Raining In My Heart (Book One of the McKay's) (2 page)

She saw her daughter take her hand, saw her lead her to the couch, and felt her clutch her.
This was her
Kellie
, her only child, the love of her life, and she was here for her.

Tears streamed down her face as she hugged her daughter close
.
"Oh God. I just can't believe it."

"Grandpa died
,
didn't he?"
Kellie
asked
as she squee
zed her mother
'
s hand
.

Julie
stared into her daughter
'
s
beautiful blue
eyes and nodded.
"Yes, darling, he did."

She must have hugged her for
a long time as the
sun had gone down when she finally let go of
Kellie
long enough to look about
.
Kellie
hadn't complained.

The doorbell ran
g and
Julie
methodically
wiped her eyes and went to answer it.
Her movements were like a robot, doing, but not realizing.

A registered letter from the lawyer was nearly thrown in her face as she opened the door. "Please sign here
,
"
t
he deliveryman said
, his voice uncaring, his demeanor rushed
.

Julie
signed
the document, gave the deliveryman a quick appraisal
, closed the door and was about to go back to
Kellie
's side when the doorbell rang again.

"This just isn't the time for company
…" she muttered as she went
to the door.

"
Jim
…"
Opening the door once more, s
he stared at the
immaculate
ly handsome
man in front of her as though she'd never seen him before.
Ordinarily
,
she'd run into his arms and kiss him, but today she didn't have it in her. She couldn't move, function.
For the first time in her life, she saw
Jim
from her daughter's eyes
:
cold, u
n
moved, mechanical, a
walking robot of a businessman, too concerned with business deals and other people to notice she was caving into her own little shell.
His briefcase and phone in his hands, it was impossible to go into his arms
. She stood there
staring at him as though for the first time and not liking what she was seeing
.
Her eyes almost wild
, she barely took in the expensive suit, and the half glance he gave her
.

"
Julie
…what's wrong?"
Jim
asked
seconds later as he caught the
distraught glance she gave him
and shoved his phone into his pocket
. He
halted
not far from the door
,
rooted
by her inability to speak
. Finally
,
she grabbed the lapel of his jacket and stared up into his face
and held on for dear life.
But warmth didn't flood her.
It was only a lapel and there was no one under that lapel that was grabbing her and holding her like they should.
Only a cold bare feeling
as though she were cuddling with a stone wall
. She shook herself. It had to be her numb
ness of the
moment;
she silently explained the situation to her own mind
.
Jim
was not an unfeeling brute.

Kellie
seemed to watch them for a while before going toward them.
"Grandpa died…."
s
he explained simply.

Jim
's glance flew from
Julie
to
Kellie
and he looked into
Julie
's
face
.
"I'm so sorry. How did you find this out?"

He still didn't take her into his arms, rather waiting for her answers.

"Cade called
,
"
Julie
an
swered, feeling a numbness sur
r
ound
her, as though she weren't in the same room
with her daughter and
fiancé
e
.

"The foreman?"
Jim
frowned.

"No…his brother
,
"
Julie
corrected. She knew she was making all the right moves, doing all the right things, but she felt nothing. She wanted to go lie dow
n, and forget the call happened, to t
urn back tim
e and correct all the mistake
s
, to forget that
Jim
still hadn't taken her into his arms for comfort
'
s
sake.
None of that was happening. Somehow
,
she would have to function for the rest of the evening.

"You know, at a time like this
,
you might want to be alone
;
maybe I should go," he offered
, shooting her a look of ill
ease from the distraught expressions on their faces.
Julie
had forgotten that
Jim
was not an emotional man. He couldn't deal with emotions. He ran from them.
Julie
stared at him for a long moment, realizing once more
Jim
's l
ack of understanding, lack of
comfort
.
How had she become so emotionally involved with a man who understood so little about family, love and
responsibilities?

Weren't boyfriends supposed to cajole and comfort you?
Didn'
t he have any feelings
for
her
?
She stared at him as though he'd grown two heads.

Instead of arguing that she needed his arms around her, needed his love surrounding her, she nodded woodenly.
"If you like…"

Jim
glanced at
Kellie
.
"Call me later and let me know how she is, please."

"Where are you going?"
Julie
managed to ask.

"I've got a meeting with
Craig
this evening
;
I may be in for a
n
advancement."

"Oh yes, I forgot…"
Julie
muttered.

"Call me…later." He glanced at
Julie
's lack of response.

"Sure,"
Julie
mumbled
.

Kellie
nodded
as
he shot her a glance,
she shut the door
behind him
and turned to look at her mother.

"That didn't go too well
,
did it?"
Kellie
rolled her eyes.

"No
." Julie grabbed at her forehead. "And I'm not ready to face that either. Let's just try to relax and get our bearings
,
honey."

"W
ant me to call for a pizza?"
Kellie
asked.

"Yes,
please
, that would be wonderful
. I'm not up to cooking tonight."

"I know
,
Mama…"
Kellie
grabbed her again and hugged her.
"You loved him
,
didn't you
…grandpa
…grandpa
,
I mean.
"

"
Of course I loved him
,
honey.
I just wasn't very good at showing it."
She held her hand tightly.
Had she become a robot too?
Like
Jim
?

"It's
okay
.
I guess he wasn't either.
It's just…
you quit talking about him much…
"

"Yeah, I guess I
did.
" Julie glanced around the apartment as though she'd lost something, then back
at
her daughter. Seeing the distress on her face
,
she squeezed her hand.
"
I don't know what I'd do without
you
,
Kellie
. I can't believe you
're
so capable at your age of handling things.
" Julie suddenly grabbed Kellie and hung on for life
.
"You've had to grow up faster than most kids, being an only child, having one babysitter after another."

Kellie
smiled sadly
,
hugging her tighter
.
"
You taught me, Mama.
We always take c
are of each other, don't we
?"

"Yes darling, we do."
Julie
took solace in her sweet daughter's face.

Kellie
smiled
.
"Come on, Mama, let's curl up on the couch together, watch an old movie and order pizza, things will look better tomorrow."

"He would have l
oved you
.
"
Julie
smiled into
Kellie
's cheek.
"I'm sorry I didn't take you there sooner."

"Me too, Mama.
"

"It
's my fault
.
"
Julie
wiped her eyes and pulled her daughter against her.
"So much is my fault.
I see it now.
"

Chapter Two

Julie
stepped harder on the accelerator, as she firmed her lips and squinted from the bright sun she head
ed
straight into.

Her mind was a million miles from Sweetwater, Texas.
And yet, it was only because she forced it to the back of her mind. Dealing with her father's untimely death seem
ed
to zap everything from her. She couldn't function.
She had loved him so, but she realized she
had neglected to show him
.

Her business head forced her to think of her job.
She had clients waiting for her back at the office
in
Dallas
. T
his was one of those visits sh
e'd rather put off indefinitely
and knew she couldn't.
How would she survive it?

Sh
e glanced at her daughte
r,
as she changed the radio station to country music
, something they both preferred
.
As a soulful voice filled the air,
Julie
felt another tear falling and suddenly switched the music off.

Thoughts of her father came rushing back.

George
Bennett
McKay
would have left her very little if anything, she was sure of that.
She really didn't deserve it anyway. He'd given her everything she ever needed and he never once slighted her or treated her differently from his own children.
After all, he'd adopted her when he married her mother twenty
-
three
years ago.
Adopted children weren't a consideration when there were blood relatives to consider.
She didn't want or need his money or property. Still
,
something deep down inside her knew she wanted to see the home
-
place once more.
And she had missed the
camaraderie
of her sisters.

She should have sent her excuses by mail and ignored this day altogether
, everyone would understand
, they might not even expect her to come
.
They might not want her to come.

Tomorrow would be hard enough, w
ith t
he funeral
.
She hadn't seen her step-
sisters in
the last eight
years.
She'd
had her baby,
got a job,
gone off to college,
and
then gotten a
better
job as an accountant, as soon as she graduated.
She'd worked her way up to Senior
A
ccountant with her office, and it hadn't been easy.