor Latham said to be aware of your own limits? How long was she willing to play the wounded ex-girlfriend.

A sharp pain in her ribs pulled Hayden back to the present moment. "Stop elbowing me,” she grumbled.

"Who is that dark Arabian Prince staring at you like you are the freaking answer to his prayers?

H
ayden followed
Mandy's pointed stare and locked eyes with Malik. Her stomach punched up into her throat. Her foray into living sported a perfectly pressed button-up that showed just a little bit of smooth golden chest and approached on polished Italian loafers with a cat-like predatory grace.

A grace she'd never noticed before tonight.

"Hello." His one word staked her feet to the ground.

Was she ready to consider going out with someone new?

Mandy must have sensed her hesitation, because she thrust her hand past Hayden. "I'm Mandy. Hayden and I work together at the Java shop." Mandy tilted her head back, indicating the small building across the parking lot.

"I'm Malik." He shook Mandy's hand. "I've had several classes with Hayden. It's nice to meet you."

Even his name was foreign, sultry. He was so different from Hoyt, he might actually have a shot with her.

Hayden cleared her throat, "Actually, Malik is about to graduate with his doctorate in psychology. I believe he only has one semester of student teaching left, right?"

Malik flashed a brilliant smile at her, bright white against his tan skin. His chocolate brown eyes radiated appreciation and awareness. "I didn't realize you paid that much attention, but yes, just one semester left before the torture is over."

"Oh, so you're smart
and
handsome." Mandy nudged Hayden. Her obvious attempt to point out Malik's attributes sent a rush of heat straight to Hayden's cheeks.

Malik's rich laughter filled the space around them. "I can't argue with the lady."

But then his gaze fell on Hayden and she fidgeted with the edge of her shirt, suddenly nervous. He was looking at her as if she were some puzzle he was trying to figure out. An experiment.

"Are you going back to England when you graduate?" Hayden asked, desperate to break that intense gaze.

"Actually, Cambridge has already contacted me and offered me an assistant professor position." His eyes met hers again. "But lately America is becoming more and more appealing."

Suddenly hot, she fanned herself and looked away. What could she say to that?
Yes, please stay, I'd love the opportunity to get to know you better. Base your entire life decision on me, the girl who’s in love with another man.

She forced a laugh, and then winced at the shrill-pitched sound.

Holy moly. Get your crap together.
"I'm sure you'll make the right decision."

"I'm sure I will." Malik gently lifted her hand and kissed the back.

Her hand went cold, then flushed hot. Malik gently brushed his thumb over her now super-sensitive skin. And he held her gaze, silently communicating to her just how much he wanted her.

"I'm going to get us some drinks." Mandy started out slow, her words building momentum as she spoke. "Malik, would you like something?"

"No, thank you," Malik said.

Hayden reached for Mandy, knowing she meant to give them some forced solitude. "I don't –"

"Trust me, you want a drink," Mandy said. "I'll be back. Soon-ish." Mandy flounced off, her skin-tight skirt swaying with her hips, snagging the attention of every guy she passed, including the stray cat under the shrubs. In pure Mandy fashion, she didn’t even notice.

Hayden couldn't help but glance down at her own pastel pink sweater and jeans—not only did Hayden pale in comparison, but so did her lackluster clothing.

"You are stunning. Stop thinking like that." Malik's quiet voice caught Hayden off guard and made her look up at him.

"Stop thinking like what?"

"That you aren't just as beautiful and vibrant as Mandy. As any person here tonight."

Hayden denied the instinct to look down and toe the grass. She wasn't weak. And she'd never been shy. "Try working next to her every day and see if your confidence doesn't suffer a little."

"Anyone can look at a colorful painting and recognize it for a work of art. But a true connoisseur prefers the subtle grace of perfection." Malik inched forward, his body heat folding around her like a heavy blanket.

Her stomach churned with awareness. He wasn’t overpowering or dominating, at least not in an alarming way, but his aura of self-confidence and determination had her pinned in place.

She had nowhere to go and no one to distract her from the man moving in on her personal space. And she honestly wasn't sure how to feel about him right now.

He lifted her hand, placed a light kiss on her skin.

Her heart stuttered.

And then he lowered her hand gently to her side. The skin tingled where his lips had touched it. Malik took a step closer, forcing her head back, his chocolate eyes were black with intensity. She knew in that instant he wanted more.

And she didn't know if she had more to give...

"May I take you out to dinner?"

"What?"

"I would like to take you on a date." Malik gave her a small smile but didn't press forward another inch. He was giving her space, something she appreciated.

Hayden took a deep breath, trying to come to grip with how she felt about him. He hadn't set off explosions, or fireworks that made her forget herself like Hoyt always had. But maybe that was what she needed. She could control a pragmatic relationship. They could have intelligent conversations. Share research. He
was
attractive and he did at least make her feel
something.

She just had to figure out how to give up on true love. "I think I'd like that."

"Next Friday night? La Grenouille?" He said it the right way, she noticed. She and Hoyt had never figured out how to say it quite right, besides, they’d never even come close to affording it. He took her hand again and held it between their bodies, his palms soft and smooth. Cultured. Refined.

"That sounds nice." She'd have to dig for an outfit nice enough to wear to such a swanky restaurant. No jeans and boots. Maybe she could find something on eBay. His parents probably lived in a castle or something.

"Hayden, I can't believe you're here." Chance had appeared right behind Malik.

Hayden jumped and ripped her hand away from Malik's.

Mandy was right—the toga enhanced Chance's naturally curly blond hair, tan skin, and blue eyes. He could be a direct descendant of Achilles. Or Brad Pitt.

"Last-minute decision." She offered a weak smile and tried to get her heart rate below a hundred beats per second.

Chance's gaze slid over Malik, starting at his head, moving down to his toes and back up. Hayden tensed, half expecting some sort of testosterone-fueled fight to break out.

But Chance's face didn't pull tight and he didn't step forward with fists raised. He extended a hand. "Chance Beckham. I transferred here from Berlin early last year."

"Malik Hussein, from England. Nice to have a fellow neighbor here.” Malik took Chance's hand, repeating Chance's earlier slow perusal.

When he turned back to Hayden, Malik’s expression was calm. Relaxed. There was an unmistakable I'm-not-worried-about-the-immature-kid smile on his face. "See you Friday?"

"See you then." Hayden's reply was weak. Shaky. Dammit. Freaking Mandy was either the worst or the best wingman ever.

Malik melted back into the crowd, leaving Hayden alone with Chance. She inhaled and tried to find her center.

"I'm so glad you came." Without any other preliminaries, he scooped her up and spun her around in a circle before promptly setting her back down on her feet, throwing her attempt to focus into a literal tailspin.

"Are you drunk?" Her voice came out all breathy and excited for some reason, but she pulled her serious face anyway.

"On you, babe." He waggled his eyebrows, completely devastating her attempt to remain stoic.

She burst out laughing. "You're terrible."

But maybe she needed that to round out her reentry into dating. Chance wasn’t challenging. He wouldn’t require her to analyze her every single move. He could show her a good time. Teach her to relax. If she could just get past the fact that he resembled a younger version of Hoyt...

Only this version had smile lines around his eyes and an open air of mischief. And a swoon worthy accent she found slightly adorable.

Malik, she knew, was serious. Intelligent. With him, she might ultimately find a deeper connection. And that scared her more than she could say. But if she tried going out with both of them, maybe she’d get a better idea of what she wanted. Or if she could want someone other than Hoyt.

And if she didn’t, they’d both be heading back overseas soon enough.

"What made you cross the big, bad parking lot to my domain?" Chance asked. "Was it because I changed up my order the other day? Had you add whipped cream to my coffee?"

"Nope."

"Maybe it was that new shirt my sister sent me. Everyone said that blue really set off my eyes." He batted his eyelashes.

He was so silly and fun, she felt herself melting like butter in his warmth. "How is your sister?”

Last year, on one of her shifts, Chance had told her about the car wreck that had permanently damaged his sister’s brain.

He frowned and looked away. “The same. I’ve hired a new lady to come help with her care. She takes her shopping, lets her pick out chocolates and such. I miss her terribly."

Hayden immediately regretted pursuing the subject. She got the feeling that Chance felt guilty for leaving his sister behind. “She’s lucky to have a brother who takes such good care of her.”

“She video chats me every day, we stay close.” Chance turned back to Hayden. “We talk a lot about you. She calls you my American girlfriend.”

His blue eyes locked with hers and Hayden froze.
Remember, you wanted to experiment.

And then Chance straightened and flexed his biceps, the movement drawing her eyes to his firm muscles. "What do you think of my toga. This is probably the real reason you came tonight? Me—half-naked and wrapped in a sheet—your dream come true."

"You need guns like this to impress a girl." A dark-haired guy about the size of tree trunk pushed his way over to them. He was wearing a tight toga that did little to cover a thicket of chest hair plentiful enough to cover her living room rug. He lifted both his arms and flexed some of the biggest muscles Hayden had ever seen.

Chance pouted, poking out his bottom lip and dropping his arms to his side. Looking for all the world like a dejected Wile E. Coyote who'd lost his Road Runner. "We can't all be linebackers, Jeremy."

Jeremy laughed and nudged Chance in the shoulder, knocking him forward a step. "It's okay. Not everyone can be as blessed as me."

Hayden burst out laughing. "It's all about proportion. I think he's perfect."

Jeremy frowned and hooked an arm around Chance, physically lifting him off the ground a little. "Why do you always get the hot girls?"

"Cause I don't throw them over my shoulder and lug them around like a caveman." Chance grabbed Jeremy's wrist and squeezed.

The big guy dropped him immediately and shook out his hand. "But some girls like that." Looking at Hayden, he raised his brows in question.

She shook her head fast. "Not this girl."

"But this one does." Mandy seemed to appear next to Jeremy out of thin air.

Hayden leaned back against the fence and pulled Chance over to stand beside her. "Watch."

Jeremy glared down at the intruder, glanced back at Hayden, and then immediately snapped his attention back to Mandy. "Who are you?"

"A girl in need of a drink. Think you can help me with that?" Mandy pulled a classic hip lean and pout. Guaranteed to bag a man in ten seconds flat.

Jeremy was no exception. "Yes, ma'am."

Hayden glared, “What happened to the drinks you just went to get a few minutes ago?”

“Oh, yeah, mission failure.” Mandy patted Jeremy on the arm, stopped to get in a quick squeeze, and then curled her finger toward the house. "Let's go."

"Later, bro." Jeremy didn't even look back before trailing after Mandy.

When they were almost to the house, Hayden said, "She'll eat him for supper."

"Jeremy? As in that three-hundred pound, six-foot-six guy?"

Mandy stopped at the top of the stairs and turned to face Jeremy, who was a few steps below her. She put her hands on his shoulders, said something, and disappeared inside. Jeremy stood, transfixed, for a full minute before following.

"Do you see how he's looking at her? He's done."

Chance stepped into her line of vision. "How do I get you to look at me that way? What, are my muscles not big enough for you?"

When Hayden got her laughter under control and straightened, she said, "I like your muscles just fine."

"Listen, in business they teach us to analyze and study what works." Chance closed the distance between them, dropped his empty beer can to the side, and bracketed his arms on the fence, trapping her between him and his biceps.

"I need to know what convinced you to come out tonight, whether it was A, B, C, or D. None of the above. So I can make sure to do it again. So I can make sure this isn't the first and last time you agree to see me."

Hayden grinned, not bothered in the least by his nearness. Her heart beat just a little bit faster, just a little bit harder, but it still wasn’t reacting in the wild and crazy way that was apparently reserved for Hoyt. But with Chance, she felt safe. At ease to be herself, even more than around Malik, if she could remember what being herself meant.

"Multiple-choice questions are way too easy," she said. "Almost as easy as true or false. I prefer essay questions."

"You're killing me, Smalls. This poor, simple-minded, international business major can't handle all that psycho analyzing stuff. Have mercy."

Hayden tapped her lower lip. "I guess I could do a little true or false for you. Just because you begged so nicely."

"Hold that thought. If I'm going to take a test on a Friday night, I’ll need some added brainpower." Chance turned and sprinted through the open back door of the house, leaving Hayden to shake her head.

He returned moments later, a beer can tucked beneath his armpit and two plastic cups sloshing in each hand.