Providence (7 page)

Standing before the neat frame
home, he noticed the quiet elegance, wild roses beginning to bud along the
trellis, two wooden chairs set neatly on the porch with a small table between. These
details of simple domesticity were so evocative of his own family home in
Kansas, that he felt a stirring in his heart at the memory. As if to complete
the compelling vision, Annie appeared in the doorway framed by a glowing light
from the fire within.

“It’s good to see you again,
Luke.”

“How’s Joe doing?”

“All right. He’s resting some.
I’ve breakfast and coffee ready, if you’d like.”

Luke wondered for a moment if he
should accept the offer. He searched her eyes, but could find no hint of
emotion beyond simple hospitality. Had their last meeting been a dream? The
reality of it was still so raw in his own heart, had she simply dismissed it as
being of no consequence?

“Sure, sounds good.” He said at
last. As Luke stepped forward to enter the small house, Annie remained squarely
in the doorway for a tense moment before moving to one side allowing him to
pass by. He could feel her nearness, smell the spicy aroma of her. His heart
quickened slightly, as he hurried to the table.

 As they ate, Joe and Annie spoke
quietly together of Zora, and reveled in sweet memories of Sam. The tears were
mixed occasionally with laughter, for which Luke was thankful. The first step
towards healing was the ability to remember the past, and not fear it. Their
conversation was interrupted by a knock.

Annie smiled at her brother,
“That must be Luther.”

Joe leapt to his feet. Crossing
the floor in two great strides, he flung open the door and was immediately swept
into a huge embrace by a large man. “Luther, what are you doing here?” Joe
cried.

“Just passin’ through. Annie
wrote me about Zora.”

“I’m going to miss them, Luther.”

The two men, as different as
night and day, yet somehow cut from the same cloth, entered the room. “Luke,
I’d like you to meet my brother, the Marshal!” Joe said proudly.

“I’ve certainly heard a lot about
you,” Luke said extending his hand.

“Any friend of Joe’s.....” Luther
replied, grasping Luke’s hand. “Well, almost any friend,” he amended looking
pointedly at his smaller brother. Joe gave an almost imperceptible shake of his
head, and Luther’s grasp tightened. “Very glad to meet you!” he finished.

 A plate was heaped with
food for Luther, and the family fell to talking, almost forgetting about Luke.
Staring out the front window, Luke was glad that Joe would have these people to
support and encourage him. He sometimes missed his own sister, but that life
was lost to him now.

He was startled to feel a soft
touch upon his arm. Turning, he was met by Annie’s direct gaze. She had put a
lavender shawl around her shoulders, accenting the deep green of her eyes.

“Won’t you walk to the garden
with me? The boys won’t miss us,” she said, indicating the table where the
brothers were lost in deep discussion.

“I’d like that.” Luke held the
door for her as she swept passed him.

They walked awhile in silence,
listening to birds calling in the distance. The sounds of a city awakening to a
new day were growing audible around them.

“I’ve missed you, Annie.” Luke
stopped, waiting.

Annie continued on to the garden
gate before pausing, looking forward, her back to Luke. “Michael has asked me
to marry him. I told him yes.”

Luke felt the cold statement like
a gut punch.

She stood for a moment seeming to
contemplate the freshly plowed earth that was beckoning to be dug and planted,
to grow new life. “I’m pregnant.”

A dull roar began in his head,
“Annie....”

 “This child will have a
father! A father who’s home to watch him grow, to teach him! You will be forever
off chasing cows or searching for ...” she paused, choking back her anger and
her tears. “I will not live like Zora did, alone, always wondering where her
husband is, when he’ll be home next. Dying alone....” She turned, tears
streaming down her face.

The roar grew to deafening
proportions. “Annie...”

“No!”

The cold simplicity of that one
word cut through the red haze of anger clouding his brain. He felt drained and
empty. Looking at the proud, cold woman before him, he knew that arguing was
useless. “I would marry you.”

“Yes, but you wouldn’t love me.
Would you stay here? Would you be happy?” The tears continued to flow, but
little other emotion was reflected in her face. “What happened between us was
wrong, Luke. You don’t love me. I gave in to my own passion, so did you.”

“I care for you.”

“It’s not enough. Michael loves
me. He knows the circumstances, and still he wants to marry me, now more than
ever. He has forgiven me. Would you?”

Luke swallowed hard, choking back
a thousand protests, a thousand lies. Annie was right. What happened between
them two months ago was a night of brief, flaming passion. It was wrong. He
knew it then, and he knew it now. Michael was a solid, hard-working Christian
man who owned a mercantile in Kingfisher. Annie and the child would be cared
for and adored. What could he offer? He didn’t even have a home to call his
own.

 God, why have you turned so
far from me as to take my child?

The bitter pain tore at his
heart. Without another word, he turned and walked to the livery where Rio
waited patiently for his master’s return.

***

Hooves pounding over the dry
ground, sides heaving, sweat dripping from his flanks, the tired horse stumbled
at last, falling to his knees. Luke was pitched forward, lost his seat and lay where
he fell, winded, not even caring what might happen next. The blue sky above,
the unyielding earth below, Annie’s words, all melded together in time and
burned through his mind in a tormenting crescendo until a deep unrelenting
scream was torn from his very soul.

Rio started at the sound.
Snorting softly, he drifted a few paces away from the mad man writhing on the
ground before him. At last Luke lay utterly still and drained. A small prayer
tried to form itself in the depths of his mind, but the words would not come. A
demanding voice echoing from the shadowy recesses of the past began somewhere
in his heart.

“
Likewise the Spirit also
helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought:
but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be
uttered.”

 A coldness came over him in
that instant. He sat up, shutting out the voice and the thoughts that came with
it.
No, that’s not the way it is for me! I don’t
need
you.
Throwing
himself down, he lay prone in the dust of the road, his body wracked with sobs
until there were no more.

***

A gentle rain washed over his
weary body. Luke woke with a start. It was dark. Head pounding, he sat up,
unable to focus his thoughts. “
How long have I been lying here?”
He wondered
briefly.
He wiped his face on his sleeve. His body ached from the fall,
his nerves were raw. Hunger gnawed at his stomach, and his throat was parched.
Despair overwhelmed him as his mind tried to turn to Annie.

Shutting out all thoughts and
feelings, he resolutely stood to look for Rio. Whistling, he called the horse,
and heard a rustling and creaking of saddle leather. He could just make out the
bulk rising before him. Rio had bedded down a short distance away. Standing and
giving himself a good shake, he trotted over to Luke, nudging him on the
shoulder as he approached.

 “Looks like it’s just you
and me again, boy,” Luke shivered in the cold rain. Unstrapping the buckles on his
saddlebags, he reached in past farrier tools, a spare shirt, and a couple of
books, groping blindly for his jacket. It was only then he realized the
mistake. He had left the jacket in Annie’s front room. It had contained a few
personal belongings and his pay from Addington. Leaning his head against the
horse’s warm wet flank, he shook his head. “So now we’re alone
and
penniless.” His mouth twisted in a wry grin. “God, you must really have
something against me.”

Trembling from the cold and
anger, he swung into the saddle. Clouds obscured the moon, and thunder rolled
ominously in the distance. He should stop, make camp until morning, but he had
an unrelenting desire to keep moving, putting distance between himself and the
pain he had suffered in Rush Springs. Picking up the reins they headed off in a
northeasterly direction. He realized ironically that his father’s home lay in
that direction, as distant in time as it was in miles.

The rain stopped sometime after
midnight, and Rio plodded along. Luke dozed intermittently in the saddle,
falling prey to the bitter cold. A faint light glowed on the eastern horizon as
the sun began its journey above the land once more. The sky lightened, and the
birds began their songs of joy that were as old as time itself. Luke rode on,
his fingers frozen in their grip on the reins. As the sun rose, the warm rays
dissipating the chill that clung to the earth, he began to feel his toes, his
nose and his fingers again.

“Whoa, there, Rio,” Luke said,
reining in the big horse. “Maybe we ought to take stock of our true situation,
here. What do you think?”

 Rio snorted and tossed his
head, stopping as though in full agreement. Luke dismounted, and made a quick
check of the saddlebags. There was enough dried jerky and hardtack to last a
few days, that is if he didn’t mind some hunger pangs. His canteen was full,
though in this part of the country ponds and creeks of fresh flowing water were
plentiful.

“Looks like we’re either going to
have to find us a job or turn to a life of crime. Don’t believe either one of
us would really relish the latter, huh?” Luke pulled a set of hobbles from the
bottom of the bags.

“You look like you could use a
bit of time off there, old friend.” Unsaddling the horse, he placed the hobbles
on his front feet and turned him loose to graze upon the rich prairie. Standing
the saddle upright so as to protect the tree, he stretched himself out on the
soft green grass and was soon sleeping deeply.

“Jolene, sit still! It’s hard
enough to get these shoes buttoned without you squirming all over the place.”
Exasperated with her small daughter and the chaotic preparations for the trip
to Fallis, Kate finally managed to finish the buttons on Jo’s high black shoes.
Laying the buttonhook aside, she stood and looked at Jo critically. “Okay,
you’ll do. Now scoot.”

Jo jumped up, wiggling her toes
in her dress-up shoes, “These shoes feel too tight!” she complained. “Oh,
momma, you look so pretty! And won’t Jonathan like my dress? Where’s Candy?
Candy, Candy, here girl.”

Kate smiled as she watched Jo run
off in search of the pup. She was indeed a vision in her deep blue calico
jumper and white lawn blouse, her dancing red curls tamed into a matching blue
ribbon. She sighed at the darned black stockings, and too-tight shoes, but they
would have to do until she knew what the future held.

Kate took a last look at herself
in the small dressing table mirror. The image reflected there was at least
fresh and clean. The dark green dress she had chosen seemed utterly feminine to
her after spending so long in men’s clothes. Her skin, normally pale and creamy
had tanned to a deep bronze accented by naturally pink cheeks and lips. Deep
amber colored eyes fringed by dark lashes gazed at her from the mirror, and her
thick brown hair, now shimmering with golden highlights from the sun, was
pulled back softly from her heart shaped face.

She shifted her attention from
the mirror to a small tin type in an ornate frame. She and Will had looked so
young on their wedding day. Even in the severe mourning dress she had chosen to
wear, Will had made her feel special and pretty. He was smiling at her from the
image, just as he always had in life, with a look that told her she was the
most beautiful creature in the world to him. Her eyes misted briefly as she
lightly caressed the picture, “I miss you, Will.”

***

Jake had the team hitched to the
wagon. Nana, Jonathan and Jo were already tucked securely into their places.
Kate carried out the basket that contained the roast chicken, fresh bread, pies
and relishes that she and Nana had spent the better part of Saturday preparing.
Handing the basket to Jake, Kate couldn’t help smiling as she noticed the
gleaming golden coats and brushed white manes and tails of the mares. The
harness had been freshly oiled as well, and Jonathan had obviously spent a lot
of elbow grease on getting the buckboard in top condition. Jake secured the
basket into the wagon, then handed Kate up to the front seat. She thought they
must make an awfully pretty picture as they headed off down the road to Fallis
for the Sunday meeting.

Though the trip to Fallis was
only a little over four miles, it would take them more than an hour to make the
trip by wagon as the road was a rough one, where it even existed, but the sun
was up and beginning to warm the air around them. Even little Jolene was silent
for a moment as they all drank in the beauty around them.