Queen (Mistress & Master of Restraint) (104 page)

My future daughter-in-law- cringe- is our star reporter of Generation Next. No one knows that I’m the one that really runs it. It’s cute to see what the kids pull off without my help. Whitt’s having a blast playing with them. It’s a great way to bond with your kids- revolt against the establishment.

I shut the tap off and give Whitt a lingering goodnight kiss. “Give four kisses for me when you get to the Estates.”

I walk out of the bathroom and startle. Marcus is the only one left and he’s waiting for me.
“Well, tomorrow comes in five hours,” I say conversationally and toe my sneakers on.

“Are you staying with
her tonight,” Marc asks Whitt.

“No, it’s my night with the kids,” he gives Marc a look that says a thousand words.

“Regina,” Marc starts and I don’t listen since Jamie isn’t here to slap respect into me. He’s slapped me a lot in the past year and I’ve slapped back with equal ferocity.

“Go home and stay with your family. Hold them close and be thankful that they weren’t here tonight.” My voice quivers in exhausted cowardice.

I leave the room and run like the pussy I am. I don’t have time to deal with his mercurial moods and his angsty bullshit. I need a few hours of sleep and some sustenance. The last thing I hear as I flee the hallway is Whitt giving Marc advice on how to handle me and the word Katya. 

….… His scent hits me first. I want to be pissed that he didn’t listen to me, but I’m too tired.
“Fine…” I sigh heavily and yawn. “No talking. Sleep. We will just sleep.”

Marcus curls around my body and nuzzles my neck until his nose is buried deep in my hair. I sigh again and roll to face him. He holds m
e tightly and I hold him back.

Marc and I are at an impasse. It’s his fault, but more so mine. I am petrified- petrified to ask what’s really going on at ShadowHaven. Petrified that the answer will destroy me or give me hope. I’m petrified of my intense feelings for him. If he were to tell me I was his world, what about the one I’m living in- Whitt. He is the Master of our Universe. He holds all of our worlds in his hands.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

“Sit your ass down!” Whitt seethes and points to his leather, wingback chair.

Niel gingerly sits in the innocuous looking chair with his eyes cast to the floor. The chair isn’t as innocent as it appears unless you ignore the rings set into the frame- rings to restrain a wiggling submissive. I want to leash my grown child to this chair and never let him up again. You can’t fuck shit up if you can’t move.

“Dad,” Niel tries to reason with Whitt.

“Oh, don’t start that shit with me,” Whitt laughs without humor. “You only pull the Dads out when you’re trying to manipulate me. No one manipulates me- I invented manipulation, kid.”
Niel looks up at me with watery, green eyes that have gone huge. His pouty bottom lip quivers and he knots his elegant fingers in worry. He silently pleads with me and I laugh.

“Yeah, I’m not a fan of your girlfriend as it is. I’m not a fan of her mother either… or her grandmother... That isn’t going to work on me. Your parents are a united front on this one. I bet Jamie would be signing furiously too. So sit your ass down and cut the bullshit!”

I watch as the remorse bleeds out of my son. His tears dry up before my eyes. His face transforms from a sad kid to a scary motherfucker. He sits cockily and smirks. Sometimes I think he’s the spawn of Satan or a sociopath. He’s my kid and he takes good care of his family and I love him to death, but sometimes I think he’s going to be the death of me. Sometimes I don’t like him. He isn’t the sad kid and he isn’t this
thing
he transforms into, neither is his real personality. He uses this shit as a way to get out of trouble or get into it. Actually I’m not sure why he does it.

When he thinks no one is looking the real Niel emerges, and the phenomenon only occurs around his sister or Ava. He turns into a solemn young man, who is genuine and kind, and his eyes spark with playfulness for a split second, but you can see he’s unsure if he should unle
ash it.

I’ve fucked my kid up.

Grant fucked his kid up.

Daniel fucked his Grandson up.

Niel is wounded because he’s a fucking Whittenhower.

I’ll slap Jamie the second I leave here tonight and I’m looking forward to the release. 

“I pray every day that you and Ava don’t get married and create children. It would become the world’s next dictator that ruined our way of life,” I sigh heavily. 

“That was beyond embarrassing for all of us. You allowed Ava to bait Marcus into revealing that she gave you a blow job. My son let a child touch him,” Whitt leans over the chair and gets into
Niel’s face. It’s the first time I’ve seen this side of Whitt. He’s Master Daniel right now and I’ve never seen him so commanding. He’d bring Marcus to his knees. Niel pales and I smirk. Oh boy, you’re screwed now!

“Do you want the truth?” Niel asks in his real voice- the one that Grant had- soothing and comforting, soft. When he found out that he sounded like his father he took on a sharp, pissy tone.

“Niel,” Whitt says sadly. “I’ve been by your side since you were in the womb. Let’s be real,” he growls.

“Alright,” he concedes out of respect. “I could say that’s it was because I’m seventeen. I could blame it on the lifestyle that’s shoved down my throat. I could blame it on Ava. But since you’ve asked so nicely I’ll tell you the truth,” he says sarcastically and smirks nastily. “I… Am… Confused…” Tears glisten in his eyes and it breaks me.

I rest my hand on his shoulder and he grumbles, “Don’t touch me,” and roughly flings my hand away. I flinch back and try to hold the sob that’s building.

“I can’t have you touch me or I won’t tell you the truth. Okay?” He says softly and I nod.

Whitt and I sit on the sofa and wait while he formulates his thoughts.

“I love her,” he says so softly I barely hear him. “My mom hates my girlfriend and I don’t know why. Explain w
hy and I will go on,” demands.

“I…” I stutter. “I’ve been unfair and I’v
e tried to keep it to myself.”

“I can read your face, Mom.” He rolls his eyes to cover his agony and he looks like a freakin’ angsty te
enager and it swells my heart.

“I’m sorry. Personality traits I see in her are ones I hate in someone else.” I don’t say Ezra’s name, but we all know who I’m talking about. It reminds me of the time he was unhinged. I loved the excitement of our tryst, but he tore my soul open and left a scar. “She looks like someone that scares the shit out of me. Ava scares th
e shit out of me,” I whisper. 

“Who?”
Niel asks and I know he needs to know the truth.

“Ezra hurt me once. He hurt me and I see his behavior mirrored in his daughter. I’ll be real because I don’t think you’re stupid. I’m in love with Marcus and I’m a jealous bitch. I hate his wife, and Ava looks just like her. Diane is the scariest person I’ve ever met. I’m so jealous of Katya I could kill. I’m jealous because of Marcus and hurt because of Ezra. But what gets me the most is you… I’ve never had you. I’ve never been the most important person in your life. Six months after we reconnected you connected with her. I’m jealous of her because she gets the person that doesn’t play the innocent child or the manipulative bastard. She gets the real you.” I stare down at my hands and sniffle. I’ve never known how to relate to Niel.

“I don’t trust her,” he says softer than before. I realize this is his real voice. It’s even softer than Grant’s was.

“She touched me today to get back at Marcus.
I’m a guy so… hell yeah… But afterwards I felt used and I hated the disappointment I saw in Marcus’ eyes. You think you’re jealous,” he laughs without humor. “You have nothing on Ava. She won’t let me talk to Whitney anymore and that’s difficult since we live in the same houses. I was told to be with her by Grandfather, but why is she with me? I’m nothing,” he says so softly I’m not sure I heard him correctly.

I drop to my knees and yank him to my chest. “You’re just like me- dammit!” My voice cracks and I tremble uncontrollably.

“I was born to be used as a tool. My father didn’t want me to the point that he tried to kill himself. Now he’s Jamie and he pesters the hell out of me. The look in his eyes kills me. I don’t know who to trust. I wasn’t good enough so why do you and Whitt care so much? Why does Ava?”

“Jesus,” I curse a
nd rock my son back and forth.

“Am I a whore?” I whisper to my son.

“No,” he rasps in outrage.

“It’s how I see myself. Maybe you don’t see yourself clearly either,” I reason. “A parents’ love is a guarantee. It’s never the kid’s fault that their parent is broken. Grant was selfish and Jamie’s an asshole, but Jamie loves you and wants to be in your life so damned bad. That look in his eyes is his own self-hatred. It’s how he sees himself. Yeah, we all want to hate him, but we can’t. I see myself as a worthless whore. You see yourself as wrong because you were created for the wrong reasons. Jamie sees himself as the bad in Grant, but in actuality he’s the best of Grant. These thoughts push us to act a certain way. We’re our own worst enemies and it needs to stop this instant.”

“I’m relieved that Whitt is going to take over for me. I’m weak, Mom. I’m so fucking weak. I can’t even take care of my family,” he hopelessly mutters. 

“Niel, you’re stil
l a kid,” I sigh and rock him.

“Whitt never got to be a kid and it wa
s my fault,” he says hoarsely.

“That was my decision,” Whitt speaks in a voice filled with tears. “It’s my job as the eldest. I would do anything for you, Niel, and I see that in you when it comes to your mom, me, and the girls. I am the parent,” he stresses. 

“Because you had to be,” Niel murmurs.

“Because I chose to be, Niel,” Whitt says firmly in his Master Daniel voice. “I wanted you before you were conceived. I was jealous of my own father and I was just a little kid. You never have to doubt my love. And really, why do you care about anyone else. I’m all that matters,” Whitt says cockily to lighten th
e somber mood that has fallen.

“Jackass,” Niel chuckles and hides his face in my hair. He whispers, “Dad,” against my neck.
I don’t know if Whitt heard him or not, but fingers immediately seek Niel’s hair and rake through his rat’s nest.

“You’re not ready for sex, Niel. Ava is way too young, and I don’t want you to feel ashamed afterwards. It’s better with someone you care for, so you need to wait until she grows up some. I need you to remember how you feel now versus the pleasure you felt. Was it worth it?” Whitt combs through Niel’s hair and quietly murmurs his advice.

“I don’t know…” He whispers. “She liked it more than me. Ava can be scary,” he chuckles but it’s tinged with truth. “You do it, though- um… I’ve seen it,” his voice is strained and I wonder when he saw Whitt do
it
, and what exactly the
it
was…   

“Niel,” Whitt hisses through his teeth as I glare daggers at him. “The feeds,” he says in explanation.

My mouth creates a silent O and my eyes bug-out.

“Don’t worry, Mom. It was Kristal, and it was what Ava did to me. Not
that,”
he stresses. “I was curious.”

“The difference between what you did with Ava and what I
do, is that I don’t feel shame afterwards. We are adults who make a conscious decision and follow strict rules,” Whitt cautions in a tight voice.

“Mom,” Niel says in a voice so close to Grant’s th
at I shiver. “Do you hate me?”

“No. Why woul
d you ask that?” I ask aghast.

“Your facial expressions; you look at me sometimes like I’m evil. I need you to lov
e me,” he whimpers in my arms.

I’m taken aback, but not because he noticed or even asked, but by whether or not he’s manipulating me now to get out of trouble. The fact that the thought enters my heads proves that I don’t trust him, that maybe I do think he is a bit…
wrong
. I take a deep breath, and I’m thankful that he can’t see my facial expression right now.

“I don’t understand you. That is the look. You confuse me. You show me so many different versions of yourself that I don’t know which
is my real son. Niel, nothing will take my love from you, and I do not think you are evil. If you do wrong I’ll still love you, I just won’t like it.”

“Okay,” he says in a small voice. “That is my fault. I’ve had to be one person for Grandfather and another for Whitt and then some
one else for you,” he mumbles.

I know what he’s saying is the truth, but the timing is calculated. He’s trying to tug our heartstrings to make us forget that he
did a naughty thing with Ava.

“Respect,” I say firmly. “We are angry at you because of a lack of respect. Your parents, your Master, your girlfriend and her family were all in the dungeon, and we were all disrespected. But you disrespected yourself the most. You want to be a man; you don’t want to be weak, then don’t manipulate, don’t go back on your word. I know your secret, Niel. You think your temperament means you aren’t strong and that’s bullshit. Roman and Katya are switches. Hell, Dalton and Cortez are too. It doesn’t make you weak, your actions do. You promised to behave- you promised
your Master, and you broke your word. I know you’re hurt, but it doesn’t change that you did wrong. You will be punished and not just by your Master,” I growl.