Public Burning (83 page)

The lights have come up in Times Square on a scene, as the people now discover, of widespread madness, dissipation, and fever, an inelegant display of general indiscretion and destruction, corruption, sacrilege and sodomy, twisted camera booms, base iniquity, smashed klieg lights and shredded trousseaus, tipped and scattered chairs and pews, incest, desecration, tangled bodies, rampant nihilism, bestiality, liberated freak shows, careless love and cheating hearts, drunkenness, cock-sucking, and other fearsomely unclean abominations, all of it liberally sprinkled with soot, snot, and pigeon shit—not exactly Cotton Mather's vision of Theopolis Americana! What a mess! There's whiskey and blood all together, mixed with glass where they lay, not to mention sweat and tears and puddles of cum, vomit and the smashed melonheads of the pageant figures!

Well, an “orful, onnatr'l, and tarifine sight,” as Sain't Sut would say, and as if things aren't serious enough, it turns out that while the cops' and secret service's guard and pants have been down, all the pro-Rosenberg lawyers and demonstrators have escaped: Walt Disney's Whale has been spouting them by the bellyful back into the Square, where the scoundrels have somehow recovered their pickets and legal briefs and have nearly reconstructed their Clemency Float! But Uncle Sam, spying them, whips his top hat high into the air and, when it comes down again, plucks an American bald eagle out of it:
“Sic 'em, hoss!”
he cries, and the eagle swoops down on the interlopers, firing off arrows of war into the backsides of the lawyers and lashing the clemency nuts with olive branches.
“I wish to remark,”
remarks Uncle Sam, setting his plug hat firmly back on his hoary brow,
“and my langwidge is plain, that for ways that are dark and for tricks that are vain, the foe's most abominable lop-eared lantern-jawed half-breed whiskey-soaked and generally onscropulous and haughty host do take the cake, if you don't watch 'em! They are disgraceful, depraved, and putrescent, endowed by their Creator with certain gangrene hearts and rottin' brains and similar unalienated blights, and given to sech public frothin and jumin' as to wound and disease the body politic like thorns in the flesh and other eeroginous zones! But hey! if the Red slayer thinks he slays, boys, he knows not well the sub-tile ways I keeps whuppirí the she-double-I-it outen any slantindicular sidewinder what trifles with freedom, swells the caress of disunion, incites domestical inch-erections amongst us, eats out our substance, or notherwise bites the hand what lays the golden egg of peace, property, and the bottomless pork barrel! Whoopee! A nation, like a person, has got somethin' deeper, somethin' more permanent and pestifferous, somethin' larger than the scum of its parts, and what this nation's got is ME! So keep your heads down, ladies, whilst I pours out my wrath upon 'em like water!”

This bit of positive action and unabashed bullroaring rouses the people at last from their nighttime stupor, and they suddenly realize that the Phantom's laughter has ceased entirely, the sky has brightened, and not only has the Doomsday Clock stopped beating, but the starry dial atop the Paramount Building still says 7:53! They glance at their own watches, shake them to see if they're still ticking: yes! the sun hasn't set after all! Nothing has really happened,
they're still okay!
It's like coming out of a scary movie—nothing but camera tricks, the illusory marvels and disasters of Cinerama and 3-D, th-th-that's all, f-folks! Lights up and laugh!

East side, west side, all around the town, the people stagger to their feet, grapple with the clothing knotted around their ankles, hobble and lurch, boys and girls together, toward their proper places, encouraging each other to shake a leg and making a generally raucous appeal for national unity. Up on the Death House stage behind Uncle Sam, Judge Kaufman and his family, Irving Saypol and his prosecuting team, the Rosenberg jury, Herb Brownell, wives and children and prison officials, Pentagon Patriots and Singing Saints disconnect themselves from one another and creep sheepishly toward the wings, squatting and waddling like ducks, hauling on their pants and panties as they go, while out front Indians pull up their loincloths, Rat Packers their three-holed britches, Suffragettes their bloomers.

“That's the style, fella citizens!”
thunders Uncle Sam, cracking a mighty bullwhip like a ringmaster—
“This is the end, so why pretend—now's the time to strain every nerve and bend all your energies to keep well in fronta the mighty struggle for men's minds, hearts, and raw materials! The untransacted destiny of the American people is to establish a new order in human affairs, to confirm the destiny of the human
race,
and to pull that switch and shed a new and resplendent glory upon mankind! Men's hopes call upon us to say what we will do—who shall live up to the great trust? eh? and who's the yaller low-lived red-mouthed pusley-gutted huckaroo who DARES FAIL TO TRY?”

None dare, of course—except for a few professional troublemakers and close-minded bellyachers, and these the bald eagle, flapping and cawing vehemently, is rounding up and driving toward the Whale's mouth like a cowboy pushing dogies into the stockyard. One the eagle misses is the Rosenbergs' defense lawyer, who, unnoticed in all the excitement, has finally managed to gain a purchase on the edge of the stage. He now draws himself up, lifts one leg over, and gasps: “I demand a reply to my petitions!”

“Very well,” says Uncle Sam, and he picks up Betty Crocker's fallen dentures and bites Manny in the nose with them.

Bloch screams and falls from the stage. “What kind of animals am I dealing with?” he rages. “The actions of the Government of the United States in this case reveal to the entire world that the people who are running the Government are much more barbaric than the Nazis when they had power in Germany! I feel ashamed that I am an American today!”

The Square is rocked with hooting and hissing: the people are finding their way back now, getting the feel of things again. “I place the murder of the Rosenbergs at the door of President Eisenhower, Attorney General Brownell, and J. Edgar Hoover!” shrieks Bloch insanely, and the Union County American Legion in hasty assembly demands his disbarment. Bloch is dragged away, his new suit rumpled and his career in ruins, sobbing huskily: “Please tell them I did the best I could for them! Tell them I respect and admire them! Tell them I love them…!”

But his words are drowned out by boos, his own histrionics, and sudden laughter, for just as Manny is being stuffed into the Whale's belly, somebody else—looking as miserable as an abused dog in his crushed homburg and dirty socks—is being led out like Jonah by a stiff-backed old lady in prim rimless specs! Who is it? Smokey Bear? The Atomic Bum? No, it's Vice President Richard (Dick) Nixon and his late great Grandma Milhous!

“Everybody's tryin' ta git inta da act!”
snorts Uncle Sam, hands on hips, winking down over his nose at the old woman.
“Awright, Granny, send that onregenerit bluebellied tatereater up here where I can take a swat at him with the flat side a the dictates a reason and justice should it come to the raskil's imperdint mind to discomboberate us with any more surjestshuns, prayers, or other dierbolical sass!”
The old lady returns Uncle Sam's wink and gives the Vice President a whacking high-buttoned boot in his henchbone, sending him flapping forward through the untangling pack-up like a clipped goose trying to take flight. People add their own toes to his general forward endeavor, holding their noses and hollering taunts at him like “Little Dick, he was so quick,” and

Uncle Sam watches these procedures with a rueful smile, then turns his attention to his kayoed Mistress of Ceremonies, Betty Crocker. He stuffs the false teeth back into her soft gaping jaws and revives her with a splash of six fluid ounces of Tennessee sour mash, observing as he throws that the old girl has taken quite a beating and is probably going to need a face lift once all this is over. Betty rears up, shakes her head, grabs up her rolling pin, smoothes down her skirt, wipes off her jowls with a swipe of her sleeve, snaps her choppers once just to test her grip on them, and then proceeds to lay into every dubious character in sight—not even the bureaucrats are safe, and some Congressmen are seen diving under their chairs. “Hoo-hah!” laughs Uncle Sam, watching her swing away. “I wish the Phantom could see
that!”

He cracks his bullwhip over Betty's head, snatching a couple dozen silver stars off the shirts of patrolmen and state troopers, then a couple dozen more, converts the whip into a Louisville Slugger and, tossing the badges up in the air, swats them out into the night sky (they seem to stick up there and glitter like something out of a fabulous movie they've all seen but can't quite remember. Graceful is his form, and slender, and his eyes are deep and tender, as with a smile that is childlike and bland, he next turns the whip/bat into a Remington and commences to shoot the stars all down again, knocking them off like clay pigeons—
crack! pop!
—and splattering the heavens with glittering sprays of light like bombs bursting in air! The Singing Saints, their Mormon decorum recovered, zip up and step forward to accompany Uncle Sam's act with their own rendition of “Land of Hope and Glory,” but before they can even get as far as the “wider still and wider shall,” Uncle Sam—glancing anxiously up at the clock, whose hands have been sliding inexorably up toward eight o'clock—cuts them off:
“Whoa thar, fella patriots! Enough a this high-minded bullshit, it is rather for us to be here deddycated to the great task remainin' before us—thunder is good, thunder is impressive, but it is
lightnin'
what does the work—or as old Ben would say, when there's a great heat on the land in a partickyular region and a passel a clouds comes by full of electrical fire—LOOK OUT BELOW! Yea, it is nigh onto Zero Hour, friends and neighbors! We got a pair of misdemeanin' poachers back there at the settin'-off end of the Last Mile who gotta take their farewell trip to that promised land, gotta pay, as we say, the debt of nature, slip the cable and cock up their toes—and toot sweet! So an end to this foolish hurrahin', the tea party's over! It is time to make room on earth for a little warmth, a little zap of love's bestowin:' then nighty-night to them scallywags, cuz it's rubber tire buggy, rubber tire hack, they gotta walk that lonesome valley, and they ain't a—“

Suddenly, there is a sharp
whirr-CLICK!
, like gears meshing toward some final connection, and then—BONG! BONG! BONG…!—all the clocks in New York City, all the clocks in the nation, in the world, strike the fateful hour, making people gasp and bite their fingernails: it is eight o'clock! From the belly of the Whale comes a woman's scream:
“In memory of the Rosenbergs!”
—and the Whale begins to rumble and tremble as though with a fearsome indigestion, an indigestion that sounds like a lot of hysterical amateurs trying to sing “Go Down, Moses!” The people shrink back—

“Hey, no flinchin' out there!”
booms Uncle Sam.
“Soft-heartedness, in times like these, shows sof'ness in the upper story!”
He snaps his finger and jabs it at Police Commissioner Monaghan, and George sends his Deputy Patrick Kirley scrambling in to the Whale like a gun-toting antacid to quiet things down in there: one belch and it's over.
“Come on, you doddrabited whey faced no-good varmints! Now is the hour! With firmness in the right as God gives us to see to the right, we are gonna drop the handkerchief and light a candle of understandin' in these traitors' hearts which shall not be put out till they've sizzled like a wet cat flung into a kittil of bilin' fat! Huu-u-u WEE! Whilst the stars and stirrups floats in the breezus whar, whar in the name a Jeezus is that miserbul termatis-nosed skaley-heeled rapscallious skonk who will not, with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and skeer-provokin' loomynations, lay hold—from one end a this continent t' uther—the hangin' rope!? EH?? Do you hear me, o ye that love mankind? It is time, I say, to loose the fateful lightnin to reach a fiery rod, and on Death's fearful forehead write the autygraph a God so's any squinty-eyed inimy can read it without his spectacles! So let the burn begin! All I got, and all that I yam, and all that I hope, in this life, I'm now ready to stake on it!”
He takes a final deep puff on his corncob pipe and—precisely at one minute after the hour—produces his zinger: a huge smoke ring that rises slowly, scaling the cloudy summits of the Times Tower, hovers momentarily up there over its tip, then sinks down over it, unrolling like a condom—he blows at it and it bursts into a spectacular fireworks display, in the center of which, halfway up the tower, is the blazing message:

He flashes a final salute to his wildly cheering citizens in the Square—“
I got a million of 'em!”
he laughs, tipping his star-spangled plug hat forward on his stately brow in the best Broadway tradition—
“And so now I bid you a welcome adoo, brave Americans all—long may our land be bright with freedom's holy light, you may fire when you are ready, Gridley!”
—and then he disappears, leaving to Betty Crocker the task of setting the final places at the table.

The first of tonight's special guests to appear, introduced by Betty (with a nod to the National Poet Laureate) as “the nation's number one legal hunter of top Communists,” is the chief prosecutor in the case, Irving Howard Saypol, now a State Supreme Court Judge—he strides manfully to his front-row seat with all the calm confidence, as Saint Mark would say, of a Christian with four aces, a natural winner, with a big chest, a burgeoning belly, a tough jaw, cold eyes like Uncle Sam's, and a cocked pistol in his hip pocket. He is accompanied by his wife, his children, his chief assistants in the case, Myles Lane, Roy Marcus Cohn, Jim Kilsheimer III, and Jim Branigan, Jr., and all their loved ones. The prosecution team is followed out by the various witnesses at the trial, Betty urging them along like a schoolmarm lining up her kids at the toilet door, everyone from chubby-cheeked David Greenglass, his wife Ruth, and dapper little Harry Gold in his now-familiar pinstripe suit, which prison fare is making baggy on him, to the notorious Red Spy Queen, Elizabeth Bentley, who regrettably is not quite a Blue Angel after all (in fact she looks like a spinster librarian, the kind that tear all the naughty pages out of the books), and Jim Huggins, the immigration inspector from Laredo who helped Morty Sobell across the border. Sobell himself, no longer so tight-lipped as he was at the trial, is kept well out of sight, though his wife Helen has been seen tonight, getting herded into the Whale.