Put a Ring on It (24 page)

Theo glanced around. Given Kieran’s default state of bailing when he didn’t like how things were going, Theo felt like he deserved some slack for checking for signs of packing.

Apparently Kieran didn’t see it that way.

“I’m not going anywhere. I meant what I said when I came back. I’m in this. I love you.”

“You could have stayed to listen to me an hour ago.”

“The breezeway is nice, but our relationship issues aren’t something I wanted aired.”

“Funny.” Theo sat on the bottom edge. Great. Now they could both talk to a mirrored reflection of each other. What a great directorial choice.

Kieran turned toward Theo, sitting on one leg. “I want to marry you. No matter what Gideon might have told you.”

Well, might as well cue that up first. It could be the trickiest number.

“He didn’t tell me anything except that you talked. He told me to ask you about it.”

Kieran rubbed his hands on the thighs of his cargo shorts, then tugged down the hems.

Things were still feeling pretty tightly packed in Theo’s parts too.

“I didn’t plan to listen to you talking to your friends,” Kieran said. “I’d gone to the cafe to see Brett. I came out of the bathroom and you were there, talking about me. There wasn’t any way to get past you to the door without it being weird and awkward.”

“You mean, more weird and awkward than you listening to us and then talking to one of my friends behind my back.”

Kieran’s shoulders sagged. “It was right after the video and my family. They were saying the same stuff Martin just was. About how you keep recasting the guy in your life. I freaked out.” He looked down, spun the band resting on his finger. “So I told Gideon he was right. That you and I shouldn’t get married.”

Theo didn’t know how he got to his feet, but he was standing, staring down at Kieran. “Great. So you weren’t just listening and talking about me? You were making plans with my friend for how to dump my ass?”

God, no wonder Gideon hadn’t wanted to say anything.

“No.” Kieran slammed a fist on his thigh. “Not to break up with you. To slow things down. Keep us from rushing into something.”

“Keep me from rushing you into something, you mean. So you could have enough time to decide if you really wanted to be with me.”

“I did, and I do.” Kieran’s voice cracked.

That quaver of emotion cut Theo’s anger off at its knees. He sat next to Kieran. “So screw it. Fuck ’em all. Let’s run away, do it in Vegas. Nobody but us, like you wanted from the first. Who needs all this bullshit?”

“You do. And so we do.”

“I don’t. Kieran, nothing is more important than you. Not getting backers for the show, nothing.”

“Yes it is. It’s part of you. Part of who you are. You need to have everything look perfect.”

“Why is that such a bad thing?”

“It’s not, except for when you make yourself crazy trying to please everyone at the same time.”

Theo had offered to give everything up to make Kieran happy, and this was what he got? “Should I take that as permission to treat you like shit?”

Kieran let out a long breath. “You have three best men because you couldn’t pick one. And I’m still trying to convince myself you aren’t going to suddenly decide you could have made a better choice in grooms. One with the hair, the looks, the clothes.”

It wasn’t Martin’s nonsense that Theo heard, but Gideon asking,
The idea or the guy?

No. That wasn’t what this was about. This was Kieran’s fucking insecurity about commitment. Wanting to keep his own options open.

Theo shot to his feet and paced toward the sofa. “I’m not the one who went behind your back trying to break us up.”

“No. That’s not what—” Kieran swallowed.

God, they were in this deep now. And how was this room so small? Theo lived in Manhattan and didn’t feel cramped like this.

Kieran sat up straight, then tucked both hands into his pockets. “You spend so much effort on making things look perfect and right, I sometimes don’t know what’s real with you.”

“Me? You’ve got things so compartmentalized I don’t even think you know where all the compartments are. We’ve been together over a year, and I barely know you. I had to hear from your grandmother that you lost drawings you cared about in the fire. How could I not know you were an artist? How could you lose such a big piece of you, and move in with me the next day, and I still never knew a thing about it?”

“Because it wasn’t that big a deal. I lost lots of stuff. Computer, my favorite sweatshirt, an old picture I had of my grandfather when he was a kid. I wish I still had some of them, but that was just stuff.”

“But you
made
it.” Theo knew music wasn’t the same. The tune couldn’t be ripped out of his head, but he could lose pieces, the bridge, the exact intro. He couldn’t imagine that kind of loss.

“It isn’t like that for me. I’m not you. I see a stray pen mark and it looks like something else and I start to doodle. And maybe the doodle is interesting enough that I make it a sketch. And that turns into a drawing or a comic.”

“But you could develop it. Like the artist we went to see. I know some people who—”

“God, no. That’s not what I want. I guess it’s why I never told you. I don’t want to show it to everyone. Living like you—my name up on a marquee, that’s a nightmare.”

Wow. That was pretty unequivocal.
My life is my lover’s nightmare.
Theo pushed back. “So I’m selfish and need to be the center of attention?”

“That’s not what I said. I know the theater is important to you. It’s always going to be the biggest thing in your life, and that’s okay. That’s the man I fell in love with.”

Theo nodded and leaned on the dresser, his back to Kieran. “Gotcha. You fell for him so hard you were trying to find a way out of marrying him from the minute he proposed. So committed you insisted on a prenup.”

In the mirror, Kieran stood behind him, hands resting in his pockets, all his body language, hurt, and need in the motion of his shoulders. How had Theo never realized that before? He was always so busy looking at Kieran’s face, Theo had never noticed what he said with his shoulders.

“I wanted the prenup because I’m marrying you, not your money. You worked hard for it. It’s yours.”

“I wanted it to be ours.”

“Wanted?” It came out in a gasp, sounding like someone had punched Kieran in the diaphragm just as he started to speak.

Theo knew the feeling.

“What does that mean?” Kieran asked.

“I don’t know. I guess we should have had this talk a while ago.”

Theo’s own reflection held no clue. He listened to his own voice like it was on a recording. Not angry or hurt. But not wooden. Neutral. Like a classical music DJ. And that was weird, because Theo knew he felt something. Shame, loss, regret. He just couldn’t seem to drag them to the surface. Couldn’t figure out how they should look.

He couldn’t stay there with the nothing person in the mirror. He went to the door.

Kieran said something he almost never did. “Where are you going?”

“I don’t know.” It seemed to be the only answer for everything. Because it was true.

“Theo, wait. Before you go I need—want—to give you something.”

Maybe it was the ring back. If he turned, and Kieran gave the ring back, would the feelings be there again?

But as Kieran held out his hand with the gift, Theo could see he was still wearing the ring. The plan was to pass them to their best men at the rehearsal tonight so they could exchange them tomorrow.

What Kieran held out was small, though. Something in a silk drawstring bag. “You seemed to like it. I sent it to Finn, and he got it chrome plated for me.”

“Does that mean he and Lia made it here?”

“Yeah. They called when they got to the resort and dropped it off on the way to their room.”

“I didn’t even know that.” He glanced down at the red silk. “Thank you.” He tucked the bag into his pocket and left.

THE SUN
had just set. Here at the water’s edge in the resort’s private cove, the sand gave off warmth while the ocean freshened the air. It didn’t matter if it was ninety-five degrees or ten below, Kieran was sweating. The cold, clammy kind that goes along with nausea and causes shivers when it drips down your back. His sister, Dr. Siobhan Delaney-Schwartz, would no doubt tell him the symptoms were a classic indication of flu onset. Kieran’s own diagnosis was a bad case of haven’t-seen-fiancé-in-seven-hours-and-everyone-else-is-already-at-the-rehearsal.

Fortunately, the officiant was also running on island time.

“But it’s part of what keeps things peaceful here,” Nalani assured Kieran as they stood with his family. “No rush, no worries.”

“It’s fine,” Kieran said.

Brett’s family might have been from an island in the Pacific too, but they didn’t come wrapped much tighter. Every time Kieran glanced Brett’s way he was making more of a constipated face, hands flung up in question or his eyes bulging while he pointed around.
Really, Brett? No, I didn’t notice Theo wasn’t here yet.

Did he open the present? Maybe he had but was already on a plane? Or maybe he did and he’d had enough of dealing with how scared Kieran got. How much he retreated inside his head. He wouldn’t have much trouble finding someone more comfortable with his life. That would probably include every gay man in New York who wasn’t Kieran.

“While we’re waiting we can run through some introductions,” Nalani said. “Kieran’s mother and father.”

His mom and dad held up their hands as Nalani looked up from her tablet.

“Kieran and Theo have decided on a very informal reception, so there will not be announcements, but if there should be a need, I always like to know how people want to be addressed.”

“Marilyn and Niall Delaney-Schwartz,” his mom said.

“Excellent. Now—”

“Grandmother of the groom,” Bubbe cut in.

“Of course. My apologies,” Nalani said smoothly.

“Mrs. Emma Schwartz.”

“Thank you.”

“Kieran’s brother is the best man, correct?”

Nalani addressed her question directly at Kieran, neatly circumventing the fact that absolutely no one in their group looked related to each other, with the exception of Mom and Bubbe.

“This is my brother, Finn Delaney-Schwartz.”

Nalani didn’t bat an eye at Finn’s dark brown skin.

“Do you have a prefix you prefer, Finn?”

“No, thank you.”

If Finn’s plane hadn’t finally taken off, Kieran didn’t know how he would have made it through the afternoon. His big brother had always been one thing he could count on. Solid. There. Finn was good at everything. Sports, school, people. But he had never made Kieran feel like he wasn’t. Kieran had never been pissed at Finn for setting some impossible to live up to standard, graduating from Harvard Law and arguing a civil rights case in front of the Supreme Court before his thirtieth birthday. Finn had been the only buffer between Kieran and Mom’s nagging that whole summer after Kieran left MIT.

After Theo left, Kieran had called Finn. Though Kieran had only said he hoped to have lunch with them, Finn and Lia had spent all afternoon hanging around, sitting by the pool, carefully not saying anything about weddings or fiancés.

Unfortunately, Finn’s introduction wrapped up Kieran’s half of the official wedding party members. Which left Nalani to go and join the group missing the other groom.

On the plus side, Martin was also missing. In his better moments, Kieran decided Theo was late because he had killed Martin and was busy disposing of the body.

Nalani found a brief reprieve in another glance at her tablet. “And also we have Kieran’s sister, who will be playing her cello as guests arrive.”

“Classical guitar,” Ash corrected.

“That will be beautiful,” Nalani said.

“It seemed more culturally appropriate.” Ash was insanely skilled on everything that could make music except an oboe. Of course, she refused to stop trying.

“Did you have a selection in mind?”

Ash rattled off the titles of several pieces while Nalani transcribed them dutifully on her tablet. Assuming there was actually a ceremony tomorrow, they would probably be able to seat the entire island population before Ash was done playing.

Dane walked across the stretch of beach separating the groom encampments. Kieran pictured him waving a parley flag.

“Still no minister/rabbi type guy?” Dane asked.

“I’m sure the officiant will be here soon,” Nalani said.

“No problem.
Shaka
.” Dane made the thumb and pinky surfer wave. “I came over because Theo’s dad wants to buy everyone a drink while we’re waiting and sent me to get your orders.” He pulled out his phone.

Kieran’s mom decided that was enough of a draw on Nalani’s attention to tug at his arm and demand to know where Theo was.

“What happened now?”

“Mom,” Finn said.

“I just want to know why he makes everything so difficult for—”

“Marilyn, I’m sure you remember the ridiculous amount of mental strain placed on individuals who are getting married.” Lia cut Mom off and didn’t slow down at all. “There’s enormous stress due to personal and familial expectations, in addition to managing the awkwardness of people thrown together and expected to bond over archaic rituals which have sprouted up around a property contract.”

Finn murmured in Kieran’s ear, “Think Mom will get a word in?”

Kieran shook his head. “I’m not betting against Lia.”

“Dude,” Brett said behind them. “Weirdest cat fight ever.”

“We’d all be far better suited to honoring the progress and process of a relationship rather than some single event as an arbitrarily dated onset,” Lia said when it looked like Mom would try to argue.

“So basically,” Brett muttered, “I’ve been right counting relationship time from our first fuck?”

“Kieran, I really like your sister-in-law.” Dane’s grin was bright in the light from his phone.

Almost full dark and still no Theo.

“Excuse me. My name is Lia, and I am not defined by my relationships to others.”