Quest for Lost Heroes (35 page)

Chareos said little during their journey. His face was set and grim, his eyes haunted. Beltzer too had little to say. Harokas proved adept with the bow and twice brought down deer. But mostly their food came from the land in the shape of long, twisted roots, purple in colour, which made a thin but nourishing soup.

Tanaki recovered well and often entered into bantering conversations with Harokas, but Kiall saw the fear in her eyes when any of the questors came too close, watched her flinch at a touch. For some days he said nothing of it. He treated her with courtesy, though she ignored him for most of the time; he guessed she was still angry at what she saw as his rejection of her.

But one night she awoke screaming, rolling from her blankets and scrabbling for her swords. Beltzer was up instantly, his silver axe in his hands. Chareos and Kiall moved to her.

'It is all right,' said Chareos, reaching out. 'It was only a dream.'

'Get back! Don't touch me!' screamed Tanaki. Her sword snaked out and Chareos leapt back, the blade missing him by a finger's breadth.

Tanaki?' said Kiall softly. 'All is well. You were dreaming. You are with friends. Friends.'

She stepped back, her breathing ragged, her violet eyes wide and frightened. Gradually her breathing grew more calm. 'I am sorry,' she whispered, and turning on her heel, she walked from the camp-site. Beltzer returned to his blankets, grumbling. Kiall walked after Tanaki, coming upon her sitting on a flat rock. Her moonlit face was pale as ivory, and he was struck anew by her beauty. For a moment he said nothing, then he sat beside her.

She swung to face him. They must think me weak,' she said.

'No one thinks that,' he assured her. 'But I do not know how to help you, Tanaki. I can heal bruises, stitch wounds, prepare herbs that will bring down fevers. But I cannot deal with your pain.'

'I have no pain,' she said. 'I am healed.'

'I do not think so. Every night you toss and turn. Often you cry out, and sometimes you even weep. It hurts me to see you in pain.'

Suddenly she laughed and stood with hands on hips, facing him. 'I know what you want,' she said. 'You want what those soldiers wanted. Admit it. Be a man! Do not come to me with your, "It hurts me to see you in pain." You don't care for me. And why should you? As far as you are concerned I'm just another Nadir bitch, to be used when you desire it.'

That's not how I see you,' he said. 'Yes, you are beautiful. Yes, any man would desire you. But I was talking of friendship - and I do care.'

'Well, I don't want your pity either,' she snapped. 'I'm not some colt with a broken leg, or a blind puppy.'

'Why are you so angry with me? If I have said - or done - anything to upset you, then I apologise.'

She seemed about to speak, but her breath came out in a long sigh and she sagged back to the stone beside him. 'I am not angry with you, Kiall.' She closed her eyes and leaned forward, her elbows resting on her knees. 'It is not you,' she repeated. 'I cannot put it behind me. Every time I close my eyes I can see their faces, feel their hands, their . . . Every time. When I sleep, they come for me. And in my dreams I think that the rescue was the dream, and this is the reality. I keep thinking about it. It isn't the rape itself, or the beating, it is . . .'

Her voice faded for a moment and Kiall said nothing, allowing the silence to grow. 'I have always known about such atrocities, but until you suffer you cannot understand the enormity of it. And worse, you cannot explain it. Two of those men were once palace guards at Ulrickham. One of them used to carry me on his shoulders when I was a child. So I ask myself, how could he do that to me? And why would he want to? I feel as if the world was never how I saw it - as if a gossamer veil hung before my eyes which they ripped away, leaving me to see the vileness that is reality. Only a few weeks ago I would see that look in Harokas' eye, and I would take it as a compliment. It would make me feel good. Now? Now it is like the look a fox gives a chicken, and it terrifies me.' She looked up at him. 'Do you understand any of this?'

'I understand
all
of it,' he told her. He held out his hand but she backed away from it. 'Fear,' he said gently, 'is usually good. It stops us from being reckless; it gives us caution. But Chareos says that fear is a servant who longs to be the master. And he is a terrible master who must be fought, held in thrall. You are strong, Tanaki. You are iron. You are proud. Take my hand.'

'I don't think that I can,' she said.

'Think back to the woman I first met. You are still her. You have suffered, but you are still the Princess Tanaki, daughter of Tenaka Khan. In you is the blood of greatness.'

He held out his hand and her fingers lifted towards it, fell away, then rose swiftly to hold tightly to his.

Tears welled in her eyes and she sank forward against him. He put his arm around her and sat with her for some time, neither of them speaking. At last she pulled away.

'Then we are friends?' she asked.

'Always,' he told her, smiling.

Together they walked back to the camp where Chareos was sitting alone, staring up at the eastern sky. He did not seem to notice them and Kiall wandered over to him.

'How are you faring?' he asked.

Chareos looked up. 'I do not need to be comforted,' he said, with a wry smile. 'You did well by her. You are a good man.'

'You followed me?'

'Yes. But I did not stay long. She's a fine woman, Kiall. Strong and beautiful.'

'I know that,' said the younger man, uncomfortable.

'If you were to ask me for advice - which you won't - I would tell you to take her away from here. Return to the lands of the Gothir, marry and raise tall sons.'

'And what would you do?' asked Kiall.

'I would continue this mad quest,' answered Chareos.

'Yes, I know. You cannot stop now,' said Kiall sadly. 'Now that it has cost the lives of three of your friends.'

'You are a gifted young man, Kiall. Intuitive and intelligent.'

'I wish I had never asked you for aid. I mean that truly.'

'I know. Sleep well, boy.'

*

During the weeks which followed Tanaki found herself constantly watching Kiall - enjoying his hesitant, nervous smile, the tilt of his head as he spoke. She had not completely lost her nervousness with the others, but Kiall's friendship had given her strength to battle her fears. During the long evenings Tanaki would walk away from the others and sit with her back to a rock, or a tree, and watch the men. They talked little, but in their movements there was much to read. Beltzer was a bear, a great ambling powerhouse filled with a bitterness he could not voice. Yet his actions were sure and confident, and his speed belied his bulk. Chareos was the timber-wolf, lean and canny, always checking the back-trail, always thinking, always aware. Harokas was the leopard, sleek and yet savage.

And Kiall?

He was the strongest of them all, confident enough to be gentle, humble enough to be wise. His was the strength born of caring, where the others had built their fortresses upon their talent for violence.

But what animal, she wondered? She sat back and closed her eyes, allowing her mind to relax into memories. She was back in the cold palace of Ulrickham. Jungir was playing with a set of carved soldiers, setting them out in battle formation, while she was sitting on a bearskin rug snuggled up against Nameas, the huge warhound. He had been a gift to Tenaka from the Gothir regent, and he followed the Khan on every hunt. Nameas was a killer in war, his terrible jaws rending and tearing, yet in the palace he was soft and gentle, turning his great head every now and then to lick at the infant curled up beside him.

Yes, that was Kiall. The warhound.

Often Tanaki would smile and beckon Kiall to her and they would sit long into the evening talking. She would reach out her hand and he would take it, and they would sit beneath the stars.

One evening, in the third week of travel, she was sitting alone when a shadow fell across her. She thought it was Kiall and looked up, smiling.

'May I join you, Princess?' asked Harokas, sitting down beside her.

She swallowed hard and held the smile in place. 'I did not expect you to join this quest,' she said. 'I have always thought of you as a man who looks out only for himself."

'As always you are correct, Tanaki,' he said. 'The quest means nothing to me.'

'Then why are you with us?'

'That should be obvious,' he told her, reaching out to touch her arm. She shrank back instinctively and his face darkened.

'You were not so coy back in the settlement, as I recall. Many was the time you invited me to your bed on cold winter evenings.'

'That was then,' she said, holding her back stiff against the tree.

'And what has changed? We were good together, Tanaki. You were the best I ever had. And did I not satisfy you?'

'Yes, you did. You are an unselfish lover, Harokas. You know how to wait. But I have changed.'

He laughed and shook his head. 'Changed? No, not you. You are a lusty wench, and in any civilised land you would be the king's courtesan. No, don't fool yourself. You will never change.' He moved back from her, his dark eyes scanning her face. 'At first I thought it was the rape, but it's not, is it? It's the farm boy. Tanaki of the Blades has fallen for a virgin!' He chuckled. 'There's a story to liven a dull evening.'

'Be careful, Harokas,' she warned him. 'My patience is not much spoken of - and with good reason. Leave me alone.'

He shook his head and his face grew grave. 'I could never do that, Princess. You are in my blood. I want you more than I ever wanted anything.'

For a moment she said nothing, then she rose. 'What we had was good. It was more than good. But it is in the past; there is no more to be said.'

He pushed himself to his feet and bowed elaborately. 'I think you are wrong, Tanaki. But I will not push myself at you; I will be here when you come to your senses. The farm boy is not for you, he never could be. What does he know? I have seen you holding hands. Sweet! But take him to your bed and he'll rut like the peasant he is. And without his innocence what will he be, save yet another farmer? You know what the attraction is for you, don't you? It has been the same since the beginning of time, my love: the desire of the experienced for the innocent, the magnetic lure of virginity. There is an excitement there, you become the first and therefore unforgettable. But what then? No, Tanaki, it has not all been said yet. Good night to you.'

*

Chien-tsu watched the small group as they angled their horses across the pass. He noted that the lead rider paused often to study the trail: left and right, front and back. A careful man, then. Chien nodded in appreciation. He stood, beckoned Oshi and walked out to meet the riders as they reined in. A huge man on a sway backed gelding lifted a double-headed axe in both hands and slid from the saddle, but Chien ignored him. He reached the lead rider and gave a bow which was a fraction lower than required.

'You would be Chareos the Blademaster,' said Chien, looking up into the man's dark eyes.

'And you are from Kiatze,' responded Chareos, stepping down to stand before the small warrior.

Chien was both gratified and annoyed. It was good to be recognised as a superior human being, but the man had not returned his bow and that spoke of ill-breeding. 'Yes, my name is Chien-tsu. I am the ambassador from the court of Kiatze. The shaman, Asta Khan, asked me to guide you to him.'

'I don't like the look of him, Blademaster,' said Beltzer, moving alongside Chareos.

'And I am not overly impressed with you,' remarked Chien. 'Save for the smell, which is truly awe-inspiring.'

'You have a large mouth for such a little man,' Beltzer hissed.

'Better that than to be a giant with a brain the size of a pebble,' replied Chien, stepping back and dropping into a hand-fighting stance.

'Be silent, Beltzer,' said Chareos, 'we have enough enemies without adding more.' He turned to Chien and bowed deeply. 'It is a pleasure to meet you, ambassador. You will forgive, I hope, the words of my companion. We have been riding for weeks, with little food, and we have lost three of our comrades. We are short on provisions, on stamina, and on courtesy.'

Chien nodded. 'A graceful apology, sir. Perhaps you would follow me, and then we can see to the introductions? There is venison and a warm fire in the cave.'

Chien spun on his heel and marched off, followed by Oshi. Beltzer grinned. 'Plucky little game-cock, isn't he? I'm damned if I don't like him.'

'That is just as well,' said Chareos softly. 'Had you attacked him he would have killed you.' Without another word Chareos stepped into the saddle and touched his heels to the grey.

At the cave the questors finished the venison with a speed that, to Chien at least, was more gorging than dining. Still, they were barbarians after all, and little more could be expected of them.

'Where is Asta Khan?' asked Chareos, wiping the fat from his fingers on to the front of his shirt.

'Sleeping,' answered Chien. 'He will join us this evening. Perhaps we could complete the introductions?'