Raising Blaze (30 page)
Authors: Debra Ginsberg
I
n many ways,
Raising Blaze
was a difficult book for me to write. For one, most of it was written during a particularly challenging time for Blaze in terms of school and social adjustment. It was not easy to keep perspective on the events of Blaze’s early years while actively dealing with the consequences of those events. On an emotional level too, this was a tough book. Writing authentically about Blaze’s birth and the years that followed necessitated reliving some of the darker moments in our lives, as well as the times of triumph and joy. However, while challenging, these were surmountable obstacles. What wasn’t quite as easy to put aside was the nagging feeling that, despite my proprietary rights as his mother, I was objectifying Blaze for public consumption and thus invading
his
rights and his privacy in a fundamental way. The obvious question, then, was why write this book at all if, at some point down the road, Blaze (or anyone else, for that matter) might see it as exploitative?
Aside from the fact that I saw our story as compelling enough to commit to paper, the answer to that question was that I had never found a book like this myself, although I’d been searching for one for many years. I spent most of Blaze’s school years feeling entirely alone and adrift, although I suspected there were many others who were, if not in
exactly the same boat, experiencing a similar situation. Unfortunately, the very nature of being “different” is that it sets us apart from each other and prevents us from sharing our experiences, lest we stand out too much, attract too much of the wrong attention, or appear too strange. I found plenty of journals, books, and articles that discussed specific mental, emotional, and physical conditions, but none that addressed the general uneasiness of being undiagnosably different in a world where everyone seems to be trying desperately to fit in. It is true that every human story is unique, yet it is also true that there are qualities we all share as humans. Among those qualities are our differences and thus our sameness. My hope for
Raising Blaze
was that others would find themselves in this perspective and in our story.
I explained all of this to Blaze before I started writing and I was convinced that he understood what the book was about and why I was writing it. My first book,
Waiting
, was also a memoir in which Blaze had been featured and he had become familiar, even comfortable, with readers (heretofore, strangers) knowing the details of our lives. Yet this book concerned him much more personally, and I continued to wrestle with doubts about volunteering aspects of his life on paper.
While I was writing the last few chapters, Blaze began hovering behind me as I wrote, reading over my shoulder in a most unnerving way.
“You can’t stand over my shoulder and read,” I told him. “I can’t write if you do that.”
“But I want to read it,” he told me.
“Why?” I asked him in a stunning display of stupidity. “You can read it when it’s finished. You don’t have to stand there and read it while I’m writing.”
“But I want to read it now,” he said. “It’s about me and I want to read it.”
And, of course, he had every right to read it. I started feeding him pieces of the manuscript, from the beginning. I tried to give him passages that were heavy with description and dialogue, thinking that
those would be the most appealing to him, but he soon caught wind of that and demanded that I give him everything and so I did.
The first surprise was that Blaze became entirely involved in what he read. He sat with hunks of the text for one, two, even three hours at a stretch. Sometimes he laughed out loud and sometimes he asked me to define words that he didn’t understand, but he didn’t stop until he was finished with every page in his hand. The second surprise was how I felt about my son reading the book I was writing about him. I was scared. I realized, in that moment, that if Blaze gave me any indication that the book disturbed, bothered, or hurt him in any way, I would not be able to finish it and it would likely never find a place between two covers.
“What do you think?” I asked him, finally.
“It’s really good, Mom,” he said. “I like it. I want to read more.”
This was the beginning of a dialogue between us that went on until I wrote the last page. Blaze took the opportunity to discuss various past events, sometimes arguing about my interpretation of them. He loved certain scenes, but there were some that he asked me not to include. In all of these instances, I respected his wishes.
As it turned out, I needn’t have worried about Blaze being reticent about sharing his life. Soon after he read the first few pages, Blaze was regaling all and sundry with, “My mom’s writing a book about me. Do you want to know what’s in it? Let me tell you this one part…”
I have no way of knowing how Blaze will feel about this book in the future. Then again, I don’t know how I will feel about it then, either. I do know that, right now, this is a book that comes to you from both of us. For the rest, we will have to see. Ultimately, both raising Blaze and
Raising Blaze
are acts of faith.
I was fortunate enough to have had the guidance of three lucky stars with this book and I owe them all a huge debt of thanks—much more than I can adequately express here:
My agent, Amy Rennert, who never gave up on this book and never allowed me to give up, either.
Judith Moore, for getting me started again.
My editor, Marjorie Braman—just the absolute best. Bar none.
I would also like to offer my deepest thanks to: Susie Smith, Lisa Shepherd, Michele Chavez, Bill Porter, Lisa Ebner, and, especially, Don Birkett.
And to my mother, my father, my brother, and my three sisters, I can only say this: I am so lucky to be here with you. You are, and will always be, everything to me.
D
EBRA
G
INSBERG
waited tables for twenty years to support her writing career, the result of which was her first book,
Waiting
. A regular contributor to the
San Diego Union-Tribune
books section, she lives with her son in Southern California. Visit her website at www.debraginsberg.com.
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for
Raising Blaze
“A stirring record of a mother’s battle fought with zest, humor, and love.”
—
Kirkus Reviews
“Debra Ginsberg has a good ear and a good heart. This is the real story and this book will be a welcome companion to anyone who has fought the lonely battle for their child’s dignity in a world that makes too few allowances for those that are different. Her belief in Blaze illuminates the book.”
—Martha Tod Dudman, author of
Augusta, Gone
“Written with the consciousness and conscience of a novelist, Debra Ginsberg’s
Raising Blaze
is a memoir without the ‘me,’ and in place of the me is a ‘thou,’ her son, Blaze. It is he whom Ginsberg, like every mother of a brilliant, square-peg child, disabled only by society’s inabilities to serve him, considers a holy innocent. Her story is tough, unsentimental, and moving, achieving, as only a few others do, a selfless grace.”
—Jacquelyn Mitchard, author of
A Theory of Relativity
“Debra Ginsberg writes straight from the heart—and captures ours—in this crisply written, moving account of securing the best education possible for her special son, Blaze. Luckily, he has a mother who never gives up. An inspiring story of one woman’s devotion and the power of love.”
—Terry Ryan, author of
The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio
“This is the poignant and compelling story of raising a child with an undefinable disability centering on emotional/behavioral issues…. This mother and son’s tale not only reveals the beauty and strength in struggle, but also acts as a supportive text for parents and guardians of disabled children…. This book is the foundation for a new understanding. Highly recommended.”
—
Library Journal
“The mother from hell? The child from hell?
Raising Blaze
is a book to upend such glib characterizations…. Ginsberg writes touchingly about her love for Blaze and her desire that his glories…not be overshadowed by his deficits.”
—
San Francisco Chronicle
“Blaze is an exceedingly interesting human being with a wide and singular capacity to amaze and entertain…. This is a great and obviously very real story.”
—
Ottawa Citizen
“Through commitment and dedication, Ginsberg manages the frustrations and joys of raising and educating her unusual son, and her account of her struggle is both inspiring and disturbing.”
—
Booklist
“A specific diagnosis of a disability may provide a welcome explanation for puzzling behavior, even offer relief through medication or therapy. But as Debra Ginsberg explains in
Raising Blaze
…a diagnosis can sometimes create more questions than answers.”
—
The New Yorker
“Throughout the book, Ginsberg portrays herself…and Blaze honestly…. Blaze’s story isn’t over yet. But readers will put this book down hoping and believing that the boy who thinks Tuesday is light blue will find his own peculiar way through life.”
—
Daily Press
(Hampton Roads, VA)
“Ginsberg, a fiercely stubborn and loving single mom…teaches us that while we tend to look for the big achievements from our kids, sometimes the smallest ones…are the sweetest.”
—
Chatelaine
Praise for
Waiting
“Ginsberg’s book successfully weaves examples from her twenty years as a waitress with explorations of the sociopolitical implications of the American class structure. Her triumph, in this book, is that she shows us how the beautiful and the base coexist. That tension is what makes the job, and the book, so compelling.”
—
Portland Oregonian
“A lively and insightful look into restaurants…. Ginsberg is such a charming and talented writer.”
—
San Francisco Chronicle
“Ginsberg writes positively but not Pollyannaishly and has told an attractive story about coping with a life that has been different than what she expected.”
—
New York Times Book Review
“As this account shows, there’s a lot of life in the waiting game.”
—
BusinessWeek
“This book is more than a saga about workplace woes. The better story is the one in which Ginsberg relives her personal struggle, waiting for her life to ‘happen.’”
—Associated Press
“Funny and ultimately satisfying.”
—
Entertainment Weekly
“[Ginsberg’s] poignant, gently written stories of waitressing are metaphors for life.”
—
Dallas Morning News
“[Ginsberg] tells the story with enough honesty and wry humor to connect with other people—especially women—who’ve made their living dealing with the infamous public.”
—
Detroit Free Press
“A knowing memoir…. [Ginsberg] is great on dining-room debacles she’s endured.”
—
Seattle Times
“Hilarious…. Colorful.”
—
Hartford Courant
“A lively, often funny tale.”
—
Newsday
“This book may inspire bored office workers to get out from behind their desks and step up to the tables…. The appealing style never wavers…. Those unfamiliar with restaurant jobs are in for an eye-opening treat.”
—
Booklist
“Conveys the unpredictability and humanity of this humble but essential work…. Ginsberg’s more personal segments…portray an intelligent single mom, fiercely committed to her son, with worries about her potential as a writer and her future…concluding that…there is beauty and simplicity in the small acts of her work.”
—
Publishers Weekly
“[Ginsberg] presents…the sounds, the smells, the panic, the steamy drama of a busy kitchen.”
—
Kirkus Reviews
“Every time I go to a restaurant now, I think of what must be happening behind the scenes. Ginsberg’s stories really stay with you. A great read from start to finish.”
—Janet Fitch, author of
White Oleander
“Debra Ginsberg’s great gift is the quiet way she’s able to point up the truths that reside in the innocent setting of the restaurant, in the harmless summer job that becomes the lifelong career, in the transitory exchanges that oftentimes have lasting effects, and in the character that develops while pursuing the philosophically complex occupation of waiting. This book reminds the reader that the waitress taking your order is also, maybe, noting much more with her pen. This is a strong debut.”
—Antonya Nelson, author of
Nobody’s Girl
“The debut of a new and compelling writer is always a cause for celebration. Debra Ginsberg culls from a lifetime of waiting a humor, insight, and compassion that places her in the tradition of fine old tale-spinners. We have here, perhaps for the first time in literature, a true portrait of the demanding art of waiting on tables, from which Ginsberg has fashioned a wise, page-turning commentary on the human condition.”
—Kim Chernin, author of
In My Mother’s House
“Ginsberg not only shares delicious stories…but also dishes out advice that will make you laugh.”
—
USA Weekend
“Ginsberg got her education in restaurants, and she doles it out just right in this entertaining account.”
—
People
“[A] wonderful book. It was worth waiting for.”
—
New Orleans Times-Picayune