Pushed (20 page)

“Keep it. I don’t need anything,” I said.

More quiet. “You know, I have some vacation time. We could always come visit you. I could bring your things.”

“No. I have to go.”

“Wait!” he shouted. “Something’s wrong, isn’t it? What’s going on? Talk to me, sweetheart.”

He sounded heartbroken and desperate. I’d made my father sound like that. Gabe squeezed my shoulder. I was doing the right thing. My father would tell people I wasn’t coming back. Word would get out that I’d left them all, and the Protectors would have no reason to attack my family.

“I love you, Dad,” I whispered. “All of you. Thank you for giving me a home. Take care of each other.”

Then I hung up, severing the last tie to anything that mattered.

C
HAPTER
T
WENTY-ONE

H
anging up on my father had finally flipped off the part of me that wouldn’t stop crying. A person could only take so much pain before they shut down, and I’d reached that point. A kind of inability to feel anything settled over me. I embraced it.

Gabe and I took a train to the city. On the way, he called Lottie and told her to hide out in case the Protectors came looking for the Blackwells. He wanted our enemies to believe that the Protectors had left Blackwell Falls, along with the town Healer. After he said good-bye, we stared out opposite windows in silence. I had nothing to say.

In San Francisco, we exited the BART train station, and Gabe hailed us a cab. He ordered the driver to let us out several streets over from my grandfather’s house in the Presidio. The cab drove off, and I faced Gabe on the sidewalk.

“You can walk from here?” he asked.

Concern furrowed his brow, and I nodded to reassure him.

“Okay,” he said. He seemed to want to say something else, but he stopped. I wrapped my arms around my waist to ward off the chill in the air, and he added, “Remember, I’ll be watching from a distance. I promise you’ll be safe.”

I nodded again. For what it was worth, I believed Gabe thought he was telling the truth. Asher had said the same thing, though. I left Gabe at the curb and walked to the place where my grandfather and I had eaten breakfast several times. Gabe had suggested I call Franc and ask him to come get me. He would be less suspicious if I pretended I’d taken a bus to the café. As it was, I would have a lot of explaining to do.

At the café, I asked if I could call my grandfather. I must have looked pathetic because the waitress who’d served us before immediately handed me the cordless phone.

“Hello?” Franc picked up after the first ring, as if he’d been waiting for my call.

“Franc, I’m at the café by your house. Can you come get me?”

“I’ll be right there,” he said and the line disconnected.

Outside, I sat on the curb to wait. Less than five minutes passed before my grandfather’s truck rattled to a stop in front of me. He rounded the hood and yanked me into his arms in a hug that threatened to crush my ribs. Somewhere nearby, Gabe watched, and if I’d learned anything about my grandfather at all, he had at least one man doing the same.

Franc let me loose and studied me. “Where have you been?” he asked, his brow wrinkled in concern.

“Protectors,” I answered simply.

I didn’t blink under my grandfather’s searching glance. I felt empty as I waited for him to call me a liar.

“Oh Remy,” Franc whispered gruffly.

Gabe had said Franc would believe me when I told him I’d escaped from the Protectors. I wasn’t sure how Gabe knew this, but he was right. Franc’s voice held a wealth of understanding, as if he’d grasped some of what I’d gone through, even though no wounds marred my skin. His arms closed around me, tugging me into another suffocating hug. I didn’t fight him, and he didn’t let go for a long time, even when I didn’t return the embrace.

 

The inquisition lasted for hours. Dorthea, her husband, and a couple of men I’d never seen before joined us in Franc’s living room. They asked question after question. I steered as close to truth as I could, while leaving Asher and Gabe out of my story.

I’d gone for a walk and had been captured. I’d woken up in a prison with no idea how the Protectors had discovered me. They’d tortured me. I’d used my powers on them and run for my life. As soon as I could, I’d made my way back to the city and called my grandfather. I didn’t know what had happened to the Protectors. I described Xavier and Mark, and my grandfather knew exactly who they were.

“They live in the city,” he said. “We’ve been watching them for months, and they’ve shown no indication that they knew we were here.”

“I think they killed Yvette.” I mentioned how they’d cut me in the same way they had the Healer. Franc’s eyes dropped to my exposed skin, and I explained, “I healed myself as soon as I got away.”

There was talk of moving me from my grandfather’s house. They didn’t know if I’d been followed to Inspiration Point. It was possible they’d just been waiting to get me alone. Franc surprised me by insisting we stay put. Gabe and I had been sure he would move me to Pacifica. Instead, my grandfather ordered additional security precautions. That meant more men watching the house and less freedom for me.

“No more going off on your own,” he warned me. “I hope you understand now how dangerous it would be for you to return to New York by yourself. Imagine what would have happened if one of your friends had been with you.”

A shadow crossed his face, and I tensed, picturing a gun pointed at Asher.

“I’m staying in San Francisco,” I answered flatly.

“Good,” he said and nodded with satisfaction. “At least one good thing has come of all of this.”

He turned back to the men who were organizing shifts of people to watch the house. I rubbed my arms and wondered if they would notice if I slipped away to bed. I wanted to curl up and sleep for a thousand years so I could forget everything. Except I feared sleep would be impossible. I pictured Lucy and Laura’s faces when my father told them I wouldn’t return. Would they ever be able to forgive me?

A warm hand brushed a tangled strand of hair from my face. Dorthea sat beside me on the couch. She patted my hand. “I’m glad you’re safe, Remy.”

 

The days blurred together.

I did as my grandfather asked and didn’t go anywhere alone. In fact, I didn’t leave my room if I could help it. I’d been wrong about never sleeping again. Sleep had become the thing I was best at. Beyond my closed curtains, night and day slipped back and forth, while I huddled under my covers.

Franc checked on me several times a day. He tried to get me to go to Pacifica to see Erin, and when that failed, he had her try to get me out of my room. I showered and joined them at the kitchen table, but Erin’s efforts to involve me in conversation failed. In the end, I went back to bed for a week, and Erin didn’t return. Franc’s check-ins happened less frequently, and I lost track of time. I could tell my apathy upset him, but someone had pulled the plug on my ability to feel anything.

Then one night I dreamed the Protectors had found Lucy and begun torturing her to force me to heal them. Her screams lingered in the air, and then clear as day, I heard Asher’s voice.
I love you,
mo cridhe.

I woke gasping, with his name on my lips. My quiet voice echoed in my empty room. Asher was dead. Why couldn’t I believe that?

I tried to go back to sleep, but that escape evaded me. In the distance, a clock ticked. My grandfather had probably gone to bed hours ago. When I couldn’t stand the silence anymore, I got up and dressed.

Franc’s men were watching the house, but I’d overheard them planning their vantage points. They often talked while I was in the room, treating me like I was invisible. Earlier that day, they’d been discussing Xavier and Mark while they ate in the kitchen. The Protecters had moved their home base, and Franc had ordered his men to find them.

In the kitchen, I flicked the edge of a curtain aside and spotted the silhouette of a man in a truck two doors down. No way could I go out the back door unnoticed. I thought about giving up and going back to my room, but then a noise caught my attention. A trash can had tipped over down the block, and the man had turned to investigate it. I used his distraction to slip out the door and into the forest. There would be hell to pay if my grandfather caught me, but I had to get out.

Once I reached the safety of the trees, I understood why I had really come outside. The scent of pine reminded me of Asher. The salty wind tasted like home as I ran full-tilt. For the first time in days, I was alone without prying eyes. I could simply be and not think. My feet hardly touched the ground as I raced without direction, trusting my instincts to steer me around obstacles.

Feet pounded the ground behind me. I glanced to the right, and green eyes flashed at me from a few feet away.
Gabe.
After I noticed him, he fell back, trailing me from a distance. Giving me space.

I didn’t stop running until I reached Fort Point, where Asher had shown me the surfers and the Golden Gate Bridge. My legs ached pleasantly when I jumped the road barrier and sank down on a rock at the edge of the water. I sensed him before I heard him.

“Gabe, it’s okay. You can come out.”

My voice was quiet, but a moment later, he crouched gracefully on a rock a few feet away. A breeze lifted the hair off of his forehead, and he looked so much like Asher that I wanted to scream. I forced my gaze back to the lights of Sausalito across the bay.

“How are you?” Gabe asked.

“I should be asking you that.”

And it was true. His brother had passed, and I’d hardly spared a thought for his grief. Or Lottie’s, for that matter.

“I heard your grandfather’s friends talking about you. They’re worried, Healer.”

“I know,” I said, retying a shoelace that didn’t need retying. “I’m doing the best I can.”

“Do better.”

The arrogant demand surprised a smile out of me. “You’re such a jerk, Gabe.”

“I’ve been called worse.”

“By me, even,” I agreed.

He snorted, and we fell back into a silence that wasn’t uncomfortable.

“What are we doing out here?”

I sighed. “I had a nightmare. I needed some room to breathe.”

“Your grandfather giving you a hard time?”

“Not really. Mostly I’ve kept to myself. I’ve kind of been out of it,” I admitted. “Actually, they act like I’m invisible. They’re trying to find Xavier and Mark.”

I thought back to the conversation I’d overheard earlier that day. It was probably the reason I’d dreamed up Asher’s voice.

I hesitated. “Can I tell you something?”

Gabe nodded.

“Promise you won’t laugh?”

“I don’t much feel like laughing these days. Spit it out.”

“I dreamed I heard Asher’s voice tonight.” My confession tumbled out in a rush. As soon as I said the words, I wanted to take them back. “I know it’s stupid. He’s gone.”

“What did he say?” Gabe asked in a quiet voice.

“He told me that he loves me.”

Gabe’s gaze seemed to turn inward, the beauty of the view lost on him. “That sounds exactly like something he would say.”

I didn’t tell Gabe how much I missed his brother, but I thought maybe he understood. Grief had changed him, too. He’d never been quick to smile, but now his face seemed carved into a permanent frown.

A large wave hit the rocks, and the spray doused my shoes before I could move away. Gabe climbed back to the parking lot above the rocks and then reached out to pull me up beside him. My shoes squelched and left wet marks on the road as I shifted my weight.

“I should get back. Franc checks on me, and I’d rather not have him know I was gone.”

With one last glance at the water, I headed back toward the path that would lead me to Franc’s. Gabe fell into step beside me.

“Thanks for knocking over the trash can, by the way.”

Gabe’s expression didn’t change. “What makes you think I did that? Maybe it was a cat or a raccoon.”

“Or maybe it was a Protector with an ego the size of Texas?”

One corner of his mouth loosened into a half smile.

We reached the cover of the trees, and Gabe said, “I didn’t realize how fast you’d gotten. You like the speed, don’t you?”

“It’s the best.”

Almost like a gift that Asher had given to me. A piece of him that would stay with me. Gabe nodded as if he knew what I meant. I started running, and this time he kept pace beside me the whole way back to my grandfather’s. He called to me softly to stop about a half mile from Franc’s yard.

“I think you should introduce me to your grandfather as a friend from New York.”

I rocked back on my heels. “You’re kidding, right?” I asked in disbelief.

He acted like I hadn’t spoken. “The security around here is too tight. They’ve almost caught me a couple of times when I was checking on you.”

“Then watch me from farther away.”

He shook his head. “No way. I wouldn’t be able to get to you if you needed help.”

I opened my mouth to tell him to go home, and he clamped a hand over my lips.

“Before you say it, Healer, let me make it clear that I’m going nowhere. I’m doing this for Asher. If your grandfather’s men find Xavier and Mark, I want to be there. It’s the least I can do.”

Guilt had sunk its claws into Gabe, too. He blamed himself for not getting there in time to save his brother. Asher had once told me that Gabe could not be made to change directions once he’d decided his course. Right now, his course was set on revenge.

If I was honest, I wanted vengeance, too, even if it put my life at risk. Gabe had a right to want the same. Maybe more of a right. We’d kept Asher a secret because I wasn’t sure what we were walking into with my grandfather. Now I knew for sure that the Healers didn’t have my ability to sense out Protectors. They relied on intel. So long as Gabe wasn’t on their radar and they believed him a normal human, he should be safe.

“It’s your neck,” I said.

“Thanks for your concern.”

He almost sounded sarcastic, and I added, “I meant, it’s not up to me to tell you what to do.”

“I know what you meant.”

His tone put an end to the conversation, and I wondered if I’d hurt his feelings. I frowned, unsure what to do with the concept of Gabe feeling anything for me except condescension and irritation.

I shrugged my unease away when he launched into a matter-of-fact explanation of how we would introduce him to Franc. The situation was weird enough without introducing
feelings
into it.