Protecting You (A McCord Family Novel Book 1) (14 page)

He squeezed her reassuringly, lightly kissing the top of her head. "I hope so, too. I don't want you to have them. I'll do anything in my power to help." He took a deep breath and slowly released it. "Are you sure you want me under the covers? It seems…seems a little more intimate."

Ava trembled. "It may seem more intimate, but I don't want you to get cold. Doesn't seem right for you to comfort me, but sleep in discomfort."

Zane smiled. "I don't think I could ever be uncomfortable as long as you're in my arms. Thanks for the blankets. It's warmer under here."

***

They kept talking around the subject of intimacy and yet neither of them made a move to the actual act. They lay in the dark for a while. Ava enjoyed the arousing feeling he invoked as he lightly stroked her back.

She thought they finished talking when Zane whispered, "Tell me about Jimmy and how you celebrated him making detective. I was an ass when he called to tell me. Well, you know that, since that's the first time I heard your beautiful voice when you yelled at me for it. I was hurt he left, not wanting to stay on the farm. I felt guilty for making him feel guilty. I just missed him. I was proud of him, though. I'd like to know what he did to celebrate."

Ava lifted her head and saw the pain in his face. Perhaps this was the only way they could heal. She brought her hand up to his cheek and lightly caressed it. "It's easier for you to talk about it like this than any other way, isn't it?"

Zane nodded.

She smiled and rested her head back onto his chest. "Well, when he got the news I was at a crime scene. I was one of the last to know, so I wasn't too happy about that. In his defense, he did try calling, but I had my phone in my kit, not my pocket. When I got back to the precinct, he was there with the other violent crimes/homicide detectives. They happen to be some of my other good friends. His, too, since he met them all because of me. They were all having a good time initiating him into the Big Boys Club as they liked to call it."

"Violent crimes…homicide? Did he have a choice where to go—what unit or whatever you call it?" Zane asked tentatively, like he should already know all of this about his brother.

"No, you are assigned to a specific unit, but you can request certain ones. He already knew most of those guys because hanging out with me—that's who I hung out with. My best friend Ashley, who happens to be an assistant district attorney, is married to Markus Cylan, who is a homicide detective. He was good friends with Ashley and Markus, too. He requested it and luckily got what he wanted. They joked with him it was because I put a word in with my dad. He's the Police Commissioner."

Zane sighed. "Yeah, I know. I wasn't too nice to him."

Ava laughed. "Really? I'm shocked."

"Are you teasing me?" he asked, his hands moving to tickle her under her arm.

"No. Don't you dare tickle me. War will be raged," Ava threatened with a grin.

Zane laughed, but stopped, moving his hands to their original spot on her back. "So, they teased him. Then what did you do?"

Ava relaxed in his arms, feeling confident he wouldn't tickle her. "Mahone, who can be the biggest jerk on earth, but a great detective, said drinks were on him at O'Hares. That was…is our spot to hang out anytime we have something to celebrate, or just have a drink or two after a crappy day." Ava started laughing. "Of course, Mahone, being the jerk I mentioned, reworded his first offer of drinks saying he only meant Jimmy and not everyone."

"So, that's what you did. Went to the regular hang out and had a good time?" Zane asked, laughing with her.

"Yeah. Jimmy had fun. They did a good job accepting him as one of them. He was already a friend, but being detective made him an equal. It made him feel good. He was a good detective—real intuitive on things."

"I'm glad he had a good party. I'm glad you made sure of it."

Ava didn't speak for a minute, contemplating the right words. "It wasn't easy at first. He was a little down. That was the same night he called you to tell you he made detective and I inserted my big mouth into it. He couldn't wait to tell you."

Zane sucked in a breath. "I will always be forever sorry for that. What can I say other than I'm a jerk?"

"Yeah, you are. You can be quite thoughtful at times, though. Jimmy knew that. I'm not telling you to make you feel bad. I'm telling you because it's the truth. You asked and I won't keep the truth from you. Maybe we both need to hear it to move on." Ava paused, noticing for the first time she was drawing tiny figures on his chest. "I've felt better in the last day than I have since I got here. I like talking to you about this. Don't get me wrong. It's hard and painful, but it makes me feel better somehow."

Zane grabbed her hand that was doodling on his chest and brought it to his mouth, lightly kissing it. "It makes me feel better, too. I learn things I didn't know about him that I should've known. I hate the painful parts as well, but I'm glad you're being truthful. I need to hear it all."

Ava relished in the fact he still held her hand. They didn't need to say anything more that night and fell into a peaceful sleep. For the first time since she arrived, not one nightmare plagued her. Zane's comforting presence calmed her into a deep sleep until he woke her up saying it was time for chores.

***

Mid-afternoon came quickly with the second morning in a row filled with pleasure. They saddled all three horses and walked along the property line fence making sure everything along their fields and cattle were doing okay.

Ava tried to get used to the horse, although it was quite gentle. Nobody could call her an expert.

Zane must've seen her discomfort. "You okay, Ava?"

"Yeah, I just don't do this very often. Am I doing it right? I'm not hurting her or anything moving around so much in the saddle, am I?"

Austin gently laughed. "You're doing fine. They can sense your moods, though, so just relax. We would let you know how to correct something if you're doing it wrong. Trust us."

"Okay. Relax. I can do that." She looked around the pasture, watching the cows munch away at the grass. Half of them were lying down, making her grin. "It's beautiful out here. Is it true that it's going to rain when cows lie down like that? Half of them are right now, so do we have like fifty percent chance of rain coming or something?"

Zane laughed. "No, Ava. That's an old wives' tale. The sky is as blue as can be right now. They lay down for anything really. No rain today."

Ava grinned at him. "Are you sure? Because if it's suddenly going to down pour, we should turn around."

"What, and miss a chance to ride in the rain? Never! That can be fun. We did it a few times as kids, although, Dad always said never while it's lightning," Austin said, shaking his head. "Takes all the fun away without the risk."

"Risk of getting struck by lightning? Oh yeah, I can see why your dad would be so lame to not let you do it then."

Austin laughed. "Yeah, it was lame of him." He grinned at Ava and continued, "You know, we used to go riding in the fields—us boys. We would play cowboys and Indians. Guess what Jimmy always played?"

"Ooh, that's a hard one," Ava said with a smirk. "Let me guess, a cowboy."

"Yeah, you're right," Austin said as he looked at Zane, who still trailed with them, but content to stay out of the new conversation. "We would play cops and robbers back at the house. Wanna guess what Jimmy would play there?"

Ava laughed. "These are not hard questions, Austin. A cop, of course."

"Wow, you're good," Austin said with a grin.

Zane suddenly veered to the right. "Fence over there looks like it needs a little tending to." He made his way over there, not waiting for a response.

"I guess he doesn't always like to talk about Jimmy," Austin said with a frown. "I enjoyed it."

Ava gave a small smile and followed Austin, who went to meet Zane by the fence.

The rest of the day went with no more talk about Jimmy. The day ended well, even with Zane's abrupt departure from the conversation on the horses. Bedtime came fast. This time he knocked on her door before he crawled into bed.

Ava opened the door and smiled. "I was wondering if I had to make the dismal walk to your bedroom again and ask."

"I figured you might want a good night's sleep again, so I was saving you the trip," Zane said, already dressed in sweats and a shirt to join her in bed. "Was it that hard to walk to my door?"

"Yes. It was nerve-wracking to ask, thinking you might shut me down." Her cheeks flamed, embarrassed that she even needed him to sleep well.

Zane stepped inside, closed the door and pulled her into a hug. "I'd never shut you down, Ava."

Ava sighed happily. They crawled into bed, laying in silence for a while, when Ava finally spoke first. "Why didn't you join in our conversation today? We talk about Jimmy here at night. What's so different in the day?"

Zane stroked her back a moment longer and replied, "I don’t know. It's harder. I don't want to feel the pain. It's easier with you alone, I guess."

"You don't feel any pain here?"

"Of course I do. It's hard even here. Your comforting touch helps ease the pain faster than outside during the day. Can't exactly pull you into my arms in front of Austin like that just to make myself feel better, wouldn't be fair to him. I'm sure it's just as hard for him to talk, even if he does it more."

"I guess I could pull you both in my arms as we talked about him," Ava said, jokingly.

"Not sure I wanna share a hug like that," Zane joked back.

Ava grinned, but made no comment. She enjoyed resting her head on his chest, listening to the quiet rhythm of his heartbeat, feeling the gentle rise and fall of his breaths. He came to her this time instead of her shuffling to his door like a scared child. Happy and relieved all at once.

She enjoyed his soft touch on her back, easing her into a peaceful sleep. Her body started to relax into slumber when he whispered, "What did you and Jimmy do for fun?"

"Fun? We did a lot of things, mostly just hanging out at someone's house or having a few drinks after work. We went to a few Yankees games, watched them frequently at my apartment, too. I just love them."

Zane pinched her softly on the butt. Ava jumped in surprise and laughed. "What was that for?"

"I can't believe I'm sleeping here with a Yankees fan. That's just not right," Zane said with a grin.

"Oh, that's right. You're all Twins fans. How could I forget?" she said with a sly grin.

"I have a feeling you knew that and were just trying to get me going."

"Yeah, you're probably right. I enjoyed giving Jimmy crap, too, Austin as well. Don't bad-mouth my Yankees, though, I'll pop you a good one."

Zane laughed and squeezed her into a tight, comforting hug. "You've already popped me a good one the other night."

"That doesn't count. I was sleeping. This one would be when I'm awake. I can have a mean right hook."

"I have no doubt in my mind that you do. I saw you clench your fists at me that one time in your office. You even did it to those two women at the festival."

Ava didn't respond at first, trying to find the right words. "I'm sorry for going off on them like that. They weren't good enough for you…or Austin."

Zane rubbed his fingers over her back tenderly. "Yeah. Who's good enough for me then?"

"I don't know. Not them, though. I'll let you know when I figure it out," Ava whispered.

Zane lightly kissed her head. "You do that."

Chapter 8

Zane glanced at Austin when he walked up to the pigpen he was mucking out. "Where's Ava?"

"You always ask where she is," Austin replied with a stupid grin.

"Just making sure she's okay. These past two weeks have been the best out of all of them. That doesn't mean she couldn't slip back into despair again," Zane said, putting his attention back to the stall.

"She's making an apple-pie with Eleanor. She's never baked one before. Eleanor made a mention to her that it's your favorite and Ava suddenly wanted to know how to make one."

Zane stopped shoveling and looked at Austin, the stupid grin still on his face. "You like apple-pie, too."

"Sure I do, but it's not my favorite and she didn't insist on making one for me," Austin said, his grin getting wider.

"What's with the damn grin?"

Austin laughed. "You got it bad. I shouldn't be surprised really." He paused, then threw a bomb at Zane. "Are you sleeping with her?"

Zane almost advanced at him, ready to clock him a good one. "What kind of damn question is that?"

"Just curious is all. It's been a great two weeks. I think she's getting a lot better. I've noticed you two hang out a lot. Laughing, joking, and swinging on the porch."

Zane clenched the shovel harder. It wasn't any of his business what he did with Ava at night. That was his private time with her, cherishing each night as it passed. They did sleep together, but that was it. Just sleep. Nothing intimate ever occurred, even as he craved to have her beautiful body.

"So? Have you been sleeping with her?" Austin asked again.

"It's none of your damn business."

"Well, it sort of is. I tried knocking on your door last night. It was late and you didn't answer, so I opened the door and you weren't in there. I'm pretty sure I heard soft talking going on in her room as I walked by. You were together. Did you go back to your room, or did you stay there?"

"Does it matter?" Zane asked through gritted teeth. Damn, caught red-handed.

"Yes. You're a big boy. You can handle it, but if something goes wrong between you two, I'll be worried about her. Is something going on here with her?" Austin asked seriously.

"I would never hurt her," Zane said, twisting the shovel handle.

"I never said that you would, but you know her life isn't here, Zane. She may be here right now, but eventually she'll return to New York. She's getting so much better. Her color's back. She looks normal because she's eating better. She's laughing so much now. The old Ava is starting to return. How will that departure go when she leaves?" Austin asked, taking a step closer to the pen. "Unless you ask her to stay. Are you sleeping with her? Is something going on with her to suggest she may stay?"

Zane gripped the shovel tighter. "I do sleep in her room. But sleeping only. She can't seem to without me. The nightmares stopped since I started to do that. Nothing more happens. Nothing intimate, that is. She sees me as a brother. Just like she did with Jimmy. Just like she does with you."

Austin laughed. "Are you that dumb? Do you honestly think a woman is going to sleep with a man who she thinks of as a brother? Come on, Zane. She's in the damn house making you a pie because she knows it's your favorite. Does that sound like a woman who thinks of you only as a brother?"

"She said so herself. I asked," Zane said in a defeated tone. "If it helps her sleep than I will lay with her. If she wants to leave, then I will graciously let her go. She's getting better like you said."

"Do you want her to go?"

"No! Because she's no damn sister to me. She's a beautiful woman who I crave to have every night and she doesn't see me that way." Zane blew out a breath. "Maybe she should leave. I don't know how much more torture I can take."

Austin frowned. "Talk to her then. For someone so smart you are so dumb sometimes."

"I already told you I asked her what I was to her."

"Ask her again. I don't care that you want to be with her, if that's what you're worried about. I love Ava like a sister. If it turns out she loves you like I see you love her than she would become a real sister to me."

Zane turned away from him. "Get out of here."

"You're denying you love her?" Austin asked, pressing the issue.

"I'm done talking. Get out of here."

Austin's mouth rose into a wide grin, then he started to sing softly as he turned around to leave. "Zane and Ava sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes—"

Austin stumbled as a pile of manure hit him squarely in the back of the head. He turned around with shock as Zane glared at him, his shovel refilled with more manure.

Austin put his hands up in an innocent gesture. "Okay. I'm done talking. I won't say another word to you."

***

Austin made his way back to the house, cringing with each step from the nasty feeling on his head that dripped down his back. He tried to shake most of it off, but the smell ran up his nose and wouldn't leave. Damn. Zane loved her more than he realized. Just too damn stubborn to admit it.

He walked into the house going through the living room, trying to get by undetected.

Sweet laughter filled the room.

"What happened? Is that pig shit on your head?" Ava held a hand over her nose as she laughed some more.

Austin turned around with the same stupid grin he walked up to Zane with. "Yes. Yes, it is."

"How did that happen?"

"Just did, I guess," Austin replied. "How's the pie coming?"

Ava smiled wide. "Good. I think, anyway. Eleanor said I did it right. I hope it's good."

"I'm sure it will be. I'm sure Zane will love it."

Ava blushed slightly. "Well, you know it's for everyone."

"Of course it is. It just happens to be his favorite is all."

"Oh, really? I didn't know that," Ava said as she pulled a piece of hair and started to twirl it lightly.

"I swore I heard Eleanor tell you that," Austin pointed out, still smiling. "You don’t recall her saying that?"

"Oh, yeah, maybe I do now. But it's for everyone," Ava insisted.

Austin walked up to Ava. She cringed from the nasty smell. "I stink, huh?"

"Yeah, you do. You should go shower. Still curious how it happened?"

"I plan on showering. If you want to know, just go ask Zane how it happened. See if he tells you," Austin said with a twinkle in his eye.

"Why would he tell me and you won't?"

"Ask him tonight while you two are talking in bed," Austin said with a wink and walked out of the room leaving Ava with her mouth hanging open.

***

Ava was sitting on the porch swing the next afternoon when Zane walked out of the house and sat down next to her. She hadn't yet asked Zane about the manure incident, suddenly afraid what it meant. They had shared stories about Jimmy last night like they always did, but she had stopped herself before the words slipped out of her mouth asking about what happened in the barn. He hadn't brought it up either.

A slight breeze blew through her hair, creating a mess. A ponytail would easily fix that. It whipped in front of her face again. Before she could tuck it behind her ear as she had been doing the last ten minutes swinging, Zane's sweet hand did it for her. Maybe a ponytail wouldn't be necessary.

"Windy day. Sun is shining, though," Zane said, as he pulled his hand away.

Ava smiled. "It's beautiful here. You have a wonderful farm, Zane. I can see why you love it so much."

Zane helped push the swing along with her. "I do love it here. Always have and probably always will. Do you like it here?"

"I do. It's peaceful. It's more work than I imagined. It helped me more than I ever realized it could. I'm glad Austin dragged me here."

Zane never showed affection toward her out in the open during the day, only at night did he grab her in his arms, rub her back lightly, sometimes held hands. Sitting on the swing, the beautiful day surrounding them, for some reason he decided to grab her hand.

"I'm glad he did, too. It's been good for all of us. You look so much better than when you arrived. I see the old Ava a little more every day."

Ava glanced at their hands clasped together. "You didn't know the old Ava, how would you know?"

Zane smiled. "I just do. I saw the fierceness in you when I stormed into your office. I remember some stories Jimmy and Austin said about you. It doesn't take much to draw a picture."

"You didn't like that Ava," she said tentatively as she looked out into the yard.

Zane pulled her hand to his mouth and lightly kissed it. "No, I didn't. But I also didn't give her a chance to see if I would like her." He paused. She looked at him. "I happen to like her a lot now that I've spent some time with her, gotten to know her."

"Well, that's good to know. I've enjoyed my time too, getting to know you. Jimmy always said good things."

"Even when I was being a jerk?" Zane asked, laughing lightly.

"Even then." Ava grinned.

"I'm glad you've enjoyed your time here. I guess you'll want to go back home soon. I bet you miss New York," Zane said with a slight hesitation.

A small frown formed. "Hmm. New York. Yeah, I suppose I do. I miss my dad and his comforting presence. My friends, too, who probably hate me."

"Why would they hate you?"

"Well, I wasn't exactly friendly. I didn't care about anything then, and now I realize how selfish that was. I was hurting and didn't care anyone else was, I guess. They lost somebody, too. Jimmy was a great friend to all of us."

"I imagine they don't hate you. They're worried I'm sure because you went through a lot. I lost a brother, but you were there when it happened. I wasn't. I can't even begin to imagine what it was like. I have a small idea from those nasty nightmares and I wish you never had to experience it. I know I wouldn't have wanted to." He squeezed her hand in reassurance. "They will be happy to see you, I'm sure. You can all go to O'Hares and have a drink in Jimmy's honor. I bet he'd like that."

Ava smiled. "You know, I think he would like that. I'll have to call everyone and suggest that."

"So, you'll be leaving soon, then?"

Ava glanced at him and couldn't quite read his expression. "Maybe it's time. I can't stay forever. I do feel better, and like you said, I'm starting to look better."

"What are brothers for, huh?" he said with a lame laugh.

"Brothers?" she asked, surprised.

"Yeah, you know—me and Austin. Like Jimmy was to you."

"Oh, yeah. That's right." Ava looked back out into the yard, defeated inside. Perhaps it was time to leave. Yet, as she sat on the swing next to Zane, him holding her hand, she never wanted to leave this farm for anything.

Zane suddenly let go of her hand and stood up. "Let's go fishing."

"What?"

"Fishing. It's a nice day out. Little breezy, but the sun is shining and I could eat fish tonight for supper. Have you ever been fishing before?" Zane asked with a grin.

"No. I haven't," Ava said, suddenly looking forward to it.

"Great. I'll go find Austin and we'll get the boat ready and head down to the lake just right down the road. Why don't you go inside and see if Eleanor will help get a cooler ready for drinks and some snacks?"

"Down the road? There's a lake that close?"

Zane smiled wide. "You're in Minnesota. We have ten thousand of them."

Ava laughed. "Thanks for pointing out the obvious. I knew that. Just surprised it sounds so close." Ava stuck her tongue out at him as he laughed. "You go find Austin while I get the drinks and change."

"What's wrong with what you're wearing?" he asked as he glanced at her shorts and t-shirt she had on.

"Come on now, Zane, I'm a girl. We're going to be out in the open sun, on a lake. I have to put on a tank top and work on my tan a little. Too bad I don't have a swimsuit with. I could get a great one with that," Ava said, smiling wide as she walked into the house.

***

Zane blew out a big breath and walked down the steps. He barely could stand to control himself with her in that outfit. The way it hugged her frame, her breasts tight against her shirt, begging to be touched. He couldn't imagine what a tank top would do to him. Thank goodness, she had no swimsuit because he surely would've dropped to his knees in pain seeing in her something like that. Maybe fishing wasn't such a good idea.

Thirty minutes later, Austin stopped the motor on the boat as Zane grabbed the fishing poles and handed one to Ava. He also grabbed a container of worms and handed it to her.

"What do you want me to do with those?" Ava asked with a grim expression.

"You have to put a worm on your hook, otherwise the fish won't bite." Zane laughed at her grossed out expression.

"You want me to touch that thing?"

"Ava, come on. If you're going to fish, you have to bait your own hook. Fish won't bite otherwise," Austin said with a laugh.

"You can't do it for me?" Ava asked with innocence.