Queen (Mistress & Master of Restraint) (113 page)

“Tomorrow Roman is doing a session with the rat-bastard puppy and his spawns. I’ll let you watch, but we’re not invited.”

“What are we going to do?” I ask seriously as he tugs me towards the blue-steel colored silk that covers the bed. The shade is the same as Ezra and Cort’s eyes. “The future...” I trail off.

“A few more harsh realities and you’ll be ready for me to tell you want I envision for us, and it is
us,
Regina. Don’t run again. You can run from your problems as long as you run to my outstretched arms.”

“Deal,” I agree and crawl in between the sheets. I snort when I catch a scent. “Um… Marc… do you have something you wish to share?” I flutter my eyelashes at him and grin.
“Nope, not a thing,” he blushes and casts his eyes away.

“I want to watch so damned bad,” I huskily growl. “You have no idea how bad,” my voice takes on a salacious tone that doesn’t often erupt.

“It’s not sex,” he admits, but a flush is still staining his bronze skin.

“I have a feeling it’s similar to what you all saw when i
t was Whitt and me,” I murmur.

“Or you and me,” he snickers. “I recorded us from the feed the
other night,” he says cockily.

“What?” I toss a pillow at him and he catches it w
ith a smarmy grin.

“You love me more than him. I could tell. I’ll put up with all of your shit because you’re mine. I watched the two scenes side-by-side. You love me more,” he says confiden
tly and spoons me from behind.

My eyes flutter shut to his amused chuckles. “You love me more,” he whispers in my ear. His breath flutters the small hairs on the nape of my neck and I shudder from the tickle.

“I don’t think I could live without you. I’ve lived without the light of my life, and it was dark and depressive. But as long as I hold your hand, I’ll find my way through the darkness…” 

Chapter Forty-Five

“How do you feel about your father?” Roman asks someone.

I can’t see into the living room. Marcus and I are hiding in the entryway eavesdropping on their therapy session. It’s not Roman’s specialty; he usually deals with addiction, and finding your way through a mentality that holds you back from your dreams. I didn’t think Ezra was a good candidate to help my family. He’d mess them up more. We couldn’t go to a therapist because of Jamie’s secret. Roman it is. He’s trustworthy, loves everyone in that room, and he knows all of their tricks and triggers.

Roman, Jamie, Whitt, and Niel are sitting on the sofas for their first session. Niel’s punishment turned into something his Dad wouldn’t miss. 

“I don’t hate him, but he isn’t the man I remember. I strive to be what he isn’t,” Whitt speaks with outward hostility.

“This is why I didn’t want you in there,” Marc breathes into my ear. “They will be real if they’re alone.” He kisses my throat and pulls me closer.

It’s difficult to hear the resentment in Whitt’s voice, because I want more for him than that. I don’t want him to feel like I do.

“I’m just confused. How could you leave us,” Niel mumbles, and I can hear tears in his voice.

“Why are you and mom so loyal?” I fre
eze not knowing what he means.

“I learned from him,” Whitt says snidely. “I learned what not to do. I will ne
ver leave you or your mother.”

“It confuses me, Dad. I don’t know how you know when you should stay or go. Do you stay loyal or be true to yourself? I know about you and Dalton. I know if you’re with him it will last because that’s how you are. I’ve watched Mom and Marcus struggle for years. But what if it’s not working, do you stay?”

“Niel, please explain?” Roman says calmly and I smile. It’s the voice he used on his clients in the alleyway.

“If someone treats you in a way that makes you feel ashamed or hurts you, do you stay? If you’re loyal, you’d stay, right?” Niel’s soft voice breaks with nervousn
ess, and I clench Marc’s hand.

“Is she doing something to him?
” I seethe against Marc’s ear.

“I don’t think so,” he says unsurely and gives me a sad look. “I’ll find out,” he promises to interrogate his granddaughter.

“There is a difference between loyalty and idiocy. Loyalty is living with conviction, ethics, and morals- giving and receiving respect. If it isn’t offered back, leave. You need self-respect. Your parents aren’t hurting each other. Dalton and Whitt are new at this and only time will tell. Your mom and Marc have learned from a lot of mistakes. You’re still young,” Roman chuckles, “Anything can happen in a lifetime.” 

“He left, and we weren’t disrespecting him,” Niel grumbles in a hurt, soft voice.

“The man who sits here now wouldn’t do that. He changed when he went from Grant to Jamie,” Roman replies.

“Yeah, right,” Whitt says snidely. “He’s still a selfish prick.”

“Death changes you, Whitt. He wrote you both a letter explaining his reasoning. I want you to read it after you leave and we will discuss it on our next session.”

“I could give a shit less,” Whitt fires back.

“Do you want me to read it or not?” Niel murmurs in confusion.

Whitt’s deep sound of frustration echoes aroun
d the room, “Shit,” he hisses.

“I’ll read it and you need to read it. This isn’t just about me,” he says in shame. “I’m being a dick.”

“You have every right to be angry,” Roman interjects.

“Not in front of him I don’t, and I won’t even tell Regina, for some reason she defends that bastard. Hearing her defend him makes me even angrier, and I don’t want to be pissed at her too. The only person who should know about my anger is him,” he shouts and I can tell he’s pointing at Jamie with a scowl on his face.

“I want to read it,” Niel says strongly in a calm voice.

“Notice how he isn’t being manipulative,” Marc murmurs to me. “I told you he’s different around Whitt. He never pulls that shit around him. He does it to Daniel and to you for some reason. He’s quiet around Jamie, but he’s himself if Whit
t’s in the room.”

“Why?” I ask in confusion
with a voice laced with tears.

“Whitt’s his dad in all the ways that count. He’d kick hi
s ass if he pulled that shit.”

“I’ve been there when he was tryin
g to manipulate us,” I mumble.

“Manipulate you,” he stresses, “Never Whitt. Are you talking of what got him this p
unishment in the first place?”

“Yeah,” I agree.

“He had his ass kicked. I’m sure he’ll never treat you that way again. Whitt was… I’ve never seen him that way before. He said he’d never accept a son that behaved like that to his mother. I’m sure some of the loyalty talk was because of that conversation. I’m not saying that Ava isn’t being a monster, but some of it might be about you. He doesn’t know how to have a mother as much as you don’t know how to have a son.”

I gasp at him in surprise. I’ve never said that out loud. I feel bad just thinking it. Marc looks at me
with sad, understanding eyes.

“No one will ever get you like I do, Regina. No one,” he vows.

“Sometimes I hate her too,” Niel whispers and my body strings bowstring tight.

“I know she didn’t leave me, and I know that Grandfather said she couldn’t visit, but why didn’t she find a way. I know that Aunt Ade was helping us. I would have done anything to see her. I used to look for her everywhere. When we’d do school pageants and at awards ceremonies- I alwa
ys waited for her to find me.”

I sob in to Marc’s shirt as I hear the agony in his voice. I want to run in there and hold him tight. I want to tell him why I did what I did, but there was no excuse. I am a coward.

“Niel,” Whitt says sadly. “She stayed away to protect your sister, because she didn’t know that Grandfather already knew about her. She thought he’d take her, and she’d already lost us and him,” he growls and no doubt points at a silent Jamie. “She couldn’t have lived with losing Ella too.”

“What could he have done to her?” Niel says in denial.

“He tried to kill her, and he would have if Adelaide hadn’t stopped her. He broke her collarbone, and she believed that he’d killed Grant. She left in fear for your unborn baby sister.” Whitt murmurs the words I want to tell my son, the words I never wanted him to hear.

“Grandfather said he never killed Cora, and I believe him,” Niel says with a strength I didn’t think him capable of. “I don’t know who did, but it wasn’t him. He admitted that he bought off your mom and she left, that as soon as you were born he took you. He said Gwen killed herself. I saw the look in his eyes, and I believe him. Cora- someone else hurt her,” he says confidently.

The room is quiet for several long minutes. You can feel the animosity and accusation flowing in the air.

“I believe you, Dad, because you’d never lied to me. I’ll believe everything you say about Mom because I’ve seen how she loves us. She’s a good mother to all the girls, and she has no reason to love Whitney and Priss, but she does for us. But your hate for Grandfather clouds you; I believe he would have killed Mom because he was grieving the loss of his only son. But he didn’t kill
Cora or Gwen. Someone may have, but not him,” he says in a way that declares the conversation closed, and you either agree with him or he will never speak to you again.

“He’s done atrocious things,” Whitt says and Roman interrupts him, “Jamie wants to know more about Regina’s broken collarbone.”

“None of your damned business,” Whitt shouts. “It’s your fault, you cowardly bastard. I knew you had hurt yourself. Your father did too, Niel’s right about that. He’s never been the same since. You got your way… Regina was tossed from the house just as you wanted. It would have been easier if you’d have just left us the next morning after we escaped. Anything that your father did to her is your fault. Keep your fucking letter, give it to Niel, I don’t give a shit. I’m not your son and I never will be!”

You could hear a pin drop. No one speaks. No one moves. Marcus and I freeze in the foyer not fathoming what destructive words could possibly erupt next from a tortured Whitt’s lips.

“She is my wife!” He screams. “I would have stayed with her. If you’d have waited a few hours she could have raised me, Niel, and Ella as a family. I’ve never had a mother or a father,” he sobs, and I frantically try to get to him but Marc’s arms imprison me.

“I would have given a good life to your children, but your selfish ass took that away from me too. Someone needs to be on Regina’s side, even if she doesn’t want us there. If I forgive you it’s like saying
it’s okay for ruining the person I love more than anyone. I hate you, and I really mean it,” he says calmly. “Keep the name James Atwater; you don’t deserve the name Whittenhower. I agree with Grandfather, Regina deserves the name that you just threw away… You threw her away. She deserved better than you, and I’ve spent my life growing into the man she deserves. I’m not enough either, but it just makes me strive to be a better man. Marcus will give her everything you can’t,” Whitt hisses.

“Albert will pick you up, Niel; I’ll see you at home. Roman, thanks, and we’ll do this torture session again tomorrow. He needs to know how badly he’s fucked this up!”

Whitt storms out of the room and I stand in his path. His blue eyes widen in surprise. The anger leaches out of him and his shoulders slope in defeat. He waits for me to yell at him, fight him, and to tell him I’m disappointed in his behavior.

I pull him into my arms and hold him as he sobs. Marc’s arms enclose us both and he
strokes our backs in comfort.

“Jamie needed to hear that, Whitt, and Regina needed to see you like this. Everyone needs to realize that there are steep consequences for their actions, so that they’ll stop fucking it up, and then run away like cowardly bastards. You all need to meet this head on and deal.”

“I’m glad Regina has you and you have Regina. You’re perfect for each other. I don’t mean this in a gross way, but I’ve never really had parents, and you both are as close as it gets.” He smirks at me because it sounds so incestuous.

“Mommy’s not having sex with you again, Pretty Boy,” I tease, but there is an edge o
f truth.

“Yeah, you will,” he promises. “I have a douchebag to make uncomfortable. I’ll see ya around, Mom and Dad,” he snickers.

He gives Marcus a hug and a smirk.

Whitt’s blindingly-bright smile, bracketed with dimples, flashes and I groan. I’m in for it, that devastating smile means he’s going to do something that I will regret.

He kisses me as a man kisses a woman- full on the lips, hand supporting the back of my head and one on the small of my back. He bites me until I allow him access to my parted lips. His tongue dips in and tastes me. He kisses me with slow desperation. He’s marking his territory in front of Marc. Marcus may be my partner, but Whitt will forever be my Sunshine- husband or not, nothing will change the soul connection we share. I will forever ache for his pain, smile at his happiness, and shine under the warmth of his pure devotion.

“I love you, Sunshin
e,” I whisper across his lips.