Rampant (14 page)

I’d been protecting him in some way or another for a nearly a decade, but he wanted nothing to do with me. Hurt infiltrated my chest and choked the life from my heart. How could he walk away so easily after what we’d shared? After what he’d done? Wasn’t he afraid I’d turn him in?

Don’t be stupid. He knows he has you wrapped.

“Alex?”

I jumped, only then noticing the mangled napkin in my hands. I’d managed to shred it while wrestling with my thoughts. Evelyn still waited. Choosing to take the familiar coward’s way out, I was about to make up a story when my cell beeped.

“I should get this. I’ll be right back.” I scooted back from the table with a sigh of relief. My phone continued to chirp as I walked through the busy restaurant, out the front doors, and into the summer heat. The instant I answered the call and heard his breathing, I couldn’t move.

“Don’t hang up.”

Hang up? I could barely function. My gaze darted around, studying the bystanders and taking a modicum of comfort in their presence. I tightened my fingers around the phone, willed my hand to pull it away from my ear and hit the end button, but somewhere between thought and action, the signal in my brain got its wires crossed.

“I miss you,” he said, making my fingers freeze. “And I’m so, so
sorry
.” His voice cracked on the last word. He sniffled, and I was pretty certain the bastard was crying.

“Dad said you’d leave me alone.” I cleared my throat and infused my tone with a dauntless edge I didn’t feel. “You can’t hurt me anymore. Too many people are watching.”

“Especially the guy to your right. The one in the Beaver’s hat and dark sunglasses? He’s practically got his tongue hanging out.”

Standing in ninety-degree weather, I shivered as if snow blanketed the ground. I’d meant the public in general, even the police, since they suspected I’d left out parts of the story. Slowly, I turned and found a man matching Zach’s description watching me. He looked away the instant he realized I’d caught him staring. But he wasn’t the real threat.

The real threat lingered somewhere nearby, preying on my fear. I scoured both sides of the street but found nothing. Just normal people going about their business. Numerous shops, cafes, and businesses lined the row, and Zach could be in any one of them right now, ogling me with the eyes of a wolf.

“I know what you’re thinking,” he said. “But I’m not here to hurt you. I just had to see you. I had to know you were okay.”

“Why?” I fisted my left hand. “You didn’t care if I was ‘okay’ when you beat me, when you raped me, when you sliced me up with your fucking knife.”

“I fucked up, Lex. I know I went too far.”

“You went too far ten years ago. What you did in that cabin was a hundred levels past deranged.”

I heard him suck in a breath. “It wasn’t always bad between us. After Rafe went away, you wanted me.”

“I
never
wanted that. Get that through your head.” My gaze veered left and right, cheeks flaming at having this conversation in public, but there was no way in hell I’d do this in an isolated area. “I despise myself for what we did, for what I did to him. I couldn’t even control my own damn body, Zach.”

“Please, Lex. I’m dying without you. It’ll be different this time. Dad’s making sure I’m getting treatment. I haven’t had a drink since that night. Please—”

“Stop!” I began pacing, though I never stopped searching my surroundings. A group of college-aged kids came out of the restaurant and bumped into me. Instead of becoming irritated, I welcomed their proximity.

Stupid, Alex. Go back inside and tell Evelyn. Get help.

“You can’t just say ‘I’m sorry’ after everything. It doesn’t work like that.” I should know—sorry hadn’t worked on Rafe.

“I know.” He sighed. “But I love you. I want you back. Can we just sit down somewhere and talk?”

“Even if I didn’t think of you like my brother”—I lowered my voice—“I could never be with someone who did what you did.” The hypocrisy of my words pinged through my head. Rafe had done acts deemed unforgivable too, but I didn’t feel the same way toward him. My heart wanted what it wanted, despite logic or reason, despite right or wrong. I supposed in that aspect, I could relate to Zach.

My chest tightened, squeezing the air from my lungs. I also understood why Rafe couldn’t forgive me.

“I’ll do anything,” he said, his plea high-pitched and awash with regret. “Please, forgive me. You’re the only thing in this world I care about.”

Unable to speak, I ended the call with a press of a button then walked inside the restaurant, passing by people that blurred around me. They didn’t seem real.
I
didn’t seem real.

“Everything okay?” Evelyn asked.

I shook my head. “My dad…” I cleared the fear constricting my throat. “My dad needs me home. He’s got the flu or something.” I let out an awkward laugh. “He’s a big baby.” For perfecting the art of lying, I sure sucked at it now.

She tilted her head. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah.” I forced my lips into a smile. “Just family stuff. Can I get a rain check?”

“Sure, but I’m holding you to it.” She pulled me into a hug. “You can call me anytime.”

“I know.”

We parted ways out front, and as soon as she got in her SUV and pulled away, I scurried back inside the restaurant and reclaimed my seat at the table, body shaking as I deliberated on what to do. I was scared to walk to my own car. I gazed out the window at the new Volvo parked by the curb on the side of the restaurant. Dad bought it last week to replace the one destroyed by the river, once I agreed to the appointments with the shrink.

Someone slid into the chair Evelyn had vacated, making me jump. Zach’s hazel eyes stared back.

“Don’t freak out and make a scene,” he said. “I just want to talk to you.” He must have taken my stunned silence as permission to continue. And to touch me. His hand crept across the table and clamped around mine, like a snake constricting the life from my fingers. “I never meant for things to go so far.”

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. A voice screeched in my head, demanding that I do something. Knock my barely touched salad on the floor, tip over a glass of water. Shout for help. For the love of God, at least remove my hand from his grip.

Instead, I sat like a statute, barely breathing.

He leaned forward, closing some of the distance between us, and lowered his voice. “I’ve never been so scared as when I saw what you’d done. Lex…” He let out a breath. “I know you think of me as your brother and that’s why you fight this so much. But your body doesn’t lie. I know there’s room in your heart for me.” He lifted his head, gaze searching mine. “I hate that you love him, but I can accept it because I know you love me too. Please come back to me. I won’t force you. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to. I just need you in my life. Please, Lex.
Please
.”

I jerked my hand from his and edged away. “I almost killed myself over you.”

“Fuck, Lex…” He dropped his face into his hands.

Clutching my purse, I shot a glance through the window, where the sun beat down on my car, and wished I’d parked out front. I calculated how long it would take to cover the distance if I ran, but Zach looked up.

“I know I can’t take it back, but you need to come with me. Please.”

“I’m not going anywhere with you.”

“I don’t want you around him,” he said.

“Leave Rafe out of it!” I stood. “He wants nothing to do with me, so you have no reason to go off the deep end again over him.”

Zach also rose, his body rigid, mouth tight in a straight line. “I wasn’t talking about Rafe. I’m talking about Dad. Get the fuck out of that house, Lex. He’s the last person you should trust.”

“If you’re talking about his threat to have me committed, I already know about it.” He’d made that abundantly clear when I’d fought him about seeing the therapist.

Zach grabbed my bicep. “I’m talking about something much worse. You need to come with me.” He began yanking on my arm.

“Help!” I screamed, gaze zigzagging around the restaurant before landing on a beefy guy who looked like he could take my brother. He rose, expression startled, and Zach let go of my arm. I backed away as the guy neared. Zach came after me again until my rescuer detained him.

I whirled, the front door appearing so far away. Someone shouted, and I heard a ruckus indicating a fight had begun. People stood, mouths gaping as I flew past. I didn’t remember leaving the restaurant, didn’t remember rounding the building and getting into my car, or thrusting the key into the ignition. I stomped on the gas and shot into traffic.

I spent thirty mindless minutes driving east along the Columbia River. Every couple of miles, I gazed into my rearview, but as far as I could tell, Zach’s car wasn’t part of the mid-day traffic. I pulled off at a rest stop, hands shaking too much to drive further, and tried three times to punch in the correct code on my cell. Finally, I unlocked my phone and dialed Dad’s number.

As soon as he answered, all the adrenaline pumping through me crashed and burned, and I started crying, my whole body trembling.

“Dad! Zach was there.” A black Beemer pulled into the spot next to me, and I almost jumped out of my skin, fearing it was my brother. But a young redhead exited the vehicle, pushing huge sunglasses on top of her head as she walked to the restrooms, hips swaying. “Dad…I’m really scared right now.” I held my breath, waiting for him to say something.

Please, for once, let him give a shit about me.

“What happened?” he finally asked.

“After my appointment, I met up with Evelyn. We were having lunch when he called—”

“Alexandra,” he interrupted. “I’ll talk to your brother. It was just a phone call, but he knows better. I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

“No, he was
there
. He caused a scene after Evelyn left. He won’t stop. Please, Dad, I need to tell the truth about what happened. It’s eating me up—”

“Come home and we’ll talk about it.”

I shook my head, though I knew he couldn’t see me. My father’s gigantic estate was the last place I’d feel safe. I could only think of one place I equated with safety, which was really ironic, considering I’d have to cross a river to get to it. My subconscious knew exactly what it was doing—I’d already driven halfway to Dante’s Pass.

“Alexandra!” His voice rose, irritation more than apparent in the bite of his tone. Abbott De Luca wasn’t someone used to being ignored. “You need to come home now.”

“Okay,” I said, the word coming out a whisper. “I’ll be there soon.” I hung up before he figured out I was lying. I made one more phone call to arrange for a boat rental, then drove onto the highway again. By the time my father realized I wasn’t coming home, I’d already be on Rafe’s island. Of course, that depended on my ability to go near the river and set foot in a boat without having a full-blown panic attack.

My heart fluttered the whole way to Dante’s Pass and turned into an unbearable pounding as I braked in the parking lot next to the boat ramp. I shut off the ignition, and my anxiety thundered in my ears for several minutes. I kept my head straight, focusing on the restroom and the woman that came out holding a little girl’s hand. Sweat coated my palms, and my grip slipped from the steering wheel. To my left, I knew what waited for me.

How was I supposed to get into a boat when I couldn’t even bring myself to look at the river?

Sucking in a noisy breath, I swiveled my head before I chickened out. It was only water, and I wouldn’t even be alone, as the man I’d called on the way to take me to the island waited on the dock. Normally, his company only rented out boats, but I’d offered to pay extra if he’d take me.

If only I could get out of the stupid car and walk to the dock.

Quit being such a pussy.

The need to get to Rafe was more powerful than my phobia. I pulled on the handle then pushed open the door. One shaky leg lifted into the breeze. Another maneuver, a scoot of my butt, and both feet touched solid ground. I armed the alarm and crept down the slope toward the dock next to the ramp.

Images of suffocating, of dense blackness, assaulted me with each step, making me cringe, and I chanted
stop it, stop it, stop it
to wipe the stubborn thoughts from my mind, but they stuck to my brain with the strength of crazy glue. The only way to push past the terror was to chant until I heard nothing else. If I appeared on the verge of a total meltdown, the guy wouldn’t take me to Rafe.

I stepped onto the dock, keeping my eyes trained on the man waiting for me, and purposefully ignored the gentle lapping of water on either side. It wasn’t going to jump out and drown me.

Stop it, stop it, stop it.

“You the one wanting a lift to Mason Island?”

Unable to find my voice just yet, I nodded.

He frowned. “You sure that’s wise? You know the guy who lives on that island is a sex offender, right?”

“I know what everyone thinks he is. They’re wrong.”

He gave me a perplexed look. “He know you’re coming?”

“Yes.” Not a chance in hell. I could barely believe I was about to willingly get into a boat. No one else would believe it.