Raber Wolf Pack Book One (16 page)

“I’m so sorry.” I press my body closer to his.

“My mother didn’t take it well. She tried to live without him, but it was too much. Their bond was too strong and with him gone, she lost part of herself. She ended up challenging one of the females from another pack. I tried talking her out of it, but she was set and that is where she died.”

Holy hell. That blows. My heart breaks for him and all the pain he has suffered. I wish I could take some of that on for him. Wish I’d been around for him during that time. Fate had other ideas.

“How did you become Alpha?”

He chuckles, lightening the mood. “I had to fight for it. I was so pissed for my father dying and my mother having such a hard time that I lost it. Took out the guy in about a minute. He never stood a chance with that much anger rushing through me. I’ve been Alpha for seventy-five years now.”

“I can tell they all respect you. They were willing to stand up to you about me when they didn’t smell it. They’d do anything to protect you.” I kiss his pecs and lie back down.

“The Raber Pack are good wolves. Honest and loyal. Wolves that I risk my life for every time there is an issue. It is my job to protect them just as much as they protect me.”

“That sounds like a lot of pressure.”

“You have no idea, babe.” He gives me a squeeze, placing a kiss on the top of my head.

Damn. He already has so much on his plate and here I come complete with an impending battle that we have to win. I suck for bringing all of this to him. “I’m sorry,” I say, so quietly that even I know he could barely hear me.

“For what?”

I lift up and rest my chin on his chest. “For adding to your work. For bringing my father to your doorstep. That was never my intent.”

“Zara, you’re my mate. We were fated together at the time of conception. You are not responsible for his behaviors. Isn’t that what you told little Natalie?” I smile, remembering the little girl. So adorable.

“Yes. I’m still sorry.”

“No more of that. Hear me. You are mine. I am yours. We will win this.” I love the determination and strength in his voice. It may be the most reassuring thing I’ve ever heard.

“I never thought I’d find you. With my father, I thought all was lost at finding this. I’m so happy that I didn’t miss it in this lifetime. Thank you, Xavier.”

“You’re thanking me? Babe, this is no burden. I will do anything to protect you. I’m happy and proud I found you, too.” My heart swells to the point of bursting out of my chest. All this could have been lost. It only makes me hate my father more. I shake, needing to get my mind off of this.

“What movies do you like?” I switch up on him, but he doesn’t skip a beat.

“Action usually, but I haven’t watched a movie in forever.”

“Music?”

“Anything. I’m open. You?”

“Don’t listen too much. I love to read, but haven’t read anything in so long.” I muse. “I miss that.”

“We’ll get you to our library then.”

My head pops up. “You have a library?”

His smile is utterly infectious and I burn it into my brain. “Yes, with lots and lots of books.”

“Once all of this gets sorted.” I reach up, giving him a chaste kiss. Xavier threads his fingers through my hair and proceeds to show me what a real kiss is.

AFTER TELLING THE
pack what the wizard told us, the only one who was still unaccepting of me as Xavier’s mate is Marissa. I blew her off. She is not worth my time and I have bigger fish to fry. We ate breakfast and I cleaned up, with some help from a very grumpy Marissa, who excused herself to work on the bathrooms. I do love doing the dishes though. It’s strange, but it’s fun and it takes my mind off of all the ugliness going on around me. It’s my little escape. I want to run, so badly, and my wolf is clawing at me to do the same, but it’s not safe.

Nothing is safe until we get past the fight, which will be in a couple of days. Every minute that ticks by is a minute closer to our possible end. I hate it. Dishes and sex are about all I can do to work out my frustrations, and Xavier is more than happy to help me out with the latter. That man has some serious stamina. Love it. And him. My heart squeezes. I can’t lose him. I won’t lose him. I will fight until my dying breath to keep him safe. He won’t allow that, but I will nonetheless.

I’m due in Xavier’s office to help with the strategies we will use during the impending battle. We are meeting my old pack on the sanctioned land of the Council. Almost all of the Council members will be there to keep everything unbiased. Even my father’s money can’t help when the most honest and trustworthy members of the Council will be in attendance. Hopefully, this will deter my father from any of his trickery. But I put nothing past him.

I have yet to explore my new home. There hasn’t been time and I’m okay with that, but when I hear the sobs of a child, I head in that direction. Natalie. She’s curled up in a small ball in the corner of what appears to be a game room. Video games are hooked up to TVs that line the walls, and there is even a skeeball machine and foosball tables.

I approach the little girl slowly and take a seat on the floor next to her. Not touching her, but facing her. Her sobs continue as she looks up and sees me, then casts her eyes back down. I so want to dig inside her little head and find out what’s wrong, but I’m hoping that she feels comfortable enough to tell me. If not, then I will go in.

Long minutes pass as she cries. I stay near, unmoving. Unspeaking.

“My daddy’s dead.” She weeps and my heart breaks for her. Screw it. I scoop her up, pull her into my lap, and wrap my arms around her tightly while she cries. “He’s been gone a long time. I miss him.”

“I bet you do, little one.” I press her head to my shoulder and rock her back and forth. “He’s up in the Heavens right now looking down on you, knowing how strong and brave you are, Natalie. He loves you so much.” Natalie sobs more and my heart takes a good pounding. This is not something I can fix for her. This is something that she will live with the rest of her life. There is nothing that can ever change that. “Do you think about him a lot because you know that’s the best way to keep him in your heart?”

She nods her little head. “And now Mommy has to fight. What if she dies, too?” she wails and I still. Holy shit. This little girl could lose her mom too. No. Not going to happen. I squeeze her harder.

‘Natalie’s mom will not fight in the battle. She will stay back with the children as will the rest of the mothers,’
I think to Xavier.

‘What’s going on? We need all the help we can get,’
he fires back.

‘I know. But you aren’t holding a little girl in your arms, sobbing because she lost her daddy and now her mommy is going to fight. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to her mother because of my father.’
I couldn’t. It would eat at me and eat at me until there was nothing left.

‘I love your kind heart. Let’s talk to Natalie’s mom and let her make the decision.’
Xavier is so calm and in control, which is another huge freaking turn-on, but I don’t really like his answer.

‘I want to make the decision for her. I don’t want her to have to choose between her child and us. That is not right. Natalie needs her mother,’
I plead, looking down at the innocent little girl. She’s still curled up in a ball, and has no idea that I’m having a conversation that would hopefully take some of her pain away.

‘And I admire that. But Natalie’s mom is a proud woman. She was by her husband’s side when he was taken from us. She has fought in the few battles since. If we take that away from her, it may be hurting her more than helping.’
I hate it. Hate it, but he knows his pack better than I do and this sucks. This whole situation sucks.

‘Fine, but I hope to the Heavens she stays back with her little girl. I want to be there when you ask her.’

‘You can be, but you will not persuade her in any way. You will not be allowed to talk.’
Fuck that.

‘Whatever. Let me know when. I’ll be with Natalie for a while. Her mother went out with some of the other wolves to the store. It’s crazy the number of wolves that have to go to keep everyone safe.’

‘It’ll be over soon.’

One could only hope.

SKEEBALL HAS TO BE
the funniest game ever. Natalie taught me how to roll the ball to the side and flick my wrist to get the ball to go up higher. Of course, she’s beaten me at every game, but I’m having a ton of fun. I shouldn’t be with everything in a tornado, but Natalie needs me and though I didn’t really realize it, I need her too.

“Natalie!” someone calls from the living room and Natalie stops and turns.

“Mom!” She darts off quickly and I watch as she runs into her mother’s arms. My heart constricts for two reasons. One, the possibility of Natalie losing her mother, and two, I want to have pups someday. I’d love to have a litter of them to raise and show what a great mom is. Not that I had a good example, but I know I have love to give. Xavier taught me that.

“Clarisse, Alpha X wants to see you,” Max bellows from the hallway then looks at me. “You too.”

I nod and head that way. Clarisse gets Natalie settled and falls in step with me. I say nothing. As much as I hate this, it is Clarisse’s decision and not mine. I had all of my choices taken away from me and I won’t do that to others. No matter how much it pains me.

I don’t knock. I walk right in. ‘
I’m here!’
I think cheerily and it gets me a smile. Xavier pats his knee, giving the silent command to come and take a seat. I do, not because he said so per se but because I like it. I feel comfortable and safe here. He rubs his nose and mouth against my temple, making me melt. I love that.

“Clarisse, have a seat.”

‘You could have said please have a seat,’
I chastise and get a tight, hard squeeze.

“The battle. I want to give you the choice to stay back with the children. It seems that Natalie is still having a very hard time with her father’s passing and if something were to happen to you, it would devastate her. So, I want to give you the option.”

Clarisse’s jaw drops so far I can see her wisdom teeth. She rights herself and pulls her shoulders back. Please say you’ll stay with Natalie. Please.

“While I appreciate your offer, I will not sit back and let my pack fight without me. I am stronger than that. The eldest wolves will keep Natalie safe,” Clarisse states, her words filled with conviction. My heart sinks.

‘Dammit.’

To that, Xavier gives me a soft kiss on the shoulder. “As you wish. You may go.”

She leaves the office and I sag into him. “This sucks.” The whole entire damn thing.

After bringing in the guys and going over the battle plan, Xavier takes us back to the bedroom for a quickie, stating that he needs me. Well, I need him too.

AS THE NEW DAY
breaks, my nerves get the best of me. Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow, either we defeat my father or we die. There’s not a single ounce of pressure there. No nerves at all.

Dishes this morning haven’t helped relax me like they normally do. Sex is fantastic, but not curbing the stress. We go over all the plans with the entire pack most of the afternoon so everyone knows their positions and what the main goal is. Take out my father, his beta, and gamma then the enforcers. Then anyone that remains. The pack will be non-existent after we are finished. It seems to be the only way at this point because any remaining wolves could follow in my father’s footsteps. I still don’t know exactly how I feel about wiping out my old pack, but I don’t have time to process it quite yet.